Well, I didn't mention a lot of the problems I had been having with Zac. Well, I have absolutely no problem with Weed. In fact, I smoke it a lot. Big freakin' deal. BUT! Whenever Zac did it *cough* all the time *cough* he would criticize me. I never paid much attention to it until he told me that I looked insecure with make-up on. I got mad and ignored him for a while. And, he was much too lazy to go down the the DMV and get his fucking license, so I had to literally drive him anywhere he wanted to go. He was kinda a control freak too. So, I broke up with him last week. On like, Saturday, two days after the dance.
So, Monday, I get a call from Matt. He wants me to come hang out at his place. Of course I go "Okay, see you soon." So I get there and Caitlin and Dobson (her bf) are just chillin'. I smile and sit on the couch beside Matt. We watch The Mask and just talk for a while. Real simple but really fun. Then Caitie and Dobson leave, leaving Matt and I alone in his house. Well, unexpectedly, we start making out. OMG AMAZING! Best kisser ever lol. Anyway, a little while later I pull away and look at him, smiling, and he says "I'd like for us to be more than just friends..." I nodded and now we're together happily. So now it's been three days and I've been a lot naughtier than EVER lol.
Yay for me!

-Iz

So, I'm completely exhausted cuz I just got back from a major dance (like, a rave-type dance). I decided, while there, that I am going to quit my job once I find a new one (I am currently searching).
MEANWHILE!
While at the dance, a slow song came on for those couples and stuff. Well, my bf didn't come to the dance, so, w/e I went and sat down on a chair to chill for a minute. (I had gotten punched a few times tonight lol long story). Then, out of the blue, my friend Caitlin grabs my arm and drags me onto the dance floor, slinging me into the arms of a beautiful guy named Matt. I've known Matt for 4 years, and I've liked him this whole time. Well, we're dancing (Slow) and talking, then Caitie comes over and pushes us closer together. Apparently, as known later, she didn't know I am currently with someone. Anyway, I really like Matt, and apparently he REALLY likes me too. He doesn't know I have a b/f, so we danced a LOT. Slow and fast, to a lot of techno with strobelights too lol. But yeah, I really really like this guy. Sadly enough, I like him more than Zac. I've known Matt a lot longer, too. I just dono what to do. I'd much rather be with Matt. Call me awful, but I really like Matt.......
I think I'm going to give Zac a call and tell him that we're going to break for summer, and see what happens......
EEK!
-Izzzooooo

I absolutely hate the working class.
Yesterday, I was horribly sick with some sort of cold/one-day-flu. I've been off and on sick since Sunday, when I had to take off work. My manager called me yesterday while I was barely awake and delirious and tells me that things aren't working out and that she's going to have to take me off the schedule. I just say okay because I can't understand half of what she says since my brain isn't working correctly. I hang up and go back to sleep. Later my boss/the owner calls and tells me the same thing. I understand most of it and she tells me that I can work in the Cafe itself (I was working in the side shop of the cafe). I shrug, then realize she can't see me, and say okay, that works, it's just that I have to have a free day on weekends (mostly for social purposes of course!) and she doesn't seem to understand that and tries to get me to work ALL weekend (Friday-Sunday). I tell her no, I won't work those days, and she keeps bugging me to work on weekends. I truly don't understand that lady.
So, now I have to call her and find out what the crap is going on. I have bills to pay and need a freaking job!!!

I'm not so sure how I feel today. All I did the entire night until I went to bed was yell at Zac and have him yell back. But I got our prom pictures today, the professional ones, and now I realized what I actually do like about him. He makes me happy a lot, but sometimes just does something really stupid to make me angry. Why are boys so dumb in that way?

I'm not so sure how I feel today. All I did the entire night until I went to bed was yell at Zac and have him yell back. But I got our prom pictures today, the professional ones, and now I realized what I actually do like about him. He makes me happy a lot, but sometimes just does something really stupid to make me angry. Why are boys so dumb in that way?

