[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary

767831  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-24
Written: (6818 days ago)

Moving on from the last diary entry. >>;;;
Dad picked me up from school. Dear god. There was a long line of parents waiting to get their kids out of school. I think Stacy ended up staying in her class. Need to call her in a bit and check up on her.@.@

Dude, they took like almost two hours to bring us food. And I did not want to eat pizza.>.< Or drink milk. MEH! I had some home made caldo de pollo (chicken soup) once I got home. Nummeh.

My god. But the whole think started at around 9:40am. During second block. God. It was amusing for only the first hour. After that, we all got pretty twitchy and stuff. God knows how long they're going to keep everyone else in there.

ANYWAYS! Don't know if I'll be on much today. I do know that I won't be on tomorrow. Going to Disney's California Adventure. XD Getting Shelby a post card. *nods*>> << So, yeah. I'm still pretty sick, so I'm gonna go rest for a bit before starting homework. Adios. <3


One of my favorite songs at the moment.



Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield


I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned


Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find


Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way


Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find


Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins


Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find


Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins


Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten


Oh, yeah, yeah


767827  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-24
Written: (6818 days ago)

There was a walkout today at school.
About what? The new Immigration laws that they are trying to pass.
Ohmygawd. Could it have been less chaotic?
Jesus Christ. I noticed that most of the people that walked out,
All look like cholo fucks.
And I know for a fact...
That not many of the people who walked out,
Did it for the actual cause.
Knowing the types of people that were going to walk out,
I didn't do shit.
Not only that. But it needed to be more organized.
Like the march that's going on tomorrow.
Unlike today, most of the people shown on tv,
Looked the wild animals.
MONKIES!
Jesus fucking Christ.
It's all a game of ignorance.
Really wish it hadn't ruined the school day.
I didn't want to be kept for over two hours in Spanish.
Can you still I'm pissed off?
Even though I'm home?
Fucking Christ.
I'm not saying it wasn't for a good cause...
But c'mon!
Do we truely know if they will pass the law?
And if they do, do you know how badly that will effect our economy?
American ain't shit without the "illegal aliens."
Even though the people passing this law,
Are illegal too.
Only the Native Americans are not considered immigrants.
Everyone else is.
Stupid fuck tards.

767314  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-23
Written: (6819 days ago)

So, yeah. Dan is my new cuddle buddy/"significant other" as he likes to call it. I hope I don't get too attatched.

Anyways, I have five assignments for Spanish, along with three take home tests. The rest of the chapter to finish for history, by tomorrow, I believe. And I also have to read two chapters for Spanish. And then some possible family trouble. Plus, I don't know if I can stay after school to watch Bernadette. Eh, think I'll just go home.

Anyways, in fourth block right now. Which means I have work to do. And I don't know if I'll be on much today, Friday, or the rest of the weekend. So, bye.

766994  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-23
Written: (6820 days ago)

Well, now I don't know if my parents are fighting or not, but whatever.

Finished the CAHSEE today. Thank god. It was getting on my nerves. Being packed with over eight hundred other students in the gym...god.>.< So annoying.

Have to sell chocolate for the Book Club. Already sold five. XD

And I think me and Dan are "involved" now. Not in the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing...but something of the like. Doubt it'll last, but we'll see.

Anyways, I'm off. Feeling tired and I have homework to finish. <3

765986  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-03-21
Written: (6822 days ago)

Mm, wasn't on this weekend.
Not like much went on, really. Stayed after school on Friday for my CAHSEE class and then went to my godfather's cafe with Stacy. He was there, but didn't notice us until after we paid. XD Ah well. He said to tell Darryl that he'll let us use his cafe for the Resistance Fest. Mucho awesomeness.

Afterwards me and Stacy got some Chinese food and went to my house. She stayed until around ten and we mostly ended up hanging out outside and then in my room. Which was when we called Shelby for a bit. Much fun. <3

The Saturday got uber bad. As usal. Family shit as always. And I thought I was getting over Matt. But I'm not. Now I'm getting depressed again, so I'm off. Ciao. <3

764694  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-17
Written: (6825 days ago)

Won't be on much today. I have my CAHSEE class after school, and me and Stacy are planning on heading to my godfather's cafe, Cafe Kashmir, after school for a while. Or, at least somewhere. Then I'm going to work on stuff when I get home. Or, so I think. Anyways, onto saving some webcomics that I want to read...while in fourth block, bored out of my effing mind.

