here i'm standing, yes, i'm crying.
oh my god i feel like dying.
i am not a tough guy anymore.

i would never know what i know now
if you didn't break our vow.
and yes, of course, it hurts like hell!

here i'm standing, yes i'm fighting
some things can't be caught in writing.
a new chapter in my book of life.

whatever might. whatever should
have i not done all that i could?
but my best wasn't good enough for you!!!

although you messed me up really bad
and took every bit of pride i had
i wanna thank you for doing that.

although you messed me up. made me mad
took every bit of sense i had
i wanna thank you for doing that.

i hate laptops!!!!
the only time i can talk to someone that will eased me out from all the stress.... the computer will shut down!
when will the hurtings stop?

i don't want you to know
too much about me, oh no.
because i know you'll take advantage of the words that i say.
you're looking for a way to depress me, make me pay.

you don't want me to be,
too close around you 'cause i would see.
all the weak sides that you got, bout which you're trying to hide.
you know that i would nail you if i could nurse my pride.

it's a mindgame we play.
rule the roost, major cliche.
while one of us is fit the other's going insane.
and every time we think the positions will remain.

i know we're thinking the same.
and our opponent's the one to blame.

thinking this way is not something we both longed for.
living this way is something that we never did plan.
but I don't think we will change.
because we're stuck in roles as other's antipoles.

you're on the top when i'm low.
as soon as you're fading i will grow.
i don't like you. you don't like me.
we're lacking energy. yes, we're lacking energy.

so you got me up against the wall
and i'm only waiting for your fall.
i'll get back on top and be carefree.
it's not the end for me, no it's not the end for me.

99 red ballons

first day of vacation:

the last time today i'll use my computer.
going out of town.
i'll try to find tranquility somewhere.
funny, i was very anxious to go home when i was insid ethe hopital but now can stand it being locked inside. i hate living at the last floor of this building.
too many stairsteps!
use the elevator!!!  ever heard of claustrophobia?

.....and so, i'm home, i had a flu, been coughing for three days now.... finally, the sun found its way out of the clouds. YAY! it's sunny outside. maybee, i'll just go out with Spike! and Slimer by the lake shore and "meditate" to look for some peace and relaxation. call my boss this morning. he said i can take my vacation that i miss due to my stay in the hospital. so tomorrow, i'll leave for a week vacation at Liguria Region. i might stay either in Livorno or Genoa. i'm not sure yet.

i just need to be alone for a while.

home at last! actually, i arrived last wednesday but there was a thunderstorms that lasted 'til friday. caught a flu and... guess what?! in bed again for two days with 38.5°C to 39°C of fever!!! i was blabbering all the time (according to my bro). it always happens when i'm ill.
i just dropped by to look for news and mails but my head was turning and, literally, don't understand a thing of what i'm doing.
the storm was over and it's hot again (it's supposed to be autumn already) but i was frezzing. never been that bad since i was 13 years old..... decades ago!
now, i feel better... uhm... mostly. aside from the car accident remembrance, the sore throat due to excessive coughing(i can immitate The Godfather's voice! ^_^), and slight cold, the rest is going so-so.

i'll take my vacation on Monday. let's hope for a good weather this week. maybe i'll be out of town. but this time, i'll gonna take the train to go there. my "BEAST" is a total wreck and can be repaired but will cost like a brand new one... so *sigh* i'm looking forward for another 206.

and.....
Slimer kicks ass! Spike! cannot stand a chance when their playing. the Sunshine, the kitten loves playing with Spike!'s tail. i must capture them in video next time. and Buster, the cottontail dwarf rabbit, is the same lemme-eat-and-leave-me-alone mood. he's kinda boring for a pet anyway. he's just cute.

in a world where everybody hates
a happy ending story.
it's a wonder love can make the world go round.
but don't let it bring you down
and turn your face into a frown
you'll get along with a little hope and a song...

make the best of your circumstances.
no one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow
intermingled with gladness of life.
the trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
you can't please everybody. don't let criticism
worry you.

