mushrooms
shhh

OKAY SO HERE ARE SOME IMPORTANT THINGS:::
. traveling abroad
. japanese language as for learn is
. graduation ceremony
. social security number for assessment test results
. study mathematics over the summer
. call probation
. make sure that apology letter isn't too rude after second review
. duke michigan lacks continuity
. senior picnic
. modeling

mmmkay
so i rearranged a lot of the story and i figured out where the baking scene goes (before joe jr is taken)
and i know what happens next
okayyyf sgsjh;gjsiodjgs!!!
here.>>
so then shit shit shit they find out dear gods lots of crap is happneing
and they go to see the great one but he's not ther but he says somthing is hapning
and what do you know fuckin sai charles is king again
and he starts a fuckin war oh my god
and he sends joe jr back who's like six now
and then he's a coward and he tell them where the secret soldiers are
but florgs man, all we have to do is get them on our side and we're set.
boom BOOM boom
DEAD EARTH

lots of homework to do.
i wish i had coricidin
i'm at the point where its like hey the last two days i've been fucked up, i might as well make it last.
but then...nobody likes me when i'm on coricidin
but hey at least i like myself!
and uh..
i'm bored

so omigod theirs this dance comming up!
and i want to go to the nail place on the corner!
not the one with that crazy white chick?
but the one with the aisian lady?
and pedis and manis are only 20 dolers?
and im goign to buy such a cute outfit with my new credit card!
and oh myg od i so totlaly hope eric asks me?
becasue he is sooo cute.
and last week he said i was smart
and i totally am so i hope he asks me

something something skater boi
she said see you later boi
he wasn't good enough for her

i LOVE avril lavign!

okay.
so i dont know where they're going from there.
so they go to the home planet where they meet the great one.
then what?
so there's a war led by S--
and it's holy shit
and in a brilliant flash of light, all is well

it's hard to remember to be logical

oh i'm in a sea of troubles
what a heap of bullshit
i'd like to give it away
but there's no one to give it to
and who could i trust it to
hey! i live in a shithole!
HEY MR JUDGE YOU PUT ME HERE
hey mr judge i have the best home in the world
hey judge i'd rather be back in juvenile hall
i mean...the food was good
the laws were obvious
what was there to worry about?
you could read all day
the only problem was that you cant write
... think you can write in jail?
whatever i'm stuck here
whatever i'm stuck here
living in a memory-- marks room
and i put some of my things in there, but that doesn't make it my room, because hey hey hey hey hey its marks room
and i'm stuck here
with these people who don't understand eachother
and without the one person who i did understand
and even though he was making alcohal accessable, he helped me a lot.
i wish i could run away and live alone.
without pressures from anyone to look good or to feel good or to eat good.
i wish i could run away and live alone.
so i don't have to wonder what someone else wants
i wish money wasn't a problem
i'd be outta this world
i wish i wish i wish i wish i wish repeating helped.
i wish i knew what would help them.
i know what helps me.
i know that i can sit here and i'll feel perfect because i'm writing i know that if shit goes down i can read the bible and, stupid as that is, it will comfort me because the words are the same ones i read in juvie. and i can remember that things could be worse.
but what about them?
why can't i help them?
why can't i understand what drove remo to bash his hand against the wall in the first place.
and instead of talking about it, my mom just puts on the tv
and they're gone to the hospital
and mark went to college, he wasn't even coming over here
and i was afraid he would be mad that i took his room
but we were going to trade anyway
and i'm on fuckin dxm
and its good
but its bad
and i can't believe i don't know what i'm doing
i thought i had it all in place
but everything keeps shifting.
that's why sometimes when i'm SUPER happy i just want to...die. quit while i'm ahead.
because everytime it just gets worse
hey check it out
i have psoriasis
i never quit smoking
i never quit taking DXM
obviously

falhds k!!!!
FUCK
i'm gonna write some dukey
i've figured out a whole bunch of it but right now, actually, its kind of overwhelming
i think instead i'll just..sleep.
sounds good
fuck weddings
what the fuck? what was i wearing
fuck disneyland
rawr i can't wait for disneyland no drugs no anger just..like




fun.

what is fun?
what is a billy goat?
and what the hell is a bing?

