[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary

673357  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-28
Written: (6995 days ago)

I'm like a total fucking mess right now. I've been moody all day, and it was probably because of the prozac. When I got home today, nobody was here. And by that point I was already twitchy. Normally when people make fun of me at school, I don't pay much attention to them. But, due to the fact that I was pretty unstable during biology, the taunts of the little stupid freshmen got to me and I almost started cyring right then and there. And then my grandfather got even worse. And now instead of just getting morphine once a day, he has to get it almost every time he feels extreme pain. Which is a lot. And my parents were fighting again and my mom was just screaming, and that made me even more nervous and depressed, and then my siblings started fighting and yelling at each other and I just couldn't take it anymore that I ended up screaming. Twice. I also ended up scratching my left arm a bit, and now I have two small droplets of blood oozing out. Along with a couple of red marks. And now I feel like I'm about to throw up.

All in all, today sucked.

672254  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (6997 days ago)

God, my comp is acting freakin' stupid again.-.- And I have a headahe. Again. Anyways, my A- in geometry went down to B. Damn test. Oh well, I suxx0rz at all forms of math. Eh, somewhat, so it's no big surprise. XD *blinks*Oh yeah. I'm on meds again. I got a slightly stronger dose of Prozac. An adult dose, I think. Well, that's what the lady said. Something about it being 20mg and adult dose and yeah. I'm also on some other medication for my sleeping problems. Something called Desyrel. Oh my fucking god, I am going to fucking kill this computer.>.<

...Anyways. Back to the meds. It's actually a drug called Trazodone. But it's under the brand name Desyrel. But, moving on. Just found out what some of the...more less serious side affects are. And this isn't counting the ones for Prozac.

*Dizziness or drowsiness;
*Headache;
*Insomnia or vivid dreams;
*Dry mouth, upset stomach, nausea, or vomiting;
*Diarrhea or constipation;
*Tremors (shaking); or
*Blurred vision.

And I think that's it. I think I have to take that about half an hour (or an hour) before it's time for me to go to asleep. Let's see if it works out or not. *blinks*Heh, that lady said that I might end up getting diabetes if I don't take care of myself. And she suggested I see a nutritionist. Due to the fact that I gained ten pounds. She was calling me fat. XD ...Then again, I am.>> <<

Oh! And I started writing a poem during biology today. It's currently written down on the journal that Matt gave me. Damn freshmen in that class wanted me to show him what I had written down so far. Ha. Like I'm gonna show him. Even though I haven't written down much. Just phone numbers, birthdays, a few notes to myself, poetry bits, and random stuff. And doodles. XD *hugs journal*Mine.>> <<

...Eh. Better go and finish homework. Adios mis queridos. <3



672253  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (6997 days ago)

God, my comp is acting freakin' stupid again.-.- And I have a headahe. Again. Anyways, my A- in geometry went down to B. Damn test. Oh well, I suxx0rz at all forms of math. Eh, somewhat, so it's no big surprise. XD *blinks*Oh yeah. I'm on meds again. I got a slightly stronger dose of Prozac. An adult dose, I think. Well, that's what the lady said. Something about it being 20mg and adult dose and yeah. I'm also on some other medication for my sleeping problems. Something called Desyrel. Oh my fucking god, I am going to fucking kill this computer.>.<

...Anyways. Back to the meds. It's actually a drug called Trazodone. But it's under the brand named Desyrel. But, moving on. Just found out what some of the...more less serious side affects are. And this isn't counting the ones for Prozac.

*Dizziness or drowsiness;
*Headache;
*Insomnia or vivid dreams;
*Dry mouth, upset stomach, nausea, or vomiting;
*Diarrhea or constipation;
*Tremors (shaking); or
*Blurred vision.

And I think that's it. I think I have to take that about half an hour (or an hour) before it's time for me to go to asleep. Let's see if it works out or not. *blinks*Heh, that lady said that I might end up getting diabetes if I don't take care of myself. And she suggested I see a nutritionist. Due to the fact that I gained ten pounds. She was calling me fat. XD ...Then again, I am.>> <<

Oh! And I started writing a poem during biology today. It's currently written down on the journal that Matt gave me. Damn freshmen in that class wanted me to show him what I had written down so far. Ha. Like I'm gonna show him. Even though I haven't written down much. Just phone numbers, birthdays, a few notes to myself, poetry bits, and random stuff. And doodles. XD *hugs journal*Mine.>> <<

