[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary
I'm so glad I have Kisa and Stacy with me. They made this whole fucking day better. Even though I'm still crying and feel like utter crap. But whatever. Shit happens. I'm still crying. But it'll end. Soon, I hope. Threw everything away. It hurt, but I had too. It would be worse if I kept it all. The journal, the letters, everyting. The tears are the price of a broken heart, I guess. But...I have Kisa and Stacy. And I'm thankful for that. I love them both very much. <3
Ohmygawd! Kisa called me yesterday! O.O And guess what?! We talked for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS on the phone last night! ^.^ And this is most of what happened last night. o.o
-She told her mom we were lesbian lovers. XD
-We were both half dead on the phone
-Something about phone sex. >> <<
-By the looks of it, one of us died.O.o
-One of us might be pregnant with the others child.XD
-It only got serious for like less than an hour. O.o Conversation wise that is.>>;;;
-Kept telling each other to go to bed, but ended up adding another hour to our conversation.
-She made me make my bird noise thing.@.@
-I kept scaring her. XD
-Her phone kept losing our call over five times.>.<
...And that's all that I can remember.>> << Adios mis queridos, I have to go out for a bit. ^.^;;; <3
Really freakin' pissed off right now. No idea why. Everyone's just been annoying me today. Family, anyway. And I don't think I'm going to the concert today, either. Reverend Horton Heat with Horrorpops and Graceland Mafia will be at the House of Blues in Anaheim today. And that's the concert everyone kept saying I could go too. But now I can't. From what I can tell, my uncle couldn't find another ticket. Eh, whatever. There's always another time to go, I guess. Even though I really wanted to see the Horrorpops live. *shrugs*Maybe my cousin Gloria will tell me about it. She, her brother and my uncle Joel are going. Oh well, I have homework to work on anyway.
...because Kisa([Kisa_sama]) said so.>> << Even though you can all just stop reading this now, if you'd like. XD
Part of a survey thingy that me and Kisa did for each other. Why? Boredom. And because we love each other in a non-lesbian way too. <3 Oh, and if you decied to do it...I guess I'll do it for you too.@.@ 'Cept Kisa's first. Because I love her. X3 *blinks*Survey first and then Kisa's answers.>> <<
What would you do if...
The Bad
I got sick:
I started cutting:
I started smoking:
I started drinking:
I got hospitalized:
I commited suicide:
I was victim to a homocide:
Got raped:
The Good
Kissed you:
Hugged you:
Told you I loved you:
Got married:
Asked you to marry me:
Had a child:
Told you I loved someone
What would you do if...
The Bad
I got sick:litterall
I started cutting: Cut too, because A we promised, and B cut because you cut because I was uber sad and scared for you. ><
I started smoking: Snap your death by shit in half.
I started drinking: Stare at you weird, wonder if I should let you get waisted, then make sure you didn't get raped by Matt or Eric. >< And not let you become an alcoholic.
I got hospitalized: Reverts back to number one. Cept flowers and candy involved. >> <<
I commited suicide: Bring your sorry ass back to life so I could kill you for leaving me all alone. ;.; Then probably die too.
I was victim to a homocide: >< Kill that sorry bastard over and over and over and over and over again. ><
Got raped: ..To Matt? I might make Stacy give protection..To anyone else. I'd be there before it started with a shotgun and shovel. and cover up story.
The Good
Kissed you: o.o Non lesbian kissy kisses are fine? >> << *coughs*
Hugged you: Hug back XD And be happy.
Told you I loved you: Say the same and totally win the battle over Matt. o.o 1/10000000 chances but HEy >> << Whatever.
Got married: Be there taking pictures. >> <<
Asked you to marry me: o-o Say yes!!! XD >> <<Bout damn time. X3 Matt's not stopping us now. >> <<
Had a child: ..is it American most wanted? o.o *eyes gleam*
Told you I loved someone: Make sure they were worthy of you or they would be dead and I said they left a note saying: "Went on vacation with parents, be back soon?"
Another Christmas ruined! <3
Not like I didn't see that coming.
Parents are fighting again.*shrugs*
I'll be gone for a while. Be back whenever. Adios. <3
Ohmygawd! It's almost Christmas!
Remenissions by Avenged Sevenfold.