this is so fucked up
why does shit always happen to me when i'm happy?
and god says because silly you were happy because you were on drugs. punishment= remo goes to hospital
what a fucking story
what a fucking life
i can't even stand it sometimes
i want to call kj but uhm i feel retarded
it's like...mark is gone, okay? and he called over here for my mom and victoria said she isn't here. and so he hung up. and she called him back and told him not to be disrespectful. then he got pissed and said remo you know what your bra said to me? and remo was like defensive of course. so mark said he's going to come over here and kick remo's ass. and so remo got hella pissed too and he punched the wall (i don't know which wall) and now his hand is all broken or at the very least swollen very nasty-like.
and so we come home all frantic and i'm like oh great. why does this not come as a surprise?
why is it that every time something bad happens, it is not a surprise. it's like oh, again? what? mark got a DUI? what? car crash? what? you kicked mark out? what? remo's cutting himself? what? WHAT THE FUCK it's not a surprise, it's like... oh yeah? that's gay.
it's like...what the hell? that's weird,
it's like dude i know my family is fucked up but this is getting a little old. that's what it's like.
it's lame.
its fucking lame.
i have a lame home.
i have a lame family,
i am lame
fuck lame
LAME FUCKING LAME
goash gishjsfgljuhesgfj;okjk; a
and fuck duke michigan too
and i, stupid!!! oh i'm going to take this vics shit
yeah right it didn't even work i just vomited and felt kinda cool for a while
i have another bottle but i'd just feel lame if i took it in response to this
but it wouldn't be in response to this it would be like...like..if i don't take it it'll just go to waste because i already took 30 ml from the bottle so that's like...118 - 30 = how much there is less which is less than 8 pills. less than 6 probably 5.89.
which is like woah take it immediately
but this whole experience is telling me
a whisper
cecilia
stay sober
i say yeah but woah
woah woah woah no way could drugs make me happy
but they could give me something to do while i wait for something else to happen.
with duke michigan.
with
oh my god.
i feel like shit.
i feel alone?
oh fuck this shit how boring.
i'm gonna drink me some more vix.
and hope for no more vomit
and ew i hate botox
and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
rawr
good day.
good day sucks.

1. i feel perfect
2. i can stand it
3. i love everything
4. i believe in miracles
5. i went to juvenile hall
6. i ate a baked potatoe
7. 5.39 is the new price
8. i don't invest
9. senior trip
10. i have a new room
11. vomiting is a part of life, that's why the world spins so much
12. i like to rearrange words
13. hiking is not fun
14. i wish i could sew
15. i like the taste of come
16. i want high heels
17. loud = virtue
18. he called me boistrous
19. the combine got me
20. i can be your hero baby
21. legal drinking age
22. don't call me white
23. i want that tattoo life/death
24. mark isn't going to my graduation. his exact words: "Fuck no! i ain't going to that shit!"
25. i like to party
26. i like to read
27. i want to be a part of the revolution, or at least a part of NSA
28. your tax dollars go to.... now the government knows you did not call your mother on mothers' day
29. mushrooms grow out of shit, and truffles are mushrooms. in the darkest most nasty area there you are--- mushrooms! government! and all the fairies hide underneath them saying oh dear truffle protect me. yeah right.
30. i've been to heaven and i prefer it to earth
31. my name is not madison mckenzie
32. kj is real
34. i cannot spin my head all the way around.
35. numbers make me sick
36. i like blue
37. shiny cars can be annoying
38. what do i do with the bathtub?
39. we are addicted to oil
40. have they arrested dick cheney yet?
41. ordo de chao
42. feminine nature
43. what is a bitch?
44. when someone comes over to you and smacks you in the face, do you fight back or do you reposition yourself so he can hit you on both sides?
45. does anybody really have faith in god?
46. does god really have faith in us?
47. i wish i could understand some things.





dear god stop i've tried prayers and i've tried letters stop so i'll try a telegram now stop i know that you have some crazy plan and it involves me staying home for five months and its wrong of me to ask what the point is stop but seriously stop what's the point stop

one time my dad goes "i think there should always be something at the very end of the movie,"
"why?"
"so if you stay through the whole credits, you get a surprise"

i need a clear head to think about duke michigan
in order to put it in the right order.
and i'm sorry sir but i do not have a clear head right now.
i'll tell you what happens though:
Devi runs into Duke Michigan and she's like oh my!
and they're about to have a chat but then she's like RRR i'm angry! because Duh, she's unfit
then s-- and Duke learn about Camp, and they are keeping the secret to themselves. ah better yet if they are about to tell the others in the house when VOILA guess who comes! if it isn't Levon C. Trubb. (was it trupp? Trubb is better anyway)
and the florg of course we can't forget about that one eyed besat
and so..and so and so so so so so gsagjsoidhg!!!
then after Levon leaves they're like egad! we were just about to tell you of the horrors! and now poor deary joe jr is gone to be dumbed down you idiots
and so they plan to get him back
and so they plan to get them all back
and before they even get the chance
and after devi and sally become friends again
(i'm rearranging hello)
BOOM the fuckin cops come and RAH! you're a crimminal bitch! you ran away from the prostitution plant get your ass in jail and we'll do a fair trial in 7 years!
oh dear, please no!
shut up sally you're fucked

