Jesus, no matter what I do I fuck up. This is frustrating! Ok, I will be perfectly still and see what happens
Shit, as I sit here on this unfamiliar bed in this unfamiliar room. All I can do is look out the window and think: "Where did I go wrong." "How did my life get this way?" "When will it get better?"
One song just sings to me, literally and spiritually. I completely embodies the way I feel at this moment in my life.
Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why
I've been sittin' here
trying to find myself
i get behind myself
i need to rewind myself
looking for the payback
listen for the playback
they say that every man
bleeds just like me
and i feel like number one
but yet i'm last in line
i watch my younger son
and it helps to pass the time
i take to many pills
it helps to ease the pain
i made a couple dollar bills
but still i feel the same
everybody knows my name
they say it way out loud
a lot of folks fuck with me
it's hard to hang out in crowds
i guess that's the price you pay
to be some big shot like i am
out skirt stands and one night stands
still i can't find love
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
People don't know about the things
i say and do they don't understand
about the shit that i've
been through, it's been so long
since i've been home i've been gone,
i've been gone for way too long
maybe i forgot all the things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life
than this, I said it too many times
and i still stand firm you get what
you put in and people get what they
deserve, still i ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking down that line
So I think I'll keep walking
with my head held high
i'll keep moving on and only God
knows why
Only God... only God
Only God knows why
Only God... knows ... why, why, why only
God knows why
Take me to the river hey
Take me to the river
Ghost Behind My Eyes - Ozzy Osbourne
There is person living in my head
She comes to visit every night in bed
I fight the demon, but it just won't fall
The voices in my dungeon starting to call
The spiders dancing on the wall
Suicide of love we could have had it all
And it is you, you are the ghost behind my eyes
I can't see through you, you are the ghost behind my eyes
The ghost that tells me lies
The princess of the dark has made my mind home
My haunted head and her won't leave me alone
She dances on my heart with fire in my soul
I hate that feeling when I'm losing control
The spiders dancing on the wall
Suicide of love we could have had it all
And it is you, you are the ghost behind my eyes
The ghost that tells me lies
I wish to god that I could sleep
again, oh peace again
And wake up from this nightmare
Free again
Free again, oh me again
There is a woman in my head
She comes to visit every night in bed
The spiders dancing on the wall
Suicide of love we could have had it all
And it is you, you are the ghost behind my eyes
You, you are the ghost behind my eyes
You, you are the ghost behind my eyes
Behind my eyes
The ghost behind my eyes
BULLLLLLLLL SHIT! I was right about women all along. i knew it!! I fuckin knew it! something inside said dont fall for her dude, dont do it. but like a fuckin idiot, i did. if i ever write a messege like the one before this one, someone please, hit me. hard. because this hurts more than that would.
Sup yall. If you think Im a little loopy or out of touch with reality lately its because I am. I have a ghost behind my eyes. Shes one of the most special people..scratc
I HATE GIRLFRIENDS
I Hate Girlfriends
You can't be my girlfriends
Hookers, you can be my girlfriend if you give me freebies
Girls, you can have my kid as long as I don't see it
Hey, as long as you know
I hate girlfriends, can't be my girlfriends
I hate girlfriends, just not my girlfriend
But you can be the ride of my life or the sun and my moon
Just not my girlfriends, ya can't be my girlfriend
Hookers, you can spend the night as long as you don't steal shit
Girls, you can call me yours as long as you believe it
Hey, as long as you know
I hate girlfriends, can't be my girlfriends
I hate girlfriends, just not my girlfriend
But you can be the ride of my life or the sun and my moon
Just not my muthafuckin' girlfriends, ya can't be my girlfriends
I hate you
I hate girlfriends, can't be my girlfriends
I hate girlfriends, just not my girlfriend
Hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday yall. I dont but hey, go for it. Anyway, just bloging some. Been back on the online scene after 2 years, its hard to get back into it. All the friends Ive made on here dont even come on anymore...I gotta try and rebuild a house on here. Mabye if I hang tight, it will come back to me...maybe
Where was God when I needed a friend?
Where was God when I came to an end?
Where was God when I lost my mind?
Where was God, when I couldnet find it?
Up in heaven watching the clean boys and girls, thats where.
...has it ever happened to you. One single monumental catastophy that completely sets you into a downward spirl?
Well this would be the second time. Im totally fucked...there is no way outta this one. I fucked up bad, I guess its time to pay for it.
I never really imagined it would happen. I always figured "Im tough, fuck em. They caint touch me. And if they think they can, Ill fuck em up" I was wrong, dead wrong. Theys more of them the there was before...they keep growing in number. They going to kill me...I know it.
I was walking through the hallway, they were speaking to one another! I heard it with my own ears! I thought I was all alone...but I know differently now. I cant fight them off any longer...I have no ally, no strength left...and no ammo. Thats right, Im in a mansion. On the top floor. The whole bottem floor is infested with...with them! They arent zombies...I thought they were but after careful observation, Ive found that they arent. They are crazed lunatics pumped to the gills with a drug. A mystery drug....no, not a drug. A VIRUS! A virus that infects the white blood cells and ultimately renders them into a hypnotic trance. There only goal, is to see me dead.
Im really loving this game for the PS2! Resident Evil 4. Kick ass...
Yo, Ill stop in every now and again to let people know hows Im doing. Right now Im fine. I met a girl in Buy-Low foods, Ive seen her before, looking at me lol. We'll see what happens.
Im still deep in old issues, select people will know what I mean. I dont plan of quitting anytime soon anyway, besides, Mario Wolrd is way more fun on acid!
Ok, I thought it over and maybe a better idea is to try and explain the whole of whats going on here. Ive never really said anything to anyone about this but Im going through something more than this here dog is worth. Im kinda struggling with a downward battle and I cant fight it anymore. Its a hard habit to break...even harder when you havent even broken it. Its true, Ive slipped back into old habits and at this point, Im in no mood to be helped. I just want to stay as far from reality as possible right now.
Theres been a string of fucked up shit thats happened in my life that I need to...I dont even know. Take all this shit in with a grain of salt and try to understand, Im only human...and barely that.
Sup Homeslices! lol. ehhh I dont wanna sound gay but I dont wanna be on Elftown anymore because its gay. Its like, you wanna talk to your friends, and you can see them...but they aint there because they are offline. Sucks. Im not trying to be a pair of dicknuts or anything but I made all my friends online by staying up late, before I had a serious career to think about. What Im saying is that all the people that I am close to online, are never on till really late (like 3am in the morn). I cant physically stay up that late anymore, not when I need to work in the morning. Not just that, on the weekends when I can afford to stay up late, they dont come on anyway LOL. Im not bitching or blameing but its not worth it anymore. Theres no way I can stay in contact with them so I figure its best to just skip on out and see what shit happens. I wish them all the best with life and....fuck Im bad with goodbyes! Live Long And Prosper!