I am officially depressed.Again...
No doubt many of you are sick of this by now. But, it just happens.And it's not all my fault. There's a good chance that many of those who are close to me have done something to harm me. Whether it be now or a while ago.*shrugs*Either way, I'm still depressed. If another bad thing happens, I am going to take my dads offer. And by that I mean that I'm going to agree on getting "help" and no doubt being put on some type of medication.Whee...I might be taking meds in the near future. Fun,no? I bet you're getting annoyed just reading this...too bad...yeah...a priest is coming to my house. Gonna bless it or something. Grandpa is really sick with cancer..so...yeah...*sighs and shrugs lightly*Don't worry if I'm gone for more than one day. Something...might've happend and I'm too lost in my self-pity and depression to do much. If you have my number....*shrugs again*Whatever. Not like I get phone calls often. If it's not because of my grandpa that I'm not on. It might be because of the following...

-I got in trouble.
-I'm in the hospital(either visiting or...just for me. And don't worry. I won't harm myself on purpose. It usually happens by accident. -.-)
-I somehow...die or whatever.(I mean, you don't know when it's your time to go..so...)
-Family Emergency
-Other(*shrugs*)

Yeah...there we go...well...next Saturday I'm gonna get some new clothes. So my dad said. And...guess that's it...bye now...

Um,yeah...I just woke up...and...um...I'm tired.*nods*And cold.*snuggles under her blanket*Lets see...Oh yeah! My mom said that I could have that sleepover thing the day before Halloween! Unless she changes her mind. So who knows? What else? Ah yes, Stacy has agreed to help me keep my 'stalker'(Rodrigo) away from me if I do the same for her. By that she means to tell her when Edward is coming and then making an excuse for both of us to leave. Yeah...they usually always know where we are. And it's really creepy and annoying. Anyone want to keep him away from me? I don't have any money but I'll love you always! Yeah, like that's going to convince anyone into helping. Eheh. Well, I'm cold right now and my hands are even colder. So I'm going to stop for now. Adios!

I took my school picture today. I bet I turned out fugly(yes,fugly.)Anyways! Goddamn do some people need a room! I mean, god! Who the hell wants to know how horny you are?! *shakes head*Yucky...o.o Well, this is what happend...

During Lunch
Me:*notices everyone craning their necks slightly*
Beatrice:Oh my god!
Me:*blinks and glances back**spots some guy sitting on a table with this girl between his legs while making out*
Cathy:Man...they're doing it in slow motion and shit.
Me:o.o
Cathy:Oh my god!He's going to give her a hicky!
Me:*glances back again and this time finds the guy sucking on her neck*O.O
Beatrice:Now they're all vicious! O.o
Tamera:Get a room!
Stacy:Yeah! There's a motel across the street!
Jasmine:Now she's giving him a hicky!O.O
Me:*looks back and notices that she is*o.o...

I don't feel like writing down anything else. That is so wrong. Can't they do that in private?! o.O;;; Well, yeah...I had a test for Health today. Probably got a B or something. And...Rodrigo keeps bugging me.*twitches* It's really hard trying to resist the urge to just smack him and tell him to Fuck off. But yeah...-.- Well,gotta finish my homework. Ciao.

I have to take school pictures tommorow.Damnit. >.<
Anyways, what else is new?With me anyways.o.O Um, I saw Nancy today!^-^ Yeah...and it rained.Alot. Which was really cool.*twirls*Oh,and I'm also amused.*nods*Yeah...o.o

At the bus stop
Cathy and Jose:*are currently sharing Cathy's floral looking umbrella*
Me and Nancy:*are currently sharing my black one*
Nancy:Aw! Look at the cute couple!*nods over to Cathy and Jose*
Me:*smirks*Aren't they adorable?
Nany:I know!
Cathy and Jose:*seem to be facing each other in a way that suggest that they are about to kiss*
Me and Nancy:*snickers*
Cathy:*looks at us*
Jose:*frowns*>.<
Cathy:Well, you two make a cute couple too!*stares at Me and Nancy*
Jose:*starts laughing*
Me and Nancy:*glances at each other again before looking back at them*We're taken. By guys.*says this at the same time*
Cathy:-.-

