im so depressed i dont know what to do anymore

wow..i dont even know how to start this?
so i come home from school today, and my mom tells me that this one guy died that we both knew..he wasn't our uhm..best friend? heh....my mom and him dated for a few years, and i just remember one night, he went crazy and threatened us, and did all this stuff to my mom and me, and he did alot of stuff while they were dating..he was basically the guy who put so much depression in our lives...when a man causes a 6year old to be depressed....that's not cool..im not asking for pity so dont think im doing this to get pity from people..i just need to get it out...because ive had so much hate for this man for such a long time...and now he died? what am i supposed to do?

i hate my dad right now

ohman what a crazy night so adam came over around 6:30ish, we went to target to visit jared, then we went to dollar store to bother RJ and make him hate me more lol and then we went home made cookies for jared because he was sad, then came back to target gave jared his cookies and then grabbed RJ, hti up starbucks, mcdonalds and wendys and then back to adams lovely aboh where i got sick so we went home and that was hit...so not much to say right now....later kids!

<3jared is my hero

bored bored bored and broke....arrrgggg nothing much to say, so im kinda pissed off, like everything on this stupid thing RJ like yells at me for, august joins i get yelled at, i put a picture of adam's eye, i get yelled at, we have a fun conversation thats so dumb about role playing on the wiki..what happens? i get yelled at, i dont know, i guess sometimes i wish i was better friends with him..i dont know, he seems like a cool person to hang out with, i dont like him or anything, i just think hed be a good friend, but sometimes im convinced he doesnt like me...i dunno....itd be cool to get to know him, but whatever...hes probably reading this and all "arrggg brittany you bitch" so yeah..ill stop talking about how much i want a freindship with him lol

later cats: britt

out with adam after school today..woohoo? whatteevverrr...so yeah my mom still isnt home yet...she's out boozing it up...oh boy ^_^ blahh NOT well yeah...not much to write besides listening to my bnad 80's music and painting...later cats

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

this song is perfect for those who dwell in their pain...with all the crap going on..cory's father, katie's broting in the National Guard leaving on sunday night, my AUnt Carol whose been suffering cancer...as much as we want to cry..those who love us want us happy...and to love life.....

school today....sucked as usual....gnsjk ghjs h tkshtio yeah so this weekend trying to think of stuff to do..Mister M. get back to me bout saturday lol.. so yeah...i dunno, i think its bad when you start to like someone and you're involved in a relationship...but i doubt id have a chance, i just dont know how much longer adam and i will last...its been over 10 months..what ta do what ta do.....later bizznatches

so im at the library, bored, bored bored, so i went out with adam last night we went to the mall, then on our way to mcdonalds, and as we're walking in we hear like 50million people running across mcknight highway (dumb idea) and here out of those people only to find mr steve, thomas f and jeremey h! exciting is it not?? so talked to them, the mcdonalds people weren't too happy, but anyways, so after mcdonalds adam and i went back to my house to watch farenheight 9/11 my 2nd bible on dvd, it was amuzing ^_^ so yeah well im out i will talk to you cats laaatteeerrrrrrrr

i dont know...i just dont know, im happy for the kid, i really am...but part of me is just like....damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit lol...oh well, it'd never happen anyways, between us? not like im obsessed, just thought thered be a slight chance, but nope, oh well...doesnt matter either way, im happy for the kid........





right..later cats

with meghan at the library...yay!!!!!!!11

w00t....school=suckage, god i hated it today, i got an unwanted visit from an unwanted friend who will be staying with me for a week or so..UUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! lol anne knows who it is ^_~ lol, so yeah nothing else too craaazzzyyy, i guess ill write here later

byeeeeeeeee

10 months today...^_^...its amazing how we've come to 10 months already..im so happy though so anyways...last night went out to starbucks with stacey and when the stuck up college people just kinda stared at us when we walked in, we ordered our stuff and went to pizza hut lol, so after that, we just kinda chilled at PH, it was cool though, we talked about lifeteen and stuff...it's nice being like a big sister to someone ^_^ so anyways im off to clean, then lifeteen tonight, then iceskating with adam...w00t!!!!!!!!!

-later cats: britt

Happy new year everyone, and wow was yesterday amazing, so adam and i get in a little quarrell, so i spent the day upset and what not, so then the phone rings, its about 4, and its adam and he was like "hey, come outside"..so i get shoes on, and he's standing outside by his truck with a rose sitting on the truck and wonderful tonight(our song) playing from his truck...oh wow, i know it seems cheesy, but it was sooo sweet, so i cried ya know the whoe movie thing lol, and then he went home to eat dinner and i ate here, then he came to get me around 5:30, we hung out at my house then went to see meet the fockers, then came back here and waited for Mister Joe and Miss Lauren to arrive and we hung out all night, lauren left around 12:30 joe left around 1 and adam stayed over night...it was a fun time i tell ya ^_^ but yeah, better get going, cleaning to do!! love you all  -fair-the-well

my cowboy hates me...

MY COWBOY IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my cowboy returns tonight!! yeeeehhhaawww!

so tomorrow's new years, attempted to throw a party but things are getting confusing and no one is answering their phone, i think it's just because im a loser, but whatever itll be a good night regardless ^_^

it's been 4 days too many...wow i never thought id miss him this much...i've been listening to the same sad song lol...oh well...he comes home tomorrow!!!!!!! i guess im happy ha..yeah so tonight i went out to the movies with august chelsea anne and glenn and my oh my was that amazing, some unexpected stuff happened which was humerous but cute, and then we went to target to see cOrY while he was workin and then it was home to try to catch adam on the Alamo Bowl with the band, but, they didnt show it....oh well -_; anyways, gotta blast!


I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high and steal your pain
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high and steal your pain
because I'm [ broken ], when I'm lonesome
and I don't feel right, when you've gone away
The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I want to hold you high, you steal my pain away
there's so much left to learn and no one left to fight
I want to hold you high and steal your pain, away
because I'm [ broken ], when I'm open,
and I don't feel like, I am strong enough.
because I'm [ broken ], when I'm lonesome,
and I don't feel right, when you're g o n e a w a y.

it's been 3 days too many..




yeehaw says the cowgirl as shes gettin it on with him

10 bucks he's with the bush twins, they'd do anyone

so this is the thing...he calls me last night when he gets to texas, and i hear his friends around and we go to get off the phone i say i love you, long pause, he says bye and hangs up

a few days before we're making a movie, his friends are around, im completely ignored

anyone see a pattern?? when hes around his friends im ignored, it's like he's embarassed to be with me...i feel as if he found someone else in Texas, i dont know why...those band people are sex-crazed...he found someone...

it's been 1 day too many





i know he's probably running off with some cowgirl he met...or something like that....there's someone else, i could tell by his voice last night on the phone...either someone else or he wants to break it off...im so confused -_-