So I went to donate blood today and while I was doing the mandatory interview thing I asked why gay men can't give blood and I was told it's because of the high risk of AIDS. I then asked "Well doesn't AIDS transfer just as easily through vaginal contact too?" and the RN said "No, it only counts if it's through Anal and Penis contact".... Seriously WTF?!?

So I was playing around on Gaiaonline.com and stummbled into a spot in their interactive avatar place called Towns, and hid behind a tree as two little twerps attempted to have cyber sex.

sized34cup: so u there
Black Angel Jin: yah
sized34cup: good
sized34cup: pleez slowly take off my clothes
Black Angel Jin: i rub your nipples
sized34cup: come on ur balls look very lonleyl
Black Angel Jin: and you tits are are so hot
sized34cup: squeeze them some more after ur pants are off!
Black Angel Jin: my cocks hard right now
sized34cup: ur penus is cold lemme heat it up for u
Black Angel Jin: use your mouth
sized34cup: yum yum underwear should be banned
Black Angel Jin: yah it should
Black Angel Jin: yah it should
sized34cup: now put ur penus in my hole and ur tongue in my mouth and my breasts in ur hands
sized34cup: come on baby lets get wild
Black Angel Jin: i shove my c**k deep in your p***y as i french you and grab your tits

Then I guess it was past their bedtimes and they logged off.

A little back story before I begin detailing out my disturbing fever induced dream last night.

On a humid summers night back in 2003, this girl who I had talked to in the mall a few times (Not Natalie, for those who know the other disaster story), offered to have her mom give me a lift home. I told her she could just drop me off at her place and I'd walk the rest of the way and she followed me the rest of the way and much to my discomfort, asked me on a date, now, this was when I was still getting over a serious mental trauma over a previous girl who had followed me home, so I let her down as softly as I could, stating that I don't date. It's nothing to do with her but at that point, it just wasn't possible for me to open up to a relationship. Inside I was just thinking "Damnit she's cute and all but I'm not hooking up with a girl still in high school". She looked sad and left, though I ran into her in the mall a few other times and there were no hard feelings. One time at the store I worked at during that time, she was playing with an item and I tried to take it from her and she bit my hand, like... held on for dear life with her teeth clamped over my thumb knuckle all the while looking me in the eye like she wanted to do me. Kinda freaky.

Anyways, the dream I had last night was messed up. I went to bed with a headache, the occasional loneliness from my self imposed singularity creeping in like it does on occasion, though not as often nor as badly as it did 3 months ago. I guess I was just feeling sick and cuddly and went to bed thinking cuddly thoughts.

As a side note, I have a weird way of choosing my dreams. My dreams are chosen based on things I have thought fleetingly about during the course of the day, just micro thoughts that get pushed back until my dram besides to bring the topic up. It works well when I don't want to have nightmares. I just think about scary things as I go to sleep and I don't dream about scary things!

So thinking cuddly thoughts was a mistake.

The Dream: I had used my Fairmont employee status to get a great discount at a Delta Hotel in Fredericton, I had gone to town to visit the people I used to live with but in the dream I had either already done so or was going to do so the next day. I entered the hotel lobby, suited up in my usual red wine jacket and black shirt, and the lobby was the hallway of the mall right outside my old work place of 4 years ago. I ran into the girl I mentioned at the beginning and very casually, with more confidence and innuendo than I ever use in real life. The things I said and the way I said them are not my style, more like the style of some sleaze bag trying to pick up a girl at a bar than my casual joking tone with an awkwardness some people find cute. Anyways, Whatever I said worked and she followed me up to my room, the elevator was right between bootlegger and the EB (Not like that in the real mall at all), and we got to my room straight off the elevator and she pounced me, I caught her and she kissed me so hard I swear she was trying to bite my bottom lip off. Suddenly a very deep smouldering rage building inside of me, like my heart went cold and my vision went red, and threw her off of me across the room. She hit the wall and landed in a cat like crouch on the bed inviting me to join her, then I saw myself through her eyes and I was looming with an expression on my face that I scared myself with just looking at the dream me, and while I was seeing myself through TV vision, I could still feel inside me what was going on. I don't know if I wanted really rough sex or if I actually wanted to hurt this girl but I just know it was going to be very physical. I know for certain I didn't want to kill her, and I think I knew the dream version of this girl would probably like it brutally rough, but just thinking all this I managed to scream and fight my way out of my own head and woke up scared to death.

I'm not a violent person. I don't fight, the worst I have done physically to a person is a tackle onto a couch where I start giving the guy a noogie or a tickle torture. I didn't recognize the Me in this dream but I know I hate him and I know I am nothing like that. I don't cooly tell some girl she's going to come home with me, oozing with the confidence I can get anything I want and have no regrets. I'm calculating. I plot things out and am still nervous when I go through with the rehearsed plan and tend to make a fol of myself and often don't even go through with the plan because I know I'll have regrets.

