I noticed that after my first day in ET (when I started conversations with 5 or 6 people) I've been using it mostly for my diary
That's stupid and pointless
I must start using it properly...
My 4th string teared again
I saw my ex best friend yesterday and I feel odd
I must write the bands I like in my biography but I'm too lazy
I'm home at 1pm when I'm usually leaving to school and I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do with my life
So I'm just staring at the emptiness for now
Thanks for the attention
WAAAA It's six in the morning! I feel...unnatur
Weeeee! My friend Borq is finaly here! We're having SO much fun lately I can write a book about it!
But in a word:
-We drank with my best friends
-we went to the cinema
- We went to the theatre and saw "Rhythum"
- We made some "artistic nude photos"
-We watched a manga animation that was ok
-We talked ALOT
Today is our last day:(:(:(
We're going around the centre to see some clothes and stuff, then movie, again, with my ex best friend and lots of other people...
And I think that's it
Anyway, I will write again
Sometimes life feels so cold and empty
So pointless and gray
That you feel like you're sinking deeper and deeper into it's meaningless mazes
You feel alone in a big hall full of people who call themselves your friends
You're freezing looking at the sun, shining with light that you see but do not feel
And you ask yourself "why?"
And when you can't find anything to hold on to
Anything to dream of
Anything to remember
Anything to expect
When your emotions are lost into the indifferent depths of the never stopping time, broken into seconds, minuets, days and years, and still, never changeable
When you look around you and see no beauty, no truth at all
When you can see a sunrise without feeling it's warmth
When you can hear a song withoug senseing the meaning
When you can hear "I love you" wuthout shivering
When you have lost all ability to feel
You are dead
Today was the last day of exams and hard study - school, see you next week! Ha ha!
Well, we actually have only monday as between terms vacation and from now on we'll have to get up at 6:30 and start classes at 7:15
I dunno how I'll be able to get up so early...
but whatever
Succeeded in tuning Ema today and started to learn "Build the bridge" by Limp Bizkit ( woo I don't believe it too )
but it's a good song, you have to hear it
Note to self: NEVER VEVER try to take a picture of a guy who doesn't really know that he is poseing!!!
ESPECIALLY a guy that you care for!!!
I think that's it for today
Sunday - a very fine day indeed!
Me and my sister played in the snow, then i told her a few fairy tales, we played and watched cartoons all day
When i got home i found out that someone has been messing with my guitar, now it's messed up!
and I must tune it tomorrow, which i still can't do right
anyway, great weekend
"To describe this film as dishonest and demagogic would almost be to promote those terms to the level of respectability
Ok, first, you MUST see American History X
SECOND You MUST MUST MUST by all means see Fahrenheit 9/11!!!!
I'm planning on writing something about it, mabe even do a project with illustrations, facts and music, but you must see it !!!
Was Kurt Cobain killed, or suicidal???
What do you think??
Weeeeee! It's been snowing all day!!!
Finally! That's what should've happened in the beginning of november not at the end of january!!!!! >:(
But anyway!
It is so beautifull outside!!!^^
(J. Buckley)
This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go :
you gave me more to live for,
more than you'll ever know.
This is our last embrace,
must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Baby, maybe it is just because I didn't know you at all.
Kiss me, please,
Kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know,
it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.
Did you say no, this can't happen to me,
and did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
maybe... you didn't know him at all.
Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memory
Of her sighs that, it's over... it's over...
I did some major mistakes on the previous one
) Name: Nina Sergeeva Radivoeva
(1) Your gender: Female
(2) Straight/gay/B
(3) Single?: single
4) Want to be?: I would not be single only if I fall in love, so for now single is ok
(5) Your birthday: 08 april 1989
(6) Age your act: hmm
(7) Age you wish you were: 10 - too young to worrie and old enough to know
(8) Your height: 5'8
(9) The color of your eyes: brown
(10) Happy with it?: yeah
(11) The color of your hair: auburn
(12) Happy with it?: yup
(13) Left/right/amb
(14) Your living arrangement?: I live with my grandparents
(27) Your family: little sister, mother, father, grand parents and lot of cousins
(29) What's your job: Still a student
(30) Piercing?: nope
(31) Tattoos?: not yet!
(32) Obsessions?: Acoustic guitars, elves, candles and caramel candy
(35) Do you speak another language?: yes
(36) Have a favorite quote? "Live like you're gonna die tomorrow, dream like you'll live forever"
(37) Do you have a WebPage?: Nope, but it's coming soon!
DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: hmm sometimes
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: it depends
(40) Do you have any secrets?: sure
(41) Do you hate yourself?: not really
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: nay, noone but me can read it!
