Become a member of Elftown
What is Elftown?

Page name: John [Logged in view] [RSS]

2005-05-10 20:20:20

Last author: -chitch-
Owner: jobby

# of watchers: 6

Fans: 0

D20: 2

Wiki-page rating	Stumble!
Informative:	0
Artistic:	0
Funny-rating:	0
Friendly:	0

(don't put this on your house)

Welcome to the John McCririck Wiki Page.

BOO HIM, BOO HIM

[-chitch-] made this.

(don't put this on your house)
He is a character that you either love or hate. Most people tend to hate the fat hairy twat. Others may adore him for his ability of telling it "how it is".

This Wiki is here for you to discuss the oaf, and a place for one and all to come together and chill out.

Johns sexist comment of the week:

Why is a laundrett a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

<img:http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38270000/jpg/_38270158_john300.jpg>

<img:http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38270000/jpg/_38270158_john300.jpg>

(don't put this on your house)

HOW DARE YOU

Name: John McCririck
Age: Wont say
Sign: Wont say
Lives: Lake District

Simon Says...

Celebrity big brother UK. First year, the money went to Comic Relief. Second year, to charity. Third year? The money went to Bez out of the Happy Mondays.

Progress, my friends. And the nice thing is, you know he'll spend that £50,000 wisely, squirreling it away in offshore accounts, pension plans. That sort of thing.

Bez's victory. The right decision. But nothing could disguise the fact that (apart from Jackie Stallone's epic appearance) CBB3 had only one real star.

John McCririck. More rebellious than Bez. Less unpleasent than Lisa L'Anson. Converted more people to feminism than Germaine Greer. And has more realistic tits than Caprice.

He delivered and delivered and delivered.

Though even his re-appearance couldn't save a dismal final week, made all the more painful by TV's Mrs Shouty Woman.

Davina. Who continued to lie about the closeness of votes. Spent the entire contest dressed as Guy Ritchie's gamekeeper. And could'nt even get an answer to the week's key question.

"What is the strangest place Caprice has ever had sex?"

Though I gather the answer would be either:

a) In a stable relationship. Or...
b) Not in a millionaire's bed.

You see, John was the reason why people watched Big Brother, and therefore the reason why this WIKI exists. All hail John, not just a sexist twat.

John on Big Brother

What do you think you'll find is the hardest thing about being in the Celebrity Big Brother house?
Boredom and the egos of the others trying to win. I'm not frightened of Big Brother - well not yet anyway!

What will you miss most?
Booby (my wife), my cats and dogs and the news.

What will you be glad to get away from?
Nothing.

How long do you think you'll last in the house?
24 hours - I want to be the fastest voted off evictee. If it was a horserace they'd say "he's not trying". I'm going in there knowing I'm not going to win and not trying to win.

What do your family and friends think about you being in Celebrity Big Brother?
I've got no friends. I've only got Booby.

Can you cook and what's your signature dish?
I can't cook. My father never went in the kitchen and neither do I.

Why do you think you'll make a good housemate?
I won't. I don't have a career to enhance. I'm a failed bookie, a failed punter and a failed journalist.

Who would be your ideal Big Brother housemate?
Kate Winslet.

Who would be your nightmare Big Brother housemate?
Flat-chested, bossy women. Someone like Germaine Greer or Christine Hamilton.

Name three things you will be taking into the Big Brother house
Cigars, loose-leaf tea and a soft pillow.

IM NOT GOING TO TALK UNTIL I GET MY DIET COKES

MEMBERS OF THE JOHN WIKI:
To join, just say wether you love or hate him, and give a reason

[jobby] - Love the fat bastard - hes outrageous and comes out with the funniest things.
[-chitch-] - Thinks he's tant as. Big Bro was tant with him in it.

[mannaz] - hate him! he picks his nose and eats his snot! MINGIN

[LAURALOVE.] john is the best, i love him!

[kirst] he is mingin and shud neva be seen with his top off

[Sunrose] Our resident gaurd and dear John lover

[xXxsxy_rachxXx]u gota love john!!!!lol hes hilarious!

[Orgasmo] Any guy that makes so much fuss over diet coke gets love from me! and when i see him i Will slap him!

[.:.Close. the. god. damn. door.:.] He is horrible! yuk!

Now use this bottom section to discuss -->

2005-01-26 [-chitch-]: OH YEAH! LOVERLY DEBZ!! WOO HOO!!!!

2005-01-26 [X. Nightmare]: i dont know who john is but ill join neways!!!! :S

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol hes off bb!! at the top...theres a pic of him man lol...shh i dont watch it either

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: I don't know John either! :P

2005-01-26 [X. Nightmare]: ah thats class!! not on my own!!

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: I think it's all a set up and that this John person is just made up to foll us all...

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol maybe..

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: The FBI is in on it..

2005-01-26 [X. Nightmare]: lol maybe they r!!!

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: okay, I'm outta here, don't know about you guys.. :P

2005-01-26 [X. Nightmare]: ok im goin soon byeybe xx

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: never mind, too late, the FBI already traced you by now..

