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Brough to you by [Tanzi Took]



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MWAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! I am the Queen of naughty Lord of the Rings stories!! Feel free to write your own on YOURnaughtyLOTRstories and comment on stories. Now if you're paying attention I will begin..............

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The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring P-Take written by me Tanya Wonnacott [Tanzi Took] and Elizabeth Ryder [Gracie]

Scene 1 

Narrator: Gandalf the Gay Wizard approaches the Shire on his horse and cart. Frodo Baggins, an old friend of Gandalf was sitting under a nearby tree, and hearing the cart, runs through the wood.



Frodo: You're late!

Gandalf: A Wizard is never late Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to!

Narrator: Frodo begins to smile and they both burst out laughing.



Frodo: It's wonderful to see you Gandalf!

Narrator: Frodo jumps onto Gandalf's cart.

Gandalf: Get the bloody hell off my cart you manky git!

Narrator: Gandalf throws Frodo over the back of the cart.

Frodo: AAAAAaaaahhhh…. (BANG!)

Narrator: He reverses the cart continuously over Frodo. (Reverse…ahh! Reverse…ahh!)

Gandalf: Don't you ever come near my cart you little wiener!

Narrator: Gandalf rides off and Frodo gets up.

Frodo: I'm guessing he still does weed.

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Scene 2



Narrator: The Hobbits of the Shire have gathered together to celebrate Bilbo Baggins' 111th birthday. Frodo Baggins and his close friend Samwise Ganja were sitting at a table surrounded by a load of drunken hobbits.

Frodo: Dude this song is like, TOTALLY banging. Wow I'm fresh out of ale. Sam? SAM?!!

Narrator: But Sam was too busy watching Rosie a hobbit maiden of the Shire.



Frodo: Sam, why don't you just go for it?

Sam: I'm too shy Mr Frodo.

Frodo: She's the biggest crack whore in the Shire. There's no need to be shy.



Sam: Do you think so?

Frodo: Hell yeah, I mean she's fit as fuck, funny, gives great head…

Sam: What?!

Frodo: Nothing. Go on Sam ask Rosie for a dance.

Sam: Um…I think I'll just have another ale.

Frodo: ( laughing ) Oh no you don't!

Narrator: Frodo attempts to push Sam towards Rosie.

Sam: No, really, I do want another ale.

Frodo: Come on Sam you frigid asshole!



Sam: Seriously, I'm really thirsty.

Frodo: DANCE YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!

Narrator: Frodo hurls Sam into the crowd towards Rosie and starts to laugh insanely as they begin to dance.
Soon there is no shutting Frodo up as he begins to gets very over excited



Frodo: Go on Sam get in there!!! Told you it wouldn't take much. HORAY EVERYBODY! SAMS NOT GONNA BE A VIRGIN ANYMORE!

Sam: Frodo as soon as I've cum I'm gonna rip your head off and shove it up your ass!

Narrator: Frodo laughs hysterically as Rosie is giving Sam head on the dance floor.

Frodo: See Sam see?!!! I told you that you wouldn't have to wait forever! She's good right? Eh?! Ha! You owe me 5 bucks!

Sam: God damn it Frodo you suck!

Frodo: No I think Rosie does, look at her go! Look everybody! LOOK!

Sam: Damn it Frodo will you let me cum in peace?!

Frodo: …………….NO!

Sam: You fucking wanker, I'm gonna kick your head in!

Frodo: Ok, but you might want to put your cock away first.

Sam: Oh,…ok  zzzip!

Narrator: Sam begins to throw random objects at Frodo, who runs through the crowds constantly screaming.
Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin (Frodo and Sam's best friends) are totally jamming on top of a large speaker.

Merry: Wow was Rosie sucking off Sam?

Pippin: Yeah, she used to work for me as one of my prostitutes. Wow Sam's totally kicking the shit out of Frodo!

Merry: Damn these leather trousers sure are tight.

Pippin: Is that one of Gandalfs fire work that Sam has?

Merry: Uh yeah, I think so.

Pippin: Wow what's he planning on doing with that?

Merry: OH MY GOD HE SHOVED IT UP FRODO'S ASS!!



Pippin: I totally didn't see that one coming.

Merry: I wonder what Gandalf and Bilbo are talking about……

Narrator: Gandalf and Bilbo were standing to one side having a quiet word……

Bilbo: I've got to get away from these confounded relatives, I need a holiday Gandalf, a very long holiday, and I mean not to return.



Gandalf: Frodo suspects something!

Bilbo: Course he does he's a Baggins! He'd probably come with me if I asked him, well after he gets out of casualty. In his heart I think Frodo's still in love with the shire, the weed, prostitutes, little rivers…

Gandalf: What about this ring of yours is that staying?

Bilbo: Yes, yes, I've left everything to Frodo.

Narrator: After beating Frodo to a pulp, Sam and Rosie go to her house. Pippin, who had a bit too much ale, spazed too hard and fell off the speaker, and Merry was getting it on with Bramblerose under a near by donkey.

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Scene 3

Narrator: Gandalf sits in front of a fire at Bag End, puffing on his pipe. His left eye twitches. Frodo bursts through the door.



Frodo: Bilbo! Bilbo?!

Narrator: Gandalf looks suspiciously from side to side.

Frodo: He's gone hasn't he? He talked for so long about leaving, I didn't think he would really do it. Gandalf?

Gandalf: (Random mumbles) ‘voices?'

Frodo: I found Bilbo's ring by the door. He's had this ring for so long.

Gandalf: I have no idea what's going on.

Frodo: Why did he leave it behind? I don't understand.