...Eh. Better go and finish homework



670899  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-09-24
Written: (7000 days ago)

Let.Me.Bitch.
Don't feel good.
Lots of physical pain right now.
Homework is getting on my nerves.
More crap with my parents.
Siblings, all of them, are making me frustrated.
To the point of tears.
I'm exhausted.
Stressed.
My grandfather has gotten even more sick.
And I'm feeling emotionally [W.A.S.T.E.D.].
Don't want to get bothered by people's problems right now.
I don't pity.
Nor do I need my own self pity.
Or anger from anyone else.
Whomever they may be.
I need a nap.
But I'm not gonna take one.
Too much homework.
And I don't fall asleep easily.
I feel like crying.
And I think I'm turning even more [E.M.O.]
Anyways...
Have.A.Good.Day.

667672  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-09-18
Written: (7006 days ago)

More crap with my parents. Woo. Family problems. Going over to Stacy's house for a bit. If I'm not back later it's probably because of the following:

1.) Got back after seven.

2.) Parents fighting got worse/other family problems.

Well, adios.

666614  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-16
Written: (7007 days ago)

Yay! I actually got more than four hours of sleep last night. I got about...seven, I think. Six or seven. Can't remember. All I know is that I got a nose bleed around three in the morning. Well, almost got one. XD

*blinks*Just found out that my high school has a swimming pool. I didn't know that. O.o Then again, I don't know where the hell all the restrooms are, either.>> << Anyways, this is what I just read:

This new high school will open for students on September 6, 2005 on a traditional calendar and will provide 2,700 new high school seats. The high school relieves severe overcrowding at South Gate, Huntington Park and Bell high schools. Campus features include a library, student store, health office, food service, cafeteria, auditorium, gymnasium, swimming pool, sports fields and administration offices. This new campus allows South Gate High School, built in 1932, to return to a traditional calendar after more than two decades of year-round operations because of severe overcrowding.

..We're also adjacent to a middle school! ^-^ ...Damn midgets are gonna get hit by a car one of these days.-.- Oh, yay. Pictures!

http://eteamz.active.com/southeastfootball/news/index.cfm?cat=201535

Moving on. *blinks* Heh, I felt like crying a few minutes ago. No idea why. But now I'm better. Still kind of...meh. Oh well. Mm, had a test for Geometry today. It was easy. Somewhat. Still probably screwed up on it, though. XD And I also had a quiz for AP World History. No idea how I did in that. But I'm hoping for the best. I have a test for that class on Tuesday.

Oh, before I forget. I won't be on much tomorrow. And I'll be gone after five o'clock on Sunday. On Saturday I'm going to my cousin Gloria's Quinceañera. And because my brother is going to be a part of it, we have to go to the Mass at some church at around one in the afternoon. And after that, my brother and all the other people that are going to be in her Quinceañera have to go take pictures and probably ride around in the limo for a bit before the party begins. And on Sunday, I have to go over to Stacy's house for Quinceañera related reasons too. Not like it'll matter to anyone, but I thought it would be nice of me to mention it. >>;;; *yawns*Mm, sleepy.-.-


Whee...I have Biology, Geometry, and AP World History this weekedn. Thankfully, they're all easy. And my brother and sister are gonna be gone for a while today! Though I doubt anyone will be on today. So I get to hang out with Matthew and watch cartoons today. w00t w00t. And I think I'm either depressed or stressed at the moment. No idea. O.o So, meh. Parents are fighting again. *sighs* So I'm gone. Peace out, bean burritos. []

662524  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7014 days ago)

Woo. I have homework for AP World History, Geometry, and Biology this weekend. And because I don't want to forget and do it all on Sunday, I'm going to work on it tonight. And study for my history test during the weekend instead. Then again, I have a history test on Monday's, Tuesday's and Wednesday's. Oh, yay. *shrugs*Eh, doesn't matter. I'll live. Somehow. Not sure about my brain, but ah well.

I am currently greatly exhausted and pretty damn moody. Not like that's anything new. Parents are fighting again. Oh, happy happy joy joy. And I didn't get to see my grandpa since Monday or Tuesday, I think.*sighs* Oh well. C'est la vie. Shit happens. <--Basically, the same thing I say to myself whenever something bad happens or whatver. That, and a few other things. But that's usually the main one. And I'm not making any sense at the moment. I'll just blame it on my sleepy self. And it's only...eight o'clock!

