So incase I didn't mention it before I will mention it again just to reiterate a fact. I play Halo 2 and I have Xbox Live so if any of you cupcakes feel like you wanna play someone with intermediate skill then by all means message me my Gamertag is: HermesSatan and if you don't already have a clan then messege me and I will send you an invite to it. By the way my clan name is: Prime Runners. It is a name that is used to describe a badass black operative(think CIA cleaner, or an assassin) whose skill are needed in full all the time. So now that you know and by you I mean anyone who finds this and not me, I will be going now so PEACEOUT!!!
So incase I didn't mention it before I will mention it again just to reiterate a fact. I play Halo 2 and I have Xbox Live so if any of you cupcakes feel like you wanna play someone with intermediate skill then by all means message me my Gamertag is: HermesSatan and if you don't already have a clan then messege me and I will send you an invite to it. By the way my clan name is: Prime Runners. It is a name that is used to describe a badass black operative whose skill are needed in full all the time. So now that you know and by you I mean anyone who finds this and not me, I will be going now so PEACEOUT!!!
So because I will be busy tomorrow and pretty much the rest of the weekend I leave this as a gift to anyone lucky enought to find it. And by all means comment.
Note this is a continuation of Part 1 in the Chronicles of Stupid.
Characters depicted here are all male.
Old Characters:Alv
New Characters: Dean(coniving asshole of a thief), Shanti(Death Pit Master)
So we begin. Alvin was wandering about Waco seeing what bizarre items that he could perhaps barter for. He spotted an odd looking blade hanging in a stall where an burly old man and some children were talikng. Alvin wandered up and said, "What that?" while pointing at the blade. The old man stopped talking to the children and replied, "that my friend is a ripper. It doesn't work anymore but when it did I gutted many a poor dumb bastard with it." Almost as if qued the children standing around the old man went, "COOL! EWW! AWESOME!" Alvin smiles and asks, "Can me buy it? Me need it to kill Scorps. Me give spear and funny item for it." Old man responded, "Nah, it doesn't work anymore it fried itself out last time I tried to use it. And by the way that funny instrument is a Harmonica I had one once but it got stolen. That one doesn't look safe for anyones health. Tell you what hows about I give you 30 caps for it?" Alvin: "Ok me not needed it anymore gimme caps. Hey what caps for?" Old Man:"They are currency used to buy things like food and water and perhaps even some gear. I at the moment don't have anything to sell you." While the Old Man said that there was all types of stuff hanging on the wall like clothes and a few spears and sledga hammers. Alvin completely lulled by that man drops the sublect and wanders off with his newly aquired monies(however due to Alvin being oblivious he seems not to notice the Old Man's bias against him for being a tribal.)
Meanwhile Ok wakes up with a spliting headache. He seems to be chained and gagged while being dragged throught the dirt. He felt naseus from the rad scorpion venom and vomits only to have go all over himself and back into his mouth because of his gag. One of the guys with a rifle walks over and lift him to his feet and says, "Keep in line asshole or I'll turn your brains into pina collada!" Ok shook his head and marched wearily with the rest of the slaves. Totz was barely walking as the venom still rampaged its way through his body. He said,"Please let me go. Me do no wrong!" The head of the slavers laughed along with the rest of his men and the Leader said, "Stupid tribal. Freedoms for smart people and you ain't smart at least not by my standards so shut the fuck up! Asshole!"
Totz, Ok and the rest of the slaves finally saw what looked to be the vestiges of civilization and and a worn faded sign saying, "Welcome to Waco." The sign also said, "No stealing or murder without permission." They were marched in single file and careful secured into a holding pin inside of a building call Wa Mar. It was lit by barrel fires and a few torches. The roof of the building had some holes that allowed sun light to travel in. The building was almost empty except for a Huge Cage in the center of the room and some assorted smaller buildings made out of scrap and empty shells. Ok and Totz were forced to drink some nasty tasting milky substance by some burly guard before being put in the holding pin. The other slaves were so tired that they couldn't really try to get out of the cage. On the the floor Ok and Totz noticed fecies and a stronge scent of urine emanating up from the floor into their nostrils. Totz in turn pissed on the corner of pin to mark his territory.