Woo! It's almost Christmas. Just a few more hours. And all of my presents are mailed and stuff. Well, except Stacy's. I'll just drop it off later today if she's home. She better be. I'll probably end up dropping it off later in the evening. I think I'm being dragged off to my grandma's house. I'm probably just gonna get money. I'm probably the hardest person to get a gift for in my family. XD Hilarious, really.
Well, I helped my grandma make tamales this morning. Tons and tons of them. >> << Yum. *blinks*God, I'm tired. I fell asleep at around two in morning. Oh, and Kisa. I will get you. Just you wait. <3 I LOVE YOU! X3 But really, I will get the old messages and find pictures to go with them if I have too. >>;;; *coughs*Anyway
Kitty. o.o
...Itchy feeling and being alone brought this. That, and a bad headache. I should probably go and write Kisa's letter now. o.o *shakes head* <3 Stupid poem. If that's what it even is. >.<;
Sooner or later,
These eyes will close forever
And a gentle calm will thus wash over
And a new love will take me away
The shinning light and the man in black,
Will lead me far away from this world
He's a king at seduction,
Who hosts many lovers behind his cloak.
Sometimes he teases,
And leaves a person breathless and shaken.
Sometimes he makes a catch, and you can't escape.
Can't escape that abyss of dark calm.
This king of Seduction,
Will get you hooked.
He'll make you whisper his name,
Once you're in his cold embrace.
Your eyes will slide shut,
Thus is the spell of the Grim Reaper.
Mwuah. <3
Como La Flor by Selena. <3
I love that song. Really wish I had one of her CD's.
Well, today has been hell. And I have a killer headache right now. But I stopped crying! <-- One of the reasons as to why I have a headache. But the whole being alone thing has given me some inspiritation to write some more poems. I'll probably write them for Kisa, though. Mwuah. Love you. <3 Well, I made my parents both cry. And now we're all a great big bundle of depression. My dad and my siblings have been gone for almost two hours though...I'm kinda worried. Well, I better go. I think I'm about to start crying again. Adios.
Falling
Are you waiting for someone to rescue you, from yourself?
Dont be disappointed when no one comes
Dont blame me, you didnt get it
Dont blame me, you didnt get it
I already told you that
Becomes the problem
If you dont believe you can find a way out
You become the problem
Become the problem
Cant you see, arent you tired of this dysfunctional routine?
Dont blame me, you didnt get it
Dont blame me, you didnt get it
I already told you that
Becomes the problem
If you dont believe you can find a way out
You become the problem
Become the problem
becomes the problem
becomes the problem
If you don't believe, you can find a way out
You become the problem
become the problem
Becomes the problem
And if you believe you can find a way out
Then you've solved the problem
You've solved your problem
For someone I truely hate. For reasons only known between me and one other. God, how I hate you. <3
A million hearts
Sweetly fell into your arms
You took it all
And worked your charms
You charmed her friends,
Some not all
But those you did,
Hate you now.
This knife lays still,
Silently waiting for you.
To end your heart breaking ways,
Which I might have to do.
Away from others,
Is all I want.
To keep your pain far from them.
Especially from the one I hold dear.
I'll keep her away from you,
And others that reflect all you were.
The heavens high above,
Will punish all the crimes you've commited.
The hearts you captured will soon rebel.
All I'll wait with the sweetest smile,
The knife of ending held tightly in my blood stained hand...
While the other holds her close and away from your harm.
...I'm too angry to write anything better. These are all scattered thoughts of hate. I'm sorry. And I'm here for you, hun. Always and forever. Remember, I love you. And you know we'll both hurt that little jerk off. <3 Mwuah.
A poem for the one who wants to marry me. XD Teh Kisa! <3
Roses are red,
That's what she said.
The one who shall marry me.
She's got everything I could ask for.
Lovely as can be,
That girl who said she'd marry me.
We'll travel the world,
And stop at an isle meant for only us
And I do believe she mentioned something,
About fuzzy pink handcuffs.
This girl is wonderful,
Lovely as can be.
My beautiful one and only,
That goes by the name of Shelby. <3
There you go, Kisa. XD
Obsession by Animotion.
