i feel so fucking guilty if i wasent here then none of this would happen so please just make this stop i cant take living like this and i wish i had someone to be there to hold me but they are all gone and i cant fucking stand the fact that im so insane and i feel like everyone hates me...............

nothing is working out and im standing here alone.....
the darkness coming down and im living in no home....
why doesnt life fogive the lies i said?
why cant i curl up in my own dam bed?
am i being used or using others
i just cant tell but-
i know im here for others and thers the hell i live in and its no fantasy...........

i really like jesse but i know its too late to change the past and now i have the dream guy of my life the one chance to have a normal relationship and we have so much in common and too little to lose and he likes me and i like him and i KNOW him as being who he really is with out the bullshit and he accepts me for who i am and how i try to be because he is the same way and it seems to me like this is no coincedents and he was sent here or something cuz this is just too weird.........omg.........like our b-days are the same and 2 yrs ago we lived accross the street from eachother and now we meet again at another hard time in our lives and now im going crazy thinking about him and i think.........think........think too much.......i need gto relax and stop believing that there is someone out there for me when i know i should be alone instead.....

omfg.......do you ever realize that you know too much.......about everything.......and you cant do a thing to change it........i do.........i can give advice and stand there listening for all tis worth and without everyone i wouldnt be here and now im just in the way.......if i wasent here kendall wouldent HAVE to be sad, jenny wouldent HAVE to be saad. im to blame and i go on this guiolt trip and i feel so selfish even though i shouldent and i want to be there for ppl cuz its what i do and with out them i would DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really need to get out of this reality which binds me into nothing i need to be oin and just go to a deep hole in the ground where noone would find me and be in a happy life where nothing is this bad.

hey i know how you feel wit your dad and shit and you are alot happier and i hpope it stays that way and i hate brandon soooooooooooooo much for hurting jenny and going after me and i need a smoke i had one at the end of lunch before social and i need to smoke the good shit right nowe and i hope you understand that i hate felisha for doing that shit to you and omfg i am so confuzzled right now.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE MY FUCKING FAMILY AND EVERYONE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE AND IVE BEEN DUMPED ON MY ASS SO MANY TIMES LATLEY. god can i say fucking idiot? everyone is doing good kinda sorta but still...............................i believe that i might never have a reationship since jesse and i just hope he BURNS IN FUCKING HELL.......