Well, my dad isn't as bad as usual, but my sister doesn't understand the fact that I'm not her chauffer. Sisters are officially stupid.
As are the boys around me. EXPECIALLY my boyfriend. One of these days he's gunna get what he deserves. Has he ever heard of RESPECT? Apparently not, considering he never shows me any. He talks over me more than half the time, does drugs around me when he KNOWS it bothers me, etc.
Oh, the drugs thing? Let me explain.
Yesterday, I went to his house because he wanted to see me, even though I was extremely tired and sunburned and just wanted to go home and to bed. When I get there, he's sitting there smoking a joint. I rolled my eyes and walked outside. He followed me and asked me what was wrong. I said:
"I told you the other day I don't like drugs, and you're sitting here, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, smoking! I don't like it at all."
He says: "Oh, okay."
So, like, ten minutes later, our friend Jerome swings by and asks if we want to go to his house to smoke a bowl. Immediately Zac says "Yeah sure, we'll be right over!"
I gawk at Zac, my jaw literally hanging open and he smiles at me like I've been smoking pot all day. WTF?!
So I glare at Zac and go and sit on a log outside again. Zac starts over to Jerome's house, then see that I'm nto following and walks over to me instead.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh. Absolutely nothing. Go do your drugs."
He SMILES and goes without me, leaving me sitting outside by myself for almost half an hour. I was pissed and almost started crying. I couldn't believe how stupid he could be. He comes back, eyes really red and a big, stupid grin plastered on his face. I keep my lips pursed and ignore him when he sits next to me. We go for a drive to his new house, then can't get in, so we go back to his house, where he smokes some more (to my frustration and chiking breathing). Then he decides to buy me dinner. I agree and get a burger with bacon. He tries to be all goody-goody for the meal, but I'm just cranky, and I tell him that. I tell him why I'm mad.
Then, to make it better, When we get back to his apartment, he decides to get the balls to say "Next time you should give me more than an hour's warning before you come over."
Me: "Why?"
Zac: "So I won't be smoking all day before you get there."
Me, angrily: "Well, maybe you shouldn't be smoking away brain cells all day." I was so mad at him, and I still am.
Zac, laughing: "Okay, I'll try."
I tell him good-bye and drive away. I've been angry since. Boys are so stupid.....

-Izzo

Okay, being without meds suck, I won't lie.
But it always made me really moody, which wasn't exactly bad, because it showed me a lot about how I really feel about things. It's been what, two weeks now? I've realized that I simply cannot WAIT until I am released from this hell called home. It's awful here. I realized how much I hate my sister and my dad. They both just sit and cause me constant stress.... I can't take it all that much longer. Just one more year and I'm gone. Thank god.

I haven't taken ANY of my ADHD medication in a week. I've never felt this CRAZY my entire life! I'm spazzy, hyper, and feeling ALIVE! I love it. I am the spotlight of lunch fun, the highlight of my own entertainment, and I'm NEVER bored! It's amazing! How did I ever come to feel so FAKEFAKEFAKE?!?! I will never return to that lame feeling of sitting still, attempting to understand the teacher. I've made more friends this last week than in my whole life, and I love the attention, I'm not gunna lie.It's amazing how often your attention span can change. I've never understood ADD until now. I never wanna forget this absolutely PERFECT feeling! HA! Well, off to somethign else! TOODLE-OOOOO!

Okay, so I lied a wee bit. I didn't quit saturday.... instead I quit wednesday lol. A few days later but oh well. I wonder how my boss took the news.... *ponders* I gave his a resignation letter, and stuck it in his box at work, and he didn't get back until today, so I'll have to pop over to the store to see if he said anything to anyone. or anything..... Or if he just took me straight off the schedule or what. I gave him two weeks notice, but I don't know if he'll actually give me those two weeks or if he'll just boot me immediately lol. Whatever works I suppose.

