Hey there! I know that I'm pretty much NEVER on and I'd like to apologize for that. Again. I really do enjoy talking to you all, (and new people!) it's just this crazy thing called my life gets in the way. It's pretty persistant. ^^, but do not fear! You're not the only website group that gets left behind either. My myspace normally takes me forever to respond. The only real reason I get on it is to listen to music. BUT! I do check my e-mail frequently, so, a solution you ask?! Why of course! If you want to, ask for my e-mail and you shall recieve. Maybe, depends on if you're a stalker or not. But, part two to my solution. I think there's an option on here that allows notifications to go to your e-mail when someone messages you. Yup, brilliancy there. I shall find it! I think I've given you all my myspace thingy already (Jeebuz has found me already ^^ yay for him and a grand cookie!!!) my key word namey thingy is lazarua. I love you all! Please, send me long brilliant notes about how you all are!

I...don't...like...my...scanner...it's, put it quite simply, a spawn of the devil. It doesn't LIKE to scan things evenly, with the whole shading thing or porportion. It messes up my drawings when scanned. >.<. evil evil evil evil evil!!! Someday, I promise, I WILL successfully scan something and I WILL post it on here. Someday. Somehow.



stupid scanner....







bleh

requested thingy: top five insignificant small painful things


The requester meant like paper cuts and stuff like that. Not life threatening things.

5) some bruises
4) paper cuts
3) irritated hangnails
2) jabbing your eyeball
1) cut under fingernails

wow, I haven't actually posted an actual diary entry into here for a long long time, haven't I. Well, sadly, the purpose of this diary is to ask you all to contribute to erm, stuff! Some people started to request that I write blogs on whatever they requested and I thought, what the heck, let's do it! It'll be fun and I'll have a new way to entertain people. I'll be posting them mainly on my myspace blog since that's where most of my readers are. But I'll try to post most of them on here. They'll take a loonnnng time to be posted though considering I kind of have a life. Just kind of. I kind of feel like I'm drifting away from most of my friends because of either new friends, being seperated by circumstances or just the fact that I am actually quieter. And the neglecting elftown certainly hasn't helped either has it? But you my friends of elftown, are brilliant, creative minds! And I'd love to have your requests. And I assure you, any requests that are made by elftowners, they will be posted on here.
But just to throw in a not-so-purposeful thing, I got my prom dress today. It's blue and I simply love it. MAYBE I'll take pictures.

update: different drawing up now

old one : http://elftown.eu/img/drawing/114913_1202437078.jpg ...if that even works...whatever XD

about the new drawing on my page...yes, it DOES look like shit, I assure you it looks SOOOOO MUUUUUCH BETTTTER in person. my scanner just hates me...a lot apparently...it is currently making beeping noises at me >.< acka...but love the new drawing...make love to it, whatever...but the finished project that I'm so ecstatic about putting up here soon is sooooooooooo close to being done...hopefully my scanner won't kill that one too...

alrighty, for those who are still caring and watching my house on here...pretty soon here, I will be PROUD to present the first ever finished product of a drawing of mine on here! or anywhere on the internet! of course, it won't be coloured simply because that really would ruin the entire thing. I know it seems silly to be ecstatic to post a complete drawing on here, but I am! And I REALLY do need to post a new drawing considering the current one is about a year to two years old. So, let's hope that my scanner doesn't go on the fritz again and everything goes smoothly!

details about my upcoming "birthday" party
yeah!!!Im having a fanciful "masquerade" party for my "coming out" party. technically, those parties require you to dress up nice...this is my deffinition of nice but keeps everything fun!!! the little details, although keep in mind some may be changed, are listed below

~ a feast turkey, roast beef, carrots, and hopefully ham!!!

~ malice mizer and other japanese bands playing in the background (guests are allowed to bring their own mix cds for their enjoyment as well)

~ DDR and Dynasty warriors tornament, maybe even a mortal kombat to mix it up quite a bit

~ dancing for the willy hearted

~ PUNCH BOWL

~ giggling gaggling group of people being insane while it rains...



so pleeeaase come if youre reading this, oh and my inviting list is below too

Scott, Andrea, Tako, Ayla, Amanda, Amanda, Courtney, Tim, Cody, and myself I hope

and if you dont dress or at least wear a mask, you get confetti thrown at you....constantly

My god!!!one of my favorite actors has guest starred in all of my favorite shows OR had a role in them...and he gets cool names too!!!who is this magical actor? why its!!! Robert Knepper...
just because I feel like proving he has cool names...


