*yawns*Ignore last entry...didn't make any sense at all. I know. Wasn't feeling good. Yeah, I was crying. Thinking about things that have been said and done tend to that to me. And yeah, I miss the people who I knew and cared for. May they rest in peace....
*rubs the back of her neck*Mm, side still hurts though. As stated in last entry. And I think the reason why as well. Well, not much anyways. And family is really starting to anger me. A lot. Then again, the girl thing has been making me really bitchy. More than usual. And sensitive too. Though, the reasons as to why I cried in the first place don't really have much to do with the mood-swings. Just, annoyance and depression as to what people tell me even after all the pain that they've put me through.*yawns again*Goddamni
*hums to Pure Morning by Placebo*Love this song. Don't know why. I just do. Hum...lots of fucktards bothered me again today. All wanted to insult me. As always. Not sure why. I don't do anything to them.-.- And unless they can read minds, then they don't have a reason to be abusing me like that. Stupid fucks. I do that to myself enough, thank you very much. But that annoys me. A lot. *stabs bad habit*-.-Leave me alone. You cause nothing but trouble. And by that, I'm talking about my odd and low self-esteem...
Yeah, yeah...I'm probably not making much sense. I miss Nancy...and my yearbook. Which she still has. But still, I MISS MY "HEAVILY MEDICATED" FRIEND! Who is scared of clowns. Except IT. Because she told me so. *nods* In the 8th grade. I even miss her clinging to me when normal and preppy people scared her. o.o
Hrm, I know what I want to do for my, what's it called again, Sweet Sixteen? Yeah, that. I want it to be...original. If possible. ^.^;;; Though I wish that a few of my friends here and Matt could go. That would be the greatest birthday present. EVER. Especially since I don't like getting expensive gifts. I like, simple and if possible, homemade gifts. But yeah...food is here. I need to go.
Until whenever my pretties,
Steph.
Eh, random thoughs that are going through my mind. It scares me...Monkies are cool though...Pengu
Whee...
I need serious mental help...
My parents said so...
Countless times...-.-
Medication...?
And they want me to stay a virgin..
Forever and ever and ever...
I can promise until I get married(Heh! Funny! Me? Get married! How amusing! Well, not to me...)
If I get married...
Everyone will pity the groom...
I mean, I know people who pity Matt for being with me...
Which isn't funny at all...
Makes me feel bad...
Like, I don't deserve to be with him or something...
Because they think I'm no good...
For anyone...
Ha...
Sadistic idiots...
I am good for someone...
Hopefully him...
I pray I am...
Though I have my faults...
Which annoy me...
To no end...
But I know everyone has them too...
But...I don't think they're right...
Are they...?
I mean...they don't know me much at all...
I may be a bitch at times but...
I am loving...
Too much at times...
And I love him...
So then what...?
Bitches...
Nosey, that's what they are...
Telling me their b.s....
I need to stop thinking about that...
And other stuff...that..
Hm...
I should put my ideas for what I want...
For my "Sweet Sixteen" thingeh...
I know what I want...
Need Matt to go...
That would be fun...
And romantic in a way...
I'm such a hopeless romantic...
Now I'm moody again....
Which I wasn't before...
Surprised,eh..
Mm...
Which the physical pain would leave...
Crying...can't stop crying. Damnit...
This week hasn't been very good...It's been hell...
And now I have tear-stained cheeks, an awful headache and a bruise on my side to prove it...
Heh...bastard.
Need some poetic release...the poem that I just worked on didn't help much...
Maybe I should go to sleep...
I've been sleep deprived too long...
Awful things come to mind...
Bad thoughts...
Bad memories...
I wonder if they made it to heaven...
Are they looking down on us?
Showing pity...maybe? Concern? What...
Kevin...?
Wow...it's been a while since I've said your name...
I'm happy you had Stacy to make you happy...
It was so complicated, wasn't it Kevin?
The whole...you...
Wish you could tell me how it's like...after death...
I wonder if Kevin is with Henry, Tommy, and Jason now...?
The four best friends from what I learned from Stacy...
I'm huanted...
Very much so...
It's...scary..
And depressing...
Them...
Lying underground...
Four free spirits now...
The best of friends...
All together...
Even after death...
