Wow I like how christmas time comes around and I get blamed for the deficit in funds. I like how I donate plasma, sell my belongings, art and try to work any job possible to make ends meet. Then promptly give the money I do make to my mom so that way the stupid cunt can pay bills. Instead she wastes it on beer, binge drinks and wants to commit suicide. Real nice. Real class. Let me tell you. Fucking horse shit. Then the fucking bitch refuses to go back to work because she got treated like shit. SO FUCKING WHAT?! Learn to deal with it, I get given shit odd jobs all the goddamn time but do I complain? fuck no. I just bite the goddamn nail and finish it. It's not that fucking hard to fucking try, it's not that hard to succeed when the work you are working is FUCKING EASY! It's not that hard to be appreciative of what I do when I can help. And that's another thing it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of emotional support for what I do try. Knowing that I have the backing of my supposed and estranged 'family' would be great but I know deep down inside they're more miserable than I and don't want me to succeed at anything I try in life. They want me to fail so they can call me a loser and a failure. But I much rather them meet quick and bloody ends than torment me in the years of my life that are supposed to shape whether or not I can stand on my own or die trying.
Failure is not an option nor is it acceptable when victory is certain.
I'm getting really fuckin' sick of these new rules on each and every website I go to. Especially ones like ET, EP, etc. It's kind of annoying honestly. Trying to tell us how much we can have, what we can have, what we can do, with our own pages and wikis. That's some hardcore bullshit. If this place is about artists then let the artists express themselves you fuckin' cock sucking faggots. Honestly. You should probably not be overlord dick-heads here simply cause you cannot cope with or control your life outside of the internet. Cause well it's the internet, not the fuckin' real world. It's where we can expresss ourselves without so much a need for any sort of rules, so long as we don't encroach or violate someone elses electronic freedoms. Of course ya'll will get offended and butt hurt and you'll overreact like always and threaten, suspend or ban those who threaten you're all totalitarian dream of the interwebs. We do not come here to please you, we do not tell you how to run your godamn website, we do not tell you how you are to dictate what's acceptable and what's not. Keep to yourselves and we'll keep the goatse out of your forums, wikis and pages.
I've been fighting an uphill battle with life lately. It seems with each foot of ground I gain, I lose friends. And would appear that it's becoming a lonely battle. Not many allies these days and a whole bunch of inconsiderate, incorrigible rabble blocking my path towards a brighter tomorrow.
I've stuck to my guns and tried to be as flexible as possible to dodge these bullets life has been spitting at me but it seems they're just so many and protection is in short supply.
I call for a rally and I get the shaft. People going about their own selfish way when the chips are down and the game is called.
People expecting something from me when they won't change their frequency. Just a whole bunch of fear when change comes a knocking. A whole bunch of cowards running when the tough gets going.
Claim I am the best yet you pass me up for inferiority.
Threaten me when I rock the boat too much but do you realize I am moby dick?
Stay out of conveniences flock away when the weather is a bit unfair.
Courageous Lion or cowardly Leo? We'll know when it gets a bit thick.
I'd like to pool resources and rally in for a big push but it's all petering out when I beacon. No one's heading the call and they'll be on the out and out soon enough when there's no wall to stop the salvo.
http://blog.my
Where to start...
Well I never write this damn things not that anyone reads them I just find them frustrating when it didn't go throught cause ET didn't submit it.
Been angry lately over the course things to happen to me and my friends here. On the hunt of this one motherfucker who was responsible for my friends car accident. No success there. Go figure criminals(most of them anyways) are like cockroaches they only come out at night and scurry in dark filthy places that few dare to tread unless they're an exterminator.
Tried to write recently and nothing comes out how I plan it. No writer's block just the signs of burn out. Same goes for art. What's the fuckin' point if you don't got a muse or something to draw inspiration from in this world.
I'm down to a handful of friends. It's cool to see them not cool that the others to abandon have no reason as I wasn't being a douche, some sort of emo kid or loser. They have absolutely no legitimate reason what-so-ever. Cocksucking faggots. "Oh noes he's using homophobe speak111" Tough shit. I don't care about political correctness. Faggot is my way of getting across that I don't like mother fuckers.
I'm not Mohandas Ghandi and of course I got anger issues. How would you feel if someone stomped all over your ant mound. You'd want the motherfucker dead or gone. And hence as such the reason for me writing such a frivolous diary entry.