"Prison Break"
  - Deadfall (2006) TV Episode .... Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell
  - Buried (2006) TV Episode .... Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell
  - Subdivision (2006) TV Episode .... Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell
  - Map 1213 (2006) TV Episode .... Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell
  - First Down (2006) TV Episode .... Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell
   (23 more)
Good Night, and Good Luck. (2005) .... Don Surine
Hostage (2005/I) .... Wil Bechler
"Carnivàle"
  - The Road to Damascus (2005) TV Episode .... Tommy Dolan
  - Creed, OK (2005) TV Episode .... Tommy Dolan
  - Old Cherry Blossom Road (2005) TV Episode .... Tommy Dolan
  - Ingram, TX (2005) TV Episode .... Tommy Dolan
  - Alamogordo, N.M. (2005) TV Episode .... Tommy Dolan
   (7 more)
"Point Pleasant"
  - Last Dance (2005) TV Episode .... Presenter at the Dance
"CSI: Miami"
  - Addiction (2004) TV Episode .... Freddy Coleman
Species III (2004) (V) .... Dr. Abbot
"Presidio Med"
  - With Grace (2003) TV Episode .... Sean
  - Pick Your Battles (2002) TV Episode .... Sean
  - When Approaching a Let-Go (2002) TV Episode .... Sean
  - Second Chance (2002) TV Episode .... Sean
  - This Baby's Gonna Fly (2002) TV Episode
The Pennsylvania Miners' Story (2002) (TV) .... Mark ' Moe' Popernack
"Haunted"
  - Pilot (2002) TV Episode .... Henry
Topa Topa Bluffs (2002) .... Frank
Swatters (2002) .... Daniel Steinberg
"Law & Order: Criminal Intent"
... aka Law & Order: CI (USA: promotional abbreviation)
  - The Good Doctor (2001) TV Episode .... Dr. Peter Kelmer
"Thieves" (2001) TV Series .... Special Agent Shue
Lady in the Box (2001) .... Chris Stark
Jackie, Ethel, Joan: The Women of Camelot (2001) (TV) .... Robert F. Kennedy
... aka Jackie, Ethel, Joan: The Kennedy Women (USA: video title)
"The West Wing"
  - Ellie (2001) TV Episode .... Morgan Ross
"La Femme Nikita"
... aka Nikita (Canada: English title)
  - Toys in the Basement (2000) TV Episode .... Henry Collins
"Profiler"
  - Tsuris (2000) TV Episode .... Martin Lewis
"Harsh Realm"
  - Camera Obscura (2000) TV Episode .... Priest
"Seven Days"
... aka Seven Days: The Series
  - Space Station Down (2000) TV Episode .... Major Gene Hastings
Love & Sex (2000) .... Gerard Boussard


