My world just got smaller. The bad news that people try to pass as good. When trash has it's way it certainly leads the world to decay.
Just watched MLG Anaheim. And I must say the names of the team I saw win should be the following: McFaglin, Swamprat, Stepchild, Bitch face and Ballschinzo. Seriously, I can't stand kids these days. Sure they may have worked hard to get their victory but the ego associated with gaming or anything non-relevant to living is aggravating. Stow the ego and do.
Woke up being called upon to help. Sadly it apparently isn't within my capabilities even when I have the resources to contribute. I feel like a punk when I'm asked to do when I cannot. I wish people wouldn't put themselves in that situation. I wish people wouldn't need me to bail them out of their sinking ships when I can barely keep myself afloat. I don't mind the sacrifice but shit it's frustrating to watch people fail - to burn themselves out like the dullest shining stars they are since they lack the foresight to really understand or grasp the complexities in our so called life. So much is going on and so much more could happen if they would just use their eyes to see what's infront of them rather than what's just out of reach. We can struggle in this sump or we can work together to get starward. I'm trying, I suppose we're all trying to some degree but fuck, things don't work if you back someone into a corner - cause then you just make them into monsters and call yourself a victim because you didn't think of the consequences. Sometimes however the monster seek to corner you so they can shanghai you for everything you got. I suppose I'm trying to say be wary and move as though your steps have an impact on the world. I suppose I've said too much and I don't care it's what needs to be said. If only we could all forget about how trivial and contrived things are and can get we can learn to have fun. This is some kind of calm before the storm I suppose. I don't see much else however other than life behind a screen.
yup I really wish things would work out for me. I mean in regards to my heart. I want to fill the hole and spend time with people I deem worthy of my time. I wish people wouldn't treat shit like a game. I suppose it's best said, "To keep me happy spares the world a bunch of shit." Thus as such is the truth. I wish people would understand that, I wish people could see that, I wish people would quit avoiding me. I can't handle it especially not this month. I am too fatigued for anything other than the more simplist of tasks and plans. Complexity kills me on drag months. fuck.
Today has been pretty discouraging. Was trying to make a go of it and it's like getting snagged in an iron maiden. Painful and inevitable. I hate July, I hate the heat, I hate being alone. I hate the hurt. I hate people and the lack of honesty. I wish I could make it all burn.
It would appear that despite my day being ruined this evening turned into awesomeness. For the first time in almost a month I got sleep. Though it was only for 30 or so minutes. Still it was fabulous. My heart would apparently be trying to take root. Not that having roots is a bad thing perhaps it is time I let lest I be wayward for longer than my sake of sanity.
I like that people try to keep me down and they still don't get it. My fury keeps me going and in turn it rewards me with success. Or at least completion of task. That isn't winning, it's being manipulated by people with no respect for me or my well being. I guess that's what I get for thinking the best of folks. Maybe I'll win or something sometime soon.
Fuck your firing squad! Fuck your army of dickbags! Fuck your ego! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!
Last night I witnessed something that aggravated me to no end. I will not go into to detail but it just goes to show that people do not give a shit about me or my dispositions. People claim a lot but until it comes down to brass tacks they have not proven themselves. I know that if it takes all of my being to control myself on a level where there's multiple situations at stake that others do not have the same standard. No one on this side gives a shit about what I want or what I care about. I just hate that feeling though that ultimately nothing I do or say will mean anything since people want to act like something they are not.
fuck a bunch of me, I guess I'm not to relevant to people here who I've known for ages. This shit is aggravating. They're lucky I don't get violent. About to be revolutionary. God-damnit I am so tired right now, I wish I could just catch a break and stay out of oblivion for everything else.
I guess that I just ain't good enough for anything these days. Got traitors growing amongst the ranks of friends. And established enemies coming through the works to claim their part of my peace.
All the while trying to hang on to my sanity.
I've done nothing these passed three days but stay home. I am going crazy, I cannot wait to work tomorrow. I am so fucking tired right now. I wish I could sleep. It would appear my nightmares got the better of me right now. Damnit, looks like I'll need to take benedryl again. I wish spectres from my past wouldn't show back up unless they meant to apologize for the shit they put me through,then again let's think of all the shit I've put others through. I am not perfect but damnit, I try more than those that expect the world from me. I am not bullet proof though think that I am...
I always have more to lose when my heart is at stake.
double goddamnit. I want to destroy. More importantly, I am sick of being called a villain whenever I want something. Whenever I need something. Whenever I want to rise past failure... past others shortcomings. It is not my fault you like to think you have an excuse for everything... it is your fault for not being a truer honest person. Admit it, you're just goddamn lazy and ignorant. Your delusions of eloquence and grandeur a place holder for the lack of confidence and intellect. Truer folk don't damn others to silence, truer folk don't abandon their kin and those who merit the same endearment. If ye were truer folk then show me that you've learned something. Show me that I am wrong by proving me right. I don't want to have shake your hand while arming the other. I don't need to be indignant when you're under the assumption that I'm unaware. There's a difference between greed and survival. Greed is taking from the pot while you're already flourishing - while you already got what you need. Survival is surviving in the face of adversity. Know the difference and be prepared to know the score if you continue to think that you can't be touched or that there won't be karmic retribution and petty revenge. It's only as simple as we say it is, and for the most part it will be messy.
http://io9.com
happiest sounding robopocalypse ever!
just got my feelings spiked like a football. Man alive, I hurt. I just wanted to be honest and not be persecuted for it.
Today was a fucking scrub day and I stayedup all mother fucking night last night cleaning just to be fucking let down. I feel absolutely used right now.
There is always failure. In order to have success you must fail. Without either there is nothing. One must always acknowledge there is hard work involved with any sort of 'adventure' though stagnation brings an urging for freedom and will ...to act accordingly.
Achievement is the visible result of marked success. Remember, if one truly wants to succeed then they must realize that reservation and deliberation are the key part to planning even if by the seam of your pants.
The impossible is what ultimately drives us.
I feel like a fuck up! Like I had a chance to play everything smoothly and my bluff was called. Doh fucking doh! i need to get a rein in on my emotions. I need to control myself or I will be even more lonely than I was.
The guy that finally wins out with bar charm and faux confidence will be your downfall. Know that, I am still the better choice. Not overconfident just perceptive of some kind of bigger picture. Wish I could make heads or tails, making me confused, one thing leading to another. Wanting to stand tall, not caring if we live on borrowed time soon expiring. I much rather be there at the beginning, even if we're bleached skeletons smiling at a grand predetermined cataclysm. And if it should be a farce, then so be it, better to be the fool with their falsehood than to be the one who called it right on mass extinction. I'd say let love in but the utilization of it is slavery, so I say embrace the concept and flow freely like a wisp amongst of the aether. I say, let us be something greater but for what I aspire to is something some call hopeless. Though nary I say that for honestly it's the thrill of getting there that has me giddy. Making it work after the fact, and in action ever practiced will determine to see, how many autumns we get through. Though the world dies a little every season tilling, planting and rebirthing every spring to come another chance at a grace filled bounty.
I'm confused since it appears that no one understand me. I understand them but it's like whatever because it would appear they don't care, my heart is so full of hurt over the way the past year has panned out for me. It's been nothing but loneliness and pain and I want things to go well for everyone and myself and it never does I try so hard to keep it together but no one else picks up the slack. So I'm getting pulled off ship inch by inch and for what? People that don't appreciate or love me. The only I have going for me is that I'm always outnumbered but never outgunned.