I don't know if anyone actually reads this, or gives a fuck about it, but anyway

I just spend like 30 minuets watching the sky changing as the sun came down and it got completely dark
I hadn't done that in a long time
They say when life is completely stuck and nothing new happens, and when all emotion is lost, it is time for a change
I used to believe that if something hurted your wings and you suddenly started to fall down, someone would always be there to catch you and take you back to the sky
For the past month I constantly felt like falling really really fast
And now I feel like I've hit the ground so hard, it actually broke my heart to pieces and let my soul fly away
I'm left with nothing - lifeless empty shell

I'm not the all-the-time-depressed type of people, I'm really not that kind of person
But lately, I feel so bad and so pathetic, I'm beginning to feel like I'm just a miserable fucking sisi teenage girl constantly whimpering and complaining about her broken life
But dammit I don't feel the will to live anymore!
I kept saying to myself that it's just a normal depression and it will pass but it won't go away! It just won't!
I'm normally cheerful and always happy and full of energy, people have told me that so many times
And now they see me broken and pathetic liek this
I can't stand it
I can't stand that apathy anymore! I want it to go away!
PLEASE! Make it go away!!!

Many a hand scaled the grand old face of the plateau
Some belonged to strangers, some to folks you know
Holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
To beautify the foothills, and shake the many hands

Nothing on top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
See a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

When you've finished with the mop then you can stop
And look at what you've done
The plateau's clean, no dirt to be seen
And the work it took was fun

Nothing on top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
See a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words

Many a hand began to scan around for the next plateau
Some say it was greenland, and some say mexico
Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood
But those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could



Sheesh
It lasted much much longer this time
Hope the Morrison depression will wait

I'm going to see "Hair" on my birthday! :D
YAY!:D
:D
:D
:D
:D

It's been an ood week, followed by quiet weekend, next week's going to be very busy
I felt so bad about not going to visit Boria that I forgot I have other people I want to see here. So now I'm literaly booked up for the whole week. Which is... nice
I'll write to Dale, regretably without sending a hat, because I didn't found one, hope he forgives me
So... I think that's all about now


Aw yes, Exactly three years ago on the 3rd of April I saw The fellowship of the ring for the first time
I finished the book around that day too
And I have another anniversary around april

3 years and I still love you
Happy anniversary

I miss my best friend more than I admit
I miss the best friend figure in my life
I miss the creature that lives to be by my side
I miss it so much...

And I know I can't have it back
So my psychology teacher said I have a sharp "frustration", used as a term...

I hoped so much to be with Boria that holiday, but I cant because my ex best friend is going to be with her...

I cant go to London and see Dale

I cant go to Greece and see Chris

I cant go to America and see friends

I cant escape

So I'm sitting here in the dark listening to K-PAX soundtrack and feeling sad

I think I'm in love, but only when he's near

So I'm probably not...

...

I dont know what else to say
I'm not happy for my birtday at all
The only thing Im hoping for is to have the camera my dad promised me like 2 years ago...

I'm not happy right now
Not at all...

Hmm...
Why (ignoring the last thing I've written drunk and angry),
why people never believe that you really care for them? (Even if they do not care for you) that doesn't mean you don't... When I ask about mood and stuff I want an honest answer from a creature that i call my friend, I can't accept just an "ok" that actually means "don't ask just go away I feel so bad I actually want you to comfort me", well I ask, I want to know, I want to help dammit! Why don't they get it?
Or am I just too susceptible??
Apparently...

People are so ungrateful u know, they only use u when they need u and then don't care about u!
That totally sucks!!!
It's so rare to find someone that actually cares for u
tc
tc
tc

I miss Dale!!
*snif*

Ok, life isn't so bad as long as you remember who you are not trying to be something you're not, which includes not being patheticly miserable, not suffering for long gone things, not feel bad about people who think they have strong and true feelings for you, but they are just looking for a shag, not feel bad for missed opportunitys and start looking for new ones and so on

*heavy sigh* I feel better:)


Cheer up people, we live in a beautiful world!
The clouds outside are soooo pretty!!^^

Ask me how it feels
To feel like you're a failure
When everything that's real
Burns the flame in anger
I've heard it all before
I've felt some pain and more
More than you could ever dream
More than it probably seems
I've sat with head in hand
Stressed by my demands
Stomach tied in knots
Alone I've sat and rot
'Cause the pain from all these fears
Has built up all these years
I'll wipe away the tears
WIPE AWAY THE TEARS!!!

Walk the streets dejected
Alone and left rejected
Time does not care
And sometimes life ain't fair
My head begins to pound
Smashing bottles on the ground
I have lived amongst the garbage
With those who rape and carnage
Had many a promise broken
And broken some myself
The promise I have kept alive
Is keep my inner wealth
With my heart aimed at the world
Destiny I watch unfurl
I'll wipe away the tears
WIPE AWAY THE TEARS!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

I'M GOING INSANEEEEE!!!!! AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
I... am... just... not... going... to... take... it... any... MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGUKGKAKGUAASDFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGUKSDFO7IWE5807245OVB70 R23P8O573-Q24579 Q345789 23RUWEF9023457570578=095=-8 P9-Y408Y00 !!!!!!

I think I'm turning into a slug...

*reaches for another cup of coke and starts reading the serial manga comic*

Muah I'm actually 175cm

electricity's back home!
Today I slept for about 11 hours, woke up at 1,30 pm and my head is not acheing!^^
So, a few promises for the next three free days:

1. I'll tidy my room
2. I'll find a new 4th string for Emma and tune her. Again.
3. I'll learn "Build the bridge"
4. I'll finish the painting I started
5 I'll make galleries in Elfwood and Devianart

And that's what I'll probably do:

1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Drink (NOT alcohol)
4. Read a manga
5. Play stupid brainwasteing PC games

Ha ha ha! ^^
Had the best Valentine's day! And the best "Trifon za Rezan" ( which is our celebration of wine and drinking in general ) There was a guy in ET that kissed me, some others wanted to date me someday, I got out with my friends and we drank all over the city! HI hi hi^^


AND they all finaly agreed that Danny is god damn sexY!!
but anyway, I'm drunk now, so see ya later

Tomorrow - DRINK TIME!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA

du du du
la la la
nq nq nq
mua mua muuuuuoooooiiiiaaaaa...

I dunno really know what to write so...


HAVE A HAPPY ST VALENTINE!!!!!!:D:D:D

Do you believe that connection in dreams is possible?

I noticed that after my first day in ET (when I started conversations with 5 or 6 people) I've been using it mostly for my diary
That's stupid and pointless
I must start using it properly...

My 4th string teared again
I saw my ex best friend yesterday and I feel odd
I must write the bands I like in my biography but I'm too lazy
I'm home at 1pm when I'm usually leaving to school and I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do with my life
So I'm just staring at the emptiness for now

Thanks for the attention

WAAAA It's six in the morning! I feel...unnatural:)

Weeeee! My friend Borq is finaly here! We're having SO much fun lately I can write a book about it!
But in a word:

-We drank with my best friends
-we went to the cinema
- We went to the theatre and saw "Rhythum"
- We made some "artistic nude photos"
-We watched a manga animation that was ok
-We talked ALOT


Today is our last day:(:(:(
We're going around the centre to see some clothes and stuff, then movie, again, with my ex best friend and lots of other people...

And I think that's it
Anyway, I will write again