[Stratakus]'s diary
I got home from work on Friday, and saw my computer has shut down MSN and wanted me to send an error report. Sending the report caused my computer to freeze and when I shut it down, it wouldn't restart.
It would start loading windows, then flash the blue screen for a second, and then repeat the process infinitly. And being Easter Weekend I couldn't do anything until today. I managed to make it from the start of FF10 to Zanarkand in 4 nights of playing to keep from going into computer withdrawl. But now I have to reinstall everything, my 80 gig hard drive demands a reformat when it's got 56 gigs of my stuff already on it.
Not to mention I had to drive an hour to a city that is more confusing than any plac I've ever been. The city doesn't run on a grid, it has more one way and deadend streets than 2 lane streets, some streets run right through parking lots and it has stop lights in places where there isn't even an intersection. It's got bridges twisting all around eachother and exits to nowhere and signs saying go Right, and as you're drving down the road you can see in your mirror the sign saying your destination is in the other direction. I almost hit at least 20 people who just cross the street without looking, one idiot pranced right infront of my car at a crosswalk just as the light turned green then his friends casually strolled by at a snails pace as I'm watching the green light turn yellow.
On the upside, the guy who sold me my new computer looked and sounded exactly like Robert De Niro, and the nicest sales guy I've ever met. He went to help a woman with her computer and he actually told her what she could do to fix the problem herself so he didn't have to charge her 60$ for doing something she could easily fix herself.
Written about Thursday 2008-03-20
Written: (5898 days ago)
Okay so this dream was long and played out like a real movie. I was apparently Bruce Wayne, and I was driving to some big presentation with my girlfriend Lois, when all of a sudden this Hummer came up behind us and started smashing into the car. I hit the medium and smashed through it, I managed to jump out but my car and Lois went into the water and sank.
There was some sort of ceremony where millions of peoples turned out in support of me and my mother (who looked like Angela Patrelli from Heros). People were saying how sorry they were for our loss, and talking about my father and how things would be if he were still alive. this asian mobster looking guy came and offered to give my mother the crown jewel of his collection and she was flattered and I was playing drunk and happy when I was actually sober and suspicious. I'm watching all this as if in a theater and I'm stumbling up this long set of outdoor stairs on a building to a helopad, the celebration still going on and as the Guards look away below us on the stairs I give them a suspicious glance. When they turn around I did some Jack Sparrow flourish with my hands and got in the plane. As we're taking off in the Helicopter they are showing us the new Bat Signal which is a Three Paneled Plasma Screen that covers 3 City Blocks and shows a giant golden bat signal which projects on the sky.
The scene fades and I'm sitting in the Bat Cave. The Bat Symbol is my screen saver on my own flat panel TV screens and they're moving from screen to screen. I'm in my bat suit except with no mask and I swear I can hear Lois's voice. I start talking to the darkness saying if she's there to come out because I really need to see her. Out from the darkness come Lois who now looks like Lidia from the Beetlejuice movie. I say I don't believe it is her and she tries to kiss me and I push her away and she's stalkling around the batcave telling me all this thing we had done together. I tell her to prove she isn't a ghost and she picks up some tow nail clippers and brings them to me and pushes me back into an old recliner and gets in my lap. I keep telling her this can't be real and she tells me her new master The Bone Collector brought her back to life and wanted a fight with me. She told me that if I lost, we could be together forever. I asked if she had all her memories before and she said she knew everything about me being Batman. I asked her if she was now working for my enemy, if she had given away my secret identity and my bat cave location and she started kissing me and saying she could never betray me. She continued kissing me but I pushed her back after a minute and told her it didn't feel right because her lips were cold and not as full as they used to be now that she was some sort of animated dead. She left me there and I looked up The Bone Collector on Wikipedia and the Bone Collector is a henchman of the asian man that my mother and I had taken a Helicopter ride with. Then I woke up.
I'm a huge HUGE softy for cute fuzzy animals
I melt into a puddle of mush over pictures of kittens and bunnies and other animals of similar nature. This one got me tonight. ~Melt~
I feel like I have the body of an old man and I think I know the contraption to blame.
I was doing it the opposite way of the guy in the picture. I was face up and doing crunches like that. The exercise above strengthens the back muscles. But anyways. I was doing it in my desperate attempt to get abs to go with my new pecs (Glee) But I think I overdid it. It's either that or the 6 hours of nonstop massage I did on Saturday finally catching up to me. Seriously my hands are numb for a little bit but it's my legs and back that feel the worse after a massage marathon day.
The Massage Therapist has nobody to do Massage on him. Blaaaaah. I have to wait for mid-April before the other ones start arriving. For now I guess I'll have to settle for Pedicures from the hot estheticians. Woe is me. ... But seriously my back is fucking murdering me with pain right now.