Too tired and stressed out with family to really type much right now. Currently hoping to get my classes changed soon and also hoping that I'll survive AP World History. Well, time to eat, work on homework, and then pass out. I mean, sleep. >> << So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <333

660796  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-06
Written: (7017 days ago)

Well, just got back from my first day of high school as a sophmore. And I guess it was okay. Even though I am going to try and change my biology class as soon as I can. Damn loud and stupid freshmen. Not many sophmores are in that class. And it's part of the Visual And Performance Arts Academy. Which I don't have. I have the Academic Prep Academy. Anyways, here are my classes for this semester.

Period One:
AP World History

Period Two:
Gym

Period Three:
Geometry

Period Four:
Biology

Yup. I only have four classes this year. And all of them are an hour and a half long. And, one semester of a class counts as one whole year of it. Unless you're taking an AP class and such, then it's a full year. And Stacy and I only have AP World History together. ;-; Her other classes are Geometry, Spanish, and Chemistery for some reason. Ah well. Now we can only see each other during first period and lunch. Seeing as she has gemoetry during second period. Which is when I have gym. -.-

Well, I met this girl who is in my biology class, who is also going to try and change for the same reasons as me. I believe her name is Karla. She's just like me in class. Quiet and shy. >> << But she's nice. ^-^ Anyways, I won't get English until next semester. Damnit. I didn't want Gym this semester either.

And Stacy and I were pretty much loners during lunch. Just as we thought. XD God, that school was crowded. -.- I didn't get lost looking for my classes, just trying to get out of the building. I went through the first exit I saw, and ended up on the other side of the school. XD Oh well. At least none of my classes are in the third floor. x.x

Oh! And another thing. There was like, a bunch of people from different news stations at the school this morning when I got their. I might be on tv. Or, I might have been. Whatever. XD They were filming interviews with random students. Seeing as it was a new school and today was our first day their. Took a while to even get inside.-.- But anyways, they were filming us when we were making our way inside. XD

Mm, I was going to try and take another picture today, but for some reason my camera isn't working right. Stupid thing. -.- Anyways, guess that's it for today. Adios mis queridos. <333

651273  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-22
Written: (7033 days ago)

...Oh my god, my entire body feels like hell. I can hardly walk, my shoulders are sunburned, I'm exhausted...but I had a pretty good birthday.^-^ My dad allowed me to buy two little plushies yesterday. They're so CUTE. o-o One is this little purple bear and the other one is a small horse. It came with a little bandana around it's neck. So adorable. And I got my digital camera on Saturday, so I'll probably have some kind of picture up sometime this week. I don't think I'll have one today, due to being too tired to move much and because of the fact that I'm sunburnt. >> <<

But anyways. Had fun at Six Flags yesterday. Even though I didn't get on Goliath. Sorry Nicole, but it scared me badly. o.o These are the rides that Gloria, Stacy, my brother(well, half of them) and me went on:

Batman The Ride:(all of us)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/batman.html
Colossus: (all of us, four times)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/colossus.html
Ninja:(all of us)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/ninja.html
Psyclone:(all of us)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/psyclone.html
Revolution:(all of us)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/revolution.html
Scream:(me, Stacy, and Gloria)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/scream.html
Riddler's Revenge:(me, Stacy, and Gloria)--> http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/Rides/riddlers.html

The only rides we had left to go on where X, Viper, Deja Vu, and Goliath. Well, there are a bit more, but those were closed down.-.- But anyways, going on all those rides took between eleven am until about two pm. Seeing as it was a Sunday, it wasn't exactly that full. The first two rides we went on where Revolution and Roaring Rapids. Which is where we got soaked. I mean, really soaked. My jeans were just...blegh. XD It was hilarious.>> <<

We spent the rest of the day with my family. Which was when we took my parents to Colossus. My dad loves thrill rides, so he wasn't affected much on it. But my mom on the other hand, was screaming. A lot. XD I only screamed on the first two times we went on it. Just not much.>>;;; By the fourth time, I was pretty much quiet. Just trying to ignore the odd feelings in my stomach that the ride gave me. And Ninja was pretty much a bore. That long, tiring walk for nothing. Just a freakin' headache.>.< And that's another thing, due to not eating much and all those rides, I had a headache for a while. A bad one.-.- But ah well, I wasn't hungry. Just thirsty.^.^;;;

Oh! And I got a birthday present from Stacy yesterday. This Edgar Allan Poe book and a kick ass watch. Hopefully it fits, though. XD Well, I had a pretty good birthday. And I'm too tired to type anything more. Seeing as I have to reply to thirty messages right now. So...adios mis queridos! <333

Oh, and before I forget. I want to thank all the people who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. It really did complete my day.

