If we're the flagship of peace and prosperity, we're taking on water and about to fuckin' sink...

Well, today was the last day of finals. Thank God. Though it was too freakin' hot today. Which didn't make my gym final any better. Blegh. Ah well, at least I sruvived my algebra final. Which I probably failed. Heh. I couldn't remember ANYTHING. My mind was a total blank. Oh well, five out of six isn't bad, right? And I don't have to take summer school this year...I could always make up algebra next year if I didn't pass. There goes getting a job. Well, maybe. Not sure yet.

Anyways. Last day of school is tomorrow. Woo! Huh, I think I'm going to be doing alot of reading this summer. Not that I don't mind, really. And that reminds me, Jasmine did give me manga. But, it wasn't just one volume. Nope. It was nine. NINE FREAKIN' FREE VOLUMES OF MANGA. I was...shocked. I wasn't expecting that, really. I would have been happy with just one. But because of that, I feel really bad. I wish I could pay her back. So, instead I'm going to give her ten dollars tomorrow and on her birthday, August 6th, I'm going to give her a really expensive gift. I mean, that's $90 worth of manga. Plus tax! O.O

Mm, as much as I didn't really enjoy my first year in high school, for countless reasons, I actually don't want to go. I mean, I'm not going to be able to see Brenda, Helen, Diana, Jasmine, Jessica, Colin, Irene, and a few other people anymore. Ah well, most of them are on Myspace, so yeah. I can talk to them there. Well, most of them. But, yeah. I'm going to miss them all. ;-;

Eheh, people were staring at me funny when I went to go and buy something to drink just a while ago. I was singing along to Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy and yeah. Crazy, Mexican rocker chick singing outloud in a public area. Woo. I think they were mainly staring at me because, I was singing this part of the song... -->

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)

... So, yeah. S'enough for today. ^.^;;; Adios now.

No one seems to notice, no one even blinks, the crew all left the passengers to die under the sea...
-State Of The Union by Rise Against

Good moods fade pretty fast...

My grandfather is really sick again, and he's being taken to the hospital. I want to cry, so much...God, I just want to fuckin' cry. Its times like this that I just want to throw things around, break them, yell, and cry until I run out of tears to be shed...which I know in my case, will never happen.

I don't have a shell to hide in anymore. Many of those close to me know when something is wrong, and as time goes by, that number is decreasing. Heh, who really cares about me? I mean, who really knows that much about me? Heh, it doesn't matter. It's the same way when it comes to me and them, not just the other way around.

I'm not making any sense right now, sorry. I'm just...out of it again. And I don't really feel like talking to that many people. Just a select few. And that's only if they even want to talk to me. Sorry that I'm not being my usual cheerful, helping, and hyper idiotic self. That's life right? And the logic of life is...shit happens. Get over it....

We spies, we slow hands, put the weights around yourself, we spies, oh yeah we slow hands, you put the weights all around yourself now...

I swear, if it weren't for the fact that I have a couple of friends on Elfpack, I wouldn't go on. Damnit, I hate getting hit on by a punch of sex-driven, idiot punks who can't even spell you. Jesus Christ, that damn pervert.-.-

Anyways, moving on. Last day of finals tomorrow. Yay. Had my art and science final today. Whee, I passed my science final. I only missed one question. I can't believe I got two of the answers mixed up. Gah. >.< Oh well, it doesn't matter. I still passed the final either way. But now I have my algebra final to worry about. Which is tomorrow. And I think my algebra teacher said that our final is based on chapter six through chapter twelve. And I doubt I remember much of anything. Woo...

I feel sick. Must've been the pizza I ate. -.- Stomach hurts. Oh well. I'll live.

Eh, all my friends want to ditch on Friday. And I've never ditched a class in my life. Or a whole day for that matter. Not going to gym a few times during 8th grade doesn't really count. Mm, I guess it's the thought of getting caught that keeps me from not going to class just so I can go somewhere else. Nope, I am not going to miss school without an actual reason.

Yeah, yeah. Another good girl aspect. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done drugs, I tend to dress in a very casual way. Jeans, long sleeved shirt/normal t-shirts, a hoodie and sneakers. Woo. And I'm still a 100% virgin. That, and I've never really been involved with many people. Hell, just thinking about it.. I've only been together with one person really. And I still am. Oh yeah, I am so considered a good girl. A very quiet, somewhat cynical, and overly emotional good girl. Woo.

Mm, I suggested that if they did manage to convince me to go with them, that we should go to Jasmine's house. Okay, it isn't really a house seeing as she lives in a hotel that is five minutes away from the school. But I'm not about to get into that. We could just hang out at her place, eat junk food, and read manga. And also play video games if she has any. And of course there is the pool, but I don't think I want to go home with my hair wet. And I don't like drying it with anything that isn't a towel, so yeah.