And the things the dream me wanted to do were just to much for me. I mean, sure spankings can be fun to give and some roughness are fun in bed but would never want to make a girl cry from pain in that manner or any manner I can think of.  I don't know if I was seeing some dark repressed side of me, or my mind was showing me why it's a good thing I am who I am because I could be that guy in an alternate reality where everything is backwards. 

For the break down of how the dream came to be, I think it went like this:
Fredericton: I had mentioned to someone that I hadn't been back to visit my friends there since January and with gas prices I'm likely not going to be able to travel further than Calaise, Maine which is only 20 minutes away.

Delta Hotel: I do indeed get a discount on Delta Hotels, as I saw on a poster in the staff hallway in the hotel I work at.

The Girl: I was thinking earlier that day about random people who might be on Facebook, and She must have momentarily popped into my mind when I was thinking about the people I knew from the mall.

The Roughness I don't know but maybe it was my mind saying "Well, you thought of comforting snuggles... So now it's time for a nightmare!"


Bah. My brain is stupid

On a funny note, my brain did make it up to me. The second dream I had was me, in my home town sitting at an Irving. In this dream there were a lot more green trees than in reality. I was sitting with some girls who I don't know in person, but would periodically show up in my dreams with 3 guys (Who we were waiting for at the Irving), just chit chatting and enjoying the summer and I felt quite at peace with the world. Then I suggested we get some ice cream and one of them hugged me tight, which is really what I crave more than sex at the moment. So I had a dream that completely opposed the first dream.

http://telegraphjournal.canadaeast.com/rss/article/271343 Review on my work place. 2 more weeks and there will actually be a 2nd massage therapist working. I've been so lonely.

Random Ramblings:

So last night/early this morning, I had a dream I was Michael Jordan, in my home town of Nackawic, trying to get all my Toon Town friends together to make a sequel to Space Jam. .... I ... I really don't know why.

I went to the gym last night. I couldn't do much because of my sunburn, and I had to skip the hot tub ~Tear~, so I've decided to let it settle and hope I don't fall out of step from my routine when I'm recovered and back to the weights.

For the past 3 months I've been neglecting getting into any hobbies because of that National Certification exam. I say I didn't study at all for it, but I actually did between October and January, but after that I lost all motivation to even try for it so stopped studying, but I kept also denying myself any hobbies because I felt guilty for not spending the free time I could be using for a hobby on studying for the exam. But now I can get back into drawing. Luckily I don't name myself as an artist, more a Doodler, so if what I draw sucks, no biggie. I'm more useful as a Massage Therapist than an Artist anyways.


Took a test online to see what I'm like according to the internets.
trait snapshot:
rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

So yesterday I drove 2 hours to Bangor, spent an hour in the city lost as usually happens when I drive someplace new, and finally figured out where to go for the exam I took today. Luckily there was a Comfort Inn just down the road and a target so I killed time there and stayed at the Inn. I really had no motivation to take the exam but I had paid 225$ that couldn't be refunded so I figured if I was going dwn would at least show up for the battle.

So with 0 hours of studying under my belt, I went in, joked around with the office ladies for half an hour to calm my nerves, was given 160 questions and 3 hours to complete them all. 80 minutes later, I was done and Passed because HOLY CRAP that exam was easy.



So now every one of those Brown states is open for me if I ever want to apply to work in the States. With 2200 hours of training and the experience from working at a well known hotel chain, just about any place would be hard pressed to find better qualification from people graduating from the US schools. I'm not saying I'm better. Honestly. It's just the minimum for the US is 500 hours of training to be certified so I've got over 4 times the schooling in things not even covered on the exam.

... Pretty good for a slacker who never studies hm?

So I don't have to type this a third time, I'll keep it short.

My mind is telling me I'm lonely. I'm denying it what it wants because everyone here is a stranger, every stranger I've met hasn't been relationship material. I'm picky. I admit it. But this isn't a Wah Wah Wah I'm Lonely! diary entry. This is simply the lead in to the dreams I've been having lately.

