As much as I have enjoyed porn videos in the past I fear I must give them up until the industry improves and actually hires people with good bodies and something more interesting to say during the porn then the example script I am about to write out.
Scene 1: The Never Ending Blowjob
Guy: [Hissing intake of breath through clenched teeth] Yeaaaah
Guy: [Hissing intake of breath through clenched teeth] Mmmmm
Guy: [Hissing intake of breath through clenched teeth] Fuuuuck yeahhhh
Girl: [Loud exhale as if the mans tiny penis was actually obstructing her air flow] Mm Yeah?
**Repeat above lines for next 15 minutes**
Scene 2: Eating Out
Girl: Mmmmmmmmm! Yeaaaaaaah [[Hissing intake of breath through clenched teeth]
**Repeat for the entire 30 seconds**
scene 3: Girl Rides Guy
Girl: Mmm Yeah Fuck Me
Guy: Yeaaaah
Girl: Mmmm!
Guy Mmmm!
Random Spank
**Repeat above for next 5 minutes**
Scene 4: Guy on top
No noise here since the guy is an ass wipe who just bounces in the same spot ontop for the next 5 minutes and the girl is either burried under him and can't say anything or she's gotten tired of pretending.
Scene 5: Doggy Style
By now the porn has pretty much lost it's fascination. It's just going to be bad camera angles for the last 5 minutes and a whole bunch of sharp hissing inhales of breath through clenched teeth and the occasional Mmm until the last minutes when the girl starts squeeling like a pig to give the illusion that she's going to have an orgasm.
Scene 6: The facial
Recorded 5 days later in which the guy has gone blue balled so he can produce enough sperm to be more than a light watery liquid that kind of dribbles out of his narrow urethra.
That is All.
Q: Type in "<your name> needs" in the Google search:
A: Joseph Needs a Loving Family
Aawwww
Q: Type in "<your name> looks like" in Google search:
A: Joseph looks like a cross between Paul Bunyon and a guy who just missed joining the Village People
... Okay I get the tall remark but ... Village People? Seriously?
Q: Type in "<your name> says" in Google search:
A: Joseph says when people first see his rather large truffles, ...
What about my truffles?
Q: Type in "<your name> wants" in Google search:
A: Joseph wants a raise
I DO!!
Q: Type in "<your name> does" in Google search:
A: Joseph does more than simply return to consciousness
Well I would hope so...
Q: Type in "<your name> hates" in Google search:
A: Joseph hates Myspace photos on MySpace
Do I ever.
Q: Type in "<your name> asks" in Google search:
A: Joseph asks Himmler why did they chose the Jews to destroy
... This is what I get for having a biblical name.
Q: Type in "<your name> goes" in Google search:
A: Joseph Goes to Egypt
Sounds like some goofy comedy.
Q: Type in "<your name> likes" in Google search:
A: Joseph likes getting his photo taken, and this hoodie is awesome.
I do. And it is!
Q: Type in "<your name> eats" in Google search:
A: Joseph eats the fruit, which is "delicious beyond description."
Ooo I want.
Q: Type in "<your name> wears" in Google search:
A: Joseph wears a golden crown with twelve precious stones
I like where this is going.
Q: Type in "<your name> was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Joseph was arrested for unruly conduct
Well I wasn't going to use the child molestation one!
A few month back, I forgot my cameras dedicated battery charger in a hotel, and thus it has been gone forever. Today I went into the store where I bought the camera and asked if they carried spare chargers and the girl I asked said she had he exact same thing happen to her and was forced to buy a whole new camera just for the charger. Then she thought for a moment and said she had bought her mom a camera to replace a lost one and had a spare charger so the cashier went on break, drove home and came back and gave me the charger and didn't want anything in return. Just another Friendly Canadian, Eh?
My kitty's inner ears have been turning pink like there is a rash or something and there is a dark crust like scabs deeper down. Is this a sign of Ear Mites or something else?
Fighting games piss me off. Royally piss me off. Soul Caliber, Mortal Kombat (The newer ones) and any other one that has preset combos.