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: hehe im so confused

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: that's probably in your nature..are you confused by nature? ;)

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol yeah im usually confused... but i think its coz im quite thick and slow lol

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: I think you might be a bit like psyduck and try to confuse everybody else with your confusionattacks...

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol no i think thats u hehe

2005-01-26 [Sunrose]: How did you know that? :O!

2005-01-26 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol coz im magic!

2005-01-26 [jobby]: do you want to be confused? thought that would

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: He's the dizzy rascal! Dizzy Rascal! He's just a rascal, the dizzy rascal

2005-01-27 [jobby]: wickedy wockedy woo

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: Now god damn it!

2005-01-27 [jobby]: i didnt mean what I said

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: What is GPS? Fail what? And WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: Pass dem duckets here!

2005-01-27 [jobby]: If I'd known those KFC fillet burgers were only 99p, i would have asked you to get me one, Sandra can I have a bite? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, OOOOOOOOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOH. NO

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: Fuck the Big Mac I want the Whopper!

2005-01-27 [jobby]: All of our burgers are now 60% spunk free, da da da da da were lovin shit

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: Life is like a variety bucket? Well I want chips rice and sweet and sour sauce with a can of Iron Bru. CAN YOU DO THAT? COS ALAN CAN!

2005-01-27 [jobby]: hello hot wok

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: Global Positioning System?

2005-01-27 [jobby]: shes a clever one is Sunrose

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: :P

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: I just quote San Andreas because I have no origional ideas. lol!! I know what GPS is anyway. CHEEYARS!

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: or you'd like to think that you're smart, but maybe you're not! -SHOCK!!- :PP

2005-01-27 [jobby]: uh oh, someones calling chris thick

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: I'm not. I can just turn stupid stuff into funny stuff!

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: hit me with the fun! ;)

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: www.alnwicknorth.co.uk

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: a co-op between Jobby, Myself and a friend of ours called Gary.

2005-01-27 [jobby]: lol aye, go on it debz, you will like

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: whos debz?

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: Sunrose. the gaurd! SHE'S GREAT!

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: ah rite lol, who r u?

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: chitch

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: who??? lol

2005-01-27 [-chitch-]: og loc

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: rite i dont know u lol

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: I am the malicious gaurd (noo not guard :P)... ^^ I will check it out at home, now at work :PP

2005-01-27 [jobby]: woah were do you work? shouldnt you be workin? lol

2005-01-27 [Sunrose]: I work at a company you have never heard about :) I should :P but now I am home hehe

2005-01-27 [jobby]: haha, well i work for my own business - so it dont really matter that im on here lol

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: ah hiya!

2005-01-27 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: im confused again lol...i no 2 of u's if that helps lol

2005-01-27 [X. Nightmare]: lol dont worry kt so am i

2005-01-27 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol oh good im glad im not the only 1

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: was the company Woolworths? I used to work in a woolworths. urgh.... never again. I HATE RETAIL!

2005-01-28 [jobby]: lol that was pretty random chris, we all know Woolworths is shit and over run by fat 40 year old woman - but to mention it here. lets make a wiki for it

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: YES!

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: love the new pic!

2005-01-28 [jobby]: cheers mate. [Sunrose] deleted the one from my home page, therefore taking it off here as well. So I had to put new one up. Do you like my write up? lol

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: LIKE THE NEW PIC?

2005-01-28 [jobby]: lol lovin it, chava john

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol hey i joined lol 4t id let ya no lol

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: LOVING IT LIKE THIS!

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: Racheal. GET OUT!

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol NO!!!

2005-01-28 [jobby]: now now people

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: oh n by the way chrissy u spelt my name rong!!!!

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: BOTHERED!!

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: and my name aint chrissy you common tart.

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol haha woteva ya say!!!!

2005-01-28 [jobby]: stop pickin on rach, chrissy

2005-01-28 [jobby]: :-p

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol

2005-01-28 [-chitch-]: GO DIE!

2005-01-28 [Sunrose]: :O

2005-01-28 [jobby]: LOL elftown has changed my name to John when i requested it. AWESOME!

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol haha y didnt u jus change it urself??now sice ur names john ill get confused simon!!lol

2005-01-28 [jobby]: lol because sumone else had the name john, but they hadnt been on for like 2 years - so i asked elftown guys if i could have it lol

2005-01-28 [Sunrose]: Who did you ask?

2005-01-28 [jobby]: i just sent a message to the gaurd and he sent me and email sayin he dusnt usually do it, but cus hes been gone so long hed do it just for me. was well chuffed

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thts gud!!!Bless the elftown guard!lol

2005-01-28 [jobby]: lol it is like, hes a good lad

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: he sure is!!!!!so r u on 1st name terms now??lol

2005-01-28 [jobby]: lol nah. im off, cya xx

2005-01-28 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol cya xxx

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: yes...im lost again!