Unbeknownst to Ok and Totz, Alvin saw them marched into the city escorted by Men wearing leather armor and carrying a various assortment of rifles and shotguns. Alvin snarled and kicked the dirt which in turn caused a rock to hit a heavily built, severly scared man wearing pants and a wife beater (enter Shanti). The man growled at him and said, "What The fuck! Did you do that for asshole?" Shanti cracked his knuckles and said, "Your lucky I'm nice or I just might have to break you jaw." Alvin stared at this man and said, "Me sorry me pissed." Shanti: "Oh really? What are you pissed about faggot? Lemme guess I am too much of a badass for you? Is that what it is?" Alvin: "No. Tribe leave me to die in pit with scorpion and me want to kill them or get me a sorry from them... Who be those people with funny sticks?" Shanti: "Who them? They are the Legion slavers and enforcers of Waco. They work for Lawrence my exboss who controls the slave trade and battle arena at Wa Mar. Other than that they are a bunch of assholes who pretty much get the run of the town. Oh and those funny sticks are called guns they kill without much honor damn cowards." Alvin: "So is Law-rence chief? He dont seem to like nice guy. Me confused." Shanti: "Don't worry its not my fault your stupid but hey look at it this way. Your tribe will probably die in a few days when they have the Pit fights so don't worry the death claw they captured will probably rip them to shreds before they can scream."
Alvin looks at Shanti in a pissed off way and says, "They no kill who I have to kill they not get vengeance me get vengeace. I kill them all with me alone if I have to." Shanti laughs: "No shit really they will probably turn you to mulch if you dare cross Lawrence or any of his boys. So if your gonna take them on they go ahead I need a good laugh." Alvin storms off angry and begins to devise a plan that will most likely fail.
Dean was sitting in Six Shooter junction nursing a flat, non-carbonated bottle of Nuka Cola. He was scanning the room for someone he could steal from without getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter. He sees one of the Slavers pass out at a table in the corner his rifle was leaning against the corner and his bandolier of 5 .223 rounds hung off of his chair.
Dean cautiously moved in the not so crowded bar to the drunken slaver. After rolling a successful Stealth check he managed to make it to the unconcious man and began to pilfer what items he did have with greed on his mind and treasure at the tips of his hands. Dean botches his next roll and from behind the counter the barkeep yells, "YOU SNEAKY THIEVING BASTARD SUNOVABITCH!!!
Outside Alvin is walking past the bar and out of no where he here the sound of thunder from inside the bar known as Six Shooter Junction. He along with the people outside went running to see what the noise was about. From through one of the windows he spied one of the Slaver holding a funny stick that was smoking at the tip, he also saw a man cowering on the ground and behind him was a man with a hole the size a human head through his stomach. He saw the Slaver point the gun at the man on the floor. Alvin feeling a great sense of stupidity decided to help that man fixing to be shot and took a step back to throw himself through the window. He startled the Slaver holding the gun as he went throught the window and tackled the man to then floor. However the Slaver fired and struck Dean in the forehead (a lucky shot dealing 24 points of damage due to the sensitivity of the location...you know that place where your brain is stored.) the last thing Dean felt was kind of searing hot breeze pass through central lobe as the bullet went out the back of his skull. Alvin and the Slaver struggled on the ground for a moment before the Slaver could muster enough strength to hit Alvin in the jaw with the but of his gun. Alvin hit the floor and was about to be shot in the face like Dean then the Slaver gun went CLICK (I botched badly). It was a tense moment, the Slaver said, "What the Fuck!" and turned the barrel forward to see if it was loaded as if by some twist of fate BOOM the gun fired and struck the Slaver in the left eye socket destroying his left eye and creating a torrent of blood that sprayed forth from his face. Then slaver rolled on the the floor screaming in agony from the recent turn of events.
Alvin got up on his feet and picked the rifle up from the ground and also took the bandolier off of chair. He stopped for a moment to see if the man he tried to save was still alive but no such luck he was as dead a dilligent and the brains and blood all over the floor showed it.
Shanti heard guns shots coming from the Six Shooter Junction and took off running after them hoping he would be in time to see violence and mayhem. But by the time he got there it was too late people were in a crowd and seemed to be talking amongst themselves as a man covered in blood came walking out. He recognized the man as the tribal he had talked to no longer than thirty minutes ago. Shanti then pushed through the crowd to Alvin and said, "Hey man you got to come with me before the Slavers get here. Follow me or you'll be killed for sure you dumb tribal fuck!"