http://www.operafloozy.com/butterfly/main.html

http://www.strangecandy.net/

http://www.crystalrider.com/comics.html

http://www.strangeacademy.com/

http://aka.concealed-attraction.net/

http://nocrap.comicgen.com/

763303  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-03-14
Written: (6828 days ago)

Actually having a good day today. Other than thinking about him and getting depressed, everything was okie. And, sorry Arky, about ranting about everything.*snuggles*<3

Anyways, it's messed up that I'm having a good day, but I'm exhausted. It's like, grrbitchgrr. I almost fell asleep during English. And I almost fell asleep about THREE times during Spanish. Didn't fall asleep during history, because Stacy sat next to me. And we ended up thinking of what we like in a guy. XD Very fun. She also knows that I have an obsesion with Japanese guys. Especially Jrockers. Mmm, sexy. >> <<

Uhm, for English...I found out I did well on the final draft of the essay on Psyche! Which means it may have helped my grade. For next semester, I guess. We have to work on an essay tomorrow, though. I can't remember. But I think we do. We had a small quiz today. Kind of spaced out(almost fell asleep) during it. And we finished reading the first chapter of A Tale Of Two Cities as well. We have to have up to chapter four finished by tomorrow, as far I know.

Spanish. Ugh, have to force myself to finish a whole book before the 29th. And also get done more than ten summaries and a four page essay about the book, too. God, I'm so behind. And we also have a presentation to have done before Spring Break. Even worse than the essay. I don't know ANYONE in that class. So, meh. I'm screwed. Have to read two books today. Which means no time to read the book I bought when I went to Santa Barbara. --> The Vampire Lestat. ;-;

Lunch. Nothing happened. GSA meeting was canceled. The line to return the papers for the AP Exams was too long, so me and Stacy left to Ms. Ortiz's room. And, yeah. Very boring lunch. >> << But that reminds! I got lots of compliments about my hair. :3 People liked it. Many are glad that they can finally see my face.XD Stacy's mom even said I had pretty eyes. o.o

...Anyways! History. Very boring. Thankfully Bird gave me a heads up as to what we had to do today. So me and Stacy ended up whispering too each other for most of the class period. Which leads back to the appearance of guys, but eh. XD Other than that, we didn't really do much. Essay tomorrow for this class, too. Dealing with tonights reading. So, yeah. That's what I'll be doing tonight. Reading and writing.-.-

As for computers, the first half was kind of hilarious. The guy next to me is an uber homophobe. Said how he can't be friends with some guy anymore because he came out. And then he and the two girls on his right got into an arguement about homosexuality. One of them is straight and has nothing against them, and the other one is bi. So, because I knew it wouldn't end any time sooner, I had to say something. Which was basically how straight parents can give birth to gay children. And because society says that a guy must like a girl and vice versa, some people don't always know that they're gay until something happens. So as far as he knows, he could be gay too. And that made him shut up. X3

...Eh, tired of typing. Need to start on my work. Adios. <3

762932  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-03-14
Written: (6829 days ago)

Basics
1. Name: Stephanie.
2. Nicknames: Stephy
3. Birthday: August 21st.
4. Place of Birth: Somewhere.
5. Zodiac Sign: Leo.
6. Gender: Female
7. Age: 15 1/2
8. School: SEHS.
9. Occupation: Student, lesbian lover to Shelby. <3
10. Location: Southern California.
11. Screen Name: For what place?


Appearance
12. Hair Color: Dark brown with blondish highlights.
13. Hair Length: Passed my shoulders.
14. Eye Color: Dark brown.
15. Nail Appearance: Black and blue.
16. Height: 5'5
17. Do you have a crush on someone? Mmhm.
18. Do you like yourself?: Not really.
19. Braces? No.
20. Do you think you're hot? Hell no.
21. Piercing: Nothing.
23. Right or Left-handed: Right

"Firsts"
24. First Kiss: Nobody.
25. First Boyfriend/Girlfriend?: Meh, Matt.
26. First Best Friend(s): Blanca in fourth grade. But Stacy since 7th grade.
27. First Award: Can't remember.
28. First Sport You Joined: None, I think.
29. First Pet: Doggie.
30. First Vacation: Somewhere in Baja California.
31. First Concert: None.
32. First Love: Person in elementry school.
33. First real Love: My ex.

