[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary

718614  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-20
Written: (6912 days ago)

<img:http://members.home.nl/wstevens-s/x1282558.gif>


Obsession by Animotion.
I love that song. <3

Anyways. Concert next week! If I'm even going, that is. <3 I'll have to ask my dad about that again. Well, I think my uncle is going to mail Matt's gift today. Or so I hope. So it'll probably get there either this week or next. Well I'm probably gonna spend most of today working on homework. The agony Time for an emo moment. Cutslashwristworldhatesmecutstabdiebitch. <3 All done! *yawns* Meh, stupid homework. Ah well. At least I'll have something to do. As long as I finish it before we go back to school. So! Off to work on homework for a bit and probably clean. Adios mis queridos. <3


<img:http://dylancoveralbums.com/tt/nfy/animotion.jpg>
Teh sex. <3


Obsession
by Animotion


You are an obsession
I cannot sleep
I am your possession
Unopened at your feet
There's no balance
No equality
Be still I will not accept defeat


I will have you
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you


You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me


I feed you I drink you
My day and my night
I need you I need you
By sun or candlelight
You protest
You want to leave
Stay
Oh, there's no alternative


Your face appears again
I see the beauty there
But I see danger
Stranger beware
A circumstance
In your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems


You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me


My fantasy has turned to madness
And all my goodness
Has turned to badness
My need to possess you
Has consumed my soul
My life is trembling
I have no control


I will have you
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you


You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
718323  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-20
Written: (6913 days ago)

<img:http://members.home.nl/wstevens-s/x1273287.gif>
I love this icon. <3


Once again, I'm feeling completely and utterly depressed. Wow, I haven't felt that in about a week. God, it lasted longer than usual. But now everything is back to hell again. And close to Christmas too! Just like last year. <3 I feel like kicking and screaming. I feel like crying. I feel like having an emo moment. Cutslashwristworldhatesmecutstabdiebitch. <3

But nah. I'll just pretend to be fine. A little down, but fine. Why ruin the Holiday cheer? I can just imagine how emotionally and mentally unstable I'm becoming. Witnessed so much and at the same time, so less of what other people go through. Other than still being haunted by images of that man taking my grandfather's body away and watching him being buried six feet under and lost to us forever...adding that trauma to how traumatized my parents fighting has made me over the years. Wow, I feel like a fuck up. Muñeca fea. <3 Ha ha, bitch, ha ha.

EMO RANT!

Pfft. That's what it looks like this has become. I should just be happy with what I have. But I'm not. Because what I have deserves better than me. I feel like an illusion made stronger by what people want to think of me. Not of what I really am. Hm, maybe it's just the Prozac talking. Or my anger at the current hell at home. I don't know. But whatever. I'm just gonna stop before I get yelled at. Toodles, mofo's.

...Even with my tearless rant of emotion, don't forget that...
<img:http://members.home.nl/wstevens-s/xglamgirlavatar2338.gif>





718031  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-12-19
Written: (6913 days ago)

I'm still listening to Call Me by Blondie. <3

I'm almost done with The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale. Pretty good book. Though I'll probably start on the work for winter break tomorrow. Once I get a new notebook, seeing as I don't have any paper. I have to read a whole chapter for AP World History, take notes and all that, because we're going to have a test the Tuesday of the week we go back to school. We'll spend Monday going over the whole chapter. For biology, have to read the newspaper and write about whatever we find on genetics. Five of them. And we also have a term paper due. Fun.

But I got my Christmas Holiday shopping done. Well, half of it. I'm giving Bird and Adriana their gifts once we go back to school. I only have Stacy's and Matt's gifts all done. <3 All I have to do next is mail Matt his gift, and drop off Stacy's at her house. Probably on Thursday when my mom doesn't have to go to work. <3

Well, guess that's it for now. Too lazy to type more. Adios mis queridos. <3


<img:http://members.home.nl/wstevens-s/avatarhell_xxhunnayxx_happypills.gif>
But I did! I'm a good girl. <3
717273  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-17
Written: (6915 days ago)

Cover me with kisses, baby. Cover me with love.

