It's funny how after being in this strange land of Iraq for 14 months, all this bitterness and prejudice just seems to reside in one image, a Mosque. The simplistic beauty of it, the clearing waves of uncertainty and you can see the black and white decay and you think that maybe this war, this cause, their way of life, very well, these people have the promise, the pride, the passion for change. Then literally less than a day later, where you stood, what you saw changes in a second, a car bomb destroys that Mosque, and then the waves crash, your perspective is as black as white as a chess board and hate welcomes your soul as its' very home... it's funny.

May 2007 - Feb 2008 - Aug 5 2008

What beauty has decayed, a remorse so fierce manifest such tragedy...

Tangible Timelessness.

I find it truly puzzling sometimes, the imbalance of both emotions and physical strain. On one side you have home and the other work, it seems like everything is doing well at home/personal but work seems to be non-stop and now the stage is that home/personal life is going achingly downhill but work seems to slow down and now I have more free time, it's confusing. It seems these feelings and moments are a direct result of me deploying which in turn makes me want to go to Iraq sooner so this perpetual stream of bullshit and this mental transgression will cease. it's pulling me to two extremes, either in a good laughing mood or the "I want to kill everyone and everything" mood. Sometimes I fathom whether it's myself conditioning myself distort situations or if I see them as they are, I really do need a balance, it can be me being right, wrong, or both, some more than the other but these questions seriously consume me. In no way is this "emo", I'm not seeking attention or help just relieving stress and bitter anger. If there were more soldiers that are below sergeants that have been to combat(with more of a philosophical side) then I could question is this feeling inside is natural. I really hope this four day weekend at home will help my being instead of leading to more thoughts, is chiseling away at such feelings supposed to feel wrong? But alas, I'm not a shrink, just a tanker so I will do my best to keep in there and do my job the best way I can, take care everyone.

Today is a good day :)