I LURVE YOU ALL! <3


650311  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-08-20
Written: (7034 days ago)

Just got back from shopping. Everything was going pretty food until we got to the mall. Parents started fighting again. Good mood ruined. Nothing new. *shrugs*Always happens. Especially the day before my birthday. At least I'll be away from them tomorrow.*shrugs again*Whatever. Always happens. But anyways, I got a new digital camera and some new clothes for tomorrow. Which I will then use for school. Mm, I probably may have to go soon. And I won't be back until Monday. So, adios mis queridos. <3

648928  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-18
Written: (7037 days ago)

Exhausted. Once again, I fell asleep late last night. There was too much on my mind for me to fall asleep. Those thoughts have yet to go away, so I'm a bit out of it today. Just tired and stressed out. Not depressed, just slightly stressed out. Only reasons I have to be depressed now have gone down. Though they still can upset me pretty badly. Such as my grandfather getting sick. But that's life, I guess. Shit happens and we have to deal with it one way or another and continue living. Somehow. >.<

Eh, I spent most of the day watching tv with Matthew in my room. But him being two, you can just imagine the shows we watched. Dora The Explorer, Blues Clues, Baby Loony Tunes, Lazy Town, The Koala Brothers, Higgleytown Heroes, Danny Phantom, Lilo And Stich, Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends, and...a Hot Hot Heat special on MTV. >> <<

Yes, this is how I spent my summer. Watching little kid shows with my baby brother out of boredom.-.- Even though yesterday he gave me a cut on my bottom lip while he was jumping ontop of the bed and landing on me, while I was resting on his bed and watching my other brother play some video game on the PS2. His elbow slammed against my mouth and somehow mangaed to give me a cut on my bottom lip.>.< He's an abusive little boy. ;-; ...And I think my spelling is getting worse now. xD

*blinks*Oh, before I forget. I didn't get my classes yesterday. THEY LIED TO US! ...AGAIN! The only thing I got was my P.E. clothes and my homeroom number. Eh, the P.E. shirt fits fine. In other words, it's like passed my hips. w00t. XL.>> << But the shorts SUCK. I knew I should have gotten them in XXL. XD I'm short, but not short enough for the shorts that I got. That sounded odd. Anyways. The damn thing is like right at my knees. And I wanted them passed my knees. Seeing as I hate "showing off" my legs. They are fugleh. FUGLEH I SAY! And kind of thick.-.- Now to mention that damn scar on my right leg. Blegh.

...Moving on.-.- My homeroom is in building B room 206. And Stacy's is in building A room 204. We're a building apart! *sobs* Now I'm just hoping we get the same academy and the same classes, or else we're gonna be loners until lunch.;-; Even though I saw Martha yesterday. She's still shorter than me. And she still has braces. And she's still nice, I suppose. Then again, we didn't get to talk much. Not like we were really friends back in 8th grade, but we knew each other. Woo, 8th grade drama. Which I still haven't forgotten. *sighs and shudders*Death, suicidal tendecies, fighting, friends splitting up, getting caught in the middle between it all, pressure due to graduation, and so much more! Such an eventful year. Yup, yup.

...AND I TOOK MY PROZAC! So now I don't have to take it my mistake later on. Blegh. I think my breathing problems are getting worse. I should probably tell my parents before I die in my sleep or something.-.- Ah well. Birthday is this Sunday! Yay! And I might get my camera this Saturday! ^.^ Well, that's if my parents stop fighting. Oh well. I might get a new plushie on Friday. Whee! Plushie! ^-^

That also reminds me, my brother's friend called yesterday and invited him to his birthday party this Saturday. Which was when my parents where gonna take me out to dinner. And also the day when Brenda is having her Quinceañera. I gave up going to Brenda's party for spending time with my family, and now my brother is probably going to go to some party. That really got me a bit annoyed. Which also reminds me, I've been getting annoyed a lot faster lately. o.o Damnit.