I love how there's like 8 people on my friendslist here on Et but they either don't have messenger, have an excuse to not be on it or just don't reply until it's convenient to sign off. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. Sure there could something legit like an impending godzilla attack, a death in the family, non-severe illness or a need to want to sleep.
Man I wish I could hit the reset button and restart all of time but maintain the knowledge I have so when I have to go through this again I know how to not get fucked over. That'd be great. Sure things may not happen the but guess what they'll happen in my favor. Or at least I think they will. Who knows what mystical forces existing or otherwise might get pissed. Ah the joys of vengeful metaphysics.
Perhaps I should go before I get the title of emo. Whatever. Bye.
Wow! I really hate getting scape goated for someone else's short comings. I really hate always being in fear of having everything fall on me as if I am supposed to save someone elses sinking ship.
Don't get me wrong I like helping people, I like being active in anything provided I get compensation for my services. I hate serving someone who has it in their capabilities to reward me with money or food or drink but don't cause they don't think it. I surely hope they don't plan on going to sleep at night content with themselves. If they do then they can burn in hell for doing this to me. This coming from people who ask me if I am in school but really don't give a shit when I answer no and explain why.
I strongly dislike being hungry or thirsty almost all the fucking time. Christ I have to ration my food out so I don't starve to death before I get paid measily. I was thriving just 6 months ago, what happened? I know what happened I got fucked out of employment by Joshua Baines Hovis because he decided to tell the manager I wasn't needed cause he couldn't provide me transportation home but I was already getting steady transportation to and fro work from my friend. So fuck that shit I think I deserver a motherfucking apology.
Then around that same godamn time I got fucking blacklisted from Punk shows cause I played a show that I was booked for in my schedule from the last show. I got it confirmed with one of the people who was renting the place I was playing at and I showed up and played. Kicked ass cause my family was there and that was it. No more shows and when I try to talk to the organizer he flee's. I showed up at fucking subway and that cocksucker ran his piggy ass into the backroom. Fuck that shit. Quit hiding, quit talking shit about me and let me play shows you cock sucking fag.
I am tired. I am frustrated. I've been boxed into a corner by people who really don't give a shit and I ain't no fucking doormat. I'm polite and polite is about ready to start kicking some motherfucking ass. So recognize or start hiding.
Well I fell asleep at my desk for like 4 hours. Out cold, face down on key board. Then I guess I hit some dream sleep and had a rash of horrible nightmares. really just flash backs and bad shit that I wish I could forget and never see. It's been taking its toll on me and missing more and more sleep leaves me more and more alienated to my friends and the world. I don't need sleep at night I need to get rid of the shit that makes my life a living hell when I sleep. I don't know where to begin because I've strayed away from the stuff that I know will scare me. Some of my nightmares may help with creativity but it's too much, it's too...intense. It's like someone somewhere flips a switch and things go to shit for me in a heart beat. I just want normal sleep, I just want things be great with no pain, misunderstandi
PEACEOUT!!!
Hmmm. normally I wouldn't post something like this but damn. it hit me.
ALWAYS REMEMBER:
1. Somebody is very proud of you.
2. Somebody is thinking of you.
3. Somebody is caring about you.
4. Somebody misses you.
5. Somebody wants to talk to you.
6. Somebody wants to be with you.
7. Somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
8. Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
9. Somebody wants to hold your hand.
10. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
11. Somebody wants you to be happy.
12. Somebody is celebrating your successes.
13. Somebody wants to give you a gift.
14. Somebody thinks that you are a gift.
15. Somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot
16. Somebody wants to hug you.
17. Somebody loves you.
18. Somebody admires your strength.
19. Somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
20. Somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
21. Somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
22. Somebody thinks the world of you.
23. Somebody wants to protect you.
24. Somebody would do anything for you.
25. Somebody wants to be forgiven by you.
26. Somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
27. Somebody wants to laugh with you.
28. Somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
29. Somebody is praising God for you.
30. Somebody needs to know that your love for them is unconditional.
31. Somebody values your advice.
32. Somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
33. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
34. Somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
35. Somebody wants you to hold them in your arms.
36. Somebody treasures your spirit.
37. Somebody wishes they could stop time because of you.
38. Somebody praises God for your friendship and love.
39. Somebody can't wait to see you.
40. Somebody loves you for who you are.
41. Somebody loves the way you make them feel.
42. Somebody wants to be with you (forever and ever).
43. Somebody wants you to know they are there for you (always).
44. Somebody is glad that you're their friend.
45. Somebody wants to be your friend.
46. Somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
47. Somebody is alive because of you.
48. Somebody is wishing that you noticed them.
49. Somebody wants to get to know you better.
50. Somebody wants to be near you.
51. Somebody misses your advice and guidance.
52. Somebody has faith in you.
53. Somebody trusts you...A lot.
54. Somebody needs your support.
55. Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
56. Somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
57.Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
58.Somebody will cry when they read this.