Yay! Blondie. I love her. <3 She's uber awesome.
Anyways, it's always most Christmas. And what a sad Christmas it will be this year. Ah well.
*blinks*Bernadette is my Uber Goober now. She's known as Bird to other people, but Uber Goober to me. w00t! XD *shakes head*I'm exhausted right now, so yeah. It's almost ten and I'm gonna go to bed soon. Probably right after I finish this. Changed my house a bit. As well as my Myspace profile. But other than that, today was pretty dull. For me. I was sick and all. *yawns*Eh, not much else to say, so adios. <3

I'll love you always Shi-Chan and Kisa! <3



<img:http://members.home.nl/wstevens-s/phonesexx.gif>
Interracial lesbian phone sex. As observed by me and Bird. <3


716218  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-15
Written: (6917 days ago)

I've been letting myself get pushed around again. I've been getting used alot lately. Typical. Not like I have the strength or courage to even stick up for myself. Life at home as gotten slightly better, but I'm still not happy. I'm still paranoid. Extremely paranoid. And I keep thinking about my grandfather. Heh, now I feel like crying. Well, other than being alot of people's bitch, I'm almost out of school for winter break. Tomorrow's my last day. But I have work to do over my days of, so eh. Anyways, guess that's it. Adios.

714959  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-13
Written: (6919 days ago)
Next in thread: 715063

Here ya go Kisa, the new poem that I wrote...just for you. XD <3

My love, look at me well,
These eyes shall no longer cry for you,
And my words will no longer bother you.
Shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice for love alone?
With thoughts ever so tangled with this harsh reality...
Though answer me this,
Can you see the utter depth of emotions in my eyes?
The luster of sadness?
And the dim light of happiness?
The memories of once upon a time,
Hidden amongst it all?
Even though my love for you was once so strong,
A new attraction has taken hold of me.
The sharp edge has been ever so sweet,
Sweeter than anything you've given me.
I ask again, shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice of love...with this blade alone?

714404  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-13
Written: (6920 days ago)

Something I found in a bulletin on Myspace.XD For Kisa to fill out. Or anyone else who wants too. o.o;

Am I:
Ugly? :
Kind? :
Loud? :
Shy? :
Weird? :
Selfish? :
Ghetto? :
Crazy?:
Nice? :
Mean?:
Immature? :
Rude?:
Cool? :
Stupid? :
Caring? :
Mature? :
A friend? :
More than a friend?:
Talkative? :
Boring? :
Hott :
Creative? :
Smart? :
A flirt? :
A psycho? :
Athletic? :
Confusing? :
Sweet? :
Annoying? :
Funny? :
Hyper? :
Laid back? :
Perfect? :

If you could:
Give me a new name, what would it be ?:
Hook me up with someone, who would it be ?:
Do one thing with me, it would be ?:
Drop me one piece of advice, it would be ?:

Would You:
Kiss me ?:
Ever go out with me ?:
If you already have, would you do it again ?:
Ever talk bad about me if we were to break up ?:

Questions:
What is my phone number?:
Which song reminds you of me?:
When is my birthday?:
Who is/are my best friend/s?:
Where did we meet?:
Have you ever had a dream about me? Describe it.:
If you could change one thing about me what would it be?:
What do you love about me?:
Describe me in 3-5 words:

713731  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-12-11
Written: (6921 days ago)
Next in thread: 713746

Mom's birthday today. <3
Along with some stupid Christmas parade near my house. Meh, I hate parade's. They're so dull. And I also hate Christmas this year.*stretches*Not like we're gonna do much, anyway.

Eh, anyways. Homework to work on. Almost done with biology homework so I can go back working on my history notes. Half way done with those. Lets see, what else? I've been leaving scratches along my left arm with a broken antenna(sp). It's not cutting. And I just wanted to see if it would leave any marks. *pokes arm*Nope. They're all fading.>> << And I'll stop it, or else I'll end up cutting myself.-.- I'll turn Emo if I do. ;-; ...Anyways. Homework. Adios. <3

712472  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-08
Written: (6924 days ago)

...*bangs head against desk*Made my mom cry. Again.-.- Damnit. I blame it on that Bad Religion song.*shakes head*She just ended up telling me to never say that I wish I wasn't born. And that I was beautiful, smart, and will end up being someone great when I get older.*sighs*Now I feel like a total bitch than usual.-.-

Anyways! Moving away from all that depressing crud. We don't have to do the test for Biology tomorrow! Yay! We get to watch some movie on evolution, instead.XD *blinks*And Adriana thinks my friend Luis is hot and wanted me to get his number for her.-.- God, now I can't look at him the same way anymore. It's just, blegh. I told her that he has a girlfriend, so she went and had an Emo moment. And then tripped during our first lap for our mile run.>> << I think he saw, too.XD So she had another Emo moment. And because our group was the last to run, we have to do the mile all over again tomorrow. Fun.>.<

