I've been letting myself get pushed around again. I've been getting used alot lately. Typical. Not like I have the strength or courage to even stick up for myself. Life at home as gotten slightly better, but I'm still not happy. I'm still paranoid. Extremely paranoid. And I keep thinking about my grandfather. Heh, now I feel like crying. Well, other than being alot of people's bitch, I'm almost out of school for winter break. Tomorrow's my last day. But I have work to do over my days of, so eh. Anyways, guess that's it. Adios.

Here ya go Kisa, the new poem that I wrote...just for you. XD <3

My love, look at me well,
These eyes shall no longer cry for you,
And my words will no longer bother you.
Shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice for love alone?
With thoughts ever so tangled with this harsh reality...
Though answer me this,
Can you see the utter depth of emotions in my eyes?
The luster of sadness?
And the dim light of happiness?
The memories of once upon a time,
Hidden amongst it all?
Even though my love for you was once so strong,
A new attraction has taken hold of me.
The sharp edge has been ever so sweet,
Sweeter than anything you've given me.
I ask again, shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice of love...with this blade alone?

Something I found in a bulletin on Myspace.XD For Kisa to fill out. Or anyone else who wants too. o.o;

Am I:
Ugly? :
Kind? :
Loud? :
Shy? :
Weird? :
Selfish? :
Ghetto? :
Crazy?:
Nice? :
Mean?:
Immature? :
Rude?:
Cool? :
Stupid? :
Caring? :
Mature? :
A friend? :
More than a friend?:
Talkative? :
Boring? :
Hott :
Creative? :
Smart? :
A flirt? :
A psycho? :
Athletic? :
Confusing? :
Sweet? :
Annoying? :
Funny? :
Hyper? :
Laid back? :
Perfect? :

If you could:
Give me a new name, what would it be ?:
Hook me up with someone, who would it be ?:
Do one thing with me, it would be ?:
Drop me one piece of advice, it would be ?:

Would You:
Kiss me ?:
Ever go out with me ?:
If you already have, would you do it again ?:
Ever talk bad about me if we were to break up ?:

Questions:
What is my phone number?:
Which song reminds you of me?:
When is my birthday?:
Who is/are my best friend/s?:
Where did we meet?:
Have you ever had a dream about me? Describe it.:
If you could change one thing about me what would it be?:
What do you love about me?:
Describe me in 3-5 words:

Mom's birthday today. <3
Along with some stupid Christmas parade near my house. Meh, I hate parade's. They're so dull. And I also hate Christmas this year.*stretches*Not like we're gonna do much, anyway.

Eh, anyways. Homework to work on. Almost done with biology homework so I can go back working on my history notes. Half way done with those. Lets see, what else? I've been leaving scratches along my left arm with a broken antenna(sp). It's not cutting. And I just wanted to see if it would leave any marks. *pokes arm*Nope. They're all fading.>> << And I'll stop it, or else I'll end up cutting myself.-.- I'll turn Emo if I do. ;-; ...Anyways. Homework. Adios. <3

...*bangs head against desk*Made my mom cry. Again.-.- Damnit. I blame it on that Bad Religion song.*shakes head*She just ended up telling me to never say that I wish I wasn't born. And that I was beautiful, smart, and will end up being someone great when I get older.*sighs*Now I feel like a total bitch than usual.-.-

Anyways! Moving away from all that depressing crud. We don't have to do the test for Biology tomorrow! Yay! We get to watch some movie on evolution, instead.XD *blinks*And Adriana thinks my friend Luis is hot and wanted me to get his number for her.-.- God, now I can't look at him the same way anymore. It's just, blegh. I told her that he has a girlfriend, so she went and had an Emo moment. And then tripped during our first lap for our mile run.>> << I think he saw, too.XD So she had another Emo moment. And because our group was the last to run, we have to do the mile all over again tomorrow. Fun.>.<

Oh! And Stacy has another soccer game tomorrow, so I'll probably be on late. Seeing as I'm gonna go and watch her play. And I'm gonna ask my dad to bring me some batteries so I can take my camera to school and take random pictures. If not, I'll take it next week.*blinks*Oh, and if my godfather has any bands playing at his cafe, I might go there too. And he has a Led Zepplin song playing on his website too. Awesome. <3 ...Well, back to homework. Adios mis queridos! <3

Wearing one of my grandpa's jackets...
I suddenly feel depressed.
And I have the need to cry.
I'll just distract myself with homework.
And fight back the tears.
I have yet to get over it.
But oh well. Back to homework.
Adios.

