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Darkness

I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space,
Rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth
Swung blind and blackening in the moonless air;
Morn came, and went and came, and brought no day,
And men forgot their passions in the dread
Of this desolation; and all hearts
Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for light:
And they did live by watchfires - and the thrones,
The palaces of crowned kings, the huts,
The habitations of all things which dwell,
Were burnt for beacons; cities were consumed,
And men were gathered round their blazing homes
To look once more into each other's face;
Happy were those who dwelt within the eye
Of the volcanos, and their mountain-torch:
A fearful hope was all the world contain'd;
Forest were set on fire but hour by hour
They fell and faded and the crackling trunks
Extinguish'd with a crash and all was black.
The brows of men by the despairing light
Wore an unearthly aspect, as by fits
The flashes fell upon them; some lay down
And hid their eyes and wept; and some did rest
Their chins upon their clenched hands, and smiled;
And others hurried to and fro, and fed
Their funeral piles with fuel, and looked up
With mad disquietude on the dull sky,
The pall of a past world; and then again
With curses cast them down upon the dust,
And gnash'd their teeth and howl'd: the wild birds shriek'd,
And, terrified, did flutter on the ground,
And flap their useless wings; the wildest brutes
Came tame and tremolous; and vipers crawl'd
And twined themselves among the multitude,
Hissing, but stingless, they were slain for food:
And War, which for a moment was no more,
Did glut himself again; a meal was bought
With blood, and each sate sullenly apart
Gorging himself in gloom: no love was left;
All earth was but one thought and that was death,
Immediate and inglorious; and the pang
Of famine fed upon all entrails men
Died, and their bones were tombless as their flesh;
The meagre by the meagre were devoured,
Even dogs assail'd their masters, all save one,
And he was faithful to a corpse, and kept
The birds and beasts and famish'd men at bay,
Till hunger clung them, or the dropping dead
Lured their lank jaws; himself sought out no food,
But with a piteous and perpetual moan
And a quick desolate cry, licking the hand
Which answered not with a caress, he died.
The crowd was famish'd by degrees; but two
Of an enormous city did survive, And they were enemies;
They met beside
The dying embers of an altar-place
Where had been heap'd a mass of holy things
For an unholy usage; they raked up,
And shivering scraped with their cold skeleton hands
The feeble ashes, and their feeble breath


Blew for a little life, and made a flame
Wich was a mockery; then they lifted up
Their eyes as it grew lighter, and
Each other's aspects. saw, and shriek'd, and died, beheld
Even of their mutual hideousness they died,
Unknowing who he was upon whose brow
Famine had written Fiend. The world was void,
The populous and the powerful was a lump,
Seasonless, herbless, treeless, manless, lifeless,
A lump of death, a chaos of hard clay.
The rivers, lakes, and ocean stood still,
And nothing stirred within their silent depths;
Ships sailorless lay rotting on the sea,
And their masts fell down piecemeal; as they dropp'd
They slept on the abyss without a surge
The waves were dead; the tides were in their grave,
The moon their mistress had expired before;
The winds were withered in the stagnant air,
And the clouds perish'd; Darkness had no need
Of aid from them. She was the universe.

Wish I Felt Nothing

when you're alone, it's better because nobody knows you
when no one's your friend, its better because nobody leaves you
so you turn your back on a world that you could never have

because your heart's been cracked and everyone else is gone
But I hear voices and I see colors
I wish I felt nothing
then it might be easy for me like it is for you

Now all of these people coming from deep holes; pulling you down
it's just no use when all the abuse follows you around
but the morning you've gone, leaving me here all alone
said, "it's no mystery, I know nobody here needs me"

But I hear voices, and I see colors
I wish I felt nothing
then it might be easy for me, like it is for you

and I know you beleive that you and me don't belong here
and the worst we could do is keep trying to pretend we care

but I hear voices and I see colors
I wish I felt nothing
then it might be easy for you; like it is for me

Paxil is a Pink Pill

Depression is not new
To me: the demons settle comfortably
Into my cloudy mind
And brain, gently draping
My shoulders with the burden
Of their chains. They veil
My eyes and dam my ears
And lock my tongue
So I won't complain. They work
From within: rending
Silver linings, freezing
My love, stealing
My smile, hiding
My hope. They sow
Desperation and desolation.
Then, with my inner light,
They cast their shadows
Onto the ground before
Me, until I withdraw
Into dimness and despair
To escape.
They play hide-and-seek
With my thoughts, peek-a-boo
With my soul, and patty-cake
With my heart until
The only way to exorcise
Them is to cut them out
Of my body, butchering
Myself.
But Paxil is a pink
Pill, a good pill, and it
Neutralizes
The hellish light of the demons
Until they flee,
And then I'm left
With only
Me.

Imagination(poem)

Locked in my cage, I stare at the emptiness;
this very emptiness possesses my soul -
we are one.

The months pass, as do the years,
yet as time progresses, it loses all relevance.
I sit here trapped in a recurring nightmare, never to awaken.
I feed on my own self-pity -
I never hunger. I merely exist,
captive in this asylum, biding my time;
my sole gratification, inebriated isolation.

The door to my cage is ajar, as is often the case,
yet it's pointless to leave;
each journey leads me back
to this God-forsaken realm of suffering and despair.

Long ago, I was free;
I remember faces, smiling faces.
A different me, in a different time -
it was a time of fulfillment, of togetherness, of love.
Then one day the fantasy ended, and I was here . . .
but enough about the past; I must face my reality.

Distant voices race through my head,
as I stave off insanity.
But this time, the voice is real.
Unsure of its origin, I feel my soul is not as cold; my burden lighter.
Though I smile, I soon shiver in frustration.
Tears stream down my cheeks,
as I cannot deny that the other voice is my own,
as my rationality succumbs to my imagination.