oh no! sally's gone!
fuck that! i'm going after her dudundundDUNN and Devi has her finger pointed to the sky I'M SUPERMAN
and so she makes some half-ass plan to go switch places with her. it's my fault sally's in jail it was my fault joe died the least i could do is take her place in jail! we're twins they'll never notice
oh yeah right
they notice
and what is the penalty for trying to free someone from jail? well you'll find out at your trial in 7 years, get in the cell devi!
AHH!!!
What?
What the hell are you doing here devi?
i'm rescuing you!
obviously...
shut up, we're screwed now.
hahahah
they laugh and have a great time washing toilets
UNTIL
DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNN
THE TRUE SUPERMAN COMES and what is his name? Duke michigan go duke michigan! he comes and breaks through the bars wahoo come on home and they live happily ever after. yeah right. really, aunt charlotte had to sell her luxurious and fancy home, and duke and S-- had to use what little political influence they had to buy the twins' way out of jail.
so they are walking home
dude why are we going to the ghetto
charlotte sold the house.
poor s-- he hates filth
ahhaha
and then they reach home and s-- is like Sally! what was it like what did they feed you blah blah blah
well the toothpaste looked like this
tasted like this
the food was like this
there was writing on it
it looked like this
oh my god
i hate the truffles they are seriously assholes! they just want to bring us down! they just wnat to fuck us up! and they're feeding you drywall!
EWWWWWWWW
NASTY!!
and they're feeding you EWWW other nasty things. and it's making you stupid.
no frikin way!
yes frikin way!
i believe them says charlote
and she isn't smoking a cigarette
and she doesn't have champagne
my baby died from alcohal poisoning, remember? And here they are legalizing drinking for 13 year olds
it's fucked up
well wait a minute hey hey hey
what do we do?
well we don't take cough medicine.
obviously.
so....
uh...
okay so i don't know what i'm talking about but i'm getting somewhere. who cares if it's lame? not me.
it rocks to me.
why?
Duke Michigan.

oh man
writing sucks
because if you want it to come out right you have to put everything in the right order
i before e except after c
etc etc
i'm so fucked up right now.

Devi wanted to scream, a loud penetrating scream.
“Are you kidding me? If you had any sense whatsoever you’d look at this situation. Let’s look at Sally as the control plant that was given water. I’m the plant that was given oil.”
Aunt Charlotte puffed out a cloud of smoke, expressionless. “What?”
“You want to know what it’s like to be Unfit, right? You want to know if people treat me any different than my sister, right? Well I’ll tell you! You’re treating me different right now!
“I…when you’re Unfit, you…you look at other people, going about their lives, and you wonder what makes them any different. And you feel like you could do the same things they do, and sometimes you do…Sometimes you pretend like you are fit. And you have a friend, even a lover, until someone makes an offhand comment about how you’re Unfit Unfit Unfit, that silly curse word!” Devi had thrown the bread on the counter again, and was screaming. “Then! Then your knight in shining armor who hung on your every word leaves and just…never mentions you again. And when he sees you on the street he’s embarrassed to talk to you or smile at you.
“And everything you do, for whatever reason you do it, is attributed to the fact that you never went to Camp. If Sally were to do the same thing, it would be overlooked because she did go to Camp. If Sally makes a mistake it’s just that. If I make a mistake it is because I’m Unfit. And people shake their fit heads and they click their fit tongues and they say ‘poor child.’
“If I’m yelling now it’s because I’m unfit to keep my composure. If this bread manages to taste good, it must have been some miracle. But if hers manages to taste bad, the ingredients- the same ingredients I used- must have been spoilt.
“If you, dear Aunt Charlotte, make one more mention about my being Unfit…I’ll…I’ll…” she left the room without telling them what she would do, and Aunt Charlotte clicked her tongue, and Sally shook her head, and they both said, "Poor girl."