2005-01-29 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol well aint tht a surprise lol

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol shut up u!! god im talkin 2 u in loads of wiki's atm...and msn...havent we ran out of things 2 say by now?!

2005-01-29 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol well it dusnt look like it lol hahah

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol yeah well....i talk 2 much, thats my problem and ur no help coz u make me hyper!! damn u lol hehe anyhoo im off now xxktxx sweet dreams

2005-01-29 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: ok then lol im hyper 2!!!lol oh well nyt nyt cya 2mz xxx

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: yeah u will xxktxx

2005-01-29 [jobby]: NEW WIKI!! KFC Adverts

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: ok i get the point!!! u dont need 2 advertise it everywhere lol...cool advert like...im writin in it but cant join coz when i edit wiki's they kinda get destroyed lol

2005-01-29 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: lol awwww bless

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: shut up lol

2005-01-29 [xXxsxy_rachxXx]: ok...............

2005-01-29 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol

2005-01-30 [Orgasmo]: DIET COKE! NOW!

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: nope dont like it lol

2005-01-30 [Orgasmo]: *Screams* DIET COKE!!!

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: yes....shut up lol

2005-01-30 [Orgasmo]: *walks off to the hot tub*

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol yes how nice 4 u

2005-01-30 [Orgasmo]: wanna see my man boobs?

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol yeah sure

2005-01-30 [Orgasmo]: (. ) ( .)

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: cool

2005-01-30 [LAURALOVE.]: nice jumblys! i got a caprice thong yesterday

2005-01-30 [mannaz]: omg, laura! people can read this! hmmmmm i got 1 2!! hehe

2005-01-30 [LAURALOVE.]: where did u gfet it from? im wearing mine now! LIKE IT?

2005-01-30 [mannaz]: BEND OVA THEN!

2005-01-30 [mannaz]: i didn mean that to b in capitals!

2005-01-30 [LAURALOVE.]: there u go!!! nice isnt it!

2005-01-30 [mannaz]: oh emmm aye!am wearin that 1 u got me 4 crimbo

2005-01-30 [LAURALOVE.]: oh right!

2005-01-30 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: lol yes....arent u 2 sittin next 2 eachother? so u can kinda talk 2 eachothers faces lol

2005-01-30 [LAURALOVE.]: no, just right to talk to lisa!

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: CAN I GET A REWIND?

2005-01-31 [mannaz]: aye son ! ur wishen!!

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: eh?

2005-01-31 [mannaz]: ermmmm so

2005-01-31 [jobby]: chitch, did u hear trisha on radio 1 this morning? a boogel boogel bumbel squat. If yo son come home and say hes a homosexual, call him a batty boy and tell him to kiss my teeth

2005-01-31 [Orgasmo]: hahahaha

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: {shakes hands} YOUR VERY BRIGHT!!{shakes hands}

2005-01-31 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: yes...

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: Caprice and John are gonna make a porno! YAY!

2005-01-31 [X. Nightmare]: what the fuck?

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: this reminds me of memories!"

2005-01-31 [jobby]: get in! lol

2005-01-31 [jobby]: john has the same amount of fat as a pork scratching

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: RING RING RING RING RING RING RING! BANNANA PHONE!!

2005-01-31 [mannaz]: how chitch is that ur numba u txt is off???

2005-01-31 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: simon y r u jobby again?

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: aye. thats mine.

2005-01-31 [jobby]: cus i confused myself being called john lol

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: http://www.tnacso.net/cont/jailcam.shtml

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: it's tant

2005-01-31 [mannaz]: cool doll!

2005-01-31 [jobby]: lol was that you who left a message on alnwick north about bein in jail "ee by gum dus ya belly touch ya bum" or sumthin

2005-01-31 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: u said that twice!! haha

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: Aye. twas I!

2005-01-31 [jobby]: thought so, the IP address was the same lol

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: yeah. thats me!

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: same with Jerry Wailer. The name I used on here when the user name was rasta man

2005-01-31 [jobby]: heh lovin the tunes on friday mate lol were quality

2005-01-31 [jobby]: ive noticed u havent yet joined KFC Adverts

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: I put ion a message i think. Rocking out. Stoned off ma box. Promoting the site man. OG LOC HITTING IT UP ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!! KEEP IT LOCKED. KEEP IT LOADED. KEEP IT GANGSTER BABY!

2005-01-31 [jobby]: lol yeah u did, then u mentioned my name and everyone looked at me and were cheering. quite embarsed, but loving the attention lol

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: YEAH!

2005-01-31 [jobby]: heh

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: woot!

2005-01-31 [.:.Close. the. god. damn. door.:.]: BOO!

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: KNOWS IT!

2005-01-31 [Sunrose]: omg! invasion!

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: KNOWS IT!

2005-01-31 [Sunrose]: uhm yea..

2005-01-31 [-chitch-]: WOO!

2005-01-31 [.:.Close. the. god. damn. door.:.]: hmmmm...

2005-01-31 [LAURALOVE.]: do dod oooo!

2005-01-31 [KATIE.COMPLEASE]: yes...