"Hi, I'm a MASTER martial artist, one of the best in the realms! But if I'm in the middle of a combo and the opponent steps out of he way, I can't do JACK SHIT until I'm done with the combo. I'll poke at the air with my fucking bow staff 9 fucking times while the enemy moves in behind me for a back attack for extra damage but I'm STILL one of the fucking best!"
Seriously. You think the geniuses that make these games would install an End Combo function.
What I did today
(That line should help you decide if you care to read further)
-Slept in until 11
- The usual pre-day starting cleansing rituals
- Checked teh internetz
- Made an awesome omlette: 2 Full Eggs, 2 Egg Whites, cottage cheese, salsa, nacho cheese and diced green pepper. The cottage cheese makes it MEGA Fluffy. Plus turkey bacon and Honey+Oats bread. Belly Happy.
- Watched that movie called FF12, then realized after an hour that it's a playable game!
- Chillaxed for 2 hours on a secluded beach.
- Oatmeal and multigrain toast with PB for my Pre-Gym load up.
- Gym hour and a half
- Sweet Hot Tub Bliss for 20 minutes.
I hope the rest of the summer days off go this well.
http://www.nor
I believe I just had an joygasm... I can actually afford these now!
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http://www.you
Why did they choose a guy who looks like a 40 year old heroine addict to play Link?
The Forbdden Kingdom (Breaking down the movie bit by bit0
So seeing he previews for it, I thought it was about Jackie Chan and Jet Li who have been bitter rivals from warring kingdoms for their whole lives who have to team up to stop an invasion of their lands. From the short TV commercials and posters, I was not wrong, but then I download the movie and find out the previews are NOTHING like the movie.
Dearest One,
Please permit me to inform you of my desire of going into a relationship with you. This to the best of my knowledge will establish an everlasting relationship between me and your family.
I am Lovett Kone the only daughter of the late Mr. Kone John, a devoted Christian who went on helping people but later was disappointed by his close relatives and business friends.
My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant here in Abidjan ; the economic capital city of Ivory Coast . My father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip. My mother as well died when I was a baby. Since then, my father took me so special before his unfortunate death that made me a complete orphan today without mother, without father and without brothers or sisters. Before the death of my father on March 2005 in a private hospital here in Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of ($8,500,000) which he deposited in a suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire that he used my name as his only daughter in depositing the money as the next of Kin/heir. He also explained to me that it was because of this money that he was poisoned by his business associates. He then advised that I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer the fund into for investment project. I am honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways...
(1) To serve as My guardian and foreign trustee to enable the Bank transfer the money to you on my behalf for investment abroad, since I am only 18 years old, to be 19 soon.
(2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country.
Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within the shortest period so that I will come over to your country. Upon your interest and anticipating assisting me, I look forward to you with the interest of helping me. I am assuring you of a hundred percent risk free in the course of transferring this fund for I have every legal document concerning the deposition of the money.
Thanks and God bless.
Sincerely,
Miss Lovett Kone.
I have been curious lately about why cholesterol is actually important for people, since having too much is really bad for you. Cholesterol and Lecithin are fat-like substances and are essential to the structure and function of all cells in the body. Cholesterol helps to maintain the flexibility and permeability of cell membranes and is also a raw material for the fatty lubricants that help to keep the skin supple. Cholesterol is essential for the production of sex hormones, cortisol, vitamin D and bile salts.
We learn something new every day.
Oh Great. Possible Drama Around The Corner.
So today I went for a stroll to the local beach for the first time during daylight. It's not open until next month so it's mostly mud and drift wood, I ended up sinking to my ankles in the guck, but found a nice fresh water stream to rinse my feet in. The water was nice enough to wade through there.
