[Stratakus]'s diary
Written about Thursday 2008-04-17
Written: (5870 days ago)
So yesterday I drove 2 hours to Bangor, spent an hour in the city lost as usually happens when I drive someplace new, and finally figured out where to go for the exam I took today. Luckily there was a Comfort Inn just down the road and a target so I killed time there and stayed at the Inn. I really had no motivation to take the exam but I had paid 225$ that couldn't be refunded so I figured if I was going dwn would at least show up for the battle.
So with 0 hours of studying under my belt, I went in, joked around with the office ladies for half an hour to calm my nerves, was given 160 questions and 3 hours to complete them all. 80 minutes later, I was done and Passed because HOLY CRAP that exam was easy.
So now every one of those Brown states is open for me if I ever want to apply to work in the States. With 2200 hours of training and the experience from working at a well known hotel chain, just about any place would be hard pressed to find better qualification from people graduating from the US schools. I'm not saying I'm better. Honestly. It's just the minimum for the US is 500 hours of training to be certified so I've got over 4 times the schooling in things not even covered on the exam.
... Pretty good for a slacker who never studies hm?
So I don't have to type this a third time, I'll keep it short.
My mind is telling me I'm lonely. I'm denying it what it wants because everyone here is a stranger, every stranger I've met hasn't been relationship material. I'm picky. I admit it. But this isn't a Wah Wah Wah I'm Lonely! diary entry. This is simply the lead in to the dreams I've been having lately.
The one I remember the best was last night. I'm thinking it was a zombie invasion dream but this girl comes out of nowheres and leads me out of a zombie infested territory. She's not the usual girl who appears in my dreams. She's maybe... 5'2, younger looking than I'm used to, hair done in one of those short ponytail styled to look messy and hair is brown the way I like but with blond streaks as highlights. cute, but not anyone I know in reality or over the net. Just another figment of my imagination. As much as I like these dreams, it's a horrible feeling to wake up from "I've met someone great... and she doesn't even exist". That kind of thing screws up my day. Things were going fine, there was some cheesy (VERY CHEESY) flirting which even I don't know where I came up with it. Anyways, the setting of the safe place from the zombies was this lodge way high up where apparently the enemy couldn't get to us and it had a basement. There were plenty of other people in the refuge. She suggested we go downstairs to do some laundry, and we get downstairs and it's like a big locker room full of shower stalls, though there is actually a washing machine in the corner. So next thing I know she's naked dancing around in the water and I'm in my swim trunks and thinking Okay this will be good but then REALITY strikes, the apartment next to mine has a faulty washing machine which starts freaking out making a lot of noise, which in my dream sounds like an alarm and I'm getting frightened people are going to come downstairs and find us. She's trying to seduce me into the shower but then I wake up... And spend the next 3 hours waking up and going back to sleep trying to find that dream again but as usual the one thing I am trying to dream about is the exact thing I cannot.
Written about Sunday 2008-04-13
Written: (5874 days ago)
Remember back when the internet was clean and new and there were so few options of web pages? Remember how all websites were either Angelfire or Geocities? Notice how nobody uses those anymore because they suck complete donkey balls? Well there is another old website that is still used that also sucks donkey balls as badly as those two web page builder pieces of crap. And that, my friends, is Photo Bucket. I lovingly refer to it as Shit Bucket because that is what it really is. How often do you go looking for a web page and find that "Image Or Video Has Been Moved Or Deleted! - Photobucket" as the only result? And it's everywhere. And even worse than the stupid Shit Bucket company are the people who use it and have profiles full of pictures that at some point in time were hosted on the website, and are now "Moved or Deleted". And they NEVER take those down. EVER. It's like they collect old broken links. And being a stupid crap company, they feel the NEED to advertise their shit company on their error messages. "Would you like an image that is always moved or deleted on your website? Come to us!" What the hell are they thinking?
I'm boycotting Photo Bucket.
People come in many colors. But we only cum in one color... or should. If you cum in many colors, see a doctor immediately.
Weird dream:
So I guess I was back to being 16, and my parents and I moved to a city on an island into a condo. I know my room was huge but we were still unpacking so I was sleeping on a couch and when I went to sleep one night, I closed my eyes and saw a "Downloading Sleep" screen where my body, drawn in flash, slowly darkened until I was asleep. I slept in my dream. That's weird enough. But then I woke up and saw my neighbor was a pretty girl, who loved in the condo on the other side of the walk way and there was this muddy river, only about 30 feet wide, and she would go swimming in it and I would be to nervous to go introduce myself. I met some guy who loved next dor. He was dorky, kind of like Milhouse, but he just kinda hung around and didn't so much. Anyways one day I did introduce myself during this time when the river was almost empty and I saw the girl dumping buckets of brown paint into the water because the water was always a soupy brown in the dreams, like it was muddy. I invited her to follow me and the dorky kid to the city and all of a sudden this victory march started being played by a marching band leading this famous hockey player through the town. He stopped to talk to us and we all decided to go get some food at the mall food court so for some reason, mockingly I started trying to imitate the victory march through pursed lips as we went.