In the days that followed the heated discussion about Camp, S− Charles and Duke Michigan continued to spend most of their time in the library; going over what they had over before, asking the same questions and getting no answers, and generally coming out only for food. The two were in a sour mood all the time.
The three girls however, were a different story.
When Joe Jr. was first taken away, Sally was at a loss for what to do. Joe was no longer around, and on top of that there was no baby to take care of, and on top of that she didn’t have to work at the House. In fact, she had tried to advertise herself on the street, but had gotten shouts and curse words.
She guessed that Silvana was much less civilized a place than she was used to, and came to terms with the fact that she was “off-duty.” So instead of following boys and trying to offer them fun for a penny, she stayed indoors with her younger sister.
“You remember that boy Jonathan Borca?” asked Devi one night.
“Yes.”
“Me, too.” Devi rolled over on her bed and was silent for a while.
“Remember Alonzo Mc…whatever his name was?” Sally laughed, remembering the portly little man. “He was the first guy I ever went all the way with. Man was he sweaty!”
They giggled.
“Sally?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you…are really proud of your job. But do you really like it?”
“Of course, silly!”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s good money.” She didn’t say anything more the whole night, and they put out the light and went to sleep.




As for Charlotte, she was reveling in having people to care for. “You’re like the daughters I never had!” she would exclaim, fussing over their clothes and teaching them how to mix perfect margaritas.
Every day they would spend time together while the men were in the library. They would make fancy dinners and beautiful cakes and the girls developed a taste for champagne. Sally and Devi’s opinions of Aunt Charlotte, however, differed.
Charlotte was always sweet to Sally, because she knew what it was like to lose a husband. Whatever Sally had to say, Charlotte was always there to say, “Why, I think you’re right.” The perverseness that had originally swayed Charlotte from Sally’s liking was less evident now that they had dwelled in the same household for some time.
However, Charlotte treated Devi quite differently. Maybe it was just her curiosity. Maybe she didn’t realize how uncomfortable she was making Devi. Maybe she thought Devi wanted to tell her everything about her life, despite her giving limited, polite answers, and sometimes even leaving the room in response to a question.
“Come now, Devi, dear.” Charlotte said, mixing smoke with bread dough as she kneaded it. “Why don’t you ever bear your soul to your aunt? You and that Duke fellow rarely speak anymore. Are you having trouble in your relationship?”
Devi was hitting her bread as if it were a punching bag. “I’m not in a relationship with that man. I told you a thousand, three thousand, times before. If I was, he’d be spending time with me instead of S− Charles.”
“Maybe he’s a homosexual. I heard that most Unfits are homosexual. What do you think about that?”
“Do you want to know what I think about that?” She stopped punching the bread, and wiped her hair out of her face. She left a streak of flour on her forehead.
“Yes, dear. You have a little something there.” Charlotte licked her finger and rubbed Devi’s head.
“I think it is a bunch of shit, that’s what I think.” Her jaw was clenched as she slapped the dough on the counter and started kneading again.
Charlotte laughed at her niece’s restrained response. “I guess…. Honey, you’re doing that bread all wrong.”
“Huh?” Sally looked up. “Oh.” Her dough was a runny mess.
“Here, put some more flour in it….Not that much…That’s good.” Charlotte began demonstrating how to knead, and spoke again to Devi. “Anyway…what I’ve been meaning to ask you ever since you got here is, well, are you ever treated differently just because you’re Unfit?”

kj why the fuck do you like me?

7/13/06
NOFX
sacramento
sleep train ampitheatre
i orgasm
don't call me white
the end

I Pledge A Grievance To The Flag Of The United States Of America
and To The Republicans Whom I Can't Stand
One Nation Under Smog
Indispicable
With Liberty For Just Us Not All

young as a circus parade
its a wonderful world!
pretty as pink lemonade
its a wonderful world!
life is a carnival, live it for all your worth
you are the star of the greatest show
on earth

this big wide world is a clown with his nose painted red
a rainbow colored balloon’s dancing high overhead
it’s everyone’s oyster, step up get your pearl
it’s a wonderful
wonderful
wonderful
wonderful world!!

then i put on billy joel and my dad sings along
and he tells me about when he first bought the album
and he talks about being in florida
and he asked some piano guy to play billy joel, but the piano guy didn't know it.
then the steak is done and i'm like MMM MEAT!

“I don’t think you can win” the war on terror. And even when the president tried to come back to, um, clarify those remarks today, he suggested some pretty serious change in the globe’s geopolitical climate would be required to get the job done. ``In this different kind of war, we may never sit down at a peace table. But make no mistake about it, we are winning and we will win,'' Bush said with his trademark grin. "We will win by staying on the offensive, we will win by spreading liberty.''

They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So beat it, just beat it
You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll kick you, then they beat you
Then they'll tell you it's fair