<Early sunsets and late mornings..//..
I thought I'd outrun. I thought I'd outsmarted. I thought I'd won. It's roots were sunk deep in what they'd call my heart. I can't believe it. A year has passed, and still, emotions they stir. My paper heart does bleed. Now he's giving up on me. I'd lay myself to sleep. //
I'll see your eyes I'll meet your eyes I won't look away I mean this forever//to.thDown we go
and its the last thing you said...made me stop and stare...if only I could pull this knife from my chest, then I could drive it in your heart, what you said, made it harder at best...Saying you love me...and then walking away..I couldn't be shocked now, but it pierces like nothing...ther
I'm changing the time no matter how hard you cry. You're nothing new, still the same thing you won't be around. The same old you. We're back to familiar ground.
The endings are always the same
I give your heart back, it's useless to me...//..
The colors are what get to you
It's the [colors] that get to me
-Koller gets on his knees-
Oh yeah and I forgot to say!
Over the year I've come to realize one thing, and it's the only thing I've gotten from you:
They combined the French classes so now I have to deal with the one person I hate. She is going to get it so bad this year. I know it's gotta sound mean, but I cannot wait to beat the living shit out of her. She fucking deserves it too for what she's done to people. I hate her, she's a poser and a loser and a reject and all the synonyms for those words. If one more person tells me to breathe and calm down I'm gunna hit the roof. Fucking A people. I'm better at my own anger management than you think. Just deal with it I say. If she gets in the way, remove her. Good deal. Now I'm gonna go get some grub.
I've become a nocturnal person yet again. It was better for a while and then I started working nights. No complaints here. Gosh, for once I've nothing to say. What an unusual thing. I've come to another rut in my life and for the moment I'm content to stay put. I've come in contact with friends I'd thought I lost, and everything's good. There aren't any guys for me to worry about, no family drama, no issues whatsoever. I think my only thing to do now is to figure out where I want to go from here. Do I want to jump back in, or kind of lurk on the outside? I'm not sure yet. I think I'll catch up the 'me time' and read those books I've been meaning to read and write what I wanted to write and maybe clean my damned room. Start over in a way. I hate it when I get enlightened. It makes me feel weird. But it's a good thing though, wouldn't you agree?
I'm so lost at the moment. I haven't been around for a little bit because work has taken my time, and when I get back, nobody wants to talk or anything. Even my closest friends have turned away. I didn't mean to ditch them, and I wasn't ignoring anyone. A part of me has died it seems and I don't know where to go, I have no one to talk to. I apologize for what I did, whatever it may be. I just want to know what the hell is going on.
So this is what it's like to contribute to society. Stand around doing nothing, thinking about better things you could be doing. I just love my new job. Maybe something exciting will happen. I've learned to work the computer pretty much, and hopefully I'll learn to do something a bit more interesting. I want the new S.O.A.D cd. My brother has downloaded part of it, so I stole it from him. Yayness! I feel alone right now. It's funny because my friends are on but they aren't talking to me. I'm not complaining though. Maybe they just don't feel like it tonight. Gosh, it's kinda of late, (for me anywho) and I think I might go to bed. I don't really want to get up and sing tomorrow, but hey, it means one more day closer to the carnival, and my days off. WoOt!
What to do when you're all alone? Listen to music, watch porn, and smoke...oh and talk on Et. That's what. I've been doing that since I think nine. I'm not supposed to be on here, but thanks to my incredibly badass brother I can be. My mom thinks she can stop me, well fuck that. I cannot be stopped! Muahahahahah. I had the most boring day today, but it perked up when I got on here. Rock on David, I love you man. Thanks to a great friend, and a somewhat cool mom, I might go see a concert in a month or so! Yes!
The world is such a sad little place these days. No one is happy any more and if they seem like it, well it's just a front. How can you be truly happy in these times? It just downright sickens me the way people are treated these days. Sure, some stupid moron will say " Oh we have it better here than in other places." And those other places look upon us and say the same thing. They're happy with what they have, or most of them and we feel the need to take the only thing they've ever known away and force an alien thing on them that we don't even understand. I don't even understand it, but hey, I shouldn't be worrying about it huh? Pointless. It's all pointless.
Disregard that number I gave you all...it's some idiot that lives here....my actual number is 970-596-0816..
Woot! It's my birthday! It started out okay and then I got to school. Then it crashed and burned. I got tulips from my mom! Tulips are better. Meg got me skittles, electrical tape, a comp book and a candle. Fun. I don't know what else I'm getting. Hopefully music. Isn't it funny how things work out perfectly sometimes? Yesterday, we wanted an old friend to come back and he walks into the cafeteria. Then we wanted to get stoned and I get hooked up. Then we want to buy some stuff for a fun party and I get 100$ in the mail from someone I hate. I love the way shit works out. By the way, I'm not mad at anyone, but I think it's fucked up that you'd do that. I don't care though. Later.
*fumes* If you say you are going to do something, you should do it right? Unless you're in a coma or dead or something or physically unable to do it. My mother pisses me off hardcore...oh well she's my mom I can't make her do what she told me she would. I feel bad now because I told special someones that I'd be at the concert tonight and then I couldn't go. Dammit!!! Plus I have friends that I don't know if they hate me or not because we hardly talk anymore when we used to have a great time. I need some down time...oh well..it could be worse and I'm so glad its not.
*yawn, big stretch* Hilo. I'm not quite alive yet as I write this. I got off a plane not more than ten hours ago and I'm exhausted. NYC is such an amazing place and when I got home, the sky line seemed empty and I couldn't find the subway. I went home and slept, was woken up, then slept again and now I'm writing this. Lots of fun, believe you me. Performing in Carnegie Hall under world famous composer John Rutter was just about the coolest thing I've ever done, or ever will do. That was the best part. The trip wasn't as fun as it could've been because of moronic college boys, but hey, ih, I don't care. I should've focused more on the task and not on them. I'm glad I wasn't the only one though. What is it with guys and girls with Mississippi accents? Why is that hott? I think they sound really funny if you ask me. But they're not. Anywho. I'm going to go eat my Easter candy that I didn't get to because I wasn't here and unpack my shit. So later people.