Oh! And Stacy has another soccer game tomorrow, so I'll probably be on late. Seeing as I'm gonna go and watch her play. And I'm gonna ask my dad to bring me some batteries so I can take my camera to school and take random pictures. If not, I'll take it next week.*blinks*Oh, and if my godfather has any bands playing at his cafe, I might go there too. And he has a Led Zepplin song playing on his website too. Awesome. <3 ...Well, back to homework. Adios mis queridos! <3

711389  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-06
Written: (6926 days ago)

Wearing one of my grandpa's jackets...
I suddenly feel depressed.
And I have the need to cry.
I'll just distract myself with homework.
And fight back the tears.
I have yet to get over it.
But oh well. Back to homework.
Adios.

710777  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-06
Written: (6927 days ago)

Now hold onto me, pretty baby, if you wanna fly. I'm gonna melt the fever, sugar. Rolling back your eyes...*hums the rest**blinks and coughs*So...my day wasn't all that great yesterday. Thanks to yet another fight with my parents.*shrugs*Ah well. Almost the end of the year. Hopefully it'll get better soon.

Anyways! Currently trying to study for biology. Even though I have alot of history homework. But it's due Wednesday, so whatever. I get out for Winter Break next Friday! Finally! ...Even though I already have work to do for biology. Great.-.- Oh well. Presents! And, I better go back to my work. Nothing else to say. New cut. Lip started bleeding during gym. And I made the part of the skin near my nail get caught on a sharp edge of plastic and thus cut that part of the skin during lunch. Smart, Steph, really freakin' smart.-.- Though I kept asking everyone I knew if they wanted to hold my hand while it wouldn't stop bleeding. One guy almost did.XD >> << Eh, back to notes. Adios mis queridos. <3

709685  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-03
Written: (6929 days ago)

...O.O Tomorrow's the fourth! Like, dude! TWO YEARS! <3

*coughs*Anyways. Just got back from my friend Vanessa's Quinceañera. It was nice. And adorable. And guess what boys and girlies? I'm having a Sweet Sixteen! Whether I like it or not. XD My dress is going to be white with some black. Hopefully. >> << We're probably gonna start planning everything in a month or so. My parents are thinking of having Persian food and a candy or fruit buffet. Freakin' awesome. And instead of a tiara, I'm probably gonna have flowers in my hair. o.o

But, that's the dream so far, anyway. I'll have to wait and see if they're being serious about it all. Anyways. Neck hurts. ;-; And I'm tired. And I also have to go back to working on homework. So, yeah. Time for me to go bye bye. Adios mis queridos. <3

708520  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-12-01
Written: (6931 days ago)

Oh, wow. It's December. 2005 is coming to an end. Thank god. Hopefully '06 is better. If not much, a little bit. This year has basically been hell. And my depression is still pretty bad. But eh, moving on. Yay. Cold by Crossfade is playing. I love that song. Along with Northern Star by Hole. <3 I cherish all my misery alone...
Oh, and me and Adriana are planning on dressing Emo next semester. Ehehe. Little emo girlies. Hm, maybe. I'll try anyway. Mm, now I have Emo Kid by Adam and Andrew stuck in my head. God, that song is hilarious.

...Eh. I guess today was okay. The kids of tomorrow don't need today, when they live in the sins of yesterday. <-- Billy Talent. Love. <3 So, anyway. Might not be on tomorrow and Saturday. Tomorrow, I might go out. And on Saturday, I'll be gone for most of the day due to Vanessa's Quinceañera. Oh, and I've remembered that my Tinkerbell box that I bought at Disneyland over a year ago is also a music box. Slow Stephy. Can't believe I forgot that. I only remembered last night when I thought I saw something in the back of it, and then turned it and opened the lid, and 'lo and behold, music started playing. I love music boxes. They're precious and facinating. For me, anyway.

Well, I have homework to finish. So yeah. Adios mis queridos. <3

704390  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-11-24
Written: (6938 days ago)

Thanksgiving was great...





...Until I got home.
I left in a bad mood.
And I came back in a bad mood.
At least I had some happiness for three hours.
Got to eat, hang out with my cousins, and watch parts of the new Green Day DVD.
Along with the usual Solis and Robles "bickering," jokes, memories, and plans for Christmas and the future.
It's always amusing. And nice.
Gloria got some of it on video.
Heh, somewhat amusing.
But that came to an end with the usual bull shit.
So whatever. Shit happens.
And that's this year's Thanksgiving.

Can't wait for Christmas. 
 The logged in version 

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