Okay, so I'm gunna blabber on about my latest crisis. Yesterday, I get to work, and it's boring, my least favorite person is working, my favorite person called in sick, one of my coworkers (she's okay) gets fired, etc. I honestly did not wanna be at work. I was cranky, tired, and really hungry. Well, abotu two hours into my dull shift, Brian, the cook for the MTN Burger comes racing over to me with a crazy look in his eyes.
"Sami!!! Oh god, go start your car, clock out, get ready to go to the hospital! Your mom cut off her finger!!" I stared at him for a second,t hen dropped the stuff I was scanning and blazed over to the deli where's my mom's eyes are puffy with tears and there's blood all over the floor around her. I flip.
"Jeez louis! What happened? Are you okay? Is your finger gone? What do you need?" She looks up at me and shakes her head, peeling back the thousands of paper towels that lay drenched in blood. The top of her finger is gushing blood, there's a cut the size of Mt. Everest from the nail all the way down to the first knuckle and back around and up the inside of her finger. I shudder in sympathy pain and tell her I'm going to clock us out and take her to the health center up the stairs and around the corner. I take off up the stairs, ripping our time cards out of the slot on the wall and zipping 'em through the machine. Then I walk, as calmly as possible, to the lockers and snatch our purses and coats from the locker. I speed down the stairs and clutch her arm, Brian on the other side with more paper towels. He was freaking out more than me!!! We walk her to the health center and they take a look at it, the wound still spouting blood like a fountain.
"The nerve is severed, we're gonna have to send you to Boulder Community." I look at the nurse like she's crazy.
"The hospital?!" I stammer, and zoom outside to get my car from the store. I pull around the corners and almost hit a few kids from the school (I apologized, don't worry!) on my way up to grab my mom. I help her into the car and we race down the mountain to the city. We get there and they look at it, about 20 minutes later, and it's still spurting crimson fluids! I was shocked at the intensity of the slice. They put us in a trauma room and give my mom some absorbant cloths. She goes through them in minutes and ends up using three containers total (that's 60 pads!). We sit there for almost three hours total, waiting most of the time for them to come sew up her injury. They finally come and it's still bledding, two hours later. They clean it out, numb it up, and tie it off. The bleeding stops for a few minutes, then they give her 6 stitches, which barely hold it together. He unties it and immediately it starts seeping blood again.
"Ew. Can't you stop the bleeding???" I'm really grossed out. I mean, there were nerves and muscles popping out! EW!
"No, it'll stop soon I'm sure." I roll my eyes and they wrap it up. They tell her to keep the wrap on for 24 hours, and the stitches in for 10 days. The wrap didn't stay on too well, and my mom is exhausted from the excitment and the blood loss.
We head back up the canyon, my mouth constantly open from yawning, and my mom's eyes fading gently. We get back to the store to show everyone the wrap and everything. We talk for a while then buy some cookies, pig out, then go home. When we get there, I eat an entire pizza and go pass out in bed. My mom goes to bed shortly after.

So, that's my crisis. And this time it's FOR REAL! lol Hope you enjoyed!

Can somebody remind me why I bother to stick around Ned? I mean, it's a beautiful town, but there's nobody here that makes me wanna stay. I mean, there's this one guy, and I dated him for a while, and he's a real good friend of mine now, but not even he seems to want me around. Here's why I hate being here so much:

This morning I ran up the driveway (About half a football field in length, all uphill) to catch the bus. When I got up there, I saw him already down the road, way past my house. I start back down to tell my dad so he can give us a quick ride to catch the bus, and as I head down, find my sister heading up.
"There's no point. He's already gone. I'll bet Dadd'll be pissed off," I remarked to her, listening to her grumble and turn around.
"You're probably right," She knew Dad was gunna be cranky too. Little did we know how mad he really was. As soon as we get back inside he starts full out yelling at me, not her.
"You stupid girl! I can't believe you missed the fucking bus. You're always late for everything!" He yelled for bit then threw his keys at me and screamed to start the car. So I did, and he kept yelling at me, the entire morning, ALL the way to the bus. I said thank you anyway when I got out of the car.

Then today at lunch, my principal comes up to me and tells me to come to his office once I get my lunch from the line. I nod my head and wonder what's goin' on. I walk quickly to his office to find out the issue. He opens his door with a frown. Immediately I know something's wrong. He tells me that he called the school that my boyfriend went to. He says that even though he can't tell me what happened (for confidentiality reasons), Zac did something really bad at the school before and can't come to our school for prom.