Now hold onto me, pretty baby, if you wanna fly. I'm gonna melt the fever, sugar. Rolling back your eyes...*hums the rest**blinks and coughs*So...my day wasn't all that great yesterday. Thanks to yet another fight with my parents.*shrugs*Ah well. Almost the end of the year. Hopefully it'll get better soon.

Anyways! Currently trying to study for biology. Even though I have alot of history homework. But it's due Wednesday, so whatever. I get out for Winter Break next Friday! Finally! ...Even though I already have work to do for biology. Great.-.- Oh well. Presents! And, I better go back to my work. Nothing else to say. New cut. Lip started bleeding during gym. And I made the part of the skin near my nail get caught on a sharp edge of plastic and thus cut that part of the skin during lunch. Smart, Steph, really freakin' smart.-.- Though I kept asking everyone I knew if they wanted to hold my hand while it wouldn't stop bleeding. One guy almost did.XD >> << Eh, back to notes. Adios mis queridos. <3

...O.O Tomorrow's the fourth! Like, dude! TWO YEARS! <3

*coughs*Anyways. Just got back from my friend Vanessa's Quinceañera. It was nice. And adorable. And guess what boys and girlies? I'm having a Sweet Sixteen! Whether I like it or not. XD My dress is going to be white with some black. Hopefully. >> << We're probably gonna start planning everything in a month or so. My parents are thinking of having Persian food and a candy or fruit buffet. Freakin' awesome. And instead of a tiara, I'm probably gonna have flowers in my hair. o.o

But, that's the dream so far, anyway. I'll have to wait and see if they're being serious about it all. Anyways. Neck hurts. ;-; And I'm tired. And I also have to go back to working on homework. So, yeah. Time for me to go bye bye. Adios mis queridos. <3

Oh, wow. It's December. 2005 is coming to an end. Thank god. Hopefully '06 is better. If not much, a little bit. This year has basically been hell. And my depression is still pretty bad. But eh, moving on. Yay. Cold by Crossfade is playing. I love that song. Along with Northern Star by Hole. <3 I cherish all my misery alone...
Oh, and me and Adriana are planning on dressing Emo next semester. Ehehe. Little emo girlies. Hm, maybe. I'll try anyway. Mm, now I have Emo Kid by Adam and Andrew stuck in my head. God, that song is hilarious.

...Eh. I guess today was okay. The kids of tomorrow don't need today, when they live in the sins of yesterday. <-- Billy Talent. Love. <3 So, anyway. Might not be on tomorrow and Saturday. Tomorrow, I might go out. And on Saturday, I'll be gone for most of the day due to Vanessa's Quinceañera. Oh, and I've remembered that my Tinkerbell box that I bought at Disneyland over a year ago is also a music box. Slow Stephy. Can't believe I forgot that. I only remembered last night when I thought I saw something in the back of it, and then turned it and opened the lid, and 'lo and behold, music started playing. I love music boxes. They're precious and facinating. For me, anyway.

Well, I have homework to finish. So yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3

Thanksgiving was great...

♡
♡
♡

...Until I got home.
I left in a bad mood.
And I came back in a bad mood.
At least I had some happiness for three hours.
Got to eat, hang out with my cousins, and watch parts of the new Green Day DVD.
Along with the usual Solis and Robles "bickering," jokes, memories, and plans for Christmas and the future.
It's always amusing. And nice.
Gloria got some of it on video.
Heh, somewhat amusing.
But that came to an end with the usual bull shit.
So whatever. Shit happens.
And that's this year's Thanksgiving.