Um,yeah...o.O*coughs*Oooh, my hair grew! It's now passing my mid-back! Yay! Oh, and I'm also slightly freaked out by something that I should be used to by now. >.<
A few minutes before fourth period
Me:*walking to my English class*
Girl:*walks behind me**
Me:*stops and waits for some people to cross*
Girl:*leans over and strokes my hair lightly*
Me:*blinks*O.O*forces self not to enjoy it and moves away slightly*(I like getting my hair stroked and stuff. I can't help it damnit! It feels nice.>.< Though it scares me if strangers do it.*shudders*)
Girl:*reaches over and tugs at it gently*
Me:O.O*turns around*
Girl:*moves back and looks away innocently*
Me:*moves away from her and rushes to my class*

Yeah..that happens to me alot. -.- Well, I'm thinking of joining the Anime club that they have at my school. This boy told me during Homeoom. Me and Stacy might go check it out on Friday or whenever they meet again. That's it for today...I have to finish studying so yeah...buh bye. ^-^

Goddamn that fucktard Rodrigo! -.-
*shakes head*Sorry about that. I just really don't like that boy. Espicially after today.

Beatrice:Hey, Stephanie?
Me:Hm?
Beatrice:Do you have a boyfriend?
Me:Yeah.
Beatrice:What's his name?
Me:*blinks*Matt.
Beatrice:Oh, well tell him that Rodrigo was talking shit about you. (though it sounded like she said that Rodrigo was talking shit about him. But they said it was me. *shrugs*)
Me:...huh?
-A few minutes later.(After we get away from the lunch area)
Me:So, what did he say?*asks Beatrice*
Cathy:Don't ask.
Beatrice:Yeah. We don't want you to get your feelings hurt.
Me:I don't care. I'm not friends with him and I feel nothing for the little fuck so tell me.
Cathy:But...
Beatrice:She said she doesn't care.Well,okay then...
(And this is the little story that she told me.)
Rodrigo:*is saying all this stuff about me, such as I'm a bitch and blah blah blah. You know, the normal stuff.*
Cathy:Man, shut up.
Tamera:You better shut the hell up.
Rodrigo:And what?
Beatrice:If you don't shut the up I'm going to tell her to tell her boyfriend that you were saying things about her.
Rodrigo:She has a boyfriend? O.o
Tamera:Yeah. And he's older than her so he can kick your ass.
Rodrigo:*goes silent*
(And that's it)
Me:*blinks*...*starts laughing*
Beatrice,Cathy,and Tamera:*stare at me* o.O
Me:*laughs even harder*Oh god...the stupid fuck! XD
Beatrice,Cathy,and Tamera:....o.o

So yeah...that's it. I found it more amusing than annoying really. Well, moving on. It sorta rained today! Woo.^-^;;;
At the moment it's just cold,windy, and cloudy. And I'm huddled under my blanket right now. Eheh...well I have homework to do, so ciao.

Well, I'm back. Yay. I guess I'm better than before.*shrugs*Well, I went to [Mistress of Darkness]'s house yesturday. That was cool. I got to see some of my friends from 8th grade. That kicked ass. These were some of the people that were there...

-[daddy's lil gurl]
-[GABY!]
-[lasunshine]
-[jelly belly]
-[piglet#1]

Yeah, it was fun. We had chocolate cake! ^-^ Which was really good. Well, it was great to see them again. And...yeah...I don't know what else to put so...adios.

Damn cold.I have never felt this sick in my entire life.Well...I have. But that's not the point! Anyways, I have tons of homework to do and I'm in no mood do it. Ah well, it doesn't matter. I'm still in a shitty mood so meh. And Alex better not lose my reggae CD. It's not even mine...it's my moms!>.< And Nancy still has my manga AND yearbook from middle school! I need them back! Ah fuck...I need more sleep or something. School has been sucking more than usual. Espicially during Algebra and Gym. I have to sit in front of this guy named Colin who keeps bothering me and I can only take so much. *twitch* And in Gym...gah! Nothing to do! Tamera and Alex are too busy doing...their own thing so yeah. o.O Well...I did get to listen to Shakira on the bus. ^-^ I love the song 'Fool'...it's so nice...well yeah...that's it for today...

Eh, I guess I had a so-so type day. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad, I guess. Fell asleep late(again), had to wake up around five to get ready for school, didn't have anything good to take for lunch, over crowded bus, tons of homework for English which is all due this Friday, had a bunch of "cough attacks" today, still really sick with a cold, and kind of moody...ish...moodyish. Oh, and once again I had to do ALL the goddamn work in yet another group assignment. And I couldn't talk much because my throat was killing me and they made me read everything outload. And they weren't even paying attention. Bastards. And the boys were being dicks as always. And eheh...I kept snapping at them. And Stephanie Lopez wasn't helping either. They kept pressuring me to get everything right so we wouldn't get a bad grade. Meh, I'm just tired right now. So yeah, that was my day. Buh bye now.