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: yeah like biting my nails and speaking too fast
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: About my drawings and pictures mostly
(45) If a movie were made about your life, what would it be called?: Hmmm I must think about it
(46) What's your biggest fear?: Loseing the people that I love
(47) Can you sing: Hmmm yeah, but my voice is too low
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: Never
(49) Are you a loner?: yup
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Mabe I would consider myself too strange I dunno
(52) Are you a daredevil?: That kindda remined me of Ben Affleck.. *shiver*
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: passive
(55) Have you got a question?: Why
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Hmm I'm too emotional and too lovable - both greatest weakness and strenght
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself? I would be more easy going, and not so sensitive
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: I thought these three could go together
(59) How do you vent?: Scream mabe
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: I'm emotionally unstable
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: I still regret not going to an art school, and about everyone i hurted
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: It's interesting so far
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Emotions are the only real thing
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: My eyes and my neck mabe
(65) And least?: my nose
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: Not really , but some people find me good looking
(67) Are you confident?: sometimes
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?:
I dunno really
69) Do people know how you feel?: right now - not really
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: often
DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: no
(72) Do drugs?: nope
(73) Read the newspaper?: it happens
(74) Pray?: na
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: ?
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?:I used to, now I don't really know where they are
(78) Take walks in the rain?: nothing I love more
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: If i must
(80) Drive?: no
(81) Like to drive fast?: not really
HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: nah, it's too low
(83) Hurt yourself?: happens
(84) Been out of the country?: yes
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: yes
(86) Burped?: yup
(87) Been unfaithful?: never
(88) Been in love?: sure:)
(89) Done drugs?: no
(90) Gone skinny-dipping
(92) Had a surgery?: only a small one on my shoulder
(93) Ran away from home?: nope, not just yet
(94) Played strip poker?: yeah
(95) Gotten beaten up?: no
(97) Been picked on?: sure
(98) Been on stage?: yes
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: no, not really, no
(100) Slept outdoors?: of course
(101) Thought about suicide?: nah, I would never do it
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yeah
(103) If yes, what is your record?: hmm, two nights i think
(104) Gone one day without food?:yeah
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: almost
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: sure:)
(107) Slept all day? Almost
(108) Killed someone?: nah
(109) Made out with a stranger?: no
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: no
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: Yup, it still happens
(112) Kissed the same sex?: probably
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nah
(114) Been betrayed?: yup
(115) Had a dream that came true?: hih^^ yup
(116) Broken the law?: i don't think so
(117) Met a famous person?: None that you might have heard of
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yeah<:(
(146) Stolen anything?: nah
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: I was in an art show once looong ago
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: hmm
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? yup
(150) Considered religious vocation?: not really
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: nope
(152) Bungee jumped?: This summer I will!
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah
CLOTHES and other fashion
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: well... quite long waistcoats and shirts with wide sleeves
(159) Wear hats?: yup
(160) Judge other people by their clothing?: sometimes
(161) Wear make-up? Not really except if I'm angry, then yeah
(163) Favourite article of clothing?: My dad's chequered shirt!
(164) Are you trendy?: umm... no
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: no
BELIEFS
(175) Love at first sight?: absolutely
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: hmmm... I dreamt reaching the end of the rainbow once, but I saw no pot, just light
(181) Do you wish on stars?: sometimes
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: no
(183) Do you remember your first love?: sure
(184) Still love him?: nope, he cheated on me anyway
(185) Do you consider love a mistake: noo
(186) What do you find romantic?: kisses on the neck, the eyes, the fingers, walking in forests or in the rain
(187) Turn-on?: being in love
(188) Turn-off?: stink, ugly rap guys and he being shorter than me
(189) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: nah
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: Hmmm it depends on what person he is, if he's nice I would be nice
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating him or her or going on a date: I've never been on a date without knowing the person, and actually after knowing him it's more like friends hangin out
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: I can't understand why girls are so convinced that always the guy is the one who should invite them, I don't mind asking a guy for a date (although it never happened)
203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: I'm often attracted to people who are not attractive in the standard way
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: yeah mabe
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: I can't really answer that for guys in general, they are so different!
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: ...
(207) What's the last present someone gave you?: My friend made me a dreamcatcher!
(208) Are you in love?: hmm mabe
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: I don't have one, but if I did, I would consider him the hottest
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot girl standing on the sidewalk?: hmmm mabe I should change that word to a "guy" but I'm far too lazy, so in that case - nothing
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: um... a classmate of mine
(212) You wanted to kill?: hmmm, one stupid racist
(213) That you laughed at?: Marti!
(214) That laughed at you?: Marti!
