Multiply $63.13 by the #5 and you have how much money I have lost. Someone purchased something using my debit card and I got the overdraft charge today - because Fuu is good and keeps plenty of money in her bank accounts. -.-; Stupid Fuu for being good with her damn money. My sister and I are trying to get my money back for this thing that I DID NOT order nor do I know what the hell it is. All I know is over $400 is no longer where it should be. That was money for the Ren Faire and for the sword I am buying Joe for his birthday ;-;

I am far from a good mood now. Have to get my laptop replaced and now this. ;-;

~[Fuu]

A ton of stuff has happened since I actually posted something of substance on here. Most of it.... bad. But I'll leave that to the end and start with the good - I like good stuff more. And it allows you to disregard any of the bad shit happening in my life right now.

So Good - First off.... I'm 19!!!! ^^ And Joe took me to Dorney on my birthday - it was a blast. I go to the shore next week with family AND Otakon with Joe ^^ followed by the PA ren faire the next weekend. Yay! School will be starting in a few weeks - and I am excited. *^^* Also I have Xbox Live now (FireyFeline) and a harddrive on my 360. Bought Bad Company... fucking AMAZING. Fuu <3 very much.

Now the bad - this is where you leave if you don't want to read this shit.

I have to get a new laptop because to fix my current one is about $600 so dad may get me a new one. Sucks though - can't play FFXI but I'll deal. My car keeps freaking and I'm ready to shoot it and all that jazz.

And here's the really crappy stuff.

Mom went on a rampage the other day about our cats. My brother and I = prime targets. This rampage was closely followed by my dad. Now I love my parents dearly and I try to help them as much as possible but I am really sick of the stuff they say to me. Not my siblings but me. I am apparently an easy target. And Joe is ready and waiting to go homicidal on them. My parents pulled the usual argument - which I now just sit through with my mouth shut because opening it only makes the argument longer and harder to deal with. What could they say you ask?

"You do jack shit in this house. Don't know why we had you because you have only burdened us. We didn't want you in the first place!" and so on and so forth.

Also to those who want to say - I'm over exaggerating... no... sorry to say... I'm not.

Joe has had to deal with me in tears the past few weeks - and doesn't understand why I am NOT letting him go on a killing spree. On top of that I have been blue about old friends. Well people I called "friends" from high school. They do not exist. Any contact I have tried to get with them - useless. Get nothing back, no e-mail/messages online, no phone calls or voicemails. Nada. And the thing that kills me the most? The girl I thought was my best friend and who was basically a sister won't even contact me back either. Nope, not at all. BUT she will call my older brother -.-;

I've been really lonely basically and getting fed up with the people I once trusted. I've decided that it is basically pointless to care - but I do. Why? No idea. But yea that's all that shit - now I'm off to clean my room.

~[Fuu]

My car hates me! It stalled on my way to work! ;_; I had to get it working - drive it home, take another car, and get to work. So of course I was late ;_;

And I have no idea what it wrong with it. Dammit. ;_;

Well Joe left on his trip yesterday :'( On his way to Japan for two days and then Thailand for the rest to visit his sister. Won't be back until the 15th - so I won't see him until the
17th at the earliest. :'(

A bunch of my friends are going down the shore for spring break - others to Megacon in Florida and me... well I'll be working and playing Final Fantasy XI online. Aka - a very lonely and boring spring break for Fuu. lol. Ah well it happens - gotta save up that money for Japan right?! ^^ Anyways I should be on her a bit over spring break next week so I will talk to you all more then! ^^

Ok, its official my mental state is dissipating quickly right now. ><. I can't meditate or try and calm myself through magic due to the joys of living in a house with my mother. My sister tried to tell her about practicing wicca and trying the various forms of witchcraft and she ignored her. I don't think it would be wise for me to so much as try.
I've been making my boyfriend worry as stuff at home is taking a plummeting turn downhill. Mom is in a uproar about the house being a mess since my sis moved home. My sis and I are trying to fix it but not fast enough. My brother stays in his room and comes out when he wants me to help him with homework. His 9 years older too ><.
School and work are actually sanctuaries right now. I'm starting to have a mental breakdown at 18 and its not fun. I'm actually crying while typing this - and trying not to at the same time. This is proving difficult.
And the only question I really have now is why is it that I feel so alone?

http://www.rentnet.com/apartments/fyp/search/brochure/brochure.jhtml?pid=401151&source=a12676&amp;city=DOYLESTOWN&st=PA&zp=&btyp=E&sid=B517C670AA224C5A883875192936DF68

this is the apartment i want. >< ok, i hope i can find a roomy so price can go down.