Alvin followd Shanti through a maze of alleyways and stalls until they hit an area where a few hobos were sleeping. For a moment they caught their breath and Shanti said,"Just what the fuck were you doing?! You probably have the slavers after your dumbass as we speak! You seem like a good guy but shit haven't you heard of the subtle approach to getting things done!?!? I admire what you did but shit your more of an asshole than I thought when i met you like a minute ago." Alvin: "Me wanted to help man helpless man. Slaver was gonna kill him like he did other man. me don't like mean bad people me had to help. Me jump through window and knock man down he shot helpless man in head anyways. I got hit in jaw thought I was gonna die but evil person shot himself in face with thunder stick." Shanti: "So wait a minute you didn't kill him he shot himself the face!? Bullshit! Anyways he probably was drunk off his ass. That was his fucking busines hell for all you know that helpless could have been a thief or some other asshole! Listen ranger fred I don't care what is going on just don't do it again!" Alvin: "Me not evil me want to help but me must get even with tribe first." Shanti: "Like hell your gonna get even with them your gonna have to lay low until things cool off." Alvin shrugged and said, "Ok me hide here." Shanti: "Good idea dumb shit. Good thing I thought of that no stay while I go talk to a few friends to see if I can't get you out of here."
Shanti took off to Wa Mar and went in through the double door that were sealed with metal. On his way to Wa Ma however he saw some of the Slavers drag the corpses through the street to a cart where the would have the corpses wheeled in to feed Lawrence's pet death claw. Shanti was stopped by head slaver Charles who looked like he was pissed about something as usual. Charles: "What the fuck do you want Shanti? It ain't friday fight day so unless you have business with Lawrence you can just get out!" Shanti: "I have business. I know who killed one of you boys. I have hime hiding out over in Hobo town near that old grocery store on the Valley." Charles smiles and said, "Oh really Lawrence will be glad to hear that." And dissappears behind another set of double doors for about five minutes. He returned and said, "Lawrence wants to talk with you. Follow me." Charles led Shanti past a few holding cages where he saw some of the new slaves that came in earlier and all the way through the back near another set of double doors which had about six guards each armed with the latest and greatest gear that Lawrence's could buy. Each guard was wearing metal armor and had Desert Eagles, Combat Shotguns or Colt SMG's.
After Shanti was searched and relieved of his brass knuckles he was escorted into an office that smelt of cigars and fine alcohol. In back of the room was a desk and behind that desk sat a caucasian, balding, middle aged man wearing a dark navy blue business and a dark smirk. He gestured and said, "Have a seat. Would you like something to drink maybe perhaps even to eat?" Shanti sait while sitting down said, "Don't mind if I do. I wouldn't mind a drink perhaps." Lawrence signaled for one of his females slaves to get a drink for Shanti and said, " So you know where this murderer is eh? How did you come about this information? Was it a hobo or did you yourself personally see him in hobo town?"
Shanti while taking a sip from his hard liquer drink, " Wow! that drink is strong! Shit man its like I just got hit in the balls by a sledge hammer!-"
Lawrence: "Please just answer my question." Shanti: "Man I feel weird! Well you you see the thing is that I saw him leave bar holding a rifle that one of your men was carrying. Anyways I stopped him from leaving and got him lost in hobo town. Anyways I got him hiding near that old HEB on valleys mills. So lets talk payment ok. How much do I get?" Lawrence: "Actually you get nothing for helping because if I wanted that fool to be caught I would have had my men get him sooner. Thanks though your employment is officially terminated with me."
Before Shanti could act he was struck in the back of the head with a Louisville slugger which knocked him out cold after four swings. The last thing he heard before falling unconcious was Lawrence, "throught him in with the rest of the slaves. That moron will fight come friday. Charles send four..."
Ok and Totz had been in their new home for about two hours when the guards drug Shanti in. He was bleeding from the back of his head. Totz examined his injury and realized it was three nasty lumps on the back of that mans scalp. He could hear the mans heart beating so he knew he was still alive at least. The guards near their cage were approached by the head slaver and were told to follow him. Ok and Totz were over joyed that now they would then have a chance to get out but no sooner than them thinking that another guard holding an SMG came and stood watch on the slaves. Ok and Totz gave each other the "god dammit!" look (the people playing those character were like you asshole. Always stopping us from having fun.) The guard stood there for a minute and and sat down at a stool near the door to then pin. In a few minutes he nodded off and was out cold (hint! hint! Here comes the clue train theres a chance to escape. But alas the retards playing the characters didn't grasp the concept of a hint.).
Back in hobo town Alvin had been waiting for Shanti to return but 45 minutes had passed and still nothing. Pretty soon hobos were shuffling inside of and old building across the street from where he was standing. He being the unlovable idiot that everyone hates follows the hobos into the building. I was poorly lit and he noticed that the hobos were sitting on shelves that had been knocked oved to make seats and in the far back was a stage made out of shelves with wood and metal covering the gaps to form a smooth surface. The noise in the room died down and a battery powered light came on and shined on the stage. A man and a woman walked on stage. They were both well dressed and were as clean as clean could get in the wastes.