Sorry for whatever mean things I said about you...
Byron...
Rest in peace...
Murder...so brutal...
Didn't deserve it...
Head hurts...
"Bittersweet migraine in my head..." as the song goes...
Green Day kicks ass...
Random song lyrics of theirs continue to come to mind...
Wonder why...
Wow...
This entry makes no sense...
And my side still hurts...
Though it's now turning into a numb sort of pain...
If possible...
Can't explain...
Mm...so tired...
I'll stop...
Adios....
"Waiting, for your modern messiah, to take away all the hatred, That darkens the light in your eye..." (Liberate by Disturbed)
*hums*I'm tired. Really tired. Hm, I feel like writing another poem for Valentines Day. Even though I HATE the holiday. But what will I do with the poem? Hrm...I'll give it to mi amor then.^-^ If I write it that is. But if I do that, then I'll have to write some kind of poem for all my friends. Ooh, another challenge. ^.^
OMFG! XD I just finished listening to Addictive by Truth Hurts feat. Rakim, and dear god...I can't believe I used to sing along to this song so much. I mean, yeah I could understand some of what the lyrics meant, but...now...ha
{Verse 1: Truth Hurts}
He breaks, me down, he builds, me up
He fills, my cup, I like, it rough
We fuss, we brawl, we rise, we fall
He comes, in late, but it's, ok
He do, I do, he knows, the rules
He takes care of home, though he's not alone
I'm on, his knee, he keeps, me clean
And gives, me things, he makes, me scream
{Chorus: Truth Hurts}
He's so contagious, returns my pages
He's got me anxious, he's what I waited for
He keeps me guessin, spontaneous
He's so persuasive, and I'm his lady
{Verse 2: Truth Hurts}
Oh! Tonight he's waitin, and I ain't complainin
I'm entertainin, my number one fan
My back is achin, from our love makin
Oh yes I'm takin, ain't no use in fakin
My ups, my downs, my high and my lows
From head to toe, he makes me glow
He hits the spot, he makes me hot
I'm all that he's got, and he's all that I got
Eh, yeah.-.- Now it won't get out of my head. Nooo...! *sulks**blinks
-Mine
-Bye
-Hi
-Mommy
-Papa
-Cookie
-Love You (Which tends to sound like "Lub You" and "Bab ou" *giggles*)
-Comida(Said by him as 'mida)
-Baby
-Aw, man
-All Right(Said "Aw righ'," yes, righ')
-Matt
-Matthew(somewhat)
-Gracias(again, somewhat)
-Niña
-Niño
-Peter(my kid brother's name)
-Car
And a bunch of other things that I can't remember right now...I ♥ Matthew! And no worries, I ♥ you all as well. (alt codes)^-^ Though mi amor, in a much different sense. ^.~ Whee! *blinks*Ahem..
*yawns*So tired...I should go now. Well, adios!
Con tutto l'mio amore(Italian for: With All My Love),
Stephanie.
P.S. You by Allen Anthony is a PERVETED song. O.O(With some of the things said in the lyrics that is.) Dear god...wow...um
I wrote a new love poem! ^-^ Still needs a bit more work though. It's a bit choppy.-.- Anyways, it's on deviantART now.( http://www.dev
Standing Still
With three little words
You swept me far away
Into this land of fantasy
Of love's beginning and misery's decay.
Whenever in your arms
I feel as if,
Time is standing still.
Whenever your lips brush against mine
I lose my nerve,
My sanity,
My will.
Time stands still
Every time I'm with you
Your soul and mine
Whisper soft words to our mind
'I love you.'
They say
Making our love,
Last another day.
Never again will we be lost,
From each other
For our love will last forever
Whatever the cost....
Sweet and innocent is what it is
Just like your lips against mine
In such a gentle kiss.
Time is standing still again
Our love has yet to reach it's end
So standing still in time
We say our vows of love
And smile...
For we know
That when time stands still
There is no time to cry,
For our love...shall never die.
Copyright©2005 Stephanie Solis
So...what do you think? >> << No need to tell me, I just got bored. Well, I'm sleepy so I'm off to bed. Nighty night my pretties! Or...whatever time it is. O.o
With lots of love,
Steph.