Weird weird weird. But the girl was cute. But she wasn't anyone I recognize from real life or from dreams I've had in the past.
http://www.you
Watch the video and understand where I'm coming from.
If you send me angry messages, you obviously didn't watch the video.
Written about Monday 2008-03-31
Written: (5888 days ago)
Had another ghost encounter on Friday.
Some kids had tried to sneak past the gym window to get to the Racketball court. They were on their cell phones in street cloths inviting more friends to come down and a girl no older than 14 and obviously stoned was coming up the stairs from the court where I met her and said her and her friends had to leave now. I went to the laundry room to get more towels and when I went back they were all gone. I thought I heard voices coming from out in the loading bay and opened the door to look around but saw nobody. When I closed the door and went around the corner, the door to the laundry room, which I had closed, and required a 3 digit code to open again, was starting to swing closed. I went through and nobody was there, and nobody had walked past me to come through the door and being a heavy and locked door no air current could have blown it open. The halls were completely empty at that time of the night.
Written about Sunday 2008-03-30
Written: (5889 days ago)
My newest favorite insult EVER:
Your head looks like a penis that came out of the ass of a gay warthog!
I HAVE FOUND JESUS!
... On Wikipedia.
I got home from work on Friday, and saw my computer has shut down MSN and wanted me to send an error report. Sending the report caused my computer to freeze and when I shut it down, it wouldn't restart.
It would start loading windows, then flash the blue screen for a second, and then repeat the process infinitly. And being Easter Weekend I couldn't do anything until today. I managed to make it from the start of FF10 to Zanarkand in 4 nights of playing to keep from going into computer withdrawl. But now I have to reinstall everything, my 80 gig hard drive demands a reformat when it's got 56 gigs of my stuff already on it.
Not to mention I had to drive an hour to a city that is more confusing than any plac I've ever been. The city doesn't run on a grid, it has more one way and deadend streets than 2 lane streets, some streets run right through parking lots and it has stop lights in places where there isn't even an intersection. It's got bridges twisting all around eachother and exits to nowhere and signs saying go Right, and as you're drving down the road you can see in your mirror the sign saying your destination is in the other direction. I almost hit at least 20 people who just cross the street without looking, one idiot pranced right infront of my car at a crosswalk just as the light turned green then his friends casually strolled by at a snails pace as I'm watching the green light turn yellow.
On the upside, the guy who sold me my new computer looked and sounded exactly like Robert De Niro, and the nicest sales guy I've ever met. He went to help a woman with her computer and he actually told her what she could do to fix the problem herself so he didn't have to charge her 60$ for doing something she could easily fix herself.
Written about Thursday 2008-03-20
Written: (5898 days ago)
Okay so this dream was long and played out like a real movie. I was apparently Bruce Wayne, and I was driving to some big presentation with my girlfriend Lois, when all of a sudden this Hummer came up behind us and started smashing into the car. I hit the medium and smashed through it, I managed to jump out but my car and Lois went into the water and sank.
There was some sort of ceremony where millions of peoples turned out in support of me and my mother (who looked like Angela Patrelli from Heros). People were saying how sorry they were for our loss, and talking about my father and how things would be if he were still alive. this asian mobster looking guy came and offered to give my mother the crown jewel of his collection and she was flattered and I was playing drunk and happy when I was actually sober and suspicious. I'm watching all this as if in a theater and I'm stumbling up this long set of outdoor stairs on a building to a helopad, the celebration still going on and as the Guards look away below us on the stairs I give them a suspicious glance. When they turn around I did some Jack Sparrow flourish with my hands and got in the plane. As we're taking off in the Helicopter they are showing us the new Bat Signal which is a Three Paneled Plasma Screen that covers 3 City Blocks and shows a giant golden bat signal which projects on the sky.