Written about Saturday 2008-03-15
Written: (5902 days ago)
It's a scary feeling not FEELING your own hands. I can see them moving, I can feel the movement in the muscles but I have no sensation in them at the moment. This always seem to happen right after a day where I do 6 hours of massage without a break... I call those my Marathon days. The worst part was the final lady of the day wanted the hardest pressure I could do any my hands were already 75% dead. Aaaaand now I have to go paint a room in the neighboring apartment.
I am petty sure Rayne is based off of me. Seriously.
http://www.lea
Mar 12/08 recurring Themes: NACKAWIC,GIRLS I KNOW,LONG WALKS,
My friend Travis, who just graduated from Film school in Vancouver was in my home town to do some interviewing for a documentary and I offered to help him with the interviews. We took a shortcut through my back yard to get to a different street but it was in the middle of a blizzard so the movement was hampered. Eventually we got to the street and ran across it trying to jump over the snow bank but got stuck. After finally freeing ourselves we continued down the plowed sidewalk to the house on the corner of my hard. Knocking on the door it was [crikketcandy] who answered.- She was in a bathrobe with a night cap on yawning like I had just woken her up though it was the middle fo the day. She asked if we could come back in the spring and then her dad came to the door and said they were hibernating for the winter.
Another dream I had was I had woken up at a friend fo my family's house about an hours worth of walking from my parents house. I started walking, avoiding cars that looked like they were going to pick me up to drive me like some sort of hitch hiker. Then a car does pull over and I realize it was a girl I had gone to school with who was much prettier in the dream than she is in real life. But she greeted me and said I looked like I was going to die of heat stroke so she took me back to her place, gave me some water then we talked about some stuff like school and who was where, then she gave me a cold wet towel to wrap around my head. Apparently the walk home was going to be a hot one and take longer than an hour. Then she offered me a Freezie and I took it but it had no flavor and I woke up.
**Both of these dreams dealt with cold because the temperature in my bedroom was down to 50F last night but I was snug under my 5 huge quilts so the only time I felt the cold was when I rolled over onto an exposed patch of sheet that had been out from under the blankets, or onto a part of exposed pillow. I was nice and toasty when I was safe under the blankets though
I found this hilarious stuff online.
Rated Adult
WORST
Cybering
EVER
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishment
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears1
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
--------------
Bloodninja:Wan
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:May
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hell
Bloodninja:Wel
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm.
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Goo
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooo
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
--------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
--------------
Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.
--------------
J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.
--------------
Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
--------------
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There'
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-o
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: <logged off>
Written about Sunday 2008-03-09
Written: (5909 days ago)
I'm trying to write a story, but one thing I have never been able to grasp is when to use : or ; or , so I tend to use , a lot but I know I'm not supposed to use ", and". I always find every sentence has some ,s in is but I feel I should occasionally be using ; .... Damn you english class... all I learned from you was that Malvolio was a pussy.
So I spent an hour and a half in the gym, managed to drink a half gallon of water while there, and managed to lose 1 Kilogram. How does that work?
Here is why I am scared if I ever had to call the police in an Emergancy:
Step 1: Dial Police
Step 2: Listen to it ring 5 times
Step 3: hear a slow speaking recording saying "Thank you for calling the District 1 Police Station. If it is an Emergancy, please hang up and dial 9-1-1
Step 4: Hang up and dial 9-1-1
Step 5: Hear another recorded message saying "Thank you for calling 911, for service in English press 1
Step 6: Press 1 for the love of GAWD!
Step 7: Explain the situation to the operator
Step 8: Give them your name
Step 9: Give them your address
Step 10: Give them your phone number
Step 11: Get told they will call the police, the ones that you tried to call back in Step 1:
Step 12: Listen to the operator tell the police officer the situation
Step 13: Listen to the operator tell the police officer your name
Step 14: Listen to the operator tell the police officer your address
Step 15: Listen to the operator tell the police officer your phone number
Step 16: Get transfered through to police officer
Step 17: Explain the situation yet again.