God only know's how many times I've cried. And today, he can just add another day. Yes, I cried. I cried a lot. And I don't want anyone bitching to me about it anymore. I'm sick and tired of it. Just like you're all sick and tired of me doing this bullshit over and over again. I don't care what happens to me anymore. That doesn't mean that I want to die or just end it. No, that would be selfish of me. You all know that sooner or later I'll be alright again. That's just how it is. But I really don't care about myself anymore. The only thing left that I'll ever care about are those who are close to me. Hopefully, they all know who they are. I don't know what the point in writing this is. I'm not going to even put down what probably caused me to write this. I can't express myself much besides with this usual crap. So I'll stop now.
Love you all,
Stephanie.
Whee! Today is my baby brother's second birthday. ^-^ Happy Birthday Matthew! Though I'm not sure when the party is going to be. And I'm also not sure if I really want anything for my birthday now. If I go to Mexico, my parents will still fight. But this time, I won't be in the comforts of my home. And if we have my Quinceneara...
Happy Birthday Matthew!
I wuv my baby brother. ^.^
Let's see...I got to school at around nine today.*nods*My bus didn't come. XD Me, Stacy, and a bunch of other people who ride the bus had to wait from 6:45am until 8:20am to get a ride from another bus to get to school. It was hilarious! Well, for me.*shrugs* Hm, what else? Hrm, I had an alright day I guess. Though I'm still a bit stressed about all the work that I have to do. Oh, and I guess I'm not having a Quinceneara after all. I don't want to have one. Well, I do in a way. But..*shrugs again* I don't know. My parents and I talked about it. If somewhat. And we have decieded(for now) to go to Mexico for my birthday. Either that, or Orlando, Florida. Basically somewhere in the states. And I wanted to go to Italy or somewhere in Europe...;-; *shakes head*As I was saying, Mexico seems a bit better because my parents haven't been there since they were, a bit older than me really. And they miss home. Even though they came from Mexico when they were fairly young. SO THEY KNOW ENGLISH! -.- They taught me how to curse. <<;;; >>;;; Well, besides t.v and such. >> << But, the thing is that I might be gone for a while. Not as if anyone will really miss me much. XD *blinks*Ahem..
Adeus(Portuguese for good bye...I think),
Stephanie.
P.S. I don't feel like checking for spelling errors. So nyah. Leave me alone. >>;;;
Well, today I officially started school again. Even though I should've started yesterday. But my parents were stuck in Vegas and my uncle had to take my grandfather for his radiation thing. All in all, I had no ride to school. And plus, it was raining. Hard. Thus making it impossible to get to school. So yeah, my first day back. I can't remember much really. I didn't get much sleep so I was pretty much a walking zombie at school. @.@ But...NO HOMEWORK! And we got out early today. XD But it was so windy. My hair kept getting messy at school. >.< But this pretty nice "rocker" like girl talked to me. We talked about...Chobit
Hasta mas adelante(until later),
Stephanie.
P.S. I don't feel like checking for any spelling errors and stuff right now, so deal with it. >>;;;
*mutters darkly*I'm so cold... in so much anguish... yet... whatever. Ho hum... I wrote a new poem. A new twisted as hell poem which I have titled Demon Lover. And no, it has nothing to do on loving demons. ._.;;; Just... see for yourself. IT'S SO CREEPEH! *laughs ebilly*...I mean...evilly.
Here's the link thingeh--> http://www.dev
*reads poem over again*...Yeah, it's odd. O_O;;;.... -.- I don't know what's wrong with me. And don't worry! I'll be fine! Please don't get mad at me and make me feel worse about myself. *twitches slightly* Forget I said anything. Gah, my hands are freezing. I need to go...*blinks* DONUT!!!! Maybe my mood will improve...DONU
Until next time my pretties,
Stephanie.
P.S. NICOLE IS MY SEXEH BIZNITCH! >>;;; AND VICE VERSA! XD
Ozomatli is soooo cool! ^-^ And I was looking around their website and...*sighs quietly* I can listen to some of their songs!!!! Though I don't think I can listen to Love and Hope. >.< Which is one of my favorite songs. T.T But I can listen to Believe, Saturday Night, Street Signs and Te Estoy Buscando. ( http://search.