The scene fades and I'm sitting in the Bat Cave. The Bat Symbol is my screen saver on my own flat panel TV screens and they're moving from screen to screen. I'm in my bat suit except with no mask and I swear I can hear Lois's voice. I start talking to the darkness saying if she's there to come out because I really need to see her. Out from the darkness come Lois who now looks like Lidia from the Beetlejuice movie. I say I don't believe it is her and she tries to kiss me and I push her away and she's stalkling around the batcave telling me all this thing we had done together. I tell her to prove she isn't a ghost and she picks up some tow nail clippers and brings them to me and pushes me back into an old recliner and gets in my lap. I keep telling her this can't be real and she tells me her new master The Bone Collector brought her back to life and wanted a fight with me. She told me that if I lost, we could be together forever. I asked if she had all her memories before and she said she knew everything about me being Batman. I asked her if she was now working for my enemy, if she had given away my secret identity and my bat cave location and she started kissing me and saying she could never betray me. She continued kissing me but I pushed her back after a minute and told her it didn't feel right because her lips were cold and not as full as they used to be now that she was some sort of animated dead. She left me there and I looked up The Bone Collector on Wikipedia and the Bone Collector is a henchman of the asian man that my mother and I had taken a Helicopter ride with. Then I woke up.
I'm a huge HUGE softy for cute fuzzy animals
I melt into a puddle of mush over pictures of kittens and bunnies and other animals of similar nature. This one got me tonight. ~Melt~
I feel like I have the body of an old man and I think I know the contraption to blame.
I was doing it the opposite way of the guy in the picture. I was face up and doing crunches like that. The exercise above strengthens the back muscles. But anyways. I was doing it in my desperate attempt to get abs to go with my new pecs (Glee) But I think I overdid it. It's either that or the 6 hours of nonstop massage I did on Saturday finally catching up to me. Seriously my hands are numb for a little bit but it's my legs and back that feel the worse after a massage marathon day.
The Massage Therapist has nobody to do Massage on him. Blaaaaah. I have to wait for mid-April before the other ones start arriving. For now I guess I'll have to settle for Pedicures from the hot estheticians. Woe is me. ... But seriously my back is fucking murdering me with pain right now.
Written about Saturday 2008-03-15
Written: (5903 days ago)
It's a scary feeling not FEELING your own hands. I can see them moving, I can feel the movement in the muscles but I have no sensation in them at the moment. This always seem to happen right after a day where I do 6 hours of massage without a break... I call those my Marathon days. The worst part was the final lady of the day wanted the hardest pressure I could do any my hands were already 75% dead. Aaaaand now I have to go paint a room in the neighboring apartment.
I am petty sure Rayne is based off of me. Seriously.
http://www.lea
Mar 12/08 recurring Themes: NACKAWIC,GIRLS I KNOW,LONG WALKS,
My friend Travis, who just graduated from Film school in Vancouver was in my home town to do some interviewing for a documentary and I offered to help him with the interviews. We took a shortcut through my back yard to get to a different street but it was in the middle of a blizzard so the movement was hampered. Eventually we got to the street and ran across it trying to jump over the snow bank but got stuck. After finally freeing ourselves we continued down the plowed sidewalk to the house on the corner of my hard. Knocking on the door it was [crikketcandy] who answered.- She was in a bathrobe with a night cap on yawning like I had just woken her up though it was the middle fo the day. She asked if we could come back in the spring and then her dad came to the door and said they were hibernating for the winter.
Another dream I had was I had woken up at a friend fo my family's house about an hours worth of walking from my parents house. I started walking, avoiding cars that looked like they were going to pick me up to drive me like some sort of hitch hiker. Then a car does pull over and I realize it was a girl I had gone to school with who was much prettier in the dream than she is in real life. But she greeted me and said I looked like I was going to die of heat stroke so she took me back to her place, gave me some water then we talked about some stuff like school and who was where, then she gave me a cold wet towel to wrap around my head. Apparently the walk home was going to be a hot one and take longer than an hour. Then she offered me a Freezie and I took it but it had no flavor and I woke up.
**Both of these dreams dealt with cold because the temperature in my bedroom was down to 50F last night but I was snug under my 5 huge quilts so the only time I felt the cold was when I rolled over onto an exposed patch of sheet that had been out from under the blankets, or onto a part of exposed pillow. I was nice and toasty when I was safe under the blankets though
I found this hilarious stuff online.
Rated Adult
WORST
Cybering
EVER
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears1
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishment
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears1
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears1
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
--------------
Bloodninja:Wan
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:May
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hell
Bloodninja:Wel
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm.
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Goo
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooo
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
--------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
--------------
Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.
--------------
J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.
--------------
Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
--------------
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There'
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-o
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: <logged off>
Written about Sunday 2008-03-09
Written: (5909 days ago)
I'm trying to write a story, but one thing I have never been able to grasp is when to use : or ; or , so I tend to use , a lot but I know I'm not supposed to use ", and". I always find every sentence has some ,s in is but I feel I should occasionally be using ; .... Damn you english class... all I learned from you was that Malvolio was a pussy.