Today really sucked.Life has been hell since last Tuesday so yeah...I don't really have much to say right now...and don't bother to pretend that you care. If I open up...no doubt I'll be met with silence and/or having someone mad at me. So let it be...

Oh...and it is true...Byron did die...no...he was murdered...I looked around online...and yeah...I found out the truth...it's creepy...I went to school with this guy...and I sorta knew him...though...I thought him a bit of a jerk...he must've been something else to people who knew him well...oh...and I found out here...*points down*
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-memorial12oct12,1,3714945.story?coll=la-headlines-california

*hums to Pretty Girl(The Way)*Lets see...Oh! Today my mom actually picked me up from school.Miracle!Anyways, there's a slight chance that I might lose my voice. I'm not sure. But it feels like I am! And I bet if I do a bunch of people are suddently going to start talking to me because they know that I can't talk back. -.- Ah well...what else? Um, my head hurts! And...I'm tired! And yeah...

*listens to Maria,Maria*I wuv this song. Moving on...I hate W.H.S(not about to put down the actual name. Stalkers.) There's to many whores and stupid sex crazed guys. Damn sons of bitches. Which is why I don't talk to anyone besides Stacy. But I was going to try and not make friends so it wouldn't suck when I had to leave next year but damn did that plan go straight to hell.*pokes Tamera,Jasmine and Jade* Oh well...I'll deal with it. What else? Ah yes...the guys at W.H.S really need better ways to get a girlfriend. Some girls must be stupid to go with "Hey girl! Whats your name?" or "Hey you! Can I have your number?" I swear...that's the dumbest thing you can say to ANYONE. And yet, it's funny how many people go along with it. That makes them seem easy. If you know what I mean. I bet they don't even bother to get to know each other well enough to really call themselves "boyfriend and girlfriend." No doubt all they do is make out and/or have sex. *shakes head* At least I have respect towards myself. Geez. Okay, enough of that. I'm too bored to put anything else. For now anyways. So, Adios.

*stares at English homework*...I'm not in the mood to do this.*curls up under blanket*Plus it's too cold. God,I'm tired. I've been sleep deprived(if somewhat) nearly all week.*sighs in annoyance*Damn parents...Lesse...this is how much sleep I've gotten...

Tuesday:3 hours of sleep
Wednesday:4-6 hours of sleep.(can't really remember)
Thursday:5 hours of sleep
Friday:4 hours of sleep
Saturday:2-3 hours of sleep...

So yeah...I'm pretty damn tired. And, moody. It's not my goddamn fault. Though I think I'm going insane. Maybe not a lot...but enough to worry me. But that's not important. Um...I really like this other song from the Green Day album,American Idiot. So, I'll put it here...

Extraordinary Girl by Green Day

She's an Extraordinary girl
In an ordinary world
And she cant seem to get away

He lacks the courage in his mind
Like a child left behind
Like a pet left in the rain

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying


She sees the mirror of herself
And image she wants to sell
To anyone willing to buy

He steals the image in her kiss
From her hearts apocalypse
From the one called whatsername

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
Some days he's not worth trying
Now that they're both up on it
She gets so sick of crying

She's an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl

I really like this song...*points down*But I wonder...how did my dad know that I liked Green Day? Ah well...all I know is that he now likes Green Day too.*nods* o.o...Then again...he is just 34...he's that not old is he? o.O;;;

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams by Green Day
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everythings all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk away!

I GOT THE GREEN DAY CD!!!!!!!!!!

^-^ My dad bought be the Green Day CD. Oh man, It ROCKS! It's so fuckin cool! Oh, and I saw Shark Tale the other day..o.O Though I was suppose to go to the movies again with Stacy today. But I don't know anymore. Hm...*blinks*Anyways...yeah. That's it. Ciao! ^.^

I'll make this short and sweet...

My mom is a whore.Parents should get a divorce.Been sleep deprived.More emtional than normal.And really tired.The end.
                 