Favorites
33. Movie: Phantom of the Opera, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Cry Baby, The Corpse Bride, Disney flick, etc etc.
34. TV Show: Eh, none.
35. Color: I have no favorite.
36. Bands: Do you honestly want the ever growing list?
37. Song: ...Must I repeat myself, as well?
38. Food: Mexican and Italian.
39. Drink: Pink Lemonade and juice.
40. Candy: Anything fruit flavored.
41. Sport to Play: I don't have a death wish.
42. Sport to Watch: Soccer.
43. Brand of Clothing: I have none.
44. Stores: Whatever.
45. School Subject: AP World History.
46. Animal: Domestic and wild cats, wolves, pandas...
47. Books: I have many. <3
48. Magazines: None.



Currently
49. Eating: Nothing.
50. Drinking: Again, nothing.
52. online?: Yes, sherlock.
53. Listening to: Miyavi. <3
54. Thinking About: Shelby. Kisses! <3
55. Wanting To: Go to bed.
56. Watching: Foamy. :3

Future
58. Want Kids?: Yush.
59. Want to Get Married?: I think so, yeah.
60. Career in Mind: Still haven't decieded. Speech-Language Pathologist, perhaps? Some kind of doctor or nurse, really. Photography and writing being my hobbies of interest.



Preference
67. Cute or Sexy: Cute.
68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes.
69. Hugs or Kisses: Both.
70. Short or tall: Tall, I guess.
71. Easygoing or Serious: Uhm, easy going.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both. <3
73. Fatty or Skinny: Doesn't matter. XD
74. Sensitive or loud: Eh, a little bit of both?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship.
76. Sweet or Caring: Both. <3
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Both for sure.


Have You Ever
78. Kissed a Stranger: No.
79. Drank Alcohol: Just a sip.
80. Smoked: No.
81. Ran Away From Home: I've thought about it.
82. Broken a Bone: Not yet.
83. Gotten an X-ray: Nope.
84. Broken Someone's Heart: I think so.
85. Broken Up With Someone: Mmhm.
86. Turned Someone Down: Uhm, yup. Hard to believe, no?
87. Cried When Someone Died: *nods*My grandpa....
88. Cried At School: Many times.



Beliefs
89. God: Maybe.
90. Miracles: Sort of.
91. Love At First Sight: Not really.
92. Ghosts: Maybe.
93. Aliens: YUSH!
94. Soul Mates: Again, maybe.
95. Heaven: Hopefully.
96. Hell: Of course.
98. Kissing on The First Date: On the cheek, I suppose.
99. Horoscopes: Depends.

100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't Have?: Yup.

762801  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-13
Written: (6829 days ago)

Started crying during third today.
Fucking hell. I'm just tired of everything.
I think I'm starting to hate him.
Him being whatshisfaceexperson.
But I still love him.
And god only knows why.
Then there's the shit between my parents and me,
I felt like cutting yesterday.
Dying.
Just letting go.
But I didn't.
I just cried.
And didn't sleep because of their fighting.
I screamed to her.
Not yelled.
Let out a single, piercing scream filled with sobbing. . .
This was all yesterday.
And I started thinking about whatshisface...
And the family drama.
My grandpa.
Everything.
And I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from sobbing,
During third that is.
Meh.
Screw this. I'm gonna read for fourth block instead.

760948  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-09
Written: (6833 days ago)
Next in thread: 760951

I'm starting to be tempted.
Maybe I should have some sort of "fling" with one of them?
I mean, they say they "love" me oh so dearly...
That I'm tempted to pretend I feel the same and tear their fucking hearts apart, shred them into tiny pieces, and grind the remains into dust. Just so I can smile wickedly and know that I'm the one that caused this pain that I've already had to go through.
I don't know.
I'm probably just bitchy again.
And the whole concept is stupid and hurtful.
Meh, I need a nap.

760488  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-03-08
Written: (6834 days ago)

Once again, in fourth block. And bored of my fucking mind and wondering what to do about my two dear friends who appear to have a thing for me. How amusing. Why would they even give a flying fuck about me? I'm so emo lately it's not even funny.

Likeohmygawdnobodylovesmecutcutsobsobbleedbleedonthecarpetabyssofaheartmournmournformebitchifuckinghatej00whylovemewanttodiefuckj00deathbitches. <3

Meh, sorry. Really tired right now. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, and...sleep. But, anyways! :3 Moving on.