So hows about Chronicles of Stupid part 1 ZING!
NOTE: the campaign was a Fo campaign set up in Texas. Set near Central Texas. All characters in this party were male.
The characters of this session are Ok(tribal), Mena(gecko hunter), Kia(tribal shaman), Alvin(tribal), and Totz(scout)
The party was just waking up in their brahim hide tents and beginnining to go through their morning routine of stretches. After waking up they each had a breakfast consisting of brahim jerky and fruit (actually it was the last of the reserves which means they would have to go hunting again for themselves and the rest of their tribe.
Unfortunately do to the fact that the land they lived wasn't fertile enough to support anything other than cactus' and assorted plains grass that they ate when times were really down so their tribe was a group of nomad that had to travel alot to find food which was actually starting to get difficult because it was tornado season. So upon Kia's command they organized a hunting party to go after geckos.
The party was together they set off east in search of game with hardly any water (I think there was like maybe 2 liters of water between the 5 of them) and food (each had only 1 meals worth of rations each). It took about 4 hours of careful tracking with use of Totz survival skill to notice track in the dirt of a creature the size of a dog but it's track were frequent and close together (much like that of a roach, radscorpion, or ant. DONK! here comes the clueX4 maybe an encounter they may or not able to handle who knows). So far as they knew due to botched perceptions roll for the lot of them they thought they were huntings wovles or wild dogs. Another 2 and a half hours of hunting and no dice. Nothing.
So Ok decides to sit down while setting his spear down near a pile of bones that were obviously human. Thirst and hunger were hitting him like a fuckton of bricks so he decides at random to check this pile and finds absolutely nothing besides a few caps and a rusted harmonica. The rest of the party confused and bewildered at the discover of this dissonant tetanus riddled musical instrument start to fight over like a bunch of savages. Ok gets defensive and start holding the Harmonica closer. Alvin lunges for it pushing Ok over and back. The ground beneath them fell through (3 meters fall) and they were both lying in a dark pit of bones they could see something glistening in the dim light and it was moving towards them at quick speeds. Ok goes to grab his spear realizing that he left it up near the pit (the player playing Ok gets pissed and claims bullshit although he said what he was doing when he sat down and put his spear down on the ground.) starts trying to climb out of the pit, Alvin who is triumphing over taking the Harmonica from Ok begins to notice something flying through air at him at an overhead angle. He tries to dodge and gets pegged in the left ankle he begins to feel his leg stinging rather painfully as radscorpion venom is injected in his blood stream via his torn muscles. Alvin pulls his knife and in turn attacks the Radscorpion and CRITICALS it stabbing it right in its eyes. He managed to make it squeal in pain as hit tried to sting him again. Ok managed to climb out of the hole thanks to the party's help. They panic and take off running leaving Alvin alone and in the pit with the rad scorpion. They were so scared that they thought there would be more rad scorpions nearby (they guessed that one right, actually try 2 large rad scorpions and 2 small rad scorpions).
Down in pit Alvin is going commando with scorpion and luckily criticals again, this time killing the rad scopion he being resourceful uses his knife and a few bones to climb out. He got out of the pit an hour later and realized that he left to die by his party leaving him high and dry in the middle of no where. He found Ok's spear still laying on the ground and stumbles off in a direction to where he thinks the party went. He was poisoned, dehydrated and hungry.
Meanwhile the party's vibrations and noise alerted the other rad scorpions of the presence. The other 4 party members were tired and thirsty from their panic from the earlier encounter with the rad scorpion. Totz, the scout remembers he tagged the survival skill and begins searching for water and find three cacti. He has taken care of the party's water needs for the moment. They decide since night fall it upon them that it would be a good idea if they set up camp without any type of survival gear and tough out the cold almost freezing temperatures of the desert night. They set up watchers and start sleeping.