(215) That turned you on?: Danny
(216) You went shopping with?: Marti
(217) That broke your heart?: Alex
(218) To disappoint you?: my psychology teacher
(219) To you asked out?: A guy i met at New Year's eve
(220) To make you cry?: Iana, telling me about her grandfather
(221) To brighten up your day?: Boria
(222) That you thought about?: Hmm
(225) You talked to through IM?: a friend
(223) You saw a movie with?: Maria
(224) You talked to on the phone?: Boria, actually I'm talking with her right now
(226) You saw?: my grandmother in the gloom of the dark corridor
creepy...
(227) You lost?: hmmm a friend
(229) You thought was completely insane?: A guy who chased me and my friend down the street! I still don't know what he wanted
230) You wanted to be?: Alan Lee!
(231) You told off: I dunno
(232) You trusted?: um... they are many
(233) You turned down?: wa?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?:
today
(235) Laughed?: today
(236) Cried?: yesterday
(237) Bought something?: um yesterday - a chequered shirt second hand
(238) Danced?: yesterday
(239) Were sarcastic?: yesterday
(240) hugged someone?: just did
(241) Talked to an ex?: never
(242) Watched your fave movie?: they are too many, but i saw one of them yesterday (turnes out today - not a good day )
(243) Had a nightmare?: mabe a week ago
(245) Talked on the phone?: today ( yay! )
(246) Listened to the radio?: i can't remember
(247) Watched TV?: long ago
(248) Went out?: today
(250) Were mean?: I'm really not mean
(251) Sang?: today!
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: today ( I saw "Alexander" - support gay marriage! )
(253) Said "I love you"?: today
(254) Missed someone?: right now
(255) Fought with a family member?: yesterday
(256) Fought with a friend?: around New Year
(257) Had a serious conversation?: today
(258) Got drunk?: Last week
(259) Had sex?: never had
(260) Been kissed?: quite long ime ago
FRIENDS AND SUCH!
(261)Whos your best girlfriends?: Marti, Borq, Maria, Gerri, Mila... I think those are the best ones
(262)Whos your best guy friends?: Martin, Pavel, Victor the other Victor, Ogi and so on
(263)Where do you hang out?: At home, in the parks and the woods or in cafes which I don't like that much
(264)Best looks?: Hmm, Legolas ( NOT Orlando ), Danny and the prettiest man in the world - Kurt Cobain
(265)Best hair?: wee Danny and a guy I saw yesterday - his hair was reaching his waist, and it was all braided in small plaits - simply gorgeous
ahh
(266)Best eyes?: Lili and Martin
(267)Most trusted by you: um it's not just one
(269)Shortest?: Victor
(270)Best friends for ever and ever?: Borq, Mila, Marti and all the others!
(271)Smartest?: um Mila
(272)Pyromanic?: me
(273)Tolkienish?: me again^^
(274)Style?: Maria, mabe
(275)Funniest?: Marti!
(276) Serious?: it happens to all of us sometimes
(277)Can keep secrets?: All my best friends
(278) Favorite weather: rain, or warm but glumly
(279) Favorit song: far too many
(280)favorit color: they are many
(281)favorit sound: guitars, some prople's voices, rain and the most - the sound of wind passing through poplar leaves
(282) Astrological sign: aries
(283) sex or alcohol: none, but mabe both with the right people;)
Tomorow - The Big Day
all term exams: spanish, maths and geography
I've been stuying so much lately I've been ignoreing all things that really matter to me
And I'm so exhausted that I can't really think straight
And so, from the second I set my foot in home tomorow I'm starting to paint and play the guitar!
Ohhh i wish i had all the time in the world to do that!
but... no...
And to all the people that wrote to me and stood unread or to those who i neglected for some reason or hurted:
I'm SO sorry guys! I'll make it up to you, i promise!
Hmmm
Dreamt that I'm in love with someone I'm not really in love with
for the second time...
and just to myself: There is no way to win ****'s heart
not for me
and I must learn to give up
the bad thing is that i can't
Hah
Had a wierd dreams again then went to school, my english teacher went crazy again so we had 2 hours to run free in the wild spaces of the school. Everyone got bored, but I had the chanse to watch Danny on the football field so I was totally happy and ran from window to window all the time.
My favourite psychology teacher turned out to be a racist!!
I am SO disappointed!
Actually we're surrounded by racists in that class! And Marti goes nuts every time someone says something about it. Every psychology class it's the same, the same discussion I am going insane!!! There is no point of her trying to convince some stupid people, but she fights, which is marvellous.
Mabe it really depends on the upbringing i don't know...
Hmm... Let's see, boring sunday afternoon, got home to "study" and so far did nothing, had an aawful dream about a girl from class chaseing me in a huge empty hipermarket with something that looked like Galmdring...
Can't really decide what to put in my biography so i chage it all the time, discovered that all pictures of me that i like are my right half-face...
Note to self: Never fall in love with a creature from another city