The one I remember the best was last night. I'm thinking it was a zombie invasion dream but this girl comes out of nowheres and leads me out of a zombie infested territory. She's not the usual girl who appears in my dreams. She's maybe... 5'2, younger looking than I'm used to, hair done in one of those short ponytail styled to look messy and hair is brown the way I like but with blond streaks as highlights. cute, but not anyone I know in reality or over the net. Just another figment of my imagination. As much as I like these dreams, it's a horrible feeling to wake up from "I've met someone great... and she doesn't even exist". That kind of thing screws up my day. Things were going fine, there was some cheesy (VERY CHEESY) flirting which even I don't know where I came up with it. Anyways, the setting of the safe place from the zombies was this lodge way high up where apparently the enemy couldn't get to us and it had a basement. There were plenty of other people in the refuge. She suggested we go downstairs to do some laundry, and we get downstairs and it's like a big locker room full of shower stalls, though there is actually a washing machine in the corner. So next thing I know she's naked dancing around in the water and I'm in my swim trunks and thinking Okay this will be good but then REALITY strikes, the apartment next to mine has a faulty washing machine which starts freaking out making a lot of noise, which in my dream sounds like an alarm and I'm getting frightened people are going to come downstairs and find us. She's trying to seduce me into the shower but then I wake up... And spend the next 3 hours waking up and going back to sleep trying to find that dream again but as usual the one thing I am trying to dream about is the exact thing I cannot.  

Remember back when the internet was clean and new and there were so few options of web pages? Remember how all websites were either Angelfire or Geocities? Notice how nobody uses those anymore because they suck complete donkey balls? Well there is another old website that is still used that also sucks donkey balls as badly as those two web page builder pieces of crap. And that, my friends, is Photo Bucket. I lovingly refer to it as Shit Bucket because that is what it really is. How often do you go looking for a web page and find that "Image Or Video Has Been Moved Or Deleted! - Photobucket" as the only result? And it's everywhere. And even worse than the stupid Shit Bucket company are the people who use it and have profiles full of pictures that at some point in time were hosted on the website, and are now "Moved or Deleted". And they NEVER take those down. EVER. It's like they collect old broken links. And being a stupid crap company, they feel the NEED to advertise their shit company on their error messages. "Would you like an image that is always moved or deleted on your website? Come to us!" What the hell are they thinking?

I'm boycotting Photo Bucket. 

People come in many colors. But we only cum in one color... or should. If you cum in many colors, see a doctor immediately.

Weird dream:

So I guess I was back to being 16, and my parents and I moved to a city on an island into a condo. I know my room was huge but we were still unpacking so I was sleeping on a couch and when I went to sleep one night, I closed my eyes and saw a "Downloading Sleep" screen where my body, drawn in flash, slowly darkened until I was asleep. I slept in my dream. That's weird enough. But then I woke up and saw my neighbor was a pretty girl, who loved in the condo on the other side of the walk way and there was this muddy river, only about 30 feet wide, and she would go swimming in it and I would be to nervous to go introduce myself. I met some guy who loved next dor. He was dorky, kind of like Milhouse, but he just kinda hung around and didn't so much. Anyways one day I did introduce myself during this time when the river was almost empty and I saw the girl dumping buckets of brown paint into the water because the water was always a soupy brown in the dreams, like it was muddy. I invited her to follow me and the dorky kid to the city and all of a sudden this victory march started being played by a marching band leading this famous hockey player through the town. He stopped to talk to us and we all decided to go get some food at the mall food court so for some reason, mockingly I started trying to imitate the victory march through pursed lips as we went. 

Weird weird weird. But the girl was cute. But she wasn't anyone I recognize from real life or from dreams I've had in the past.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2OC5Z1Fii8&NR=1 Pit Bulls are all dangerous murderous beasts and should not be allowed to continue as a species.

Watch the video and understand where I'm coming from.

If you send me angry messages, you obviously didn't watch the video.

Had another ghost encounter on Friday.

Some kids had tried to sneak past the gym window to get to the Racketball court. They were on their cell phones in street cloths inviting more friends to come down and a girl no older than 14 and obviously stoned was coming up the stairs from the court where I met her and said her and her friends had to leave now. I went to the laundry room to get more towels and when I went back they were all gone. I thought I heard voices coming from out in the loading bay and opened the door to look around but saw nobody. When I closed the door and went around the corner, the door to the laundry room, which I had closed, and required a 3 digit code to open again, was starting to swing closed. I went through and nobody was there, and nobody had walked past me to come through the door and being a heavy and locked door no air current could have blown it open. The halls were completely empty at that time of the night.

My newest favorite insult EVER:

Your head looks like a penis that came out of the ass of a gay warthog!

I HAVE FOUND JESUS!

I got home from work on Friday, and saw my computer has shut down MSN and wanted me to send an error report. Sending the report caused my computer to freeze and when I shut it down, it wouldn't restart.

It would start loading windows, then flash the blue screen for a second, and then repeat the process infinitly. And being Easter Weekend I couldn't do anything until today. I managed to make it from the start of FF10 to Zanarkand in 4 nights of playing to keep from going into computer withdrawl. But now I have to reinstall everything, my 80 gig hard drive demands a reformat when it's got 56 gigs of my stuff already on it.