Well fucking hell guys. I never like rambling about my life unless I am talking to you face to face or over the phone. Yeah the phone kicks more ass than the IM for sure. So where is this ramble going to take me? I don't know but this is for sure, the Halo 2 tournament that I played in was fucking bogus. 4 teams tied for first and because of this foreign system of keeping tabs of games we got fucked out of any sort of prize. Then there was a second tournament and me and my friend raped on that. Nothing could touch us. So after juggernaughtin
Son of a bitch!!! I don't know anymore folks. I just don't know, perhaps it is true I am going insane but who knows for sure but the fuckers at the state hospita. And I am for sure not going. I need to record a demo within two weeks but I don't have a full band and the TRMU seems to frown upon the idea of someone being themselves and doing thier own thing which makes me frown on the inside hardcore. I got to professional but at the same time I say fuck it. It doesn't matter and people can't seem to connect the fucking dots when it comes to understanding me. Not everyone but most everyone. Yes I am ranting, who the fuck cares though, I could sure go for some whiskey right now. Damn loosing my I.D. :( Aww fuckity fuck fuckity fucking fuckers fucks. just me trying to be poetic with the word fuck. That word is used too much why don't people use bitch, or bastard those are two pretty cool words of curse. I am sick of hearing shit. It is just an unappealing curseword that lacks finesse. Shit. My point has been proven. I got to fire a .22 rifle yesterday. I have shitty accuracy but at least I can graze the targets I shoot at which can be a good thing. I need to train more using one. That would be awesome fo shizzle. Guns rock, people who are cool getting feed up and killing themselves with them is not cool. And now there's more dots to connect oh well. See you later folks I grow bored of this rant. PEACEOUT!!!
THis is something I rarely update. I don't know why, I probably should but I really don't see a point to it. For the most part my life seems to have been some sort of a joke that God or some higher being is pulling on me. Let me explain, I can meet new people but at the same time I find something new I lose something old. Then I apply for a job and even though I know how to work someone less skilled and less abled mentally gets the job. I play video games on the internet against people and going from Teh Pwnzers to the pwned. It seems my role in the world around me has switched positions. I don't know though, I was taught to embrace change but this kind of change is not something I am going to shift with this time. I DON'T like the way things are going so now I am going to go against the grain here. A way you can say this is standing in front of the tank. So if you anyone else reads this come stand in front of the tank with me and oppose this change for unfair things that we do not understand. We I think I am going to be a stereotypical rebel till I see otherwise to stop. PEACEOUT!!!
Today is going pretty cool so far. I will be working on Trash, Garbage and Refuse some more later on this evening and I am also working on a new song called Last Act Of Transgression.
So Saturday as in a few weeks back Saturday. I went to go hang out with one of my friends that I haven't seen in a while. His name is not important how he was acting was. So I get home from bullshiting with one of my other friends around 10pm then I am get called by my "friend" and I am like, "Hells fuckin' yeah lets hang out!" Big mistake. So he comes, gets me we meet up with his girl friend and then go back to his place. Like a million people show up but one dude in particular got my attention. He was tall wearing all black (band shirt whore!!!), with painted finger nails with a chains wrapped around his wrist. And the entire time he was there he was trying to act like a tough little bitch at first he wasn't saying anything. Then he started talking and immediately my ASSHAT Radar was picking up ASSHAT vibes. He less uncool when he wasn't speaking. Moving so I am there till about 3:30am and the entire time he is trying to justify the liking of crappy music and flawed philosophy and the entire I am sauced and I am managing to piss the dude off everytime he opens his mouth because it is fun to make fun of stupid people especially if they are bigger than you (It keeps you on your toes if you happen to get into a fight). He got pissy and then he got violent then in one swift move he goes to punch me. Well I wasn't there that fat dude talking shit to him just disappeared, where'd he go? That's what he was thinking before I planted my size 11 steel toe boot in his balls. He dropped to the ground and for the rest of his evening he lay there in complete misery up until the point where his friends collected him like a drop jacket and took their punk asses on home. Now normally I try not to instigate but if I am drunk things change and if I am thinking it I say it(usually). Needless to say I am banned indefinitely from being at any of my friends rad shindigs (note:sarcasm, his shindigs aren't rad they suck and rarely there is anyone worth talking to at them unless you count making fun of crappy assholes who think their the shit.)
