Wayne told me he loves me this morning at 2. i love him too
i'm sorry Wayne. today's been a bad day. they'll disappear soon. i heal quikly.
Wayne is SO sweet! He is always telling me how beautiful I am, and how lucky he is to have me....(not that I believe that) And he knows the meaning of no! Isn't that cool?! And he is a wiccan, too. We practice together sometimes.... He's a water sign to my fire. Rather funny that he's a pyro. And he's a poet, too. Though he's not crazy sappy overtly mushy poet like Richie.... But yeah.
Blessed be!!
I told a friend of mine, Wayne to be exact, about Drew. It was at my locker after 3rd block. He was kneeling down beside me, cuz I have a bottom locker. He said he could help me forget him. I got up and walked away laughing. He followed me and said, "Come on, Amanda, give me a shot! whats the worst that can happen?" So....*blush*.
i almost got a hot pink scarf, but didnt have enough money, and i saw the same type at wal mart for 1/2 the price but they didnt have pink so i didnt get one....now i think red will be fine but my mum (the evil bitch) wont drive me.
Damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit. oh, by the way, damnit
I'M DYING MY HAIR RED!!!
I wrote this in math today. thanx for the line Richie:
BLOODY LOVE
¯¯¯¯¯¯ ¯¯¯¯
Love is like a razor blade
that leaves my soul to bleed.
I wish my love for you would fade,
Instead of growing like a weed.
You tore my heart to bloody shreads
And left it there to rot.
My eyes are crying crimson red,
For your love for me is naught.
Please, love, tell me why!
Why must you hurt me so?
Why is it blood that I cry?
Why wouldn't you say yes or no?
A straight answer was all I wanted,
Would that have been so hard?
Instead your words haunt me,
And stab at me like glass shards.
I've bled too much over you,
And I bet you doun't even care.
There is nothing you can do,
For there is nothing left to tear.
I hate you, Drew. I FUCKING HATE YOU!! You fucking never gave me a straight answer and its tearing me apart. Just tell me if I have a fucking chance, dont beat around the fucking bush. If you care at ALL you can at least fucking tell me the truth. Tell me if youre worth waiting for tell me if you will EVER fucking return my love. TELL ME DAMN IT!!! If you have any ounce of fucking goodness in you you'll stop fucking hurting me like this, Drew. cause it fucking hurts so bad i feel as if you ripped out my fucking heart and left it on the fucking floor to fucking bleed and rot!!! Why did I let you fucking do this to me?! we've never even fucking dated before and i am crazy in love with you. How the fuck did you do that? If you think i am fucking stressing you look at me!!! I cant sleep cant eat I am crying at the littlest things......ST
Shannon [Chynadoll] said she'd cast a spell for me. i hope it works....I dont want to love him anymore....
DAMNIT, DREW, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LOVE YOU?! 'SPECIALLY SINCE YOU'LL N-E-V-E-R LOVE ME IN RETURN?! WHY?! YOU'VE TORN MY ALREADY BROKEN HEART INTO BLOODY SHREADS!!! i hate you.....i HATE you.....but at the same time, I love you.... DAMN IT ALL!!!
The play sucked. Thats all I am going to say about it so dont bother asking. And its because Shannon's boyfriend is an asshole, Wayne has a pointy noise, and I love my new hat, DAMNIT!!
Though I have a perfectly wonderful boyfriend, I still want Drew. Isn't that so sad? He doesnt like me. Or if he does, he sure doesnt act like it, the mean bastard....He actually made me cry Friday! Here's the note he wrote me
Amanda,
I want you to understand, it has nothing to do with you, or any one else, I just don't want a relationship right now. In answer to your question, I really have no answer. I don't want to say yes and have you stressing over time, waiting for it, and possibly in vair were I to begin another relationship later. On the other hand, I don't want to say no, then later change my mind, or even possibly upset you.
Please don't be upset about this, but maybe soon. The main problem is time, and once this play is finally over with I may be able to actually do something. Still though, please don't obsess over it, the pressure is very stressful.
But anyway, I do like you and I think your a good person, but I think maybe leaving our relationship as friends where it is is best.
Love you,
Drew Hamrick
I gave Drew a note today. It pretty much said that I like him, and want to know if I will ever have a chance with him. He hasn't spoken to me since. I hope I have a chance though. If I do, I will wait as long as I have to. Forever if I must.
I kinda broke up with my boyfriend today. This is what happened: I told some of my friends how I was planning on breaking up with Jacob today, and they told him. First he cornered me after 3rd block and asked "What the HELL is going on?" I didnt say anything. I just looked at him and made him let go of my hoodie. He then walked off.
Then after fourth block, he corners me by my locker and says: "Trey, Shannon, Mary, Larry... They told me what you said." I just looked at him. I couldnt think of anything to say. I got up, and moved to touch his arm, (you know, in that comferting, sympathetic way) and he pushes me and walks off saying, "I hope you're FUCKING HAPPY!" (Emphasis on fucking a pause then even more emphasis on happy)
Nothing he could have said hurt more than that. I started walking towards the auditorium, tears welling up, eyes staring at the floor, when who do I run into but four of my friends: Erika, her boyfrind, D.J., and Kayla (yes, Patrick's Kayla.) She asked me why I was crying. I said I wasnt and pushed my way past her and DJ who was trying to get me to tell them what was wrong. I went to the auditorum for rehursal, and look behind me and see Jacob whom Kayla had told I was crying, trying to catch up with me. I ran and hid in the auditorium, yelling as I went in, "If Jacob askes, I'm NOT here!" Drew asked me why I was hiding and I hit him. Not a second after that I heard the door open. April (another friend) confronted him and told him she had no clue where I was, and then I heard him punch the wall and yell "Damn it" before he left.
Jacob scares me....
Damn you, Kayla. Trying to steal Patrick. I wont have it. I know Patrick likes you more than me, but there is no way in HADES you are taking him from me.
i wish i could drive. i'm so bored. and i have to clean my room today... or no patrick... damn mother...
Spriggan is awesome. I watched it for the third time today. I miss my boyfriend!! His name is Patrick Waters, and he's hot and nice and TOO DANG SHY!!! ANYway, I haven't seen him in an entire week! At least he calls me though....but i wanna see him...
Metropolis and Akira are really cool movies. i wish i were that talented. But, sadly, I am but a novice.... I wish I were as good as Miyazaki-san.