Not to mention I had to drive an hour to a city that is more confusing than any plac I've ever been. The city doesn't run on a grid, it has more one way and deadend streets than 2 lane streets, some streets run right through parking lots and it has stop lights in places where there isn't even an intersection. It's got bridges twisting all around eachother and exits to nowhere and signs saying go Right, and as you're drving down the road you can see in your mirror the sign saying your destination is in the other direction. I almost hit at least 20 people who just cross the street without looking, one idiot pranced right infront of my car at a crosswalk just as the light turned green then his friends casually strolled by at a snails pace as I'm watching the green light turn yellow.

On the upside, the guy who sold me my new computer looked and sounded exactly like Robert De Niro, and the nicest sales guy I've ever met. He went to help a woman with her computer and he actually told her what she could do to fix the problem herself so he didn't have to charge her 60$ for doing something she could easily fix herself.

Okay so this dream was long and played out like a real movie. I was apparently Bruce Wayne, and I was driving to some big presentation with my girlfriend Lois, when all of a sudden this Hummer came up behind us and started smashing into the car. I hit the medium and smashed through it, I managed to jump out but my car and Lois went into the water and sank.

There was some sort of ceremony where millions of peoples turned out in support of me and my mother (who looked like Angela Patrelli from Heros). People were saying how sorry they were for our loss, and talking about my father and how things would be if he were still alive. this asian mobster looking guy came and offered to give my mother the crown jewel of his collection and she was flattered and I was playing drunk and happy when I was actually sober and suspicious. I'm watching all this as if in a theater and I'm stumbling up this long set of outdoor stairs on a building to a helopad, the celebration still going on and as the Guards look away below us on the stairs I give them a suspicious glance. When they turn around I did some Jack Sparrow flourish with my hands and got in the plane. As we're taking off in the Helicopter they are showing us the new Bat Signal which is a Three Paneled Plasma Screen that covers 3 City Blocks and shows a giant golden bat signal which projects on the sky.

The scene fades and I'm sitting in the Bat Cave. The Bat Symbol is my screen saver on my own flat panel TV screens and they're moving from screen to screen. I'm in my bat suit except with no mask and I swear I can hear Lois's voice. I start talking to the darkness saying if she's there to come out because I really need to see her. Out from the darkness come Lois who now looks like Lidia from the Beetlejuice movie. I say I don't believe it is her and she tries to kiss me and I push her away and she's stalkling around the batcave telling me all this thing we had done together. I tell her to prove she isn't a ghost and she picks up some tow nail clippers and brings them to me and pushes me back into an old recliner and gets in my lap. I keep telling her this can't be real and she tells me her new master The Bone Collector brought her back to life and wanted a fight with me. She told me that if I lost, we could be together forever. I asked if she had all her memories before and she said she knew everything about me being Batman. I asked her if she was now working for my enemy, if she had given away my secret identity and my bat cave location and she started kissing me and saying she could never betray me. She continued kissing me but I pushed her back after a minute and told her it didn't feel right because her lips were cold and not as full as they used to be now that she was some sort of animated dead. She left me there and I looked up The Bone Collector on Wikipedia and the Bone Collector is a henchman of the asian man that my mother and I had taken a Helicopter ride with. Then I woke up.

I'm a huge HUGE softy for cute fuzzy animals
I melt into a puddle of mush over pictures of kittens and bunnies and other animals of similar nature. This one got me tonight. ~Melt~

I feel like I have the body of an old man and I think I know the contraption to blame.



I was doing it the opposite way of the guy in the picture. I was face up and doing crunches like that. The exercise above strengthens the back muscles. But anyways. I was doing it in my desperate attempt to get abs to go with my new pecs (Glee) But I think I overdid it. It's either that or the 6 hours of nonstop massage I did on Saturday finally catching up to me. Seriously my hands are numb for a little bit but it's my legs and back that feel the worse after a massage marathon day.

The Massage Therapist has nobody to do Massage on him. Blaaaaah. I have to wait for mid-April before the other ones start arriving. For now I guess I'll have to settle for Pedicures from the hot estheticians. Woe is me. ... But seriously my back is fucking murdering me with pain right now.

It's a scary feeling not FEELING your own hands. I can see them moving, I can feel the movement in the muscles but I have no sensation in them at the moment. This always seem to happen right after a day where I do 6 hours of massage without a break... I call those my Marathon days. The worst part was the final lady of the day wanted the hardest pressure I could do any my hands were already 75% dead. Aaaaand now I have to go paint a room in the neighboring apartment.