Gandalf: Oh yeah! It might interest you to know that this is the one ring forged by the dark lord Sauron in the depths of Mordor, you might want to take it to the fires of Mount Doom and, um… shove it up your ass. Wait, that's not right… oh yeah! Destroy it or the whole of middle earth will be destroyed.

Narrator: Gandalf throws the ring into the fire.

Frodo: What are you doing?!



Gandalf: I have no idea! I thought it'd be a good idea.

Narrator: Gandalf takes the ring out of the fire with a pair of tongs and holds it out to Frodo.

Gandalf: Hold out your hand Frodo. It's quite cool.



Narrator: Gandalf drops the ring in Frodo's hand.

Frodo: AAAAHHHH!!! SHIT! SERIOUSLY DICK!!

Gandalf: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Frodo: You asshole!

Gandalf: Can you see anything?

Frodo: Yeah there's a fucking blister! You just burnt the shit out of my hand you little prick!

Gandalf: No Frodo! Are there any markings on your ring?!



Frodo: I duno what d'ya think?

Narrator: Frodo drops his trousers and sticks his ass out

Gandalf:………….Gay…..Frodo, you know what I mean stop piss-assing around!

Frodo: Ha hee he hee!

Narrator: Frodo starts shaking his ass in Gandalf's face. Gandalf kicks Frodo into the fire place

Frodo: AAAARGHHH!!!!

Narrator: Frodo starts rolling around on the floor trying to put the flames out.

Frodo: AAARGGHH! GAY GANDALF! GAY!!!

Gandalf: Get over it Frodo!

Narrator: Frodo gets up

Frodo: Where were we? Oh yeah!

Narrator: Frodo goes to get his ass out again

Gandalf: NO FRODO!............ The creature Gollum was the only other who knew that Bilbo had the ring, and the enemy found him. From him they discovered two words, Shire, Baggins.

Frodo: Shire, baggins… wait, hang on, sounds familiar. (mumbles, shire, baggins) Oh my god! That will lead them here!



Gandalf: Oh yeah, well your kinda screwed.

Narrator: Frowning, Gandalf looks around the room.

Gandalf: Wow! What the hell am I doing in Bilbos house?! How did I get here?! Ive seriously got the munchies son!

Frodo: S…son?

Narrator: Gandalf picks Frodo up by the neck.

Gandalf: Listen skip, I've got to have some food! Ah ha! The vegetable garden! I'm gonna dig me up a carrot!

Narrator: Gandalf drops Frodo, and scurries out the door.

Gandalf: Oh yeah, don't put the ring on a-hole, later!



Narrator: Frodo, who is a little confused, goes and sits at his table. The window is flung open and Gandalfs crazed face appears.

Gandalf: Carrots! You must take carrots!

Frodo: I ….I don't um…..like carrots.

Gandalf: Take the god damn carrots bitch!!

Narrator: Gandalf starts throwing carrots at Frodo. Thud Aah! Thud thud thud AAHH!!

Gandalf: Oh, you might want this!

Narrator: With the carrots comes Sawise Ganja, who lands on the table with a thud.

Sam: Mr Frodo what's going on?



Frodo: Fuck knows. Ask Gandalf.

Narrator: Gandalf scurries off.

Gandalf: (mumbles carrots)

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Scene 4

Narrator: The next day Frodo arrives at Samwise Ganja's house.

Frodo: Are you ready to go Sam?

Sam: Yes Mr Frodo, I don't think I've forgotten anything.

Frodo: Good, let's go. (Little pause)

Sam: This is it.

Frodo: This is what?

Sam: If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home, I've ever been.



Frodo: …….Sam, we're outside the front door.

Sam: I…I...CAN'T DO IT! I'M TOO SCARED MR FRODO, I CAN'T BE DOING WITH THIS PIER PRESURE! SERIOUSLY!!

Narrator: Frodo slaps Sam (smack)

Frodo: Snap out of it you spastic!!

Sam: Sorry.

Frodo: Good, now let's go.

Sam: Ok, I'm good, yeah I'm cool. Let's go man, you ready to head…dude?

Frodo: You are such an asswipe Sam.

Sam: I know.

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The Journey Continues

Scenes 5 and 6
Scenes 7 and 8
Scenes 9 and 10
Scenes 11 and 12
Scenes 13 and 14
Scenes 15 and 16
Scenes 17 18 and 19
Scene 20
Scene 21
Scenes 22 and 23

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This is the first few scenes, [Gracie] and I [Tanzi Took] have written about 20 so far. Add your name to this page to join.

MEMBERS

1. [Tanzi Took] THE MASTER!!!
2. [Gracie] The masters bitch
2.5.[apathetic] Wishes that the story would magically finish itself.
3. [Captain_Guyer]
4. [minifer]
5. [afashdf afhhoahda fofbhaf obhat ohbqat]
6. [Same old same old!]
7. [Mrs Baggins]
8. [Mordeth]
9. [Spunk_bubble]
10.[Sweet 6 6 6--H.I.M.] am evil and proud of it!
11.[ytjdfyhjjfd] man this is funny! keep up the good work!
12.[Mrs Gamgee] Helps to write this!
13.[the 5th apocalyptic horseman] this rules!
14.[Thorgin] Ooh yummy! *giggles*
15.[apathetic] This is awesome... great Job [Tanzi Took]... and [Gracie]
16.[Carol Lynn] <--- that's me!!!
17. [I dont exist anymore] hello...more dildo's...otherwise the people will be getting angry!
18.[DemonicRabbit] The dildos are funny, but they're gonna get old soon.
19. [everfalling] I laugh...
20.[crikey o'reilly] i couldn't stop laughing! good job guys! GAY! :P!
21. [Smish Ben] Officially co-writing with [Tanzi Took]. WE WILL FINISH THIS ONE DAY!!!
22. [sum 1s bitch] hahaha. i love this