And I found the lyrics for Love and Hope. ^-^ Well, part of it anyways. >>;;;
Verse 1
A child looks up into my eyes nothing to say
An open hand with scars can't hide the pain away
What I can do is not enough to help him grow.
How can I fulfill his needs? Embrace his soul!
The hope deep in his eyes are dreams he must let fly.
So sing this song with me, a hopeful melody.
Chorus:
Just raise your head up and stand up no fear in your eyes
Tell me, "Love and hope never die!"
So raise your head up and stand up no reason to cry
'cuz your heart and soul will survive.
Verse 2:
The child struggled to survive know he's a man,
With children of his own he does the best one can.
Tries to live with love and not let sorrow grow,
Even though he barely reaps all that he sows.
The hope deep in his eyes are dreams he must let fly.
So sing this song with me, a hopeful melody.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah...I love Ozomatli. They're so cool. :3 And I want all of their CD's. >.< (Ozomatli, Embrace The Chaos, Coming Up, and Stree Signs.) Oooh! And the lyrics for Sturday Night are pretty cool too. To me anyways. <<;;;
Chorus: Dip, dive, socialize, get ready for the Saturday nite
Verse 1
Imagine wakin up solidarity is evident
Harmony rules time is irrelevant
People to places the message basic from raised fist to sit in resist to change shit
Peep this scenario to the future bro
2020 and some number of year ago
People rose up governments froze up
World wide block party everybody shows up
Up on rooftops, ghettos and hotspots
People celebrate no more souls rot
No more bloodshed over false deficit
Even hip hop gets a fuckin face lift
The latest fashion, stock markets crash in
It’s Saturday time to get the party crackin
If the time and the day is right
The revolution will begin this Saturday nite
Chorus: dip, dive, socialize, get ready for the Saturday nite
Verse 2
Futuristic I'm killin em with every synonym
Sending em back with syllable venom up in em
Too terrific epitome of a pendulum
Digital rap got animal stamina in him
Son your soul and back bone where the clap come from
Action jackson matter of fact we...
Move you from the front to the back see
Plug us up and then bump this new fat beat
When this drops stores out of stock on me
Shop til you drop homie that's not me
Rush and attack from the back on 3
Stop on beat, shout world peace
Live from the block love peace oh please
We don't need bouncers or police
It’s Saturday night its nothing better
Spread the word that we coming together so come and help me now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah well...um...I have nothing to say about today so far so, um...bye.
Whee...I'm so happy right now. I got a tamale. =3 It was so good. ^^
And of course, Matt and Nicole called today. Yayness. ^-^ It was so cool. I got to talk to my love and my mommeh babeh. Nicole sounds pretty! And she is! ^-^ That made my day. ^.^ And I gave Casey a new nickname; Kappu-san. ^.~
Though I got two messages with some jerkoff's asking me if I wanted to cyber once I came back online. -.- Gah! Stupid fucktards. >.< And on elfpack...THRE
Uhm...what else? I don't know. *shrugs* I'm tired and cold. And I don't have much time left on. Ugh. Oh yeah, I think I have two stalkers now. XD Not exactly, but they know where I live now. Cool. ^.~ *giggles* XD Kind of odd really. Yet amusing for some reason. o.O
Anyways, I need to go now. Soooo...adios!
Feliz Año Nuevo,
Stephanie
Eh, I'm so tired right now. And bored. Oh, and slightly cold too. I should really start on that essay for English that's due on the first day that I go back to school. But I don't want to right now. After Christmas. Maybe. Um, yeah. After Christmas. That's if I don't forget. Which I probably will. Hm, I think I'm going to go play GTA:San Andreas on my PS2 now. Poor negleted PS2...think I'll go and pay it a visit. Though I really wish I had a Mortal Combat game to play(Like Mortal Combat:Descept
Peace, love, and whatever comes after that,
Stephanie.
There's gonna be a parade by my house today. ^-^ Which means that I'll be gone for a while. Parents are making me go. And after that we're going to the mall do finish up with our Christmas shopping. So, I don't know if I'll be on later today.>.< But Friday is my last day of school. ^-^ Anyways,yeah, I'm leaving soon. I think. Nevermind. I do have to go now.*sighs*Wel
Love you all,
Stephanie.