Presentation dates got changed. So me and Stacy have to have our presentations for English tomorrow. I think we're the fourth group. Not exactly sure. Good thing I finished my poster last night. And that I managed to write notes on flash cards, too. Incase I forget anything. Mainly about the trials of Aphrodite towards Psyche. I have a bad memory, and I didn't properly learn about those until...yesterday. >>;;;

But! I got a 96 on the test on Antigone. Maybe that saved my grade. Hopefully. I think the essay on Psyche is the only really bad thing I've done so far. But, I think I might get a second chance on it. Which means I'll be busy not only today, but tomorrow until. And I probably don't even want to get online on Friday, either. So I might call Kisa or one of my beloved hopefuls. In other words, the guys who are madly infatuated with me. *makes gagging noises*Maybe calling them and being all nice is a bad way to go.*twitches*Oh well. I have nothing better to do but to flirt with people and flirt with my inner emoness that wants to break free and DANCE! XD

...*coughs*Spanish! Nothing interesting to say. Other than the fact that I have an A! WOOOOOO! PARTY! XD And I started on Kisa's letter. :3

Lunch! Uhm, Youth Action Meeting. Found out I'm not going to go to the Anti-War Rally on the 18th.*sobs*I wanted to go. But! I might go mini-golfing. X3 Yay! Can't wait. We're going to Gulf 'N' Stuff...ies.>> << Hopefully I can go. They told us it's at five in the afternoon. So maybe I can make it. Unless my parents have other plans on April Fools Day.-.-*sighs*

So, moving on. Third period. AP World History. Nothing much to say, really. Having a test tomorrow, which means that I have notes to do today. And we have to watch a video and take notes on it, so I didn't even have time to continue with the note taking I need to have done by tomorrow.>.<

...Fourth period. I'm here. Still bored and sleepy and...meh. But, I'm staying after school today. For CAHSEE class thing. Great. Less time to finish my notes. CAHSEE test is coming up soon. As is the AP Exam for World History. Grrbitchgrrr. Have to turn in the application to take the exam today after school before heading to my CAHSEE class.*sighs*Oh well. Bell rings in less than ten minutes. I'm out. :3 Lurve. <3

760072  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-03-08
Written: (6835 days ago)

Unfinished poem pieces. Seperate, poems. For now.>> <<

Is it worth crying over,
Someone who won't cry over you?
Is it worth loving someone,
Whose feelings aren't true?
Is it worth caring for someone,
Who stopped caring for you?
Is it worth hurting inside,
For someone who never thinks of you?

Will the pain ever cease?
Will the fear of love ever leave?
Will these invisible tears ever stop?
Will any of that go away?

759450  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-06
Written: (6836 days ago)

Oh look. An ACTUAL diary entry thingy. How marvalous.


Anyways, currently in fourth block. Bored out of my mind. And reading Mythology by Edith Hamilton. Mainly because I need to know the trials that Psyche went through by the hands of Aphrodite...and because I can't find my Vampire Lestat book. Grrrbitchesgrr.

Anyways, currently hating my honors english class. Grades are due tomorrow at eight, and I think my grade went down. badly. Thanks to a rushed essay about Psyche. It was totally fine until I found out the paragraphs had to be eleven sentences long. Which completely ruined it and made it sound STUPID. Grragainbitches.

So, yeah. That basically ruined the beginning of my day. Likeohmyfuckinggawdemomoment.

FUUUUCK!


Okay. I feel better now. :3

Even though I still have to work on the posters, notes, and reflection essay that goes with the essay on Psyche. Wonderful. EMO MOMENT! CutcutbleedbleedorgasmOH! >>;;;

Yay. Wings of a Butterfly by HIM. I love HIM. Oh yeah. I'd do HIM. XD

I love the lead singer for Panic! At the Disco. *swoons*Sooooo hawt. :3

I'M CUTTING MY HAIR ON SUNDAY!
. . .
I think. >> <<


Probably getting highlights, too. Not sure. All depends on my parents, really. Not sure how short I'll cut it, though. I'm scared. ;-; *sobs and clings to her backpack*

Oooh, Life Less Frightening by Rise Against. SexEH.

Anyways, the rest of my day.XD Second period wasn't that interesting. Read, worked on history notes, spaced out, listened to Mrs. Tovar tell us the difference for a pescado y un pez. XD Left many of us confused. >> << Don't ask.

For lunch, me and Stacy stayed in our third block class instead. I'm hungry, though. Anyways, yeah. That was basically my lunch period. Fun, fun.

As for third, we had a quiz. Got an A on it, but I missed two questions.*twitches*Ah well. Have to have the rest of the chapter done by Thursday. Woo. Party time. And I also have to work on my presentation for English(have to present the posters and such). Even more party time.