Can't wait for Christmas. ♡

Yayness. Crawl Straight Home by Horrorpops. So sexy.>> << ...And I just turned the volume a bit higher to annoy my siblings. They woke me up.-.- ...Can't wait for the 30th of December though. Probably going to a concert with my uncle Joel and two of my cousins. Yay. ^-^ Gonna go see Reverend Horton Heat with Horrorpops at the House Of Blues in Anaheim. Can't wait. *blinks*Oooh. Pretty Girls Make Graves. Awesome. <3

Anyways. Might not be on much today. Homework, going to the cementary, and more homework, and then my aunt's house, and then more homework. Though I don't have school tomorrow either, so I can finish the rest tomorrow and on Sunday. Though I have Quinceañera practice on Friday and then the actual Quinceañera is on Saturday, so I won't be here that day. Though I promise to take pictures! Sadly. -.- Oh, and I confessed yesterday.XD I thought I was gonna be the only one, but...everyone in the group had to confess at church. But yeah.>>;;; Better go and keep working on my homework. Adios mis queridos. <3

So, we might have to move. Why? Well, my parents are legally divorced, really. But they got back together to try and work things out. But, it's basically gotten worse than before. So, my mom is making threats of selling the house. I believe it's under her name and such. Or both their names. I don't know. My dad said we'll either move somewhere else, or he'll ask my uncle to help us out. Last night was basically hell and I'm not about to get into that. I just cried alot. Meh. I was crying most of the day yesterday, so whatever. *shrugs*Oh, and no Sweet Sixteen for me. Ah well. Big social gathering's aren't my type of thing, anyway. Mm, moving away from that. I won't be on much today. Gotta go to the mall to get some things for Stacy's Quinceañera which might take a while, and then I have practice. So yeah. Adios now.

Probably going to mall tomorrow. And then my aunt's house for my cousin Patty's birthday party. And Sunday I have to go to Quinceañera practice. Woo. Oh, and Adriana came over today. And I still haven't gotten my dress for Stacy's Quinceañera. Damn thing is too long, though. Oh well. Guess I have to wear heels. And probably kill myself while wearing them. God, I hate being clumsy. People already think I'm a cutter. Which I'm not, by the way. School was pretty much boring today. Library wasn't open so I couldn't return the manga. Maybe Monday, I guess. Christmas is probably gonna suck this year. My dad and my uncle still aren't really talking, and my parents still owe my great-aunt $25,000 that she lent us when we almost lost the house. So, we're probably just gonna stay home and...sleep on Christmas. Or try to, anyway. Seeing as Matthew and Vanessa like waking up early. Which causes me to wake up soon after them. Then Peter. And finally my parents.

And I also might have a Sweet Sixteen, but because of the cost...I probably shouldn't. Same reason as to why I didn't have a Quinceañera. I'll settle for going out to eat and some money for school stuff that I can pick.*shrugs*I'm not picky. As for Christmas, I have a few people to give gifts to: Stacy, Vanessa, Adriana, Bernadette, and Matt. No idea if I'll have money, though. Maybe. Hopefully. *sighs*Ah well. Hopefully I don't get much homework over winter break. Maybe I can actually get some sleep. Which is probably what I should be doing right now, but eh. Whatever. Anyways. Guess that's it. Adios. <3

...Cha-cha-cha! Charmin! XD ...I swear. Everytime I go to my Geometry class, that song just begins to play in my head for nearly the entire class period. Yes...anyway. Mr. Squishy is awesome. Eheh, don't ask. Random bull crud between me, Adriana and her ex-boyfriend. But, yeah. Anyways. Club meeting tomorrow. And Stacy made JV in the girl's soccer team at school. w00t! <3 Because their first game is going to be at some other school, I won't be able to see her play until their second game. I think. I'm not sure. Uhm, got out of school early today. And we're going to have a practice lock-down at school on Friday. And I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. I think. I'm not sure. We'll see. *blinks*Hm, too much homework. So I better go and finish it. Adios. <3

Meh. I'm crying again and my eyes are stinging badly.
I should probably go to bed.
Though I'll probably break down once I'm in my room.
And I still have to read and study for history.
But my headache is back and I can't concentrate on anything.
Besides what people are telling me.
And as usual, it makes me feel worse.
So now, instead of trying to keep from crying, I am.
Whatever. Shit happens. Have to get over it.
Mm, leaving soon.
Gotta go take a shower and get my things ready.
So again, whatever. Adios.