been talking to my old schoolmate, [Devilock], lately since my bro is very busy with his affairs (vacation).
it was like the old days, we never talked that much. actually, we never talked back then.
we talked about her exes, her old fiends and friends, her folks. mostly, her's.
i rarely open myself up. it gives me heartaches :)
i wish i have a heart disease at least i already know what's the cause of those heartaches. LOL

....and i saw my reflection in a snow covered hill
'til a landslide brought it down... Fleetwood Mac

finally, the body "armor" has been removed but i still have to wear this things. DAMN! can' stand it anymore. can't wait to go home.

on Sunday, there's going to be a free Korn-Rasmus-Linea 77-concert and i'm going to miss it! what the heck. it's not the end of the world yet. maybe, one day *fingers crossed* they'll be the one who's going to watch us performing! HAHA! day dreaming again

i guess being faithful is not good if a person doesn't believe you.
but i'll keep on hoping.
at least i can console myself.
yeah right!!
hoping!
hoping is like fooling oneself.
so, i'll just keep on fooling myself then!!!

alone

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

CROSSFADE- Cold

good thing the doctor say that i can use the computer if there's nothing to do at the hospital's reception.
they caught me yesterday while using the internet. but they didn't say a thing. i just said: "i'm just reading [get-well-soon cards]!" lol

HAHA!
i'll make and fulfill a lot of promises just to log-in!
i know it's pathetic. but hanging around in this boring hospital for 3 three weeks is like hell! i mean, still with those dog foods that they bring, this hot and sticky bed, with this "armor" i have to wear. it's not the hell io wanted!!!!
ii got a new "room mate". same accident but he's the one responsible. he'll be staying here for4 days only!!!! and THAT pisses me off too! DARN IT!
well, times up folks. maybe next week i can go back home. i can't wait. i just need the final x-ray this friday and let's hope that evrything's fine. *fingers crossed*
time's up! gotta go. I MISS YOU ALL! *KISSES*

finally, i found a way to log in (thanks to the nurse here who's very nice). been lying here and almost pale. can't move without a wheel-chair. damn two weeks is like eternity. good thing there's that "bastard"->(a way of expressing how much i love my bro) of a brother of mine who kept me updated to what was going on here and the othew site. messin' up with my diary, wikis.... even made a wiki for me without my permission. can't delete those photos. good thing he's on vacation so he can access my house any more. gotta change my password again.
i don't know if it's good or bad to be back. but i'm at ease now that i FINALLY *punches both arms upward* i made it in just for some seconds although, finding out that i loss one Relation, it's very sad. i know it's my fault if i'm me. can't be like [xm2].(thanks bro, if ever you'll read this.)
WHAT?! even uploaded my songs without permission. oh well, i guess this is his revenge for those stuffs that we've done(brotherly thing).
i'll be adding another thing in my poetrusic. i made a lot dduring my stay here in the hospital. this boring hospital.
i guess, it's bye-bye for now. i don't know when will i be back here. i really hope sooner. can't stand it anymore here. I HATE MEDICINES!

for you

Depressed.
Can't tell the reason.


P.S.

http://www.musmakers.com/100.experiments.experimental%20band:%20BLEEDERS?n=1124267317

I've been watching this house and wikis, and I find it very interesting that from all the sheets of papers, sketches and drawings, notes and poetry spread around his bedroom walls, he finally found a place where he can show everybody his works (in orderly manner).

            -Christian-

(now i get it how to highlight the name!)
[xm3] is awake now but will be confine for 3 weeks in the hospital.
He misses everybody.

first, the name is Christian. i'm yusukedin's younger brother.

second, he gave authorization to open "all" his accounts and emails, there's a box inside his bedroom written IN CASE OF EMERGENCY CONTACT EVERYBODY.

third, he was talking about a certain Laci. whoever you are he said "sorry if he's not perfect for you".

Jon left our house last night to go to work but didn't make it to his destination. he and a couple of friends (his only real friends), had a terrible car accident and is now in ICU. he'll be confine for a while and we're not sure yet when he will be back.

thanks for all your concern in behalf of our family.