The rad scorpions had tracked them down and launched a late night attack on the party. They were surprised so the rad scorps got the first strike they all hit Mena and Ok which were both sleeping. After taking minor injuries from getting stung and poisoned they attacked back Mena with a sledge hammer and Ok with his fist. Mena did some serious damage to the rad scorp attacking him which cause one of it's pincers to fall off spraying a milky fluid every where. Ok critically missed and lost his next turn. The rest of the party sprang to and started goint after the two rad scorps on their friends. Keep in mind the other rad scorps were coming in from behind and attacked the rear and the flanks of the party. One of them criticaled and killed Kia in TWO attacks. Mena killed the rad scorp he was fighting he then moved into range of the large rad scorp that was attacking kia. The rad scorp in turn shook kia off of his tail and start gunning for Mena missing both times. Ok missed each strike eight times in a row and was getting pissied. Totz got behind the rad scorpion attacking Ok and manage to cripple the small rad scorpion by cleaving its tail clean off with his combat knife. A te second large rad scorpion moves in on Mena and swings missing him but striking his rad scorpion brother in the face which blinded it. Mena got hit by the second hit though and got a decent sized chunk rippped out of his leg which sent him falling to the ground screaming as the rad scorps tail pulled out. Ok finally connected 2 successful kicks into the small rad scorpions face cracking its carapace open and letting its contents spill onto the dirt. Totz an Ok moved into help Mena out and attacked the blind rad scorpion and barely managed to kill it. Mena got sturck again this time in the stomach which ripped his gut open and pulled intestines out like they were silly string. Mena was at 3 HP by this point. Ok picked up Mena's Sledge Hammer and smashed the rad scorpion real hard in it's brain causing it to be knocked out. Totz stabbed the shit out of it and killed it horribly.
After assesing that Kia was dead and Mena was dying they decided it would be wise if they put Mena out of his misery (for shame no one except for Kia took the Doctor and First Aid skill). They clipped the rad scorpions tail and decided to head off. At this point they were starting to feel the pain induced by the Rad scorpions venom.
Remember Alvin due to his amazingly high 10 luck he happened upon a caravan that was heading towards Waco. Because he was in serious need of help he got a ride with them provided he didn't start any fights or steal anything. He turned his weapon over to the caravan guards and went safely with the caravan.
Upon reaching Waco he discovered that were people past his tribe. People of all shapes sizes and economic situation were here in this city. There was some type of weird bartering bazaar in the parking lot of some place called Wa Mar(wal mart sans the l and the t). He however was in need of some anti venom stumbled into Doc's Deaths Demented Doctoring. Upon entering there was some man chopping the arm off of some one who looked unconscious or dead. Doc Death said "take a number I will be right with when I am done here." So Alvin waited patiently for about an hour by this point he was starting to hallucinate from the rad scorpion venom. Doc Death waltzed up to Alvin and diagnosed him right then and there with rad scorpion poison. Doc Death said "well damn boy I hope you have that rad scorpions venom sack because I may not be able to help you out." Alvin held up the very end of the rad scorpions stinger and handed it over to Doc Death. Doc Death laughed maniacly and said "I'll have an anti-venom whipped up for you in a second just try to stay alive for the next few minutes it won't take too terribly long." Two Hours passed Doc Death handed him a milky substance incased in an old whiskey bottle. Doc Death said, "Drink up you damn fool. I want the rest of it." Alvin drank the vaguely bad tasting anti-venom and handed the bottle back to Doc Death who proceded to finish it off and burp rather loudly. "Hell yeah thats the stuff!", exclaimed Doc Death. Alvin then left to explore this new place refered to as Waco.
The rest of the party that remained traveled north east following hoove pints left by Brahim they were only 6 hours old and the sun was starting to rise in the distance. Totz noticed the outlines of human shapes in the distance and ran as fast as the could to get to them. Screaming at the top of their lungs they got the peoples attention and they stopped. Upon arriving they noticed that were twelve strangers each armed with either a rifle or a shot gun further past them they noticed eight others that weren't armed and they were chained together by their hands and feet. Not liking where this was going Ok and Totz started backing away. The Head of the mysterious group of people said "Oh no. You not fucking going anywhere you fucking tribals drop the spear or prepare to be sodomized by hot 12 gauge death!" Ok tried to run and was struck in the head by one of the other peoples rifle butts. Totz surrender and allowed himself to be manacled. Before they set off again the leader said, "you'll sell good to Lawrence when we reach Waco. Just don't try anything cute or we'll kill you! Got it retard!" Totz nodded his head and said, "Me and Ok stung by rad scorpion. Me no feel good." The head slaver said, "Well tough shit tatoo face lemme know when you have something intelligent to say. Oh wait you dont. SO shut the fuck up you'll get medical attention when we get to Waco."
That was the end of the session that day anyways lack of team work and common sense will continue sometime later. In Chronicles of Stupid PART 2.
Yup so merry christmas and enjoy the wacky vigil!
Well Hell...
After everyone I know bugging me to join here I am in Elf Town the only problem I see so far is the no one has came to bug me. Anyways I will be posting one of my stories called Chronicles of Stupid. It is a post apocalyptic short about a group of tribals that venture out into the wastes for some serious ASSHATTERY. It consist of six parts which will be posted one after another in Biweekly fashion. There is harsh language in it so if you don't like the words of curse then avert your gaze from it but if you have balls, are brave or just really don't care read it.