Being Direct.

Many of us use indirect language to express our needs. You might say, "Are you hot?" when you really mean that you are hot and would like the air conditioner to be turned up. This kind of indirection leads to a lot of confusion. Some of it is harmless, but some miscommunication can lead to real problems--like date rape. As often happens, alcohol makes things even more complicated. If you have trouble understanding a statement when you are sober, think of how much more ambiguous it would be if you were drunk.

This exercise will give you some practice in being direct. Reword each of the indirect sentences below so that they clearly express a request.

Example: Do you know what time it is?
            please tell me the time.

1.Would you mind passing me the bread?

[gimme that bread, mofo!]

2. Do you have room for me in your car?

[gimme a ride, mofo!]

3. Is this seat taken?

[can I sit here, mofo!?]

4. Do you think you could help me with my homework?

[help me with my homework, mofo!]

5. Would it bother you if I played some music?

[I'm gonna play some music, mofo!]

6. Are you finished eating those fries?

[gimme yo' fries, mofo!]

7. Are you busy Saturday night?

[Let's smoke hookah saturday, mofo!]

8. I'm washing my hair Saturday night.

[Holy christ NO, mofo!]

9. Are you sure you want another beer?

[You're WASTED, mofo!]

10. Would you like to see my room?

[Hey, mofo, lets touch!]

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Part 2: Making Decisions about Dating and Sex

Some of the most important decisions you'll ever have to make will involve dating and sex. Being intimate with another person can have all sorts of emotional and physical consequences--both good and bad. If you make rash decisions, you might put yourself at risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, or HIV. Because it can be diffiult to make solid decisions when you are in the heat of the moment--and even tougher if you've had a few drinks--it makes sense to decide now what you want out of dating and sex.

So take some time to think about and answer the questions below.
This is a private exercise; you don't have to show it to anyone.

List three important characteristics of your ideal boyfriend or girlfriend
1. [ Nice ]        
2.p[ funny ]       
3.[They have to be 17 feet tall and carry a giant flaming sword]       

On a date, what are three activities you most enjoy?
1.[enjoying each other]         
2.[ laughing ]         
3.[smitting the rightious and impure in the name of our dark lord]         

Who would pay for your date? How much money would you bring with you in case of emergency?
  [you, mrs. morrison. you are going to pay. you are going to pay for my date. PAAAAAY. I wouldn't carry money, I would haggle.]  


How would you get home from your date? What alternate plan would you have for getting home by yourself, if necessary?
   [my spaceship, as spaceships need no "alternate plans"!]  

How well do you have to know someone before you...

...kiss? [ 80 years ]    
...make out? [ fishbowl ]   
...have sexual intercourse? [(Chef says not till I'm 17)]                     

Where are three acceptable places for a romantic encounter to take place?

1. [The methadone clinic ]    
2. [mattress factory]    
3. [middle of the freeway ]   

What are three things that would be unacceptable on a date or during a sexual encounter?

1. [Projectile vomiting into my shoes ]   
2. [drowning bats ]   
3. [striping down and covering yourself in creamed corn, then making me tape ferrets licking it off.]    

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hmmmm...
I think I remember why I failed Mrs. Morrison's class. :]