I went back to the hotel after to dry my feet while watching TV in the Staff Cafeteria and Julie, a girl from Banquets I've met a couple times came in and gave me her phone number and asked if I could call her to hang out tomorrow. I don't want to presume anything, so I said okay I would give her a call but now my overactive imagination is reading too deeply into this. I wouldn't be so paranoid if it wasn't for 2 weeks ago, she randomly hugged me, which is nice, but then soon after mentioned she would like to come hang out with me at my place sometime. Gah... I am not looking for a girlfriends and I have tonight to figure out what to do if any questions regarding such things comes up. I think if it comes to it, I'll just say "Trust me, you'd be bored to death within a week" and be done with it. I believe in getting to know a person very very well before trying to get into a relationship, not "Hm... This person interests me. I'll get into a relationship with him/her and see how that goes, despite not knowing his/her interests, beliefs, likes, dislikes, opinions... etc". It all just makes no sense to me. I know she's not one of the Summer Skanks that come to the hotel since she was here all winter, but we've only really talked maybe... 8 times in just as many months.
She's on facebook and has that Horoscope application on there. "Cancer: You'll be tempted to say something you really shouldn't. Resist! You'll regret it if you say too much.."
So I went to donate blood today and while I was doing the mandatory interview thing I asked why gay men can't give blood and I was told it's because of the high risk of AIDS. I then asked "Well doesn't AIDS transfer just as easily through vaginal contact too?" and the RN said "No, it only counts if it's through Anal and Penis contact".... Seriously WTF?!?
So I was playing around on Gaiaonline.com and stummbled into a spot in their interactive avatar place called Towns, and hid behind a tree as two little twerps attempted to have cyber sex.
sized34cup: so u there
Black Angel Jin: yah
sized34cup: good
sized34cup: pleez slowly take off my clothes
Black Angel Jin: i rub your nipples
sized34cup: come on ur balls look very lonleyl
Black Angel Jin: and you tits are are so hot
sized34cup: squeeze them some more after ur pants are off!
Black Angel Jin: my cocks hard right now
sized34cup: ur penus is cold lemme heat it up for u
Black Angel Jin: use your mouth
sized34cup: yum yum underwear should be banned
Black Angel Jin: yah it should
Black Angel Jin: yah it should
sized34cup: now put ur penus in my hole and ur tongue in my mouth and my breasts in ur hands
sized34cup: come on baby lets get wild
Black Angel Jin: i shove my c**k deep in your p***y as i french you and grab your tits
Then I guess it was past their bedtimes and they logged off.
A little back story before I begin detailing out my disturbing fever induced dream last night.
On a humid summers night back in 2003, this girl who I had talked to in the mall a few times (Not Natalie, for those who know the other disaster story), offered to have her mom give me a lift home. I told her she could just drop me off at her place and I'd walk the rest of the way and she followed me the rest of the way and much to my discomfort, asked me on a date, now, this was when I was still getting over a serious mental trauma over a previous girl who had followed me home, so I let her down as softly as I could, stating that I don't date. It's nothing to do with her but at that point, it just wasn't possible for me to open up to a relationship. Inside I was just thinking "Damnit she's cute and all but I'm not hooking up with a girl still in high school". She looked sad and left, though I ran into her in the mall a few other times and there were no hard feelings. One time at the store I worked at during that time, she was playing with an item and I tried to take it from her and she bit my hand, like... held on for dear life with her teeth clamped over my thumb knuckle all the while looking me in the eye like she wanted to do me. Kinda freaky.
Anyways, the dream I had last night was messed up. I went to bed with a headache, the occasional loneliness from my self imposed singularity creeping in like it does on occasion, though not as often nor as badly as it did 3 months ago. I guess I was just feeling sick and cuddly and went to bed thinking cuddly thoughts.
As a side note, I have a weird way of choosing my dreams. My dreams are chosen based on things I have thought fleetingly about during the course of the day, just micro thoughts that get pushed back until my dram besides to bring the topic up. It works well when I don't want to have nightmares. I just think about scary things as I go to sleep and I don't dream about scary things!
So thinking cuddly thoughts was a mistake.