(Continued 4/26)

Well, apparently everything about Zac is a lie. His old school dug into police records and stole that information and told my school that he had drug problems and shouldn't be allowed at prom. Well, here's the REAL story according to Zac:
He was driving around town with his buddies, and had just eaten an Arby's sandwich. He was speeding and got pulled over by the cops. The cops decided that he smelled like alcohol (which was prolly the arby's), and pulled him out of the car and searched him and his friends. One of his friends had pot with him, so Zac got his license taken away and drug charges put on his record. That's what he says happened. *shrug* Whatever.

Anyway, I finally get to get a lock for my bedroom door!!! My younger sister tends to go into my room and steal things from me, like money and clothes. (I hate lil sisters) So, now my mom is going to get a lock for my door so she can't go into my room and take my things anymore. YAY! I get a key and my mom gets a key. That's it, no fuss about it. WOO!

Anotehr thing. So, I work two jobs, right? Well, at one of them, I am standing on my feet in one spot for 6 or 8 hours straight. I have tendon problems in my feet, so this isn't exactly the best job for me. I got home after only 6 horus of work last night, and what do you know? My feet are swollen and really blue. I cried it hurt so bad. So, on Saturday, I'm quitting! :D

That's my life lately, and I don't care if anyone even reads this, I just like to get this stuff out of my head. It's always nice to get advice ont his sort of stuff, btu lately I couldn't honestly care what people think. So, forget you all! I'm gunna run out of this world soon enough anyway! I am gunna push my way through the crowds and screw what/whoever I want lol. Have a great day!


Sami

Okay, I've figured a lot of stuffs out. I realized that half of the things I've felt for people aren't love at all, just lust. Except for three people: Zac, Frenchie, and Annika. Annika is one of my best girl friends. Suddenly a few years ago I started to like her, then it grew into love. She's someone I could never get over. Frenchie is an older guy I can never have, but I fell for him hard and fast. I still get heart-flutters when I see him. The third, Zac, is actually my boyfriend. We started out as co-workers, then I told him I liked him, then we started dating, etc. Now I love him to death. But I can't get over these two other people. I hate this. My head is spinning. And to be perfectly honest (which I have vowed to myself I would), I can't stop lusting after this other guy. I mean, his body is just.... delicious? And I want it lol

I dont't care about life anymore. Nothing seems to be going the right way. I have an appt with my therapist tonight, so I'm hoping she can make me feel better. This is the worst day I've had in quite some time.....
My sister enjoys my public humiliation and has been passing out extremely embarrassing pictures of me to everyone I know allllll day. Then I found out my boyfriend has been too lazy to go and get a Colorado ID, so he can't go to prom with me. Then he starts full-out lecturing me on the fact that I wear make-up and how it makes me look insecure. I pretty much just wanna sit in a rainstorm and bawl my eyes out..... Someone just put me outta my misery.

-Samizzo

It snowed today...... again....... This is probably the thousandth snowfall we've had this year. we had 64 straight days of snow starting in december. I'm really quite tired of the snow. I personally have no use for it except almost dying on my way to the store or something. Anywho. I definitely got asked when I was getting married yesterday. Weird if you ask me lol.

I'm very tired of being me. I mean, I don't mind me at all, it's just everything that happens around me. My mother now restricts the time I am allowed to spend with Zac, which pretty much makes me want out of the house. She made me clean up all hers and my dad's dishes from a big dinner they had. I was very frustrated. Then my younger sister starts spazzing out on me about how I should be at home and blah blah blah. She pretends to be better than me and always tries to shove me around. My dad never stops drinking, though lately he's been better about it. I'm not so frustrated with my dad as I am my other family members.