Step 18: Get asked how many people are involved
Step 19: Get told that he is sending an officer over
Step 20: Get told to have a good night and end the call
So some guy (We'l call him dumbass#1) came over to get revenge on another guy (Dumbass#2) for grabbing some girl at a party. There were a bunch of microthugs and prostitots outside the apartment waiting for dumbass#2 to come by with his friends, Dumbass#2s car pulls up, a girl jumps out and starts begging with this muscleheaded dumbass#1 not to start a fight, then the #1 starts kicking the car and #2 drives away almost hitting a bunch of the crowd. the morons hang around, #1 pulls out a phone and calls the girl who had been grabbed and all the prostitots start screaming that she's a slut and a whore, then the girls go inside and the microthugs hang out with #1 for half an hour talking about past fights and how tough they are. A truck pulls up, more dumbasses get out, then some dumbasses leave in the truck, some go inside, then leave, eventually leaving just #1 as the only male remaining. Apparently he texted #2 and said he promised not to fight him, and #2 finally returned, came inside and I heard yelling then #2 came out, went to his purple car, pulled out a crowbar and walked over to #1s car, where #1 and some girls had gotten into it to drive away. #1 comes over with the crowbar and smashes the back window where a girl is sitting and I hear her screaming, them he starts smashing the front window and windshield, get in his car with some friends and drive away. At this point I'm calling the cops who show up shortly after. One of the girls involved is my neighbor (who I got evicted... hehe dumb children) and it was in that apartment where the inside stuff happened and these people are always hanging out anyways. The cop took their report and they were all to willing to name names after being assaulted. To avoid having to give a report, I just hung my head out the window and said to the cop "What they said is better than I could explain it!" He nodded and drove off. So much excitement at 1:30am.
In Conclusion: I can finally check "Calling 911 for a Legitimate Reason." off my list of things to do before I die.
This is the first job I think I've ever had where I complain about getting 4 days off and going Yay when I get to work again. But the weather is so nasty that my clients have rebooked for another time. My next paycheck is going to be a tiny one. Boooo.
Final Fantasy Tactics...And how it annoys the piss outta me
Alright, time for another video game rant. This time the classic Final Fantasy Tactics. My biggest grievance so far, and I'm only level 5, is that All the enemies counter attack. All The TIME. If I mis, they counter, if I hit them for 15 damage, they counter for 20, and since they level up with me, they get stronger every time too. And the piddly JP I'm getting, even with the increased JP ability I added on, it's still taking forever to level up my jobs.
And my other problem is whenever it goes to story telling mode, the text draaags out. It took 30 seconds for it to type out eventually, E.........v...
Finally, the enemy can roam freely. I mean... I had the guy surrounded on all but one side, and he walked around all my warriors and half way across the screen to kill my healer. Maybe I'm spoiled by D&D but if you have 3 guys surrounding the enemy, you think an Attack of Opportunity wouldn't be to far fetched. Gah.
Written about Sunday 2008-03-02
Written: (5916 days ago)
So it's been done. Starting at 4:30, I saw 5 drunk people stumbling around the driveway of the apartment, one girl couldn't even stand up. Then, from 4:30 to 8:30 there was nothing but wall shaking rap playing, people screaming at each other which sounded like they hated each other. Seriously, when you're hanging with friends and you ask where the beer is, do your friends say "It's in the fucking fridge you Fucking Bitch!" The smell of weed and booze was crawling through the walls and under the doors, pounding on the walls, Fuck fuckity fuck fuck yelling. Hearing them talking about kicking peoples asses didn't really inspire me to go over and ask them politely to keep it down, considering only yesterday the land lord had given them a final warning about the noise, So I called up the land lord, who is an old gym teacher who just had back surgery. As soon as his truck pulled up the music stopped and then whole party I heard running up the stairs to hide in the apartments second floor. The LL came in and talked to me, commenting on the horrid smell in the halls, asking all that I had heard. Since I know the people upstairs can hear what I was saying, I kept my voice low. I'll give him the full details on Monday, but they're gone.
What sold me on this apartment was definitely not the price, lemme tell you. It was the space and the promise of quiet neighbors. If I wanted a place where it was nonstop loud all day and night, I wouldn't have left the dorms, and I have enough experience from the past 6 years to know that loud annoying don't get tired of being annoying, and a request for quiet generally lasts as long as it takes you to get back to your room.
I don't mind the hum of people talking that will inevitably come through the wall, but when the music is shaking the house and people are yelling so loudly they might as well be standing right next to me, That's just pointless and rude.
**UPDATE
After an hour, the party has started up again... But why the HELL is Justin Timberlake making my walls shake?!
And Lifehouse? Wow... these guys are hardcore thuggin'
So I'm listening to the people in the apartment next to me. And here are some of the quotes I'm hearing from the 4 o 5 people in there:
"Where The Fuck is the Fuckin' Weed?!"
"It's In The Fuckin Cupboard you Fuck!"
"fuck you you Fucking Fuckhole!"
"You Fucking Asked Where The Fucking Wee Was!
"I'm fucking going to get Fucking Stoned!"
"Where's The Fuckin Cat? I fucking wanna blow smoke in it's fuckin face!"