I FINISHED WRITING MY LOVE POEM! ^-^ I want to show it to mi amor, but he probably doesn't want to talk to me right now, and I want to show it to Alice...but I think she hates me for god know's why...so...eh.
Love Me
Say that you love me
And seal it with a kiss
Wrap me in your arms
Put me in total bliss
Whisper sweet words
And tell me I'm yours
Close yours eyes
As I close mine
We'll be together
Until the end of time
Forget all the fights
The words and the tears
We'll have each other
To push away all our fears
Just say that you love me
Again and again
And I'll say the same
Again and again
Hold me close
Lock your hands in mine
Because baby I told you
We'll be together
Until the end of time
There you go. A love poem by yours truely. I actually like it. ^-^
Writing a love poem...*blinks
You know...I should write a poem or a story on how just big of an idiot that I am. I never know when to close my mouth from talking to much or when to open it when I must talk. I should go back to being mute. That way no one would get annoyed, angry, or hurt by me. And vice versa. It worked well before. So it might work now. I don't know...Meh...w
Wow...Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson is a goddamn good book. I can nearly relate to the main character, Melinda. Except for the whole getting raped by a senior thing.*shudder
Lots of wuv,
Stephanie.
Some person was trying to hit on me again on elfpack.*shudd
Kathy:*says out of nowhere*Man, do I feel sorry for the guy who marries Stephanie.
Me:*looks up from my lunch and frowns*
Stacy:*nods*Ye
Kathy:He might as well start planning his funeral,god.
Stacy:Violent people these days.
Me:-.-...
Kathy:The day of the wedding I should warn the poor bastard.
Stacy:*laughs*
Kathy:He better not pull a fast one on Stephanie or else.
Me:....(it took me a few moments to understand that she meant cheating...)
Stacy:*glances at me**nods in agreement*
Me:...*forces a laugh and looks down at my food*(I did laugh a couple of times...but eh...I was getting annoyed by this topic)
Kathy:We should warn Matt just in case.
Stacy:*blinks*
Me:*shakes head slightly*-.-..
And yeah, after that the conversation went onto the bananna that I was eating. Maybe you know why it went to that. It was all Kathy's fault! She's a bigger perv than me. And she's not helping my messed up mind either. >.< *coughs*Yeah..
--Three Things That Scare Me--
01 - Horror flicks
02 - Death
03 - Getting yelled at...
--Three Things I Don't Understand--
01 - Life
02 - People
03 - Myself
--Three Things I'd Like to Learn--
01 - How to play guitar
02 - Another language that isn't Spanish or English.
03 - To play drums as well.
--Three Things I'm Wearing Right Now--
01 - Black jeans
02 - Black shirt
03 - Black(and white)shoes(whee!Converse!)
--Three Things On My Desk--
01 - A book
02 - Coke
03 - Paper(s)
--Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die-
01 - Travel the world
02 - Um, get rich?
03 - Not telling.<< >> Though it doesn involve me amor...^-^
--Three Ways To Describe My Personality--
01 - Sarcastic
02 - Caring?
03 - Quiet
--Three Bad Things About My Personality--
01 - I think wrong..(suicide/perver
02 - I have a bad temper.
03 - I'm extremely moody.
--Three Parts Of Your Heritage--
01 - Mexican
02 - i.e. Native American?(Indigenous.)
03 - i.e. Spanish(European)
--Three Things I Like About My Body--
01 - Eyes?
02 - Hair?
03 - ...?
--Three Things I Don't Like About My Body--
01 - Everything else not listed!
02 - *points above*
03 -...-.-
--Three Things Most People Don't Know About You--
01 - Now why would I let them know now,eh?
02 - ...
03 - *blinks blankly*
--Three Things I Say Alot--
01 - Leave me the fuck alone...
02 - What?
03 - Nothing....
--Three Places You Want To Go--
01 - Italy
02 - Mexico
03 - Spain
--Three Names That You Go By--
01 - Besides my name?Steph...
02 - Stephy(thankies Alex...^-^)
03 - Baby girl.*giggles*
Well, that's it for today. I need to go to sleep now. So...yeah. Nighty night (or good morning/aftern
Ciao,
Stephanie.