Ehm, I found out that my cousin Gloria is a bit like me when it comes to extreme rides. Poor Stacy, she has to try and drag us into many rides now. XD Oh well, we'll see what happens on Sunday. >> << Hrm, sister is going to be home soon from school, so I better go now and let my brother get back on again. So I can go and lock myself in my room to get away from my grandmother's bitching. Which is really starting to piss me off.-.- See. Told you. Anyways, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <333


647458  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-16
Written: (7039 days ago)

...Took my Prozac already. So there is no need for me to end up taking it again later today by mistake. w00t. Anyways, Ugly by The Exies appears to be stuck in my head. Which would explain my mood(s). Turn a blind eye, why do I deny? Medicate me, so I die happy. A strain of cancer chokes the answers. Are you like me? A liar like me? *blinks*...God, I love that song.

But moving on! I get my schedule tomorrow. And in about two weeks or so, I go back to school. And I'm already starting to feel sick to my stomach. Ah well, at least I'll be sick to my stomach for a different reason on Sunday. Six Flags! Yay! Which means Stacy and my cousin Gloria are going to drag me off to the extreme rides that make me twitch. Or like what happened on Supreme Scream, I'll start hyperventilating again and get off the ride with my hands shaking for about fifteen minutes or so. XD That was freakin' hilarious. >> <<

Hrm, I think I have to call my cousin before Sunday. To ask if she's still going with us to Six Flags. Eh, maybe I'll make my dad call instead. Gloria and I don't talk as much as we used to when we were younger, but we're still close, if somewhat. Anyways, I may start shopping for school this Saturday, so now there's a chance that I may actually be gone for this entire weekend. Eh, we'll see.

Well, guess that's it for now. Family is starting to annoy me, so I better go.-.- Adios mis queridos. <333

Ugly by The Exies

Are you ugly?
A liar like me?
A user, a lost soul?
Someone you don’t know
Money it’s no cure
A Sickness so pure
Are you like me?
Are you ugly?


We are dirt, we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
We are fake, we are afraid
You know it’s far from over
We are dirt we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
Look closer, are you like me?
Are you ugly?


Turn a blind eye
Why do I deny?
Medicate me
So I die Happy
A strain of cancer
Chokes the answers
Are you like me?
A liar like me?


We are dirt, we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
We are fake, we are afraid
You know it’s far from over
We are dirt we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
Look closer, are you like me?
Are you ugly?


I don’t care, you don’t care
I’m bitter, you’re angry.
You don’t care, I don’t care
You love you, just like me
I blame you, you blame me
I’m bitter, you’re angry.
You don’t care, I don’t care
You love you, like me


We are dirt, we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
We are fake, we are afraid
You know it’s far from over
We are dirt we are alone
You know we are far from sober!
Look closer, are you like me?
Are you ugly?


Are you Ugly?
Are you Ugly?
Are you Ugly?
Are you Ugly?

646660  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-15
Written: (7040 days ago)

Well, I had to delete the entry that I had here, due to the fact that I somehow made the comp work. O.o So, yeah. But, never know when it'll get messed up again.-.- But, eh. It works now. ^-^ So, not much to say. Adios mis queridos. <333

Oh, and one more thing...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARKY! <333

645265  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-08-13
Written: (7042 days ago)

Note: Took Prozac already. Don't take it again you freakin 'tard.


...So I won't forget that I took it and up killing myself by mistake.-.- Anyways, siblings pissed me off. Again. And I'd wish my aunt would hurry up and pick them up already. I want this headache to go away. And the urge to bang my head against the damn desk due to being extremely annoyed.>.< *blinks*And what the hell is my Saiyuki manga doing in my sister's room?!>.<

Woke me up too damn early today. They woke me up about three times this morning. Until I finally gave up on trying to go back to sleep and got out of bed at around nine something. S'what I get for falling asleep after midnight. Again. Anyways, on a lighter note...I got three dollars from my mom. Why? I have no idea. Though they could be for my siblings, and not for me only. Damnit. Ohfuckingwell. They're mine now.>> <<

*blinks again*Feel like watching Gundam Wing...and Saiyuki. I miss my Duo. My sweet, precious Duo...o-o Well, his gundam and sexy hair. xD

...WOO! THEY'RE LEAVING SOON! And...I'm going back to bed. Nobody's on. I'm bored. I'm tired. And Matthew is not going to let me rest. Hrm. Oh, I have a panda child. XD Her name's Sakari. o-o She's so adorable. And mine. And...Matt's too. But...MINE!>.< *blinks*And I have to go hide Matthew now, so...adios mis queridos. <333