"Fuck man leave the fuckin' cat alone!"
"I fuckin' Don't give a fuck about your fuckin cat!"
"Fuck guys I'm Fuckin Drunk and it's only 4 Fuckin 30! And I'm Fuckin Stoned!"
"Get The Fuck out of the fuckin bathroom! I Gitta Fuckin Piss!"
"Fuck You I'm Taking a Fuckin' Shit!"
... And now 50cent is making the pipes in the whole complex vibrate...
Written about Thursday 2008-02-28
Written: (5919 days ago)
You know, as great a thing as laughter is, there are so many variations some are bound to be bad. Like Beavis and Butthead. I know a guy who's laughter sounds like Woody Woodpecker, and then there's the Goofy laughter. The one I can't stand the must is the one monotone Huhuhu ~pause~ Huhuhu ~Pause Huhuhu laughter. It just... brings to mind the image of someone who's brain is running only for function, not for purpose. I don't know why. Now, there are great laughs. Adorable giggles for instance. Little girls giggling, or a baby chuckling, or even guys who's laughter has some tone to it doesn't bother me, but the ones I listed above just send bad chills through my bones.
Or maybe like so many other things that annoy me, it's because it's a noise. I'm no music addict, I can handle subtitles. I think I could live a happy deaf life much more than I could a blind one.
I don't know how often I can say this. I love my job, and the perks keep piling up. Seriously the only complaints I have about being here are nothing to do with my job, and more to do with the people that have nothing to do with my job. My newest excitement is the realization that because of my gym membership, I can go whenever I want, it's right around the corner and use the equipment and watch movies while doing it, but there is the whirlpool hot tub that I have unlimited access to. Today after 3 hours in the gym (I'll be regretting that tomorrow), I got to soak for half an hour in the bubbly jets and just let them pound on my sore muscles that come from work. Then I just laid back and kinda got swept around in the current.
People who know me in person know I have an extremely low tolerance for noise, and when I dunked my head under the water and all I could hear were the jets of water it was paradise. I think I will prescribe myself a soak every day after work for the rest of my life.
Written about Saturday 2008-02-16
Written: (5931 days ago)
Now that I'm out of my "Love is Over" stage, I'm now in a "Screw Romance" Mood. I am sick of dedicating myself to one person to get kicked to the curb over and over. There are so many different kinds of love. There's Romantic Love, Flirtatious Love, Friendship Love, Comfortable Love, Old Love, New Love, Red Love, Blue Love. I have a lot of friends who I love and wish nothing but the best for, who I am comfortable with and comfortable being myself around, People who I love protectively and would do anything for.
Now, in the past, I've fucked up. Multiple times I fucked up by sleeping or fooling around with people I cared nothing for, didn't have any love on any level for, and I regretted doing it afterwards. To this day I still regret it and kick myself whenever I remember things even if they happened 4 or 5 years ago.
Since I've vowed to stay single until after my road trip, I've become curious about how I would react emotionally after possibly making the sexing with somebody who I have known a long time, trust and care about on a comfortable Friendship Love, without any desire for wedding bells in the future. I don't imagine I would feel the "Used and Abused" sensation considering I trust my friends, and I've always said "Sex without Love just doesn't feel right", but there is love there on some level.
Maybe I'm just thinking through my balls because I don't want to get laid by any of the nastiness around here. I live so close to the ocean I can't tell where that fish smell is really coming from if you get my drift.
Anyways, this has been Strats Rammblings for the day, I'ma go figure out what the hell Red Love and Blue Love are. It just sounded funny in my head.
**This does not mean I'm going to go whoring around to any friend who will have me. I'm just curious about what level of love is actually required for me not to feel like I did something wrong. No intentions of actively seeking an answer.**
So just as I'm feeling fine and dandy again, no more drama, I go and have one of those relationship nightmares that makes me unable to go back to sleep after 3 hours. Blaaaaaaaah
Anyways, Screw this. I've resolved that since I am planning a coast length road trip to meet a bunch of girls I know from the internet, the best thing to do is to say single than have a relationship and then try to explain to the girl why I plan on spending a month with a bunch of different girls, all attractive enough to inspire jealousy in whatever girl I am tangled with at the time. So I'm going to stay single. The people on my list I've known far longer than anyone I'm going to meet in this town.
The dreams still disturb me, but I'm not going to whine and pine anymore. I've much better things to do in the meantime.
Also, I secured a 3 bedroom apartment downtown, everything included except heat and furnishing, for 550$ a month. That split between 3 people would be living easy street! Anyone wanna move to NB to be my quiet roomie? I'll pay part of your rent if you're a hot female willing to walk around topless!