Well, I didn't go to school today. I am in way too much pain to even lay down. Let alone walk. So I'm basically forcing myself to walk/sit/lay down/etc. And it's causing me alot of pain. I don't know what's wrong really. I was fine until yesturday. I have no idea what I did to have caused this pain in my upper back. But during the night it spread to my left side. So of course I got no sleep. I didn't tell my parents until I started sobbing from all the pain. So they told me to stay home and wait and see what happens. If it doesn't go away, then I might have to go to the doctor or the hospital, or whatever. It's funny though, I'm in so much pain and yet I'm in a good mood. Not because I didn't go to school, but it's just something simple. Today's date. October 4th,2004. Wow...ten months...Well, not many of you may know what the hell I'm talking about for those who do...Wow.*giggles* Yeah...I'm a bit of an idiot right now so don't mind me! ^-^;;; I better get offline now because sitting here is making me freeze my ass off. Not literally! o.O Geez...well, I'll be gone most of the day due to not being able to sit here in front of the comp without wincing and whimpering in pain. So I'll be back around the afternoon. Well, bye! ^.^

Woo! My siblings got in trouble! XD And I didn't! Even though I sort of cursed in Spanish in front of my grandmother.*coughs* But it wasn't my fault! Yesturday my siblings kept fighting and wouldn't stop OR shut the hell up. And my grandmother asked me why they were fighting, and I was so pissed that I told her that they were fighting because of the damn PS2. Of course I said it in Spanish. Duh. And I think she thought that I was on the verge of tears because my voice sounded shaky. But that wasn't the case. I was just really pissed off. So my parents didn't yell at me or anything. They just made fun of me for being so angry. -.- But they also said that it wasn't my fault because they also know how my brother and sister get. So yeah! Um, That song "So Fly" by NB Rydaz won't get out of my head. >.< Such a dirty song. *snickers*Well, dirtyish. Anyways...here's the damn song. *points down* <.< >.>

So Fly by NB Rydaz

Oh woo oh (you so fly lady)

You look so fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride
So fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride

[_Zig-Zag_]
Yea, you ready to ride baby?
If you think you're lonely now just wait until tonight... girl
I know I've been on the road and away from home
But I've been feelin for you, dreamin of you
And what I'm gonna do when I have you alone
You heard the message on your cell phone
Me sayin "Daddy's home"
I'm about to put it down
Got you runnin around half-naked around the house
And this isn't just fast sex
We makin love until we both climax
I know you miss me, I can tell by the way you kiss me
There's no other place you rather be but here in ecstasy with me
I'm that someone who's gonna love you right even if I'm home for just one night
You know it's alright
It's me and you, Zig-Zag and Mary Jane
Your lovin's got me never wanting to leave again
You look so fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride

So fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride
The way you move that body (uh), twist those hips (yeah)
I just want to know can I tell you this...

[ magic: ]
That you're the typa girl I wanna roll with tonight
I'm at the Double Tree
I got an early flight but nothin
Could be better than to kick it with you
I'm talking about more than a one-night rendezvous
You can call it what you want, but I'ma treat you right
It's like a fantasy, girl close your eyes
Take my time when I touch that body
Get you so hot you wanna talk naughty
Ooh suga suga how'd you get so fly?
I'm down for yours if you're down for mine (uh)
Mamacita, chula, sexy chica meet me in the room, I'm in 602
Cuz all I wanna do is have a party for two
Baby girl tonight it's me and you (woo)

The way you're movin that body and twistin those hips
Workin those eyes and lickin those lips... oh my (oh my baby)
So fly (you're so fly lady)
The way you're movin that body and twistin those hips
Workin those eyes and lickin those lips... oh my (oh my baby)
So fly (you're so fly lady)

[_doshue_]
T-t-tell me something girl, something girl
T-t-tell me something girl.. you down to make it hot?
It's that freaky deaky rider sexin you non-stop
Love the way I touch you, I'm breakin you down
You say you shouldn't do this, you still goin down
Now we on the floor
You moan and groan, holdin me so tight
Tellin me you want more
I see you feelin freaky we're on another level
Got me serving you now on a dinner table
How do you want it, how does it feel?
The way you lick your lips girl you know I'm diggin this
Your body keeps callin, no temperatures fallin
The heat keeps risin, got you mesmerizin
Tonight's the night we'll remember forever
If I'm eva in your spot I know you're down for whatever

You look so fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride
So fly, so cool
Tell me girl can I talk to you
I'm only in town for one night
Let me know if you're down to ride

Yeah...I think that's enough of that. o.O Well, I don't want to write anymore so...ciao!(And sorry for any spelling mistakes and such...I'm still only half-awake)

Bleh, I'm tired and pissed off. Due to something that happend about a day or so at school. Anyways, this is what happend. Stacy and I were walking to our bus and there was a bunch of people in front of us so we couldn't pass through even if we wanted too. Plus there were some more people in back of us. And well...this is what happend...

