"I reject your reality and substitute my own"
-[blackphoenix]
“House in Darkness”- note to self:must read this book or die.
You Know You're From Dublin When...
You say "I'm Grand" all the time.You drink Guinness as if it is a sixth food group.You disagree with above - Guinness is the FIRST food group.You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.You say "Are you grand?" all the time.You say "Isn't it grand?" all the time.You say "That'd be grand?" all the time.You can pronounce names like Eoghan, Niamh and SiobhanYou take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoesYou say "Your man" all the time.You say "Your woman" all the time.You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at thirty.You talk about 'dinners' and 'mammys'. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Dublin.
SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
The fool wanders,
the wise one travels.
-Celtic saying