And I got made fun of at school again. And on the bus ride home. But, that isn't unusual in my case. I get made fun of all the time. I don't know, I tend to ignore all the time. Seeing as I am used to it. But today it just put me in a foul mood. I mean, the last time I let any sort of insult get to me was when I was younger. Like, younger than ten. Heh, I'd cry when it got to me really bad. Eh, I guess I had reasons to be made fun of. Back then, I was always taller than everyone else in my class. And I was also too quiet, hell, people thought I was mute. Yeah, I was more anti-social back then. Plus, I read a lot and most of my friends were boys. But the only time I would hang out with them was when we were playing kickball or whatever. My friends that were girls were just too...girly for me.

Ah, yes. Another reason. I was a very bookish and nerdy tomboy. Eh, I got used to the taunting once I started middle school. But that was also when I started making REAL friends. Who actually cared about me. And who actually didn't stare at me too weird when I mentioned my troubles at home. Yup. Stacy was my first best friend. And she still is. Except she's now the short, odd and geeky social one with good grades...and I'm the tallish, somewhat quiet rocker/loner one with average grades.

I think I know why people think I'm a rocker/goth. It's my eyes. XD I look as if I'm wearing make up. Well, because I know some "rockers" that wear really dark eyeliner, dark eye shadow and mascara, my eyes sometimes look the way their's do. Even though I don't wear any crud on my face. S'all natural. My eyelashes are really dark and they tend to curl at the ends. And I also look like I'm wearing eyeliner. Dude, my friends once thought that I got punched in the eye once. Because they said they saw like a pale purple color on my eyelids. Eye shadow? Oh God, that was hilarious. Mm, anyways. I guess it also has to do with my shirts, hoodie, and hair. Which I always wear loose. And it's always messy due to the damn wind. Blegh.

Ick, back to the finals and away from me. Some girl wanted me to help her with it. Seeing as I gave her most of the answers on our last test. And I only did that so she would leave me alone. Eh, this time she only managed to ask me about one of the questions. For some odd reason, she's starting to act nice towards me. Always asking me if something is wrong when it appears as if I have a troubled look on my face. And, this is the same girl who wanted to jump me because I bumped into her by accident and she didn't hear when I had said sorry. And she got mad, and yeah. Heh.

Hrm, meeting for my new school is today. And I'm not sure if I'm going or not. And that's only if my mom comes home soon. Then, I get to stay. But if she doesn't, I have to go soon.

Ugh, damn weather. Anyways, guess that's it for today. Mm, don't feel like checking/fixing whatever spelling mistakes I made. So, yeah. Adios.

I submit my incentive is romance, I watched the pole dance of the stars, we rejoice cause the hurting is so painless, from the distance of passing cars, but I am married to your charms and grace, I just go crazy like the good old days, you make me want to pick up a guitar, and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you...
-Slow Hands by Interpol

We're going down, down in an earlier round, And Sugar, we're going down swinging...

...Yay! Manga! Stacy let me borrow the manga that she bought from Jasmine. Five volumes of Kill Me, Kiss Me. She bought all five for only $20. XD

Heh, the only reason she even let me borrow them was because we both know that she'll never finish them by the end of the week. So, she told me to read them all before Friday, that way I don't have to wait until September 6th to read them all. Oh, and I think Jasmine said she was going to give me free manga on Friday because I was leaving. *blinks and shrugs* I have no idea if she is or isn't. o.o

Well, first day of finals! Everything went well in Life Skills. I passed it. As for English, the final was simple. But even because of that, I'm not sure if I managed to get all the questions right. Oh well. I'll find out either Friday or when my report card comes.

Blegh, I couldn't find my Ramones shirt, so I had to go around school dressed up. Well, not to an extreme. But this is too much for my usual attire. Which of course, includes: Jeans, a t-shirt/long sleeved shirt, (worn)sneakers, and my black hoodie. And of course, my hair loose. I mean, I had it loose today...but in curls. And right now I'm too lazy to go change, so heh.


Oh God, but today took so long. Ugh. It was awful. And then during English, Colin made me start laughing and blushing at the same time. He was telling me what he was going to do once he got home. And he said that he couldn't wait and that the thought was just...orgasmic. Then he started moving around wildly, to...enhance what he meant. Of course, I couldn't resist saying something, so I did. And that was, "Well, of course you know how it is." And he was like, "Yeah. I've made many girls have orgasms before." Then he started demonstrating oral sex. Damn cocky, blonde bastard. XD

Woo, another day of finals tomorrow. Science and art. Oh my god, two boring classes in one day. The horror. And of course on Thursday, it's algebra and gym. Even more devastating. I think Ms. Watson(gym teacher) said we had to run a mile...or was it just walk around in circles like idiots for more than ten minutes? Eh, something like that. I'd rather walk around like an idiot, if you don't mind. >>;;;

Oh! Before I forget, yesterday was Senior Prank Day. And...they buried a car. In the senior lawn. And...it was awesome. XD

...Hm, I think I'm going to go and read the manga now. ^-^ So, yeah. Adios gente! <3

I'll be your number one with a bullet, A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it...
Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy

...I'm such a bad friend. I forgot Vanessa's birthday. Gah...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANESSA! I LOVE YOU...AS A FRIEND! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! @.@

...Anyways. Moving on. School. Uhm, it was alright. I mean, yeah, Rodrigo made me feel extremely violated today, but eh. Moving away from that, finals begin tomorrow. Which also means I get out at 12:30pm on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And then Friday is my last day. Anyways, I have my final for Life Skills and English tomorrow. On Wednesday I'll have it for art and science, and then on Thursday it's algebra and gym. So, yeah. Two classes a day until Friday. I have 'em all on that day. Woo.

Jasmine finally came today! Jesus Christ, she missed a whole week of school. Mm, she brought me manga today. Yayness! It's called Happy Hustle High. It's pretty good, really. Huh, I just noticed that if I was thiner(I mean, really freakin thin) and my hair was slightly lighter...I'd probably look somewhat like Hanabi Ozora from Happy Hustle High. Dude, she's awesome. Odd, but awesome. <3

Well, not much else to say. Besides the fact that I wrote a new poem during science. And no, not a demented one either. I guess it's a bit in the romance genre. As far as I can tell. And now I have B.Y.O.B by System Of A Down stuck in my head. Seeing as it was just placed on KROQ. Eh, that's it for today. Adios. <3 <3 <3

Now, I can't stop this pure emotion falling from my eyes...

Ah, took a two hour nap and now I am back. Still tired, but eh. I think I'm in one of my moods again. Heh. Can't help it. Grandpa keeps getting worse. The medicine he has to take keeps playing mind tricks on him. As far as we can tell. I mean, he says that he see's his dead siblings and other people from his past who have long since departed. And he's greatly worried about me. I don't know. But...c'est la vie.

Eh, Finals Week starts on Tuesday. Monday is just a day for review. And then Friday is my last day of my freshman year. Then, summer. And alas, the begining of my sophmore year at a new school. I think I start school again on the sixth of September. Mm, can't remember. Though there is another meeting for my new school on Wednesday. So, I may not be on that day. ;-;

Oh, damnit. Just rememberd that I have to go to the doctor again either this month or in July. That reminds me, wonder when I'm going to get the results for that blood test that I took...

Oh yeah, while I was cleaning this morning, I somehow got a nose bleed. Odd. Maybe I somehow ended up hitting myself or something? I don't know. It just happened. Strange seeing as I hardly get nose bleeds. Blegh.

Meh, my cold has yet to leave me. I'm sneezing and coughing again. Great. Again, it's probably all this odd weather. It got a bunch of other people too along with my art teacher. Which is why she hasn't shown up all week. But I finished my art final on Thursday, so nyah.

It's starting to get hot again. And my mood is still here. Though now I'm lingering towards mellow. Woo. So, yeah. S'enough for today. Adios.

You are vindicating, liberating, saviors of my soul...
-Rise by Disturbed

Well, I called Stacy my bitch today. It was for her own good, really. She would have either been my bitch or Rodrigo's bitch. God, that was hilarious. XD

Stacy:...Perv.
Rodrigo: What? You're Stephanie's bitch? What did you say?
Me:...-.-
Stacy: O.o Huh?
Me: Stacy's my bitch.
Stacy: What?
Me: You're my bitch.
Stacy: O.O...
Everyone: XD
Me: Unless you want to be Rodrigo's bitch.
Stacy: EW!
Me: You can be mine. I have food. XD
Stacy: ...Hm...
Everyone: XD

Mm, anyways. Yeah. That was during lunch. Nothing interesting happened during second period, so lets move onto fourth period. English. We had to perform our play today.

God, nobody in my group was in the mood for it. I was PMSing, Helen got dumped so she was moody, Irene got her braces for her bottom teeth so she was in pain, Diana was tired, and Nancy had gone deaf from her left ear and didn't feel well. But, we did it anyways. Jesus Christ, when it came to our characters acting like a bunch of bitches, we got that right. XD But, then we started messing up. By that I mean, Nancy was too deaf to die.

Helen: ...Mom...I don't feel good...
Me: What's wrong?
Helen: I...*"dies"*
Me:*bites bottom lip to keep from laughing*LANE!
Irene: That's what you get!
Me: *turns to Nancy* I bet you had something to do with this!
Nancy: No I didn't!
Me: Don't lie! *reaches over and "stabs her"*(I ended up just pressing my fist against the bottom of her throat.-.-)
Nancy: O.o What the hell did you do?
Everyone: >.< Die, Nancy, DIE!
Nancy: O.O OH! *falls over*
Me: ...*bursts out laughing* XD
Irene and Diana: *do the same* XD

Heh, yeah. It took us a while to calm down. -.- But it was funny!

Anyways, that's it for school. Eheh...

Went to visit my grandpa once I came home from school...at first, he couldn't remember me...and then he just clung onto my hand and kept repeating, "Mija." over and over.

He kept seeing things, and he told my grandma that she had to protect me. That evil people were trying to cause harm to me. And for me to keep away from them. My grandma said that she would and that God was always with me, and stuff. Then he just kept saying that she needed to protect me and started crying. Which caused my grandma to start crying. And...*shrugs* Shit happens.

Eh, guess I'll stop before I get depressed again. So, yeah. That's it for today. Adios everyone.

Damn evil computer...made me spend over an hour trying to fix it. Which I did. About five minutes ago.-.-

Anyways! I finished my art final today! Woo! GO ME! I freakin' rock, dude. XD ...Ah, yes. I missed two tests for algebra yesterday. If I pass them, I'll be able to get at least a C, but if I don't...it's summer school for me. Great. Mm, guess I'll have to study alot today. Fun.

Mm, found out that my English teacher is going to take off points from my group because I didn't go. Which isn't fair because Amanda didn't go either, and she has the part that was supposed to be mine but was then given to her because I wrote the whole play. He should at least take points off of me because I was the one that didn't go. Even though I had told everyone that I was going to school that day in case Amanda didn't come, so I could take over her part. But, no. She didn't go to school that day. Oh, we all knew that was going to happen. She's a lazy little prissy bitch. I told them if they saw her today not to tell her that our teacher is going to let everyone make it up on Friday, that way, she can still do it. But, I doubt even that.

Eh, I've been having mood-swings all day. -.- Not fun, not fun at all. And I look sickly pale. Which I find amusing. Anyways, yeah. Next week is my last week of school. And I think today was the last day for seniors to come to school. Which means I'm not going to see Elizabeth again. She was so awesome... ;-;

Mm...I think I should start with the study thing now...so, yeah. Guess that's it. Adios.

As you can see, I didn't go to school today. >> <<

Why? Well, I'm supposed to be up by six every morning and today I was up by...five minutes before seven(Dad woke me up). And my bus leaves at around six fourty. So, yeah. I had to stay home. My school is too far for my dad to take me. -.-

...And today is when my group gets to perform the stupid and rushed play that I wrote. And I'm the one with the copy of the play that we had to give our English teacher...I'm dead. ;-;

Plus! I have TWO algebra tests today. God, I hope I can take them on Friday.-.- Guess I'll study today and tomorrow.

Nyo...I still have a cold. Which I've had since like...Thursday, I think. Crud.-.-

Anyways, yeah. Barely eight at the moment. Just finished cleaning my room and I have nothing to do. *yawns* ~.~ Anyways, adios gente.

Well, I got out of school early today. Yayness. And my art teacher didn't come today. Thank God. Other than that, my day was alright, I suppose. Even though I was tired. -.-

Mm, had another odd dream again. Once again, in black and white. But, I didn't even remember that I had dreamt anything until I was on the bus ride to school. It was like a sudden mental impact. I can't remember why and how I remembered, I just did. Again, I can't remember much. Just that it was black and white, there was a girl, a guy, and a book. Oh, calligraphy too.

But anyways. I can't remember exactly how they looked. Just that the girl was pretty, slimish and Hispanic looking. The guy's appearance is unknown to me. But I got the feeling that this had to something with love. That's the feeling that came from that dream. Love. True freakin' love. I don't know. I think it was a wedding type of thing or whatever. Mm, odd.

Hm...moving on. I think I'm going to read one of my poems for my Life Skills final. The only long and non-demented sounding one that I have. Innocence. S'on deviantART. ^-^ One of the very few poems that I like that I've written.

What else? Ah yes, Stacy brought in the topic of people taking things for granted. And you know what? That makes me angry. I mean, really angry. I know when I take things for granted. And I know when other people do. And that makes me want to yell at them and wonder how they can take the smallest things for granted. They bitch about everything. I just bitch about the things that aren't just hurting me, but everyone else around me. They bitch about their family. I just complain when they annoy me. S'normal. It just gets so annoying. I mean, you hate them. Whatever. They love you for all you know. It's just that we're human. And we tend to act on emotion. Might be lack of emotion for some people, but eh. *shrugs*

Just get over yourself. Life isn't perfect for anyone. I know. And nobody is perfect. Heh, sounds corny. *shrugs again*I'm making an idiot out of myself. I'll shut up now. TT.TT

...Whee, I love this song.>>;;;

Notice Me by NB Ridaz
Ohh I wanna let you know
That I'll always love you baby

Sometime I think about
Everything that we've been through
And I pray that you would just open your eyes
I love you I need you
So please don't throw our love away

Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must have been the first kiss
You told me that nobody else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too but nothing stays the same
I'm sorry for the tears I'm sorry for the pain
You were the one that always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So lets just kiss and say goodbye
Cuz I really cant stand the pain of seeing you cry

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

All that's mine is yours that's what I said
Treat you with love and respect in everyway
You wanted I gave you need me I was there
Now you treat like if I'm not here
I love you and I need you don't wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more I feel I'm dying inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life?
I know I'm not perfect but I truly cared
So when you wake up one morning and I'm not there
Just remember I loved you it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I gave you my good and my bad
My heart and my soul,
My trust my money my time,
What more can you ask from a man
Even when times are hard
I held out my arms and held you
Even excepted you through whatever weather
But now I feel it we're at the end of the rope
Whatever we had now I gotta let go
Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall
To cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years
Of loving someone who couldn't love me back
And now again I gotta start from scratch
But I know I've given you my everything

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

So! Yeah. I gotta study for my algebra test tomorrow. So, adios now! ^.^;;;

This cold has yet to leave me alone. And my voice is on the brink of leaving.-.- God, I sounded weird all day. Not fun.

School was alright, today. Nothing special during any of my classes, really. Well, except during English. I don't have to act in my corny, stupid, and rushed play! XD ...Unless somebody doesn't go to school on Wednesday.-.- Which means, I have to make sure I know atleast most of EVERYONE's lines, in case I have to play back up.-.- Boo...

Anyways, yay! I get out of school next Friday! ^-^ ...And then I may have to go back on July 1st for summer school. Yay...>.<

Uhm, art tomorrow. Woo. And I found out today that we have to have that interview thing for Life skills in front of the whole class. Dear God...WHY!? And I'm going to be..."dressed up." Not fun. Not fun at all. TT.TT

Eh, that's it for today. Too tired to put anymore. And lazy. And I have some stippling to do.-.- So, yeah. Adios.

This cold is driving me mad. Well, it's driving my nose mad.-.- But whatever. Anyways, I have to breathe in through my mouth at times. XD

Uhm, yeah. Matthew woke me up. S'almost eight right now. And...my voice sounds funny.-.- Well, more than usual.

*sniffs*I'm tired. And cold. And sniffling. >.<

...I wonder how the world will be when we're all old. Listening to heavy metal, punk rock, rap, reggaeton(whatever)...in wheelchairs. XD Well, unless the planet is destroyed in a mass invasion by them aliens, then yeah. Yes. Them aliens. >> << And no, not meh family. -.-

Curse you stuffy nose. CURSE YOU! >.<

Eh, I wish my siblings would go away....-.-

Mm, my grandpa couldn't remember anyone yesterday. It's the medication he's taking. Makes him see things to...S'a little added stress and worry there...but, C'est la vie.

I guess I'm going to start writing the play later today. And then work on my art project...thing. With the stippling. And the pen. And then...stippling. o.o

*yawns*Gah...I'm getting a headache.-.- Boo....

Mm, guess that's it for now. ~.~ Adios.

Blegh, I'm catching a cold.-.- I kept sneezing and sniffling today. It's probably the constant change of weather. S'what my uncle Celso thinks. As well as there might be an earthquake. I have no idea, but yeah. I'm getting sick. -.- Woo. All hail Jebus.

...I should really stop biting my bottom lip. THE PAIN! >.<

Hrm...I think I'm going insane. I just yelled out, "LOOK AT TEH PORN!" (Yes, teh.) and started giggling. Must've been that thing that they had on the news about safety from porn and violent websites. *blinks* Violent porn. Ew. o.o

Anyways! Guess what? I have to write a play.-.- For English. And it's due next week. I'm under pressure! Nyo! >.< ...I love that song. >> << Back to the play, nyo nyo nyo...>.<

*sniffs*I just sneezed. Again. Freak. >.<

POPOLA! It's not pompola. 'Tis P-O-P-O-L-A. God, that song is hilarious. Te duele la popola? XD Oh god...>> <<

I think that ice cream I had earlier was drugged. I'm acting weird...er...than normal. For one, I couldn't shut up today. And I was still paranoid about the shooting. Passing cars with them ghetto loco's scared the hell out of me. Even the ones with old people in 'em. I mean, c'mon! They might have guns and they just wanna pop some youngin' in the arse. Old school cholos. What up, ese? Vato loco...yo. XD ...Yup. I've been drugged.

Another sneeze. JESUS CHRISTO! >.< Por que Dios?! POR QUE?! *blinks*...-.-

...Lets see, lets see. NO MORE ALGEBRA HOMEWORK! YAY! And I don't have to act in the play anymore! ^-^...I just have to write it.-.- Ugh, which sucks because my writing skills are...taking a long nap at the moment. I haven't written a story in such a long time, just poetry. But even that...gah. >.<

I might start working next year! Yay! If not, I'm thinking of taking summer school again next year. Maybe. I'm not sure.

...So, yeah. Not much more to say. Except that candy is good and so is...other...good stuff. Anyways, yeah. Adios now.

Oh god...today was just...ugh.

First of all, my mom started up with all her loud drama again. Woke me up too goddamn early. And oh god, I was pissed off. Eh, it was almost time for me to get up. "Almost." So, I got out of my room and got my things to start getting ready for school. This was around five in the morning. Anyways, my mom was making a lot of damn noise and when she stormed right passed me, she just kept on talking her shit. So, I told her to shut up. Well, that caused her to whirl around and start to advance towards. Saying, quite loudly really, that I should be "fucking telling her to shut up." My dad stormed over to us and told my mom, "Leave her the fuck alone, you idiot."

...That didn't quite help much. Seeing as both my brothers were awake by then. *shrugs*Eh, she beat my sister yesterday...I wasn't going to say anything to my dad...but I did. This morning. And now my dad might not let us see her during the weekends once the divorce is final. Oh, this has the makings of fucked up children...

Moving on. School. And what happened that really scared the hell out of me.

Well, I have to take the school bus home all the time, so I managed to get to where my bus usually is early. I saw everyone outside waiting for our bus to come. And Stacy was with them. So, I went over to where she was and blah blah, we started talking.

Mm, about three minutes after I got there, we all heard about six gunshots. Well, sick popping sounds not to far from where we were all standing. That caused us all to become silent. A few moments later, we saw a bunch of people running and cars speeding past us with frightened looking people in them.

Two of them(by them, I mean cars) pulled up to where we were, and told some of the people that go on my bus that some gang was shooting out in front. So, they got into the car with them and drove away. Thus, causing all of us to panic. Well, as soon as those two cars left, some green car was speeding backwards to make a u-turn, which only made him crash into some senior's car. He didn't stop to make sure everything was alright, he just sped up. Of course, he was a gang member.

Right after that, a bunch of cars drove right in front of us, and the green car was one of them. Huh. Anyways, some guy that was in the green car appeared to have been trying to get out, but he just managed to open his door and shout out, "Fuck all you beaners!" And then they all drove away. (Yup. It's the Black Vs. Brown shit again) That caused me to cringe. Normally, I would've said something. But...I couldn't gotten killed, so eh. And it wouldn't have just been us Hispanics getting hurt. But the other people in our bus too. For being friends with us....

Stacy was clinging to me at that time, and I wasn't the only one who looked horror stricken and was breathing abnormally. Well, some school official came over to where we were and a couple of people from our group demanded to know when our bus was going to arrive. Seeing as we were the only people out. He said it would be arriving soon.

At the mean time, we all ended up looking around nervously and staying close to each other. A few minutes later, our bus came. But, our bus driver had stopped to talk to some other bus driver. That made us frustrated and nearly EVERYONE started yelling at her to hurry up and get us home. Heh, we all rushed into the bus once she did.

God...I felt so scared at those moments, that I needed a hug. -.-

...Mm, I have an essay to write and algebra homework to do...so, yeah. Guess that's it. Adios everyone.

Ugh, throat hurts. -.- And I'm tired, though thankfully not as much as yesterday. I think I at least got eight hours of sleep this time. Woo.

...English...dear god...I have a play to work on. And it's not an individual assignment, either. Yup. That's right. GROUP WORK. Oh the unspeakable HORROR! Eh, at least I got to be in a group with people I like and get along with. Irene, Helen, Nancy and Diana. Woo. Our play has to be based on aspects of Romeo And Juliet. God, did we have fun trying to think of a plot idea. XD

I kept saying that I could write it, but no...they want me to a be a part of it.-.- My voice isn't loud enough for that, Jesus Christ. >.< So, we ended up with not having the two characters fall in love...but for them to be friends. And girls. With the whole family-hate thing going on. I think I'm supposed to kill Nancy's character. I can't remember. >>;;; We're going to start writing on Friday, though. It has to be ready by next week.-.- And we have to act it out in front of the class. Gah... TT_TT

...Blegh. Art tomorrow. Ah well. Almost out of school. And then summer school. And then school again. Yay...-.-

...Hungry. Must get something to eat. So, yeah. Adios now.

I can't believe I survived school with less than five hours of sleep. I think it was three and a half hours to around four. Can't remember. All I know is that it was less than five.

Eh, parents were fighting again. Mom just appologized for the way she acted and because I didn't get much sleep. *shrugs slightly*Same old, same old.

Meh, woke up late today too. My dad woke me up though. It's usually the other way around, sometimes. Heh. I had the door to my room locked. If I remember correctly, I think it was because I got so fed up with all the fighting and yelling(that my mom was doing) that I got out of bed at around midnight, yanked my door opened and did some of my own yelling. Such as-->"GODDAMNIT! SHUT THE HELL UP! SHUT UP! SHUT! SHUT UP!!!"

...But, of course, I had been crying(sobbing) in frustration, that my voice shook slightly. Eheh...after that little outburst, I slammed my door shut. Now I feel bad, because my siblings may have woken up or may have been awake at that time. God...

Blegh, I almost fainted too. Jesus Christ...-.-

Anyways...moving on. School was okay, I suppose. A bit dull and annoying during first period because of Rodrigo. Though thank God, that he had to leave early. Uhm, art...alright, I guess.

Woo. Almost out of school. Can't wait. I get a few days to relax before I go to summer school. Yay...>.<

*blinks*That reminds me, I almost broke out laughing during art. >> << Okay, well, my art teacher was demonstrating something that we had to work on for our project, which meant that we all had to get up from our seats and stand close to her to see what she was doing. So, this senior in my classes named Ryan was standing behind her...with a piece of tape.

And...I can't really explain, but he was doing so many things that nearly the whole class(who were glancing over at him, like I was) and I snickered at the same time when he did something that we found freakin' hilarious. Ms. Sass(art teacher) heard us and asked us what was funny. Some guy in the back says that we just thought she could draw very well which thus caused as all to burst out laughing. I swear, this happened more than once. XD I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. I laugh easily...-.-

But, yeah. That's it for today. Adios.

OH MY FREAKIN' GOD!!! >.< GARETTE CAME BACK!

I just want to slap myself for coming back online so late. I MISSES HIM! >.< I just wanna grab 'em by the shoulders and shake him. And just ask him where the freak he's been! GOD! >.< FIVE FREAKIN' MINUTES! FIVE! Jesus Christ!

...
...
...

...I think I almost started hyperventilating again when I saw that he was on. Gah, I hope Shi-Chan was able to talk to him. I know that she's missed him more than I have. >.< Gah, meh old kitteh is back! :3

Hrm, I hope he has my new number, damnit. That way he can call and I can smother him with questions and random outburts of, "WTF?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" ...Yes, that's how I show my love towards people who I haven't seen in a long time. >>;;; Back off, biznitch. I got a spork and I'm not afraid to use. Mmhm. That's write. A spork. With all it's mighty sporkyness. >> <<

...Oh God. This is just a pure and utter random entry. But c'mon! TEH GARE IS BACK! >> <<

...Okay. Almost eight. Buh bye now. ^.^;;;

So tired...and dear God, my AIM is getting on my nerves. Always giving me problems. I think I'm going to just stay on MSN and yahoo from now on.-.-

...I must resist the urge to kill my computer. Jesus Christ...damn mofo.>.< Blegh...

Anyways. School was okay, I guess. Even though I kept getting headaches, I felt exhausted, and I couldn't concentrate on any of my classes. Oh god...two hours of art tomorrow. The horror. -.-

Mm...found my cell phone last night. It was lost all weekend. Found it in my hoodie...even though I swore that Matthew had it on Friday. I remember giving him the phone, damnit.>.<

...Text message from Stacy. Better reply to it, I suppose. Uhm, yeah...not much else to say. Adios now.

Tired, tired, tired...fell asleep at midnight and woke up at around six...fell asleep again and woke up a few minutes before eight. And then I didn't get out of bed until now.

Eh, I couldn't sleep either way. I was crying uncontrollably for about two hours. Sobbing really. Wasn't my fault. Mom pissed me off...hell, my family just pissed me off. And the stress got to me again. I actually wanted to cut myself. But, I didn't. I know I can be an idiot at times, but I'm not that big of an idiot.

God, it was so bad...my breathing was awful. Which resulted in me gasping a lot. And whimpering. Heh, I almost fainted on my bed due to exhaustion. Awful headache, too. Ugh.

Mm, I never felt such pure hatred towards myself until last night. Staring at the mirror and just hating what I saw. Ugly. All fuckin' ugly. Everything. Complexion, figure, eyes, nose, lips, hair...everything...ugly. I used to think my eyes and hair were the most beautiful aspects about my appearance. But now my eyes look dull. Nothing special about them. And my hair...it isn't long, thick and lustrous as it was about two years ago. Just thin and ugly. Nothing pretty about it anymore.

And my figure...god, the thing I hate about myself the most. My goddamn figure. S'why my daily attire is always jeans and a baggy sweater over a shirt a size to big to flatter much. Heh, if any. I don't think I'm slender enough to go and show off anything. Eh, I wouldn't even if I was. But I wouldn't be so covered up. I've actually been tempted to do what I did less then a few months ago. Just eat one small meal a day and drink lots of fluids. Mainly juice and water and no soda. But, eh.*shrugs* It wasn't because I wanted to starve myself...I just didn't want to eat. I was craving mostly fluids and eating more than at least twice a day just made me feel sick to my stomach. And the crankyness and exhaustion that came from that, I didn't even notice. Seeing as I'm usually always like thay. Heh...

...My mom and siblings are going with my aunt to some lake. She asked me to go with them, I said no. I'll just stay home with my dad and Matthew. I have homework to work on, so...*shrugs again*

Well, that's enough of my bitching for one day. Adios now.

Ah, tired. And I just cracked my neck again. Ugh.

Anyways, went to the doctor today. I have to go back again next month. Eh, that's what they said. Had another blood test, too. I think it was to see if I'm getting enough iron now. Can't remember. But yeah, that. Mm, Matthew gave me one hell of a headache while we were over there. Ehm, I still have it. Seems to have gotten worse, but I get headaches all the time, so eh.

I'm hoping that Sue doesn't call today. I really don't want to go out tomorrow. I just want to stay home while my family goes. But, I know that they're going to drag me along to the fair either way.

Oh my god...I wish they would stop playing that damn Baby Bash song. It's getting on my fuckin' nerves. Jesus Christ.

...I've been feeling hyper since we left earlier. When my mom and my sister went to get my brother out of school, I was stuck in the van with Matthew. So, I turned on the radio and Beverley Hills by Weezer was playing. Which thus caused me to start singing and head banging...while Matthew stared. XD Then I changed the station, and Pretty Girl by NB Ridaz started playing. So I sang it to him and danced in my seat. >> << Oh God, I love that song. The first time I heard it, I shivered. Heh.


Well, guess there isn't much to write about. Besides that I took off my god forsaken picture, again. Eh, that's it I suppose. Adios.

Pretty Girl by NB Ridaz
Oooh... can I run away with you
I wanna get lost in love... baby
To all those pretty girls (pretty girls)
This one's for you (this one's for you)

Check this out...

Something about you baby (something about you) drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl (something about you girl) blows my mind (blows my mind baby)
Something about you baby (eres todo) drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind (come on come on)

Si tu supieras lo que siento
Cada vez que me pongo a pensar en todos los momentos
All the good times we had me and you, you and I
Hot summer nights makin love in July
The only girl that didn't give it on the first night
Una mujer incomparable I'm in love for life
Me captivaste with your ways and all the things you do
My pretty girl I gotta make it work with you
Tell the world tell your girls and your family
Con este anillo te prometa you're my everything
Cuz nobody's ever made me feel the way you do
I just dropped you off already miss you
Chica bonita sonrisa sincera
I wanna be with you hasta que me muera (forever)
Let's make a pact and always be together (always, always)
With you by my side girl I'm down for whatever

Something about you baby (something about you) drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind (blows my mind)
Something about you baby (yea) drives me crazy
(I usually don't believe in love at first sight, but this girl had it all)
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind

You stood out from the group from across the room
I had to keep my attention on you (hello)
Somethin about that pretty face that pretty smile
You couldn't help but to get lost in those pretty eyes
Yea this girl she had it all (yea)
The type of woman that you take to mother
Sayin "Look what I found, love and companionship"
Someone to talk through these rough times (yea) who ain't afraid to handle it (you know)
And understands that my life is different
And accepts it, this isn't what I expected
Yea she's beautiful, inside and out
Something hard to find in the world these days (in the world today)
Even on my worst day (laughs)
She's got me happy like a kid wakin' up on his birthday
This love was different it was based on friendship
I'm lettin you know (come on) I'm ready to ride out (with you)

Something about you baby (something about you) drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl (you're so beautiful to me) blows my mind (blows my mind)
Something about you baby drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind

What's up lil' shorty can we talk for a minute
I've been havin dreams and you bein all up in 'em
I know you don't know me I seen you around
You're the hottest lookin' honey that I've seen in this town
Come on, lets conversate take a walk get together
Just wanna know you a lil' bit better
Beauty uncomparable eyes drove me crazy
She that type I wanna have for my lady
Something about you don't know what it is
I know we just met but can I give you a kiss?
Grabbed her hand and she hugged me actin kinda shy
Dimples on your face got you lookin' pretty fly
Baby this is real talk I wanna be with you
Little did I know you were diggin' me too
Now I'm down on my knees, got you sayin' "I do"
So I had to write a song dedicated to you (to you to you)

Something about you baby (something about you) drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind (blows my mind)
Something about you baby drives me crazy
Something about this pretty girl blows my mind

I don't feel good right now.-.- And by that, I mean my stomach is hurting. Ugh. Eh, emotionally, I'm pretty mellow at the moment. Yup yup...

Anyways, school, school, school..was okay. Had an assembly, which I thought was freakin AWESOME. The dances...Ah! Merengue, cumbia, salsa, punta, reggaeton and tradiational dances of Mexico and other countries in Latino America. Beautiful. Even though...the more modern dances were like..."Whoa, people. Keep your bodies to yourself. Jesus Christ."...Even though I know how to dance like that. XD

And they played this song about oral sex and...actual sex. I should know. I heard it last night, and translated it to myself and I was like..."...O.O..." But that song just makes me wanna get up and dance. >> <<

...Uhm...not much to say other than that, really. I'll be here tomorrow and the fair is starting to get underway. Looks pretty cool. Anyways, yeah. Not much to say(again). So...adios!