Stacy and I:*tries to get passed everyone else*
Girl:*shoves people forward*Fuckin Mexicans. You can ran across the fucking border but you can't hurry the fuck up?
Me:*overhears**chews on bottom lip angrily*Stacy?
Stacy:Hm?
Me:Since when did we ever cross the border?
Stacy:*blinks*What?
Me:*tells her ALL the things that the girls behind us were saying*
Stacy: Que?! >.<
Me:*nods*Meh...I could've sworn that I was born here...
Stacy:Me too...

There was more to the conversation...but it contains to much cursing and violant talking to be posted. Anyways, the only reason that I even rememberd that was because of some lyrics from this Molotov song that I was listening to.Their songs are kind of...explict, so I won't put up the whole song. Just the lyrics that made this memory come back*points down*

"...Now I wish I had a dime
for every single time
I've gotten stared down
For being in the wrong side of town.

And a rich man I'd be
if I had that kind of chips
lately I wanna smack the mouths
of these racists.

Podrás imaginarte desde afuera,
ser un Mexicano cruzando la frontera,
pensando en tu familia mientras que pasas,
dejando todo lo que conoces atrás.

Si tuvieras tú que esquivar las balas
de unos cuantos gringos rancheros
Las seguirás diciendo good for nothing wetback?
si tuvieras tú que empezar de cero.

Now why don't you look down
to where your feet is planted
That U.S. soil that makes you take shit for granted
If not for Santa Ana, just to let you know
That where your feet are planted would be Mexico
Correcto!"

...Anyways! Look! The Molotov website..--> www.molotov.com.mx

Well, I don't know what else to write so I'm going to stop. My head hurts and I'm tired. Buh bye now.

I'm feeling rather moody at the moment. So I suggest that nobody talks to me. I don't want to make you angry or anything.Well...I'm not going to go on and on about life being unfair. Even though it usually seems like it is. But...I'm starting to feel used again. Which really sucks. Seeing as I have been used constantly. And I still am. I really hate it when my friends and other loved ones use me. It really hurts and depresses me. They may not be using me, but their actions make me feel as if they are. And that I'm not important and stuff. But hey! C'est la vie! What can ya do about it? Well..I have an Algebra test on Monday. And Algebra homework to do. As far as I can tell that's the only homework that I have. Well, I'm just listening to music and pushing whatever loneliness I'm feeling at the moment aside and replacing it with...nothingness. Well...I am rather tired and cold. Though my sweater is making me feel all snuggly and warm. ^-^ And sleepy too...-.- So I'll stop now. Ciao.

Now I know what to write. Sort of. And because I'm too lazy to just add this to the last entry...I'll just put it here. Um,yesturday while I was in my Culteral Awareness class, my teacher gave us all this worksheet. And we had to answer all the questions that were on it. Well, there was this question that asked, "On a scale of one to ten...how American do you feel at school?" Well, I thought about it...and I came up with...five. It's less really, but anyways. I NEVER feel American at school. I just...don't. And even though I was born here...people make me feel as if I wasn't. Bleh, I don't want to get into my stupid problems that deal with racism. So let's move on. Um, I'm feeling kind of numb right now. I thought I was feeling depressed but that's not the case. I'm just out of it today. But..I feel like crying but I don't know why. Stupid of me I know. Anyways...what else? Oh, I just got off the phone with my mom and she told me that she's already looking for some Quincenera dresses. Which is sorta cool I guess. Hm, I don't want to write anymore so I'm going to stop with this again.

Bleh, I don't feel so good...Well, today was an alright day I suppose. Kind of dull and really cold though. And even though I was with my friends for a few times today, I was basically alone the entire time. Didn't really talk much because they were to busy with themselves. So I daydreamed the day away. From first period until now. Plus it was freezing cold today. Not even my baggy-ish sweater kept me warm. Not much anyways. Finished my Algebra homework so I just have to do my Culteral Awareness homework. Lets see...what was something good that happend today? Oh yeah, I saw Nancy again. Which was cool. Wonder if she'll be there tommorow. Hope she is. I have no idea what else to put here. My mind is...full of tangled up thoughts so it's kinda hard thinking of someting to write. In that case, I'll just stop already. Well, adios