I've learned something. Seeing as I am having trouble sleeping (going on 2 full days now) I have come to realize why I am having trouble sleeping. I like the quiet. And when I interupt the quiet I seem to like it even more because I know it's only me. For some reason it's a very soothing fact and because of it I want to sit in this peaceful bliss longer and watch as the sky lightens outside my window. :)

This is going to be short because I am still upset. In lunch I wasn't hungry so two of my "friends" decide they are going to force feed me french fries by sticking them in my mouth everytime I open it to tell them to stop. They did this because I am "too skinny", they obviously don't know that when I am not hungry and eat anyway that upsets my stomache and half the time I throw up. Yea, aren't they sweet? So I went to the nurse's office and by this time in tears because my mom pushes and now the people I thought were friends are two (which only makes me feel worse) that I HAVE to eat, not should, HAVE TO. The nurses in the office were really nice "(as usual, they've always been nice to me {especially this year because I have been going through different degrees of hell.}) They let me call my dad who brought me home, that is after Mrs. Harrigan (nurse) spoke to him b/c she and Mrs. Larkin are both apparently really worried about me. .... I love the nurses at my school, they're so nice. But yea.... in short, I'm home and have had a REALLY bad day.

My brother is such a jerk! Okay, there is a movie I asked if he would go take me to see and he promised he would. That is after I told him that I was going to invite one of my friends (who he also likes). Well the girl couldn't go and he tells me "I'll have to think about if I want to go or not now." Meaning the only reason he promised to take me was because she was going! Because he knows that right now the only way he can most likely see or talk to her without raising suspicion is through me. Well don't I feel loved by my older brother, he is trying to use me so he can be around someone else. >.< Geez! Even my own family uses me! And here I am thinking everything would be fine! Jackass = brother! I hate when people use me for their benefit and right now I think that is the only thing that they want me around for!

He then went out to the mall and when I asked if I could come along he looked at me and told me no so coldly. As if he never want/wanted me around ever! I am starting to REALLY hate people! Inclusing my family! What the fuck ever happened to common decency!?

I applyed to two new places for work. Michaels and Staples. Hope I get a job at one of them at least. I don't feel like having to be home all the time, with the people I live with. My sister will most likely be in her own room within the next week, or so I hope. Meaning I get to have the joy of reorganizing my room. Fun, fun, fun, if I break something it might help me deal with the mass amount of stress I am under. I have to e-mail and article to my Journalism teacher that is late, write the final copy due Monday. Write a rough draft for a damn sports article due Tues. Draw scenary in detail for my art class and manage not to kill people. Also I have to write the rough draft of an essay my English teacher says I might use for college. >.< On top of that I have an article to write on Martin Luther King Jr. that might be submitted to the Patriot (another HS's newspaper), a make-up math test to take after school on Mon., have to get hold of the West band instructor about equipment, find out the difference between Ultralite flags and swing flags, order the equipment, find the third person who will be doing the routine for my Graduation project, and start making a routine up for a song that is so many f***ing counts long! Find silks, talk to my band director about borrowing a rifle, and hopefully not be asked about indoor guard.... AGAIN!

So yes, I'm just a little stressed.

Plus, I still have to talk to my dad.

Happy New Year, I guess. I was invited to a New year's party, left at midnight. I wasn't wanted there and I could tell. There's one way to hurt a girl, kick her when she is down. And boy my "friends" sure can do that well. And I know what they are all probably saying "drama queen" fine they can call me what they want. As long as I am able to call them bitches and assholes. They didn't speak to me unless it was asking me if I was "ok" or to get me to play Kings, which is a game I hate. My ex was there and wanted me to die, my b/f was there and did give a damn, my friends hell they didn't give a damn. None of them wanted me there, thats one of the reasons I left. They think everything is a huge joke, and guess what, I'm sick of it. And frankly I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't know what to make of the people who call themselves my "friends". I'm starting to think that "friends" is something they are all far from.

~Fuu