The Dream: I had used my Fairmont employee status to get a great discount at a Delta Hotel in Fredericton, I had gone to town to visit the people I used to live with but in the dream I had either already done so or was going to do so the next day. I entered the hotel lobby, suited up in my usual red wine jacket and black shirt, and the lobby was the hallway of the mall right outside my old work place of 4 years ago. I ran into the girl I mentioned at the beginning and very casually, with more confidence and innuendo than I ever use in real life. The things I said and the way I said them are not my style, more like the style of some sleaze bag trying to pick up a girl at a bar than my casual joking tone with an awkwardness some people find cute. Anyways, Whatever I said worked and she followed me up to my room, the elevator was right between bootlegger and the EB (Not like that in the real mall at all), and we got to my room straight off the elevator and she pounced me, I caught her and she kissed me so hard I swear she was trying to bite my bottom lip off. Suddenly a very deep smouldering rage building inside of me, like my heart went cold and my vision went red, and threw her off of me across the room. She hit the wall and landed in a cat like crouch on the bed inviting me to join her, then I saw myself through her eyes and I was looming with an expression on my face that I scared myself with just looking at the dream me, and while I was seeing myself through TV vision, I could still feel inside me what was going on. I don't know if I wanted really rough sex or if I actually wanted to hurt this girl but I just know it was going to be very physical. I know for certain I didn't want to kill her, and I think I knew the dream version of this girl would probably like it brutally rough, but just thinking all this I managed to scream and fight my way out of my own head and woke up scared to death.
I'm not a violent person. I don't fight, the worst I have done physically to a person is a tackle onto a couch where I start giving the guy a noogie or a tickle torture. I didn't recognize the Me in this dream but I know I hate him and I know I am nothing like that. I don't cooly tell some girl she's going to come home with me, oozing with the confidence I can get anything I want and have no regrets. I'm calculating. I plot things out and am still nervous when I go through with the rehearsed plan and tend to make a fol of myself and often don't even go through with the plan because I know I'll have regrets.
And the things the dream me wanted to do were just to much for me. I mean, sure spankings can be fun to give and some roughness are fun in bed but would never want to make a girl cry from pain in that manner or any manner I can think of. I don't know if I was seeing some dark repressed side of me, or my mind was showing me why it's a good thing I am who I am because I could be that guy in an alternate reality where everything is backwards.
For the break down of how the dream came to be, I think it went like this:
Fredericton: I had mentioned to someone that I hadn't been back to visit my friends there since January and with gas prices I'm likely not going to be able to travel further than Calaise, Maine which is only 20 minutes away.
Delta Hotel: I do indeed get a discount on Delta Hotels, as I saw on a poster in the staff hallway in the hotel I work at.
The Girl: I was thinking earlier that day about random people who might be on Facebook, and She must have momentarily popped into my mind when I was thinking about the people I knew from the mall.
The Roughness I don't know but maybe it was my mind saying "Well, you thought of comforting snuggles... So now it's time for a nightmare!"
Bah. My brain is stupid
On a funny note, my brain did make it up to me. The second dream I had was me, in my home town sitting at an Irving. In this dream there were a lot more green trees than in reality. I was sitting with some girls who I don't know in person, but would periodically show up in my dreams with 3 guys (Who we were waiting for at the Irving), just chit chatting and enjoying the summer and I felt quite at peace with the world. Then I suggested we get some ice cream and one of them hugged me tight, which is really what I crave more than sex at the moment. So I had a dream that completely opposed the first dream.
http://telegra
Random Ramblings:
So last night/early this morning, I had a dream I was Michael Jordan, in my home town of Nackawic, trying to get all my Toon Town friends together to make a sequel to Space Jam. .... I ... I really don't know why.
I went to the gym last night. I couldn't do much because of my sunburn, and I had to skip the hot tub ~Tear~, so I've decided to let it settle and hope I don't fall out of step from my routine when I'm recovered and back to the weights.
For the past 3 months I've been neglecting getting into any hobbies because of that National Certification exam. I say I didn't study at all for it, but I actually did between October and January, but after that I lost all motivation to even try for it so stopped studying, but I kept also denying myself any hobbies because I felt guilty for not spending the free time I could be using for a hobby on studying for the exam. But now I can get back into drawing. Luckily I don't name myself as an artist, more a Doodler, so if what I draw sucks, no biggie. I'm more useful as a Massage Therapist than an Artist anyways.
Took a test online to see what I'm like according to the internets.
trait snapshot:
rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful