Well, I think I might be going to Brenda's Quinceañera next Saturday. Seeing as Stacy said that she and her family were going to go. And my mom did tell me that if Stacy's family went, then I wouldn't be left alone for a few hours. But that also means that I need to get Brenda a birthday present and I don't know what she'd like. Maybe something for her drums? Eh, I dunno. What I do know is that she's a fan of Social Distortion, MANA, and The Distellers. I think I'm going to go to Hot Topic for the Social D. and Distellers stuff. Seeing as MANA is a Spanish rock band that tends to have a lot of romantic songs and stuff. >> << That, and I don't know where to get MANA merchandise.-.
That also means that I have to dress up for it too. Blegh. Too much dressing up this year. Well, just three times. And Christmas. What fun. Stacy, Brenda, and my cousin Gloria are all having Quinceañeras. For Brenda's thing, I'm just gonna wear my black and white pinstripe pants, my vans, and my black long sleeved...swea
Anyways, my dad is going to Vegas for some kind of buisness trip tonight and probably won't be home until sometime during the weekend. And then next week I have to go get my classes, then I have to go to therapy, followed by Brenda's party, and then my trip to Six Flags. The following week, I have to go school shopping, which then leaves me a few days to fret over school and start feeling sick to my stomach until the first day of school finally arrives. Yay.
Oh, I also found out that I'm probably going to have a Sweet Sixteen next year. Along with the week long trip. My parents said that the party will be a bit small and it'll probably be before the trip. So, I'm guessing around late July. My mom was thinking of having some kind of Nightmare Before Christmas theme for it. Seeing as she saw it in some wedding. xD That would straight out PWN. But she said I couldn't have a black dress for it. Maybe some kind of red, purple, or blue...but no black. Damnit.-.- Ah well, they're just trying to make it up for already screwing up two of my birthdays. Last year when they ened up making me cry in public and ruining the rest of the day, and this year when I decieded to not have a Quinceañera because of them. Well, their fighting and financial problems. So, I'll see what we'll do for next year.
Eh, I think I'm gonna go take a shower right now. Seeing as it's almost five. And...once again my dumbass forgot to take the Prozac. Shit. Eh, guess I'll go take it now. Though I'm only suppose to take it in the morning. *blinks*Actual
Mm, don't know if I'll be on later today. Mom has to go to the doctor today at around four and after that we're going to go visit my grandfather. Blegh, I like saying grandfather in Spanish rather than in English. But anyways. I'll probably be back at around six or seven. Not exactly sure.
Anyways, had some kind of a dream last night. But of course, I can't remember what it was about. Not much anyway. Just that Stacy was in there and that it had something to do with school. If Stacy's in any of my dreams, it either has something to do with school or it's just entirely insane. xD But that's all that I can remember. Maybe I was predicting something in my dreams? Like I usually do. My parents said that when I was younger I would predict car crashes that would usually actually occur. Not my fault. It seemed most logical due to where our old and ghetto house was located. XD Mm, and some of the people I know are really predictable to me by now, so I tend to know what they're gonna say before they actually do. -.- But I'm Mexican and my family is weird, so you never know. They're either into witchcraft like stuff or they're just religious hypocrits. Or they're like me, they have their own personal beliefs and tend to ignore everyone else. ^-^ ...And that's saying it lightly without swearing.>>;;;
God damnit, I'm getting bitched at again. And this time, not by family.-.- Last night was even worse. Now I'm feeling depressed. Fun. *blinks*Neck hurts. And I just noticed that today is the 10th. o-o Which means eleven more days until my birthday. Which also reminds me, I got an invitation from Brenda for her Quinceañera. Which is going to be on the 20th. My parents said that I could go. But that they were gonna leave me alone. With people that I don't even know. ;-; I mean, I know Brenda and one of the guys that's going to be a part of it, but they're gonna be busy. And I don't even know if Stacy is going, either. I should call her tomorrow. But anyways. That's the day that my parents were gonna take me out to dinner. So, by the looks of it, I won't be on much during the weekend of my birthday.
...And next week I get my classes! w00t! I'm gonna make my parents help me look for my classrooms while we're there. Which I'll probably forget where they are once I start school on September 6th.-.- *blinks*Eh, that's it for today. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <33
...Oh, one more thing.
Well, I just got a packet from my new high school. Dear God, that's a lot of crud to read. And fill out. But that's my parents job. All I have to do is go during pre-registrati
Anyways, they just sent us two packets, a form for my Medical history, and some other form for lunch tickets. Because we're dirt poor at the moment. >> << And this check-off list of things we're suppose to go when I get my classes and suchs. w00t.
Mm, my brother got something similar too. But nothing like mine. Just that we both start school on the 6th of September. And we're probably going to get out early that day.
Though I doubt I'm going to get the academy that I want. Due to my awful grades.-.- Ah well. C'est la vie. I'll see when the time comes, I guess. Hrm, almost five thirty. I better go take a quick shower before my dad gets home. In case we have to go visit my grandpa. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <333
Well, lets see. I was almost hospitalized yesterday. Why? Heh, parents were fighting again. Just like before. Which resulted in me blurting out that my therapist wanted to take me to the hospital the day I went to see her because she wanted to make sure I didn't do anything to myself and a few other things. So, my dad freaked and said he was going to take me to the hospital. And this all happened at ten at night when we were driving back home. Well, by then I was already sobbing and whimpering and begging him not to take me to the hospital. Eh, it really wasn't begging. It was just me shaking my head, whimpering and saying, "No, no, no.." over and over again. Sometimes adding, "I don't want to go." If I could. I can't really talk well when I'm crying.-.-
Mom told him not to take me and asked me if I was going to hurt myself. I started crying harder and shook my head. While of course, still saying the stated things above. But, then we got home, my mom had to help me to my room. Not only because it was dark, but because I couldn't walk and I was shaking too much. Dad told me that I should go sleep, but that I had to leave my bedroom door open. Too make sure I didn't do anything, of course. Which I wasn't. No matter what. Of course, I couldn't say any of that because by then, I couldn't talk. Even if I wanted too, I couldn't.
About half in hour later, while I was still in bed crying, my parents came in to talk to me. But that's even more personal than what I have written down so far, so I'm not going to mention it much. Just that they told me not to do anything because that would just kill whatever will power they have left in them. If you didn't know, both of my parents are suicidal.*sigh
Though my siblings came in to ask me if I was still going to watch Inuyasha with them. Heh, they actually looked worried for me. Now I hate myself for crying in front of Matthew again. *sighs again*But, anyways. I somehow managed to say yes, so at 11:30pm, we watched Samurai Champloo and then Inuyasha. And then they went to bed. Eh, there's so much else left to say, but right now I'm really out of it. Parents aren't fighting right now. Yay.
Though I don't know if I'll be here much today. Unless my sister can't walk much. Seeing as something happened to her foot. But, if she can, we might go somewhere. Though I don't feel the same anymore. I feel emotionally drained. More than I have ever felt. Eh, I'm just out of it. Maybe it'll go away in a day or so. But, if anyone even bothered to read this, I'm sorry. I'm especially sorry if I act like a moody bitch today or tomorrow. You can ignore me if you want. I'll understand. But, eh. I'm just sorry if I act even more moody and withdrawn than before. But no worries, I'll be fine. So, adios mis queridos. <333
Dude! My new school has elevators! ...And clean restrooms! o.o The classrooms were awesome. Damnit, they were new. Eh, probably won't last very long though. All the people around me and my dad were all taking bets to see how long the school would last. It's probably going to have trash all over the place on the first day.XD
Me and my dad got there kind of late. Seeing as we had to drop my mom off at work and my siblings over at my aunt's house. Anyways, so we got there at around 10:30am. Well, a bit after that seeing as we couldn't find parking. Some stupid slutty looking girls were in their car, but they didn't leave. Dad wanted me to beat them with metal pipe>> << Eh, he wanted me to choke a bitch.XD That was funny.o.o But we ended up parking about two blocks away from the school. Dumb sluts didn't even park their car right.-.-
The lockers are tiny though. And they're outside. What if it rains?! >.< Blegh. There weren't that many for all the students that I saw. So, the rest of them are probably hiding. Somewhere. Maybe. I don't know. But anyways. It looked pretty nice, really. When we got there, they were playing Mexican music through the speakers. That was hilarious.>> << ...They have boulders too.XD
Eh, I'm going to try and take my camera the first day of school. And walk around with Stacy taking pictures of random things. If I can. And of my mini locker.XD Stupid thing. I'm gonna make it look pretty. Damn straight.>>;;; *blinks*I should probably call Stacy. Didn't see her over at the school. Then again, there were a lot of people.-.- But if she did go, I probably can't call her until later today. Damnit. I have like three or four phone calls to make today. x.x All of which tend to last over an hour. Eh, I'll probably forget about calling Stacy. And just get about two phone calls.XD ...But I need to call her about Six Flags and her Quinceañera. And that my cousin is inviting her(Stacy) to her Quinceañera too. -.-
*blinks*The school is having a trip to Europe next year. London and Paris for about nine days. The total is like close to two thousand dollars. I think the lady said that it was going to be during our Easter break. Though because that won't be for that long, I think we'd only miss one or two days of school. I'd like to go. But I'm already going to Florida that year. >> << Unless something happens. x-x
...I'm hungry now. Gonna go see if we have anything to eat.>> << So, adios mis queridos. <333
Well, I have therapy today. So I probably won't be on until later. I should probably tell my therapist about the now more constant depression and suicidal thoughts I've been having. Dear god, the meds are getting to me. DAMN THEM TO FUCKING HELL! >.<
...And then then last night I broke down. Completely broke down into a sobbing, whimpering mess on my bed. Whee. -.- This began about a few minutes after I got offline. Took about half an hour to calm down.-.- Must've been a mood-swing, I guess. A bad one. Right after I calmed down, I felt mellow and then a bit better after I watched Family Guy for an hour. Fell asleep at around one, though. Fun.
Anyways, better go and finish getting ready. My aunt is gonna come and pick me up in about twenty minutes and I have to finish brushing my hair. And because of the shower, it's even more tangled up right now. Stupid thing. >.< So, yeah. I'll probably be on at around three or four my time. And right now it's almost 1:30pm, and I have to be there before two. So, I better get off before my brother gets even more pissed off. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos.
Whee. Got my cell phone back from my dad. It's currently somewhere in my room. Eh, hope I don't lose it again. Mm, talked to Brenda yesterday. First time since...June. Which was on my last day of school. Of course, I didn't talk to her on the phone or irl. Nope, I talked to her on AIM. Miracle that she was on. She said something about having her invitations for her Quinceañera being ready but just that she needed to buy stamps to mail them. If I remember correctly, she said she was going to send me one. But she also said that it was going to be on the 20th. And I don't know if I'm going to Six Flags on the 20th or on the 21st.
Then there's another thing. Stacy told me that Gaby had called her and told her about me and her celebrating our birthdays together. Seeing as me and Gaby were both born on the 21st of August. Though I'm probably just a few hours older than her. But, anyways. Because Gaby know's that I may not be home on the weekend of my birthday, I was told that she wants to go to Universal Studios Hollywood on the 27th. I don't know if my parents will let me go, not only that, we're broke. So...*shrugs*
Heh, we also decieded to drop the whole birthday dinner thing as well. Instead, I'm going to Six Flags, getting a digital camera, and $200 from my parents. Half is going to go on clothes and the other half is for me to spend as I wish. Along with whatever else I get from random relatives. Which probably won't be that many. We only get a lot of gifts if we're having a party. Which means free beer and food for them. Woo.
So, yeah. I can still pick between a Sweet Sixteen or a week long trip to wherever I want. And by the way things are starting to look as if they're going back to how they were before, I really don't want anything anymore. I don't want anything for this year or next. In other words, today sucked. A lot. And I'm in a lot of physical pain right now. Blegh.
Which also reminds me, I found an inch long cut on my right leg and I don't know how I got it. My dad thinks Matthew must've given it to me. But I don't know. Maybe I ended up hurting myself while I was asleep? I am under the influence of drugs right now, so...heh. I don't even see much of a change since I started taking the Prozac. I mean, the now constant depression, frustration, anxiety, and mood-swings could be a sign of it taking affect. But, I've been like that since before I started taking the meds.-.- And because of something else, my moodyness is probably going to get worse for a few days. Oh, fun.
Mm, my sister starts going to therapy today too. I was supposed to go today, but my therapist wanted to see my sister today instead. So I'm going to go on Friday. And Saturday, I'm going to some five or six hour long thing for my new school. And on Sunday, if things get better here, I'm going to some lake with the family. Which is when I'm going to sit down and watch them swim out of boredom. Because I'm not getting in. Such great fun. Ah well. At least I might be able to see Stacy this Saturday while over there for the school thing. If I go, anyway.
Hm, wonder when Jade is going to go on MSN again. And I wonder when Nancy is going to get her ass online and/or call me. She still has my yearbook and I'm worried about her ADHD arse. >.< ...I had a dream about her last night. And no, not a perverted one.-.- Took place in S.G.H.S. For some reason she looked preppy. And that was scary enough. I know how she dresses. And acts. She's a hyper punk rocker. And by the looks of that dream, it was the first day of school. I don't even know why I dreamt that. Guess I miss her a lot. o.x
Eh, time to go eat. So, yeah. That's it. Adios mis queridos. <333
...w00t. In twenty days I'll be a woman and no longer a little girl. XD Well, no. I'll just be fifteen more years closer to thirty.-.- But, anyways. Yush, twenty more days until my fifteenth birthday. It would have been celebrated in a grand party...if we had the money and I had said yes. I actually had said yes to the whole thing, but then shit happens, so...yeah. And I was going to have a 10,000 dollar(and more) Sweet Sixteen thing next year, but, nah. Quinceañera would have been better for me, but that's too much money to spend on me. So, a week long trip it is. My parents would actually take me to Japan if I told them I wanted to go. XD
But, I picked Florida. Not just for me, but a place for my family to enjoy it as much as I will...In other words, a place where my siblings won't bitch as much. Can't let my parents know that, or else I'll end up somewhere in Europe or some other state here in the US for a week. o.o
Ah well, I've always thought like that. I've always made sure that everyone else is happy and not give much of a thought about myself. My parents said I was always special like that. ^-^...*coughs*
Heh, they also said I used to be a bit more girly when I was younger too. Always liked to wear dresses and boots...cowgir
Anyways, moving away from boring times. My dad is giving me my cell phone back. Woo! That also reminds me, I called Kisa yesterday. Fun, fun. ^-^ Almost made it to two hours, until my phone decieded to die on me. -.- Ebil thing.
...I wasn't on most of the day because I was watching cartoons with Matthew. In other words, Winnie The Pooh. Which was thus followed by Piglets Big Movie. I was all: "Aww." and crud. >>;;; I haven't watched that show in years, damnit. And I missed Tigger and Eeyore. XD
I remembered to take my meds today.*nods*Yu
...I think there was something I was supposed to do today. But I can't remember. Ah well, it happens. *blinks*Heh, I fell asleep after one in the morning due to watching a two hour long show about a family whose house was haunted. Dude, that freaked me out a lot. Normally, I don't react to those type of things that badly. Until last night, and I'm not even sure why. After the first hour of watching it, I started to feel panicked and paranoid. Really paranoid. I got so scared that I actually started whimpering. XD I'm such an idiot.-.- Ah well, I somehow managed to fall asleep when it was over. Miracle.
Blegh. Anyways. Too lazy to type much more. And I'm also too lazy to check for all the errors that I know I made in this, but eh. Too freakin' bad. So, yeah, I guess that's it for today. Adios mis queridos. <333
Mm, sleepy. -.- S'what I get for going to sleep after midnight. Wasn't exactly my fault, seeing as we got home at 11:30 pm last night. I ended up watching Mad TV for half an hour while waiting for Inuyasha to come on. Watched that and thus tried falling asleep. Took about an hour and half. I think. Eh, can't remember.
Anyways, dad changed his mind, Santa Barbara is too far for us too drive to. So, we're going to Griffith Park. Woo. Though, because everyone went to sleep late, I may be here for a bit longer. Yay.
Blegh, too tired, so this will just be a really short entry. So, adios mis queridos. <333
Well, I probably won't be on tomorrow. If I am, it may not be for long. But you never know, plans could change. Anyways. My parents want to go out for the day. So we'll either be in Santa Barbara or Santa Clarita for most of the day. We'll probably end up leaving a bit late like when we went to San Diego. But, anyways. My dad gave me the job to look for places where we could visit while we are there. Didn't really look that hard for Santa Clarita. Mainly because of Nojoqui Falls, in Santa Barbara. It sounds freakin' awesome. So, maybe we could go there. But I also have to find more places there. I doubt we're going to stay in a park all day. I'd die of boredom. Most likely after my cell phone dies. But the whole Nojoqui Falls thing makes me which I had my camera already.-.-
...Oh god. Salad Fingers is freakin' disturbing. o_o ( http://www.fat
Mmm...The Middle by Jimmy Eat World is playing. Love this song. Makes me feel...good. And not depressed. >> << *hums along*Whee...o
...Can't find anything else in Santa Barbara. Hrm. Though I think I saw another type of park. I just gotta look for it in the website again, seeing as I forgot what it's called. -.- *blinks*Neverm
Woo. Love songs with a perverted edge are now playing on my Launch radio. What fun. O.o *blinks*Mm, almost five. Which means my dad should be back with my siblings soon. And then we're going to visit my grandpa once they get here. And then my mom may get off work by then, so we're all off to eat. Most likely to T.G.I.F's or Chili's. But they're both about an hour away. So, if my mom gets out a bit late, we're just gonna go eat at some Mexican place. >> << Most likely at the place where I might have my birthday dinner. XD
I should probably fix my hair. It's a tangled mess right now. *blinks*Wow. I'm wearing non-boy-like clothes right now. Well, somewhat. Shirt isn't as baggy as most of my other ones. Which are all black and not girly. ^.^;;; I'm wearing my green 'I Need A Hug' baby Eeyore shirt with some somewhat baggy jeans. I swear. If I have my back turned to someone while wearing my baggy black hoodie, and not talking, someone might think I'm a boy with long hair. XD ...Think it's happened before too. Yeah. It did. While Brenda was talking to me during gym and I had my hoodie on...some dumb fuck of a girl was listening in on us. Well, Brenda, really. Because I wasn't talking. Just nodding and stuff. And most of my hair was tucked behind my hoodie by mistake. *snickers*
...Anyways.>>;;; Should probably keep getting ready. So, adios mis queridos. <333
A bad headache, depression and nausea don't go well together. Blegh. I'm depressed and I feel like crying. And I don't even know fucking why. Eh, I'm just gonna blame it on the meds. Yup. S'what I'm gonna do. Blame it all the meds. *blinks*...Stu
I seem to be lacking a lot of enthusiasm at the moment. And I'm not hungry, either. Don't wanna eat. Then again, as I told Kisa, I was eating like a rabid, pregnant woman about an hour ago. Well, not eating as much. Just wanting to eat. A lot. All I had was a pizza pocket and some oreos afterwards. Eh, I think I just screwed up my left arm with scratch marks. Damnit.-.- Felt like something was crawling under my skin.
Meh. Anyways, on Wednesday I got three tubes of blood taken out. Yup. Once again they're checking on my anemia and some other things too. Oh, happy happy joy joy. God, that show was disturbing to watch when I was younger. Anyways...
Matthew seems to have become fond of all my stuffed animals and such. Especially my Nemo plushie and Baby, my giraffe. Nemo is his 'Fishie' and Baby is...Baby. But he also likes my Rabbit and Dog plushies too. *sniffs* He takes them away from me when he goes into my room. Not nice. ;-;
Mm, might be going to some lake either this weekend or next. And if not, we're going to church this weekend. Yup yup. Who knows? My fading faith may return to me once more. It could happen. Sooner or later. Just not at the moment, due to my grandparents forcing religion onto me. Makes me get annoyed. I know it's important to them, but I wish they wouldn't do that.
And I also wish people would fucking answer once you pick up the god forsaken fucking phone. I just wanna smack somebody. And then beat them senseless with a fucking bat. >.< One of these days, I swear to God I'm going to throw the phone against the wall so it DIES AND GOES TO HELL! >.< ...Speaking of phones, my dad has my cell phone. Why? Because his cell phone died and went to hell. I mean, it got broken when he was working. So he has my phone for now. My minutes!!! >.< ...That I don't even use!
...I wanna cuddle. *sobs*I wanna cuddle sooo much right now. ;-;
Oh, I have a panda. Named Sakari. And she rocks. And I got her on Elf12. Where I got the link from someone here and now I can bother my siblings just like they do here. Mmm...sweet revenge. So tasty.
Did I forget to mention that my mom got hit on by a 16/17 year old guy at work? Yeah. She did. Scary thought. I mean, it's not like my mom is ugly. Hell no. She's pretty. Which means I obviously did not get her looks. Just her "big, bubble eyes" as my dad calls them. My eyes were the same shape as hers when I was younger. But now they aren't. They're just the same shade of dark brown as my dad's and not the lighter brown color that my mom has. But anyways, having a teenage dumb fuck hitting on my mom...is weird. Dad should have kicked his arse. >> <<
Oh, that also reminds me...my parents are back together. I've only mentioned this to one person and this has been going on for about two weeks or more.XD Don't wanna explain. It'll take to long. And I'll just confuse everyone. So, yeah. We're all living in the same house again. Driving each other to the brink of insanity. w00t.
Eh, I think I'm feeling slightly better now. Just lonely and wanting affection. *sniffs*Ah well. That's it for today. Adios.
Eh, I'm quite embarrassed right now. S'all my mom's fault. >> << Some song was playing on the radio a while ago and she came into the room and told me that when I was a baby she would always sing that song to me. And she also told me that now everytime that she hears it, it reminds her of me. I'm her first born, so of course I'm special. XD
Well, I looked up the lyrics to the song. And...I like it. It's pretty. >> << I'll post them at the end of this entry.
Anyways.^.^;;; Gonna go see my therapist today. And probably get another blood test today, too. Ooh. Yay. Fun, fun. That reminds me, they didn't call back with the results of my last blood test. >.<
Eheh, I just read the lyrics to the song again, and I'm blushing. @.@ *blinks*That reminds me. I couldn't stop laughing last night. XD Mainly because I Want Your Sex by George Michael started playing on the radio. And, that was basically the first time that I heard the entire song. Sex is natural - sex is fun. Sex is best when it's...one on one. >>;;; I think I was also giggling. A lot. Oh god. XD
Anyways. Better go start getting my things ready. And my meds. Can't forget that. Damnit. *sulks*So, I better go take them now. Adios mis queridos. <333
(Not exactly sure if this song is called Baby, Baby or Heart in Motion. All I know is that it's by Amy Grant. So, yeah. Here it is.)
Baby, baby
I'm taken with the notion
To love you with the sweetest of devotion.
Baby, baby
My tender love will flow from
The bluest sky to the deepest ocean.
Stop for a minute
Baby, I'm so glad you're mine, yeah
You're mine.
Baby, baby
The stars are shining for you
And just like me I'm sure that they adore you.
Baby, baby
Go walking through the forest
The birds above a' singing you a chorus.
Stop for a minute
Baby, they're so glad you're mine, oh yeah
And ever since the day you put my heart in motion
Baby I realize that there's just no getting over you.
Baby, baby
In any kind of weather
I'm here for you always and forever.
Baby, baby
No muscle man could sever
My love for you is true and it will never
Stop for a minute
Baby, I'm so glad you're mine
And ever since the day you put my heart in motion
Baby I realize that there's just no getting over you.
And ever since the day you put my heart in motion
Baby I realize that there's just no getting over you.
Over you.
Baby, baby
Always and forever
Baby I'm so glad that
Here for you baby
So glad you're mine
Baby I'm so glad that
When I think about you it makes me smile
Baby, baby be mine
Baby I'm so glad that
Don't stop giving love
Don't stop, no
Baby I'm so glad that you're mine
Baby I'm so glad
Baby I'm so glad that
When I think about you it makes me smile.
(Fuck with my heart) I'll teach you what it's like.(To be so used)That you'll have to clean....
Mm, six hours of sleep. I couldn't fall asleep last night. I was in bed at around eleven. But I ended up listening to music for an hour. Then at midnight I turned off the radio and tried to go to sleep. But, because my room was stuffy and hot, and my fan was just giving off hot air, I had trouble falling asleep. I thought I had been up for at least an hour. But when I looked over at my alarm clock, it was already a few minutes passed two. But by then I was ready to pass out, so I somehow ended up falling asleep. Woo.
*hums to Choke on This absently*...An
Mm, tired. S'what I get for listening to Spanish love songs at eleven at night. *yawns slightly* Feel like reading 6x9 College right now. God, that webcomic is hilarious. >> << Lily is awesome. Yay. Vampire. XD And I lurve Jack's glasses. o.o
...Moving on. Parents said that if I don't like the new school that I'm going to, and if we lose the house, we might end up moving before I turn sixteen. Either to Santa Barbara, Santa Monica, somewhere in Northern California, out of state, or...Canada. My dad wants to live in Canada. XD But, if we move out of state, we might go to Oregon with my cousin Gloria and her family. They want to move too. Eh, it's probably cheaper to live out of state than to live here in Southern California.-.-
*blinks*Oh yeah. I finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ten minutes before midnight on Monday. The identity of the Half-Blood Prince was shocking.-.- But, the book was good. Slightly dissapointing and depressing, but it was okay. Almost started crying when I finished reading it though.>.< Now I just have to wait for the 7th book...
Whee. I might go to Six Flags Magic Mountain with my cousin Gloria and Stacy. And my dad said he might buy us three those passes to get on the best rides there. I'm gonna die. XD Oh well. Hope Stacy can go. My aunt said that Gloria and her brother can go. Though I don't think nine people can fit in our van. o.o Just seven. Hrm. We have yet to figure that out.
But, anyways, guess that's it for now. So, adios mis queridos.
...That dirt stuck in your plastic finger nails. And just the scent of you is enough(To make me sick).
You're Cute When You Scream by Senses Fail
I'm feeling emotionally drained again. That, and I have an awful headache and my stupid sunburned arms are getting on my nerves. Mm, I need something to cuddle with. I'm in desperate need of that. Heh. XD
Se fue mi amor, donde estas corazon? *hums the rest* Mm, anyways. Almost done with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I'm currently in the middle of chapter 23. Took another break, or else I would've been a bit passed that now.
Ha. I feel like crying. Dear fucking God, not again. *shudders and sighs*I'm tired of being a sobbing, whimpering mess when I'm alone in my room in the middle of the night. Such as yesterday. But I was being an idiot yesterday. As always. *sighs again*Woo. Therapy this Wednesday...
...I think I'll call Stacy later this week to see if she still wants to go to see a movie. I have to make sure with my mom though. Hope she says yes. I need to get away for a while. Ah, fuck. Tears. Grr. I can't cry now. I don't want my dad asking me about it like he did yesterday. And he told me that if he see's me crying again, he's going to make sure that I don't get online until I start school. He said it's going to mess up the chance of me getting better due to therapy. Great. Now my eyes are itchy too. DAMNIT! >.<
...If I keep biting my bottom lip, I'm going to end up making it bleed again. -.- *sighs softly and shrugs*Better stop now. So. Adios.
So close to staying up all night reading, but at around two or three in the morning, I almost passed out. Then again, I was living off of less than seven hours of sleep from the day before. Heh. I was awake from eight until three in the morning, if I remember correctly. Well, I was in bed by two in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. Damn sunburn and an annoying pain in my legs. Blegh. That, and I had a small breakdown a few hours before that, and I was trying to comfort and calm myself down. Mm, I'll probably end up talking about it with my therapist sooner or later. Oh, fun.
Eheh, saw Inuyasha on Saturday. I reacted to that episode in so many different ways. XD -->
O.O...>.<...;-;...XD...
That was basically me through the entire episode. Ahem. >> <<
Mm, San Diego was pretty cool. Everything was going fine...until I got home.*shrugs*B
Think I'm going to Six Flags the day before my birthday. But I think I'll only be hear for half of the day or less on the actual day of my birthday. Oh well. At least I might spend the day with my cousin Gloria and Stacy. Maybe.
God, Matthew is giving me such a fucking headache right now. And I'm too tired at the moment to be put in a bad mood so early in the morning. Fuck. My hands are twitching now.-.- I better go. So, that's enough for now. Adios mis queridos.
Well, today I'm going to be in San Diego until, probably, after eight o'clock in the evening. Eh, my time anyway. So, I doubt I'll be home. Seeing as it's a two hour drive to and from San Diego for me. So, if we leave at eight from there, I should be home by ten. And then it's off for me to continue reading. The Iliad and the new Harry Potter book. Which I got yesterday. And am reading it to annoy my siblings. And it's working. XD Anyways, almost time to go. So, yeah. Probably won't be back until Monday. Almost 8:30am, so....adios mis queridos. <333
No puedo pedir que el invierno perdone a un rosal. No puedo pedir a los olmos que entreguen peras, no puedo pedirle lo eterno a un simple mortal. Y andar arrojando a los cerdos miles de perlas...
Well, I had therapy yesterday. It was okay, I guess. Even though my parents had to go in with me. Which is where they found out about my suicidal thoughs from before. And my present thoughts of just hurting myself. And how all the verbal abuse I've gotten since I was little has affected me. Which made them both cry. What fun. -.-
Eh, I have to go again next Wednesday, I think. Ah well, the lady told me I am significantly depressed. She also asked me if I thought the tv talked to me. That's her why of asking me if I'm paranoid. That question resulted in me just starring at her for a minute or so in pure silence. Then I asked her is she meant paranoid. And she said yes. Well, no shit Sherlock. The commericals talk to me. They try to sell me stuff. And tell me to go places. And then once, there was an ad for phone sex. And that just scared the hell out of me. O.O
But, moving on. I don't think I'll be on much this weekend. So, the only way to contact me would be by my cell phone. If I even pick up that is. I'll be gone for most of the day on Saturday. Maybe. I think it'll only be during the evening. And then on Sunday, I'll be in San Diego for a while. My dad told me that if my mom continues getting the help she needs, then we might be able to be a normal dysfunctional family again. (Don't ask)
Hrm, we'll see. Oh, and on Sunday my parents and I are going to be talking about what we're gonna do for my birthday. My mom was thinking of doing something at her Christian church, but my dad wanted me to have some sort of kick back type of things with my friends. But I know them. At least two will go, while the others always end up in trouble for something. *shrugs* We might also go to Santa Monica Pier for a bit during the evening with my family and maybe Stacy and her family too. That would be fun. ^.^
And we might also start talking about next year. My parents wanted me to have a Sweet Sixteen, seeing as they said they screwed up the chance of me having a Quinceañera, but my dad said that all together it may end up costing $10,000. Which quickly made me say that we should go on a trip at least. If we're going to spend so much money, we should at least go somewhere. We might end up going to Oregon, Florida, Mexico, or somewhere in Europe for a week or so during July or August. Most likely during August. Possibly a few days before my birthday, so we can come back after my birthday. I don't know. We'll see.
Yay. I just found four of my CD's. The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, Social Distortion, and The Pretenders. Yayness. ^-^ I forgot I had them. >> <<
Hrm, guess that's it for now. Adios mis queridos.
Ay amor me duele tanto, me duele tanto que no creas más en mis promesas. Ay amor es una tortura perderte...Yo se que no he sido un santo, pero lo puedo arreglar amor...
La Torura by Shakira feat. Alejandro Sanz
Ay payita mía
Guárdate la poesía
Guárdate la alegría pa'ti
No pido que todos los días sean de sol
No pido que todos los viernes sean de fiesta
Tampoco te pido que vuelvas rogando perdón
Si lloras con los ojos secos
Y hablando de ella
Ay amor me duele tanto
Me duele tanto
Que te fueras sin decir a donde
Ay amor, fue una tortura perderte
Yo se que no he sido un santo
Pero lo puedo arreglar amor
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
Mejor te guardas todo eso
A otro perro con ese hueso
Y nos decimos adiós
No puedo pedir que el invierno perdone a un rosal
No puedo pedir a los olmos que entreguen peras
No puedo pedirle lo eterno a un simple mortal
Y andar arrojando a los cerdos miles de perlas
Ay amor me duele tanto
Me duele tanto
Que no creas más en mis promesas
Ay amor es una tortura perderte
Yo se que no he sido un santo
Pero lo puedo arreglar amor
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
Mejor te guardas todo eso
A otro perro con ese hueso
Y nos decimos adiós
No te bajes, no te bajes
Oye negrita mira, no te rajes
De lunes a viernes tienes mi amor
Déjame el sábado a mi que es mejor
Oye mi negra no me castigues más
Porque allá afuera sin ti no tengo paz
Yo solo soy un hombre arrepentido
Soy como el ave que vuelve a su nido
Yo se que no he sido un santo
y es que no estoy hecho de cartón
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
(AD LIBS)
Ay ay ay
Ay, todo lo que he hecho por ti
Fue una tortura perderte
Y me duele tanto que sea asi
Sigue llorando perdón
Yo... yo no voy
A llorar por ti
English Translation
I'm not asking that every day be sunny
I'm not asking that there be a party every Friday
Nor do I ask you to come back begging forgiveness
If you're crying with dry eyes,
Speaking about her
Oh my love, it hurts so much
It hurts so much
That you left without saying a word
Oh my love, losing you was torture
I know I haven't been a saint
But I can make it up to you
Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses
We only learn from mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours
Better save that for yourself
Take that bone to some other dog
And let's say goodbye
I can't ask winter to spare a rose bush
I can't ask an elm tree to bear pears
I can't ask the eternal of a mere mortal
And go about casting thousands of pearls before swine
Oh my love, it hurts so much
It hurts so much
That you no longer trust my promises
Oh my love, losing you has been torture
I know I haven't been a saint
And I'm not made of stone
Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses
We only learn from our mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours
Better save that for yourself
Take that bone to some other dog
And let's say goodbye
Listen, baby, don't you go
Listen, baby, don't get angry
From Monday to Friday you have my love
Give Saturday to me and you'll be better off
Listen baby, don't punish me anymore
Without you, out there I have no peace
I'm just a repentant man
I'm the bird that returns to its nest
I know I haven't been a saint
And I'm not made of stone
Man doesn't live on bread alone
Nor do I live on excuses
We only learn from our mistakes
And today I know my heart is yours
Better save it for someone foolish enough to believe you and say Goodbye
(AD LIBS)
Oh after all I've done for you
It was such a torture to lose you
It hurts me so that it's like this
Keep on crying sorry
I…
I'm not going
To cry over you
Had a third mysterious nose bleed and I ended up coughing up blood too. Not that long ago. -.- Parents asked me if they wanted me to go to the emergency room just in case it was my anemia. I declined. I told them that if it happened again, I'd tell my dad and then my mom would call me tomorrow morning to see if I needed to go to the doctor. I think it's just the heat. But, eh. We'll see. Anyway. It's nine right now. So I probably won't be on long. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3
Ay, amor tu eres mi religin.Tu eres luz, tu eres mi sol. Abre el corazn, abre el corazn....
O.O Oh my freakin' God. I actually found an English translation of Eres Mi Religion by Mana. God, I love this song. And it isn't bad in English, either. I lurve Mana. I'm so in lurve with them. They rock. I'll have the translation at the bottom of this. Ah. One of my favorite Spanish love songs EVER. Then again, I have many. Eheh...
Ooh. Yay. Regreso A Casa by Moenia is playing on my Launch radio. Yay. Wuv. Lots of wuv. I just miss listening to Tardes Negras by Tiziano Ferro. It was beautiful in Italian. So sexiful. It's pure and utter bliss whenever I hear that song. Spanish or Italian. I love it. XD
Anyways. Stacy called today at around one or two. I can't remember. But, yeah. She called. We might go to the theatre this Saturday. Most likely to see Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. At a very early time. And thank god she isn't going with me just because Johnny Depp is in it. That man is a freakin' wonderful actor. And I adored him in Finding Neverland. But I know many people who would just go with me for him. And then not shut up through most of the movie. Which would result in me magically finding a bat and beating them senseless with it so they could shut up and let me enjoy the freakin' movie. -.- But, yeah. Once I find out the showtimes, we might go. Then if we're not too poor, I'll see if we can go to the arcade right in front of the theatre. But I doubt that much. Ah well. Popcorn, soda, and a movie. Fun, fun. <3
Oh god, presents. Too many presents this year. In other words, to many important birthdays. Mine doesn't count. I don't really care about it anymore. And I don't know what I want either. Even though it's my birthday, I'm like the last person you should ask that. -.- My usual replies are: I don't know. Get me whatever you want. Or...You don't have to get me anything. <-- Which is true. I'm fine. I don't want people spending money on me. That'll just result in me wasting birthday money on them. As a small form of revenge yet love. o.o Which might also result in me getting hurt by them. Either because they're freakin' happy about it or mad that I wasted a lot of money on them. >> <<
...No Rain by Blind Melon is playing now. XD I don't know why, but this song makes me laugh. A lot. o.o
I keep getting distracted from reading The Iliad a lot. Like today, everytime I was reading, Matthew came into my room to watch cartoons. Which resulted in me watching them with him. And almost falling asleep afterwards. It's been another one of those lazy days, I suppose. Hrm, I think my dad said something about going to the Long Beach Aquarium(Aquarium Of The Pacific) by the end of this month. So Matthew can see the FISHIES! Woo! And then Sea World. And if we're not too broke, Legoland. Whee! XD
And then next year, I'm probably going to have one of those Sweet Sixteen things. I've seen them on tv. But that was on MTV out of boredom. And the parties were for the really rich girls who got fancy cars and parties in clubs and stuff. -.- I'm too poor for that crud. Anyways. I'm probably going to be in Stacy's Quinceañera. Her birthday is in October, but the party and such have been pushed towards the Thanksgiving weekend. I'm probably gonna get an off the shoulder dress. Even though my hair is going to be tickling my shoulders all night. Oh, great. -.- Ah well. I'll see.
Mm, mood is going down again. Some things were said. The usual. And I just got my second mysterious nosebleed of the day. Blegh. Time to lay down. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3 <3 <3
Hace tanto tiempo corazn, viva en el dolor, en el olvido. Ay, amor eres mi bendicin, mi religin, eres mi sol que cura el fro.
Eres Mi Religión by Maná
I was walking down the streets
Soaked in forgetfulness
I was walking through the parks with ghosts
And with fallen angels
I was without light, without sun
Without any sense, I was dying
Flying over the sea with broken wings
Ay, love, you appeared in my life
And healed my wounds
Ay love, you are my moon, you are my sun
You are my daily bread
And you appeared with your light
No, never leave, oh don’t leave, no
You are the glory of both of us
Till death
In a world of illusion
I was without hope
I was abandoned
I lived without reason
But then you came
Ay, love, you are my religion
You are light, you are my sun
Open your heart, open your heart
So long ago my love
I lived in pain, in oblivion
Ay love, you are my blessing, my religion
You are my sun which cures the cold
You appeared with your light
No, no, don’t abandon me
No, never my love
The glory of both of us
You are the sun, you are my everything
all of you is a blessing
In a world of illusion
I was without hope
I was abandoned
I was without reason
But then you came
Ay, love, you are my religion
You are light, you are my sun
Open your heart, open your heart
Ay, love, you are my religion
You are light, you are my sun
Open your heart, open your heart
I’ll always live by your side with your light
Oh, oh, oh
I’ll die by your side
You are the glory and the blessing
Oh, oh, oh
You are my blessing
You are my religion
Oh, oh, oh
You are my eternity
And you are even my saving grace
Oh, oh, oh
I didn’t have anything
And today I have you with the glory
With the glory, with the glory
Love, love, love, love, love
You are my blessing
You are my light, you are my sun
Marry me girl be my fairy to the world, be my very own constellation. A teenage bride with a baby inside...
Ah...pain is back. But I don't think it's because of what I had earlier. No, what's left of that is me not really wanting to eat due to fear of throwing it back up. Blegh. Ah well, hopefully it'll go away soon. Hopefully.
Again, I don't know if I'll be on much today. We're going to the doctor because Matthew needs to get a full body X-Ray. They told my parents that they're worried that he may be growing to fast for his age. So was I when I was younger but they didn't do that to me. ;-; *sniffs*...Heh
Mm, started reading The Iliad today. If it weren't for the fact that I had to go clean and stuff, I would be too engrossed in the book to even be online right now. Eheh. Love it so far. And my bookmark is so pretty. And shiny. XD
Ugh, pain got worse. So I think I'll go soon. I also have to go change. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3 <3 <3
Getting high on information, and buy me a star on the boulevard. It's Californicatio
Californicatio
I have a new book! ^.^ And a new bookmark. And it's SEXEH! XD It's a pretty green bookmark that says Joy on it. I lurve it. And the book that I got is The Iliad by Homer. I'm gonna start reading it tonight. But right now, I'm gonna get some rest. My legs are so freakin' sore. Gah. XD Anyways. Yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3 <3 <3