Also, my school life is exploding with the word FAILURE. I am a huuuuge procrastinator, and hate to do my home/school work. Because of this, I am failing 4 out of 6 of my classes. It doesn't help that there's always something going on and I never have an actual time or place to just sit and do the actual work. I found out Monday that I will have to attend Summer School if I want to graduate next year. I'm bummed. Three weeks out my already shortened summer spent learning history, my least favorite subject. Lame. And to make things worse I'm PMSing like mad right now, so I'm exhausted and extremely moody. Not a good mix. Well, gotta go do some actual schoolwork..... toodles.

Okay, so, screw the guy from the last entry. I'm done with that kind of guy. That used to be all I would go for. Now I've moved on. I'm dating the most wonderful guy in the whole universe, lemme tell ya. His name is Zac, and I'm more in love with him than I've ever been with anyone else. He's sweet and shy and the most caring creature this planet has ever seen. He treats me like a fucking queen (which is much more than I ever ask for) and makes me feel very appreciated. I am probably the lowest maintenance girl you will ever meet, but he tends to everything. I feel spoiled and it kinda bugs me. I'll have to mention something to him about it I suppose. I can't help but always want to be around him. He just.... makes me happy :)

Why does the male population have to be so confusing? One minute they claim to like you, then the next they are dating some sheila that you don't like...... Then a few moments later they say they want you back..... I am tired of the shenanigans boys play. They make me think a lot, and when I'm tired, like now, I just don't really feel like thinking much. Though, at this point, it's entirely impossible NOT to think.
Anyway, back to the main subject. Boys. Ridiculous, intolerable, slow-minded, bumbling idiots. They must stay up night after night thinking up new ways to frustrate me. It's not like I can help liking someone.......or loving for that matter. But men don't have to take the time to play foolish games with my fragile heart, okay????? Take a certain guy for example. I won't name names, because that would be dangerous to the both of us. Many, MANY suns ago, I fell for him, and was too happy for my own good. I shoulda known then that something was up. This guy was charming and he had great looks and the perfect sense of humor. I told him I liked him, and, to my surprise, he liked me too. Life seemed grand. Then things started to fall apart when the newbie walked into the picture and took over the entire thing. She knew nothing of the situation, but instead took the opportunity of ignorance to pounce on my kill. He took her bait and was entrapped in her trickery. Many weeks later, he comes to me, in a secluded area and tells me he isn't as happy in her cage as he was convinced he would be, and that he misses being wild and free with me. My already crushed heart wanted to run away and grab a pot, to throw over its head and bang with a metal spoon until it died. It was happily suicidal. It still is. So, I may be in a rather pissy mood tomorrow, and now those of you who read this, will know why. Thanks have a nice day.....


Here's my Saint Patrick's Day entry (attempted Irish-language, translated below):
Di duit! Cad e mar are tu?
Hello! How are you?

Now my version of Irish slang (Just using Irish words to describe my day):
All right? I'm langered, naturally! Though I was quite peckish earlier.
I had to deal with a randy lad, and I was barmy like none-other! I might have yelled "Barmy and Blast!" if I had so felt like it. Well blow me down it was a beastly time getting the lad to belt up! I was au fait with his behavoir, as I should have been. He's a blinkered, beastly, biggie! It is blatantly so. I was brassed off, as usual, but, the lad's still cracking, mate! Crikey moses he's a fit bloke! And of course, the night left me full of beans! The goolies were close to kicked t'night. Lad's a gormless one. Needed Her Majesty's Pleasure if I ever did see. One nigh' there would leave me chuffed to bits. I cocked up tonigh' though. Almost got meself a love bite. No need for that now! Nark be my style now, but twas not the case earlier... Me mate was pissing around while I was on the job. Parky in the back, the lad lent his coat. We all acted a wee bit potty on account of the mice. It was quite put paid to when the store got sacked. Scrummy peanut butter was passed around, quite grand if I may say. The whole night was sixes and sevens! The lad was outright smarmy all night. Almost snookering clearly. Sod! Though lad's squidgy, I simply MUST say! I find myself feeling wacky tacky-like. Enough waffling, toodle pip!

