[Eternal salvation suffers from inflation]

And he said "You are my Bete Noir, my loathing love."

i found myself hallowed in the doldroms of my estate
assimilating to the apterous seraphim

the belletristic screams of the angels haunted my wake
amerced by the betheled alcove where we lay

mourning the rise of the fire against us
the dulcet cacophony rose from your mouth and killed the night

my lassitude kept me strangled in the bed of leaves
our lesions destroyed it all as our aspirations fell asunder
the leaves were soon painted crimson as you fell to my execration

my ardor recedes to be my bete noir

<Early sunsets and late mornings..//..I never thought it'd get me here>

I thought I'd outrun. I thought I'd outsmarted. I thought I'd won. It's roots were sunk deep in what they'd call my heart. I can't believe it. A year has passed, and still, emotions they stir. My paper heart does bleed. Now he's giving up on me. I'd lay myself to sleep. //

Down we go

The endings are always the same

The colors are what get to you

It's the [colors] that get to me

-Koller gets on his knees-

Oh yeah and I forgot to say!

 Over the year I've come to realize one thing, and it's the only thing I've gotten from you: 

They combined the French classes so now I have to deal with the one person I hate. She is going to get it so bad this year. I know it's gotta sound mean, but I cannot wait to beat the living shit out of her. She fucking deserves it too for what she's done to people. I hate her, she's a poser and a loser and a reject and all the synonyms for those words. If one more person tells me to breathe and calm down I'm gunna hit the roof. Fucking A people. I'm better at my own anger management than you think. Just deal with it I say. If she gets in the way, remove her. Good deal. Now I'm gonna go get some grub.

I've become a nocturnal person yet again. It was better for a while and then I started working nights. No complaints here. Gosh, for once I've nothing to say. What an unusual thing. I've come to another rut in my life and for the moment I'm content to stay put. I've come in contact with friends I'd thought I lost, and everything's good. There aren't any guys for me to worry about, no family drama, no issues whatsoever. I think my only thing to do now is to figure out where I want to go from here. Do I want to jump back in, or kind of lurk on the outside? I'm not sure yet. I think I'll catch up the 'me time' and read those books I've been meaning to read and write what I wanted to write and maybe clean my damned room. Start over in a way. I hate it when I get enlightened. It makes me feel weird. But it's a good thing though, wouldn't you agree?

I'm so lost at the moment. I haven't been around for a little bit because work has taken my time, and when I get back, nobody wants to talk or anything. Even my closest friends have turned away. I didn't mean to ditch them, and I wasn't ignoring anyone. A part of me has died it seems and I don't know where to go, I have no one to talk to. I apologize for what I did, whatever it may be. I just want to know what the hell is going on.

So this is what it's like to contribute to society. Stand around doing nothing, thinking about better things you could be doing. I just love my new job. Maybe something exciting will happen. I've learned to work the computer pretty much, and hopefully I'll learn to do something a bit more interesting. I want the new S.O.A.D cd. My brother has downloaded part of it, so I stole it from him. Yayness! I feel alone right now. It's funny because my friends are on but they aren't talking to me. I'm not complaining though. Maybe they just don't feel like it tonight. Gosh, it's kinda of late, (for me anywho) and I think I might go to bed. I don't really want to get up and sing tomorrow, but hey, it means one more day closer to the carnival, and my days off. WoOt!

What to do when you're all alone? Listen to music, watch porn, and smoke...oh and talk on Et. That's what. I've been doing that since I think nine. I'm not supposed to be on here, but thanks to my incredibly badass brother I can be. My mom thinks she can stop me, well fuck that. I cannot be stopped! Muahahahahah. I had the most boring day today, but it perked up when I got on here. Rock on David, I love you man. Thanks to a great friend, and a somewhat cool mom, I might go see a concert in a month or so! Yes!

The world is such a sad little place these days. No one is happy any more and if they seem like it, well it's just a front. How can you be truly happy in these times? It just downright sickens me the way people are treated these days. Sure, some stupid moron will say " Oh we have it better here than in other places." And those other places look upon us and say the same thing. They're happy with what they have, or most of them and we feel the need to take the only thing they've ever known away and force an alien thing on them that we don't even understand. I don't even understand it, but hey, I shouldn't be worrying about it huh? Pointless. It's all pointless.

Disregard that number I gave you all...it's some idiot that lives here....my actual number is 970-596-0816...yeah..feel free to call me, I need a life.

Woot! It's my birthday! It started out okay and then I got to school. Then it crashed and burned. I got tulips from my mom! Tulips are better. Meg got me skittles, electrical tape, a comp book and a candle. Fun. I don't know what else I'm getting. Hopefully music. Isn't it funny how things work out perfectly sometimes? Yesterday, we wanted an old friend to come back and he walks into the cafeteria. Then we wanted to get stoned and I get hooked up. Then we want to buy some stuff for a fun party and I get 100$ in the mail from someone I hate. I love the way shit works out. By the way, I'm not mad at anyone, but I think it's fucked up that you'd do that. I don't care though. Later.