Anyways, ended up telling Stacy about my current love triangle status. With two guys that I'm not really interested in.

Is is possible to fear love?
To be scared of getting attatched...
To someone?


*sighs*One understands that I'm not interested in getting involved with anyone right now. Plus, he'll be ninteen in September, and I'm going to be sixteen in August. Fuuuck. Plus he's sexually active already. Well, he's had sex before. Dunno if he's still...doing the nasty. Called him yesterday, though. Uber fun. X3 He has such a cute and geeky voice. >>;;;;

And then there's the other one...whom is also eighteen right now. Or is about to turn eighteen this year. I'm scared to hurt his feelings.>.< Gahhh. I don't know what to do. Why the fuck do they even like me? I hate me. I'm too sensitive and I'm fuglybitches.

Meh. Came up with a new quote that I'm thinking of turning into a poem. Lookeh.

It isn't worth crying over someone who won't cry over you.


Because, really, it isn't. I'm done with crying and getting hurt. But, that's beside the point. So I'll move one. :3

As I said before, in fourth block right now. Nothing to really mention. So I'm out. If I'm not on ET today, I'm either on myspace AND AIM, YIM, and MSN. Two of the three. So you can reach me there. And if I'm not...then I'm not online. Get over it. I'm not special. :3

...Yeah. I'm feeling emo right now. Probably still mad about the essay. XD So I'll stop. Adios, meh lovelies.
756896  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-02
Written: (6841 days ago)
Next in thread: 756974

Can't wait for the dull love to cease.
The pain is slowly leaving...
But it's still here.
But now I talk more, and I'm away from home longer.
Away from him and thoughts of him.
Only thoughts I have are of friends, family, and school.
And maybe once in a while, him.
Always painful...
Or always causing me anger.
Either way, I'm moving on.
No matter how much it hurts.
I feel more freedom now that I don't have love.
But I know I'll manage...


.::xXx::.



FOR KISA!


I LOVE YOU SO FREAKIN' MUCH!
You ish mah lesbian wife! X3
Yay! We've been married for...
two days? o.o
I forgot. X3
Anyways. LOVE YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. <3
Even though you won't read this until you go to school and such. >> <<
But, yeah...


LOVE YOU! ALWAYS!



♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥___xoxo

756748  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-03-01
Written: (6841 days ago)

Narrowed it down:

Speech-Language Pathologist
Epidemiologist
Psychologist
Director of Photography
Website Designer
Anthropologist
Archivist


Classes that I should take for Speech-Language Pathologist. <3
Grade 11
English
Journalism & Communication
Mathematics
Biology
Chemistry
Law & Government
Computers
International Languages
Child Care & Development


Grade 12
English
Journalism & Communication
Mathematics
Biology
Chemistry
Economics
Psychology
Computers
International Languages
Child Care & Development

http://www.careercruising.com/Careers/JobDetails.aspx?LoginID=BA1B6AB4-F569-44AE-B34F-A89135AAD8E6&OccNumber=400&MM=1&amp;field=WorkCond

756702  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-03-01
Written: (6841 days ago)

Had to take some test for my fourth block class...thing. Anyways, these are the careers and jobs that I "might" be interested in. XD


1. Epidemiologist
 
2.
Website Designer
 
3.
Naturopath
 
4.
Translator
 
5.
Technical Writer
 
6.
Writer
 
7.
Market Research Analyst
 
8.
Director of Photography
 
9.
Political Aide
 
10.
Criminologist
 
11.
Audiologist
 
12.
Management Consultant
 
13.
Biologist
 
14.
Researcher
 
15.
Physical Therapist
 
16.
Webmaster
 
17.
Occupational Therapist
 
18.
Critic
 
19.
Economist
 
20.
Physician Assistant
 
21.
Humanitarian Aid Worker
 
22.
Anthropologist
 
23.
Art / Music Therapist
 
24.
Industrial-Organizational Psychologist
 
25.
Historian
 
26.
Multimedia Developer
 
27.
Psychologist
 
28.
Zoologist
 
29.
Environmental Consultant
 
30.
Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
 
31.
Artist
 
32.
Statistician
 
33.
Archivist
 
34.
Animator
 
35.
Graphic Designer
 
36.
Speech-Language Pathologist
 
37.
Special Effects Technician
 
38.
Illustrator
 
39.
Industrial Engineering Tech
 
40.
Physical Therapy Assistant

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