You know what???
FUCK FRANCE!
Yes, you read that right.
I've given up on Frenchie.
He't a stupid, immature guy who bring's waaaaay too much drama to my life.
So, oh well.
Life sucks and I'll get over it.
-Sami

Things are not getting any better for me.
Yesterday, Frenchie tells the girl Katie that he's going to France in two days. Yeah, thanks for telling me. He tells her (not me), right next to me, then comes and tells me he might be gone in a few days. Then he tells me I need to stop being so pissy (I was really upset yesterday because of the pictures). How the hell am I supposed to be calm when I'm never going to see the love of my life again? He didn't even give me a chance to say good-bye.....
If he leaves, and I never see him again, I WILL kill myself.
I don't even fucking care anymore......
I will have nothing left to live for....

-Sami

Well.
I've officially almost died *thinks*..... three times this year.
Not naturally.
By my own hand.
You see, I just found out within this month that I have this irritable little thing called depression. I always see the downside of everything, and always have terribly awful pains throughout my body.
So, that on your mind, my life is starting to spiral away from my control. My so-called boyfriend, Frenchie, is completely comfusing me. He tells me he likes me so much, but then he goes and flirts with other girls. Oh, and his "ex"-girlfriend (she says they're still together) messages me with all this shit about people telling her Frenchie and I are fucking every night and shit like that. First off, I'm a goddam virgin thanks. Secondly, who in their fucking RIGHT MIND would do that to me?? What have I ever done to them anyway....?? Then, to make matters worse, I go to see my dear Frenchie today, and I catch him holding hands with a girl I work with... who is MARRIED. WTF??????!!!!!! I immediately walked away, pushing it out of my mind. Then, I talk to him later, and apparently, SOMEHOW, someone 'found' some..... not-so-appropriate.... pictures I took one EXTREMELY drunk night, and sent them around. And you'll never guess who got ahold of 'em. Yep. Frenchie. So now he thinks I'm easy. I was completely drunk when I took those pictures, and I only gave them to ONE person, one of my best friends in the entire the world, who told me I could trust him with anything, and that he was always there for me. And what does he do? Betrays me. Completely. So, now, I have no friends I can trust out in the real world, nobody will let me be alone (not even for two seconds), and I just want an easy escape. I seriously contemplated getting the key to the gun cabinet upstairs. I walked up the the case the keys were in. Luckily, the phone rang and I had to answer it, and as I hung up, my sister got home. I have completely lost control of everything, even my own will to live. I am so drained from crying all the time. I just wanna sleep and never wake up..........

-Sami

Well, Frenchie ((as I like to call him)) showed up again, and was flirting more hardcore than ever before. Then I get this message on myspace today from a so-called friend of mine. IT went like this: you should probably leave renee(from B&F) alone because he has a wife, and a son who happen to be my sister and nephew and he honestly thinks you are a stalker. He doesn't like you. You're 16... he's 23- NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I'm just putting it out there. You should really steer clear of him. That is all.

First off. He does NOT in any way, have a wife. And I think I'm really upset by this. If he's flirting with me so hard and always talking to me and all this other stuff, would he really think I was a stalker? I mean, he would want to stay away from me as much as possible, dontcha think? And so what if he's 23?! I already know that nothing is going to happen, so this girl can go fuck herself. I'm so tired of people always interfering with my life and telling shit I can or can't do. I just need to get away from ALL of it. One of these days I'm just gunna leave.....and never come back. I'm seriously so tired of my life. I just don't like it.
Emily makes me so happy, but she's the ONLY reason I stick around here. I'm going to see her on New Year's Eve, and hopefully that will remind me of something good around here, and that I have a reason to be on earth.....
Until then, I don't know what to do. I really just want to die..... I need help......

Sami

Well. You can all give up the french sweetheart/man of my dreams. He's outta my life. Seriously. He disappeared. Have not seen him in about a week now.
Anywho, Love life still strong! I have been ((more or less)) in love with this girl Emily for a long ass time now. She came out to me at the end of last year! I was soooooooo happy! Now we're both single and wanna hook up! Well, I do anyway. And she wanted to before. We're hoping to hang out over New Years and talk it all out. Wish me luck!
xoxo!
Sami