I love that song. <3
Anyways. Concert next week! If I'm even going, that is. <3 I'll have to ask my dad about that again. Well, I think my uncle is going to mail Matt's gift today. Or so I hope. So it'll probably get there either this week or next. Well I'm probably gonna spend most of today working on homework. The agony Time for an emo moment. Cutslashwristw
Teh sex. <3
by Animotion
I cannot sleep
I am your possession
Unopened at your feet
There's no balance
No equality
Be still I will not accept defeat
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
My day and my night
I need you I need you
By sun or candlelight
You protest
You want to leave
Stay
Oh, there's no alternative
I see the beauty there
But I see danger
Stranger beware
A circumstance
In your naked dreams
Your affection is not what it seems
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
And all my goodness
Has turned to badness
My need to possess you
Has consumed my soul
My life is trembling
I have no control
Yes, I will have you
I will find a way and I will have you
Like a butterfly
A wild butterly
I will collect you and capture you
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me
I love this icon. <3
Once again, I'm feeling completely and utterly depressed. Wow, I haven't felt that in about a week. God, it lasted longer than usual. But now everything is back to hell again. And close to Christmas too! Just like last year. <3 I feel like kicking and screaming. I feel like crying. I feel like having an emo moment. Cutslashwristw
But nah. I'll just pretend to be fine. A little down, but fine. Why ruin the Holiday cheer? I can just imagine how emotionally and mentally unstable I'm becoming. Witnessed so much and at the same time, so less of what other people go through. Other than still being haunted by images of that man taking my grandfather's body away and watching him being buried six feet under and lost to us forever...addi
EMO RANT!
Pfft. That's what it looks like this has become. I should just be happy with what I have. But I'm not. Because what I have deserves better than me. I feel like an illusion made stronger by what people want to think of me. Not of what I really am. Hm, maybe it's just the Prozac talking. Or my anger at the current hell at home. I don't know. But whatever. I'm just gonna stop before I get yelled at. Toodles, mofo's.
I'm still listening to Call Me by Blondie. <3
I'm almost done with The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale. Pretty good book. Though I'll probably start on the work for winter break tomorrow. Once I get a new notebook, seeing as I don't have any paper. I have to read a whole chapter for AP World History, take notes and all that, because we're going to have a test the Tuesday of the week we go back to school. We'll spend Monday going over the whole chapter. For biology, have to read the newspaper and write about whatever we find on genetics. Five of them. And we also have a term paper due. Fun.
But I got my Christmas Holiday shopping done. Well, half of it. I'm giving Bird and Adriana their gifts once we go back to school. I only have Stacy's and Matt's gifts all done. <3 All I have to do next is mail Matt his gift, and drop off Stacy's at her house. Probably on Thursday when my mom doesn't have to go to work. <3
Well, guess that's it for now. Too lazy to type more. Adios mis queridos. <3
But I did! I'm a good girl. <3
Cover me with kisses, baby. Cover me with love.
Yay! Blondie. I love her. <3 She's uber awesome.
Anyways, it's always most Christmas. And what a sad Christmas it will be this year. Ah well.
*blinks*Bernad
I'll love you always Shi-Chan and Kisa! <3
Interracial lesbian phone sex. As observed by me and Bird. <3
I've been letting myself get pushed around again. I've been getting used alot lately. Typical. Not like I have the strength or courage to even stick up for myself. Life at home as gotten slightly better, but I'm still not happy. I'm still paranoid. Extremely paranoid. And I keep thinking about my grandfather. Heh, now I feel like crying. Well, other than being alot of people's bitch, I'm almost out of school for winter break. Tomorrow's my last day. But I have work to do over my days of, so eh. Anyways, guess that's it. Adios.
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-13
Written: (6919 days ago)
Here ya go Kisa, the new poem that I wrote...just for you. XD <3
My love, look at me well,
These eyes shall no longer cry for you,
And my words will no longer bother you.
Shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice for love alone?
With thoughts ever so tangled with this harsh reality...
Though answer me this,
Can you see the utter depth of emotions in my eyes?
The luster of sadness?
And the dim light of happiness?
The memories of once upon a time,
Hidden amongst it all?
Even though my love for you was once so strong,
A new attraction has taken hold of me.
The sharp edge has been ever so sweet,
Sweeter than anything you've given me.
I ask again, shall we play Romeo and Juliet?
Or must I make this sacrifice of love...with this blade alone?