So we came in third yesterday. We didn't win jack and shit even though we did better than the other 11 teams that were there. It is not that we weren't good it is that we didn't have enoguh experience for the massacre that happened in the semifinals. We had the lead for like 30 seconds then all of a sudden we were dying and then the game was over. I know that there will be a tournament next week and I know that I will do a better job first round, second round and third round and hppefully forth round. On another note I wrote part something to another short story series that I am calling Trash, Garbage and Refuse. It is about zombies and a garbage man. Give a look I think you guys will like it.
Yeah so I have been gone all weekend over to my friend eric's to practice for a Cash Halo 2 tournament that happens to be Teams. Anyways I think we have it I just hope that eric will be on top of his game by tuesday so that we may win cash and kick ass bigtime. I found out that one of our team members is gonna be on another team and although that may not be a big thing but it is because he now knows are strategy and tactics and might get eric to throw the game if we play against them. I hope not but that is a very big liability to us which can really cripple on down the line. I have been getting better a learning spawn points and killing people when they try to spawn kill me. I just hope that we play a whole bunch of easy money games so that way we can eliminate the heavy hitters from the top and steam roll the oppostion from each tournament after that. Remember when it comes to desperation in winning thrown honor, glory and fairness away and always keep your resolve so that you keep a level head. Welp that is it for my rant today PEACEOUT!!!
So today has gone good up until 15 minutes ago. My mom got pissed at me because I was on xbox live and CSI: Las Vegas was starting. So instead of saying could you please quit. She says, "Quit out! QUIT OUT NOW!!!" I being the relatively calm guy I am said, "Wait please this a ranked match and if I quit then I lose double points and my rank drops." She then said, "God DAMMIT! Don't make me UNPLUG the computer." She then proceeded to try and yank the controller out of my hands which in turn caused me to give away my position with the sniper rifle. That then got me and my entire team that I was backing up killed. She then threw it back at me and yelled more profanities. I told her to chill and pick the controller back up. I told her, "we are losing and it will be over in 45 seconds." I was right exactly 45 seconds later we were done for and the game was over. And I get hit over a fucking TV show. A TV SHOW!!! WTF!!! It isn't even that good of a TV show. I do not appreciate being threatened or hit and those two in combination with each other are more than grounds for an ass beating of epic proportions. I kept my cool though and finished the game. THen I went and did a few chores and got on my merry way. Now I set here fuming and bidding my time for the day that I can put her ass in a home. That will be punishment enough for the way I have been treated by her my entire life. Yeah I am a vengeful bastard but I happen to be a rather nice vengeful bastard at that.
So it's 1:37 AM and my mind feels like liquid jello. I have class tomorrow but for some crazy ass reason I can't sleep. Today I was talking to Ghoulina about goths not that I hate them but I am moderately unhappy that none of them share the same traditions that their Ostro and Visagoth ancestors do. I mean it isn't that hard to go wait in the Black Forest with furs, leather clothes and swords and axes for the Romans. Grant that you might be like 1000 years to late it doesn't matter. Eventually history will repeat itself so they are bound to find Romans to kill and people to be Barbaric to and stuff.
Yeah today I went to sleep at 5pm and woke up at around 1am. I am freaking tired as hell. Yesterday wasok considering that I spent most of it just sitting on my ass playing xbox live and drinking water. Man I have gotten freaking lazy. Oh well I will start kicking some ass soon enough.
www.humanforsa
$1,951,470.00 yeah I am worth alot I guess. Anyways Yeah I figured I would take another stupid pointless because I have nothing better to do at the moment.
So far I am waiting until tomorrow then I get to see how shitty valentines day is for me. Let's that it won't be shitty for that will suck the balls big time.
Yeah lately I haven't been posting prfound thoughts as I have not had fuel to allow my passions to explode. It really doesn't matter I guess but at some point I am gonna get pissed then everyone will get to see my wrath upon idiots, jackasses and dick heads.
Yeah I plan on doing other stories that are better organized but at the moment CoS will have to do. ANd for all those who endured, enjoyed and read my writing. Thank You.
On an off topic. I have had a pretty badass weekend and I kicked much ass in Halo 2. I do need to start practicing my bass more along with working out more than twice a week.