Note II:...STAY AWAY FROM THE PROZAC! o-o

643910  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-11
Written: (7043 days ago)

Well, I think I might be going to Brenda's Quinceañera next Saturday. Seeing as Stacy said that she and her family were going to go. And my mom did tell me that if Stacy's family went, then I wouldn't be left alone for a few hours. But that also means that I need to get Brenda a birthday present and I don't know what she'd like. Maybe something for her drums? Eh, I dunno. What I do know is that she's a fan of Social Distortion, MANA, and The Distellers. I think I'm going to go to Hot Topic for the Social D. and Distellers stuff. Seeing as MANA is a Spanish rock band that tends to have a lot of romantic songs and stuff. >> << That, and I don't know where to get MANA merchandise.-.-

That also means that I have to dress up for it too. Blegh. Too much dressing up this year. Well, just three times. And Christmas. What fun. Stacy, Brenda, and my cousin Gloria are all having Quinceañeras. For Brenda's thing, I'm just gonna wear my black and white pinstripe pants, my vans, and my black long sleeved...sweater thing. For Gloria's thing, I'm gonna try for something bohemian. Because it looks freakin' awesome. >> << And for Stacy's thing...well, I'm going to be a part of it, so I'm going to have to wear a dress. Oh, what fun. -.-

Anyways, my dad is going to Vegas for some kind of buisness trip tonight and probably won't be home until sometime during the weekend. And then next week I have to go get my classes, then I have to go to therapy, followed by Brenda's party, and then my trip to Six Flags. The following week, I have to go school shopping, which then leaves me a few days to fret over school and start feeling sick to my stomach until the first day of school finally arrives. Yay.

Oh, I also found out that I'm probably going to have a Sweet Sixteen next year. Along with the week long trip. My parents said that the party will be a bit small and it'll probably be before the trip. So, I'm guessing around late July. My mom was thinking of having some kind of Nightmare Before Christmas theme for it. Seeing as she saw it in some wedding. xD That would straight out PWN. But she said I couldn't have a black dress for it. Maybe some kind of red, purple, or blue...but no black. Damnit.-.- Ah well, they're just trying to make it up for already screwing up two of my birthdays. Last year when they ened up making me cry in public and ruining the rest of the day, and this year when I decieded to not have a Quinceañera because of them. Well, their fighting and financial problems. So, I'll see what we'll do for next year.

Eh, I think I'm gonna go take a shower right now. Seeing as it's almost five. And...once again my dumbass forgot to take the Prozac. Shit. Eh, guess I'll go take it now. Though I'm only suppose to take it in the morning. *blinks*Actually, I can't remember if I took it or not. So, maybe I shouldn't take it? Oh, fuck.-.- Lets just all pray to god that I didn't take it today, because this'll be my second time not taking the damn medication. *shudders*So, yeah. Adios now.

642791  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-10
Written: (7045 days ago)

Mm, don't know if I'll be on later today. Mom has to go to the doctor today at around four and after that we're going to go visit my grandfather. Blegh, I like saying grandfather in Spanish rather than in English. But anyways. I'll probably be back at around six or seven. Not exactly sure.

Anyways, had some kind of a dream last night. But of course, I can't remember what it was about. Not much anyway. Just that Stacy was in there and that it had something to do with school. If Stacy's in any of my dreams, it either has something to do with school or it's just entirely insane. xD But that's all that I can remember. Maybe I was predicting something in my dreams? Like I usually do. My parents said that when I was younger I would predict car crashes that would usually actually occur. Not my fault. It seemed most logical due to where our old and ghetto house was located. XD Mm, and some of the people I know are really predictable to me by now, so I tend to know what they're gonna say before they actually do. -.- But I'm Mexican and my family is weird, so you never know. They're either into witchcraft like stuff or they're just religious hypocrits. Or they're like me, they have their own personal beliefs and tend to ignore everyone else. ^-^ ...And that's saying it lightly without swearing.>>;;;

God damnit, I'm getting bitched at again. And this time, not by family.-.- Last night was even worse. Now I'm feeling depressed. Fun. *blinks*Neck hurts. And I just noticed that today is the 10th. o-o Which means eleven more days until my birthday. Which also reminds me, I got an invitation from Brenda for her Quinceañera. Which is going to be on the 20th. My parents said that I could go. But that they were gonna leave me alone. With people that I don't even know. ;-; I mean, I know Brenda and one of the guys that's going to be a part of it, but they're gonna be busy. And I don't even know if Stacy is going, either. I should call her tomorrow. But anyways. That's the day that my parents were gonna take me out to dinner. So, by the looks of it, I won't be on much during the weekend of my birthday.

...And next week I get my classes! w00t! I'm gonna make my parents help me look for my classrooms while we're there. Which I'll probably forget where they are once I start school on September 6th.-.- *blinks*Eh, that's it for today. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <33

...Oh, one more thing.

|| HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MAH GHETTO GANGSTAR HOMIE G FO SHIZZLE KAWAII-IZZLE GIRLIE, JADE!||


xD In other words, happy birthday to [jaderii]. Lurve! <333
641966  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-08
Written: (7046 days ago)
Next in thread: 641983

Well, I just got a packet from my new high school. Dear God, that's a lot of crud to read. And fill out. But that's my parents job. All I have to do is go during pre-registration to show my pretty *coughsyeahright* face there. With my parents. But there's a slight problem. Because of my last name, I have to go on the 17th for my classes and such. At 3:00pm-3:45pm. But my sister has to meet our therapist at three. And I have to see her at four. So, I think my dad may have to switch the dates or something. -.-

Anyways, they just sent us two packets, a form for my Medical history, and some other form for lunch tickets. Because we're dirt poor at the moment. >> << And this check-off list of things we're suppose to go when I get my classes and suchs. w00t.

Mm, my brother got something similar too. But nothing like mine. Just that we both start school on the 6th of September. And we're probably going to get out early that day.

Though I doubt I'm going to get the academy that I want. Due to my awful grades.-.- Ah well. C'est la vie. I'll see when the time comes, I guess. Hrm, almost five thirty. I better go take a quick shower before my dad gets home. In case we have to go visit my grandpa. So, yeah. Adios mis queridos. <333

640896  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-08-07
Written: (7048 days ago)

Well, lets see. I was almost hospitalized yesterday. Why? Heh, parents were fighting again. Just like before. Which resulted in me blurting out that my therapist wanted to take me to the hospital the day I went to see her because she wanted to make sure I didn't do anything to myself and a few other things. So, my dad freaked and said he was going to take me to the hospital. And this all happened at ten at night when we were driving back home. Well, by then I was already sobbing and whimpering and begging him not to take me to the hospital. Eh, it really wasn't begging. It was just me shaking my head, whimpering and saying, "No, no, no.." over and over again. Sometimes adding, "I don't want to go." If I could. I can't really talk well when I'm crying.-.-

Mom told him not to take me and asked me if I was going to hurt myself. I started crying harder and shook my head. While of course, still saying the stated things above. But, then we got home, my mom had to help me to my room. Not only because it was dark, but because I couldn't walk and I was shaking too much. Dad told me that I should go sleep, but that I had to leave my bedroom door open. Too make sure I didn't do anything, of course. Which I wasn't. No matter what. Of course, I couldn't say any of that because by then, I couldn't talk. Even if I wanted too, I couldn't.

About half in hour later, while I was still in bed crying, my parents came in to talk to me. But that's even more personal than what I have written down so far, so I'm not going to mention it much. Just that they told me not to do anything because that would just kill whatever will power they have left in them. If you didn't know, both of my parents are suicidal.*sighs*Eh, there's more but I don't feel like saying much about it.

Though my siblings came in to ask me if I was still going to watch Inuyasha with them. Heh, they actually looked worried for me. Now I hate myself for crying in front of Matthew again. *sighs again*But, anyways. I somehow managed to say yes, so at 11:30pm, we watched Samurai Champloo and then Inuyasha. And then they went to bed. Eh, there's so much else left to say, but right now I'm really out of it. Parents aren't fighting right now. Yay.

Though I don't know if I'll be here much today. Unless my sister can't walk much. Seeing as something happened to her foot. But, if she can, we might go somewhere. Though I don't feel the same anymore. I feel emotionally drained. More than I have ever felt. Eh, I'm just out of it. Maybe it'll go away in a day or so. But, if anyone even bothered to read this, I'm sorry. I'm especially sorry if I act like a moody bitch today or tomorrow. You can ignore me if you want. I'll understand. But, eh. I'm just sorry if I act even more moody and withdrawn than before. But no worries, I'll be fine. So, adios mis queridos. <333

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