Absence of the Good (1999) (TV) .... Glenn Dwyer
"Star Trek: Voyager"
... aka Voyager (USA: short title)
  - Dragon's Teeth (1999) TV Episode .... Gaul
Kidnapped in Paradise (1999) (TV) .... Renard
... aka Dark Waters (USA)
"Strange World"
  - Azrael's Breed (1999) TV Episode .... Gil Sandifer
"Brimstone"
  - Executioner (1998) TV Episode .... Fredrick 'Willy' Grover
The Stringer (1998) .... John
"ER"
  - My Brother's Keeper (1998) TV Episode .... Keith Reynolds
Phantoms (1998) .... Agent Wilson
... aka Dean Koontz's Phantoms (USA: complete title)
You Are Here (1998)
"The Visitor"
  - Dreams (1997) TV Episode .... Alex Burton
Everyone Says I Love You (1996) .... Greg
Under Heat (1996) .... Milo
"Central Park West"
... aka C.P.W. (USA: new title)
  - Guess Who's Come to Annoy You? (1996) TV Episode .... Randy Boyd
Voice from the Grave (1996) (TV) .... Milosh
... aka Crimes of Passion: Voice from the Grave (USA: series title)
... aka From the Files of 'Unsolved Mysteries': Voice from the Grave (USA: series title)
... aka Unsolved Mysteries: Voice from the Grave (USA)
"Murder, She Wrote"
  - Something Foul in Flappieville (1996) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... Robbie Dorow
  - A Murderous Muse (1994) TV Episode .... Owen McLaglen
  - The Sound of Murder (1993) TV Episode .... Charles George Drexler
Dead of Night (1996) .... Christian
... aka Dark Hunger
The Undercover Kid (1996) .... Bo the Dog
Jaded (1996) .... Freddy
"Pointman"
  - Here She Comes, Miss Murder (1995) TV Episode .... Ronnie McCusak
"New York News"
  - Fun City (1995) TV Episode .... ex-con
"Law & Order"
... aka Law & Order Prime (USA: informal title)
  - Rebels (1995) TV Episode .... Igor
Search and Destroy (1995) .... Daniel Strong
... aka The Four Rules (Australia: video title)
MugShot (1995)
Getting Out (1994) (TV) .... Carl
Pointman (1994) (TV) .... Johnny
Zelda (1993) (TV) .... Wilson
"South Beach" (1993) TV Series (as Rob Knepper) .... Andy Patrick
Red Shoe Diaries 2: Double Dare (1993) (V) .... Nick Willard (segment "You Have The Right To Remain Silent")
"L.A. Law"
  - Odor in the Court (1993) TV Episode
  - Those Lips, That Eye (1986) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... George/'Georgia' Buckner
  - Pilot (1986) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... George/'Georgia' Buckner
Doorways (1993) (TV) .... Thane
When the Bough Breaks (1993) .... Lt. Jimmy Creedmore
... aka Two Rivers
Where the Day Takes You (1992) .... Rock Singer
"Red Shoe Diaries"
  - You Have the Right to Remain Silent (1992) TV Episode .... Nick Willard
Gas, Food Lodging (1992) .... Dank
"Tequila and Bonetti"
  - Runt of the Litter (1992) TV Episode
"Civil Wars"
  - Have Gun, Will Unravel (1991) TV Episode
Perry Mason: The Case of the Fatal Fashion (1991) (TV) .... Kim Weatherly
"China Beach"
  - Quest (1991) TV Episode .... Vietnam Vet
  - The Thanks of a Grateful Nation (1990) TV Episode .... Long
Session Man (1991) (TV) .... Torrey Cole
"E.A.R.T.H. Force"
  - Episode #1.6 (1990) TV Episode .... dr.
  - Episode #1.2 (1990) TV Episode .... dr.
  - Episode #1.1 (1990) TV Episode .... dr.
Young Guns II (1990) .... Deputy Carlyle
... aka Young Guns II: Blaze of Glory (UK)


Renegades (1989) (as Rob Knepper) .... Marino
"Gideon Oliver"
... aka By the Rivers of Babylon (Europe: English title)
  - Kennonite (1989) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... Paul Hecht
D.O.A. (1988) (as Rob Knepper) .... Nicholas Lang
"Star Trek: The Next Generation"
... aka Star Trek: TNG (USA: promotional abbreviation)
  - Haven (1987) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... Wyatt Miller
Made in Heaven (1987) (as Rob Knepper) .... Orrin
"Tour of Duty"
  - Burn Baby, Burn (1987) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... PV2 Allen
"The Twilight Zone"
  - Joy Ride (1987) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... Alonzo
Police Story: The Freeway Killings (1987) (TV) (as Rob Knepper) .... Karl James
Wild Thing (1987) (as Rob Knepper) .... Wild Thing/de: Asphalt Kid
L.A. Law (1986) (TV) (as Rob Knepper) .... Georgia Buckner
That's Life! (1986) (as Rob Knepper) .... Steve Larwin
... aka Blake Edwards' That's Life!
"The Paper Chase"
... aka The Paper Chase: The Fourth Year (USA: new title)
... aka The Paper Chase: The Graduation Year (USA: new title)
... aka The Paper Chase: The Second Year (USA: new title)
... aka The Paper Chase: The Third Year (USA: new title)
  - Graduation (1986) TV Episode (as Rob Knepper) .... Howard

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!parros, ot like people even care though...I like sad songs...YAY!!!they make me happy......scotts doing a HuGE favor...ish^^Im nervous about it so erm....dont know if it can be classified as a favor then....but Im grateful he would even do this....hes the best....I love TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is how everything began, becoming off of white/green tea...of course I already planned on telling him for permission....he still hasnt given me that....so he found out in parro language, not normal...and it continues^^horray!!!! interesting week and weekend!!!!

alright, for people infomation (yes I mean to say it that way) ^^ Ive been gone for forever because my compy finally croaked and is being replaced...poor little thing never stood a chance against our family...oh well...an update though for those whocare about my life, always has been interesting always will...and it is at this moment very very interesting...hmm lets see, theres two guys I really like but never willbe able to date them, my grades are as crappy as always but better than last years so far and I have a grand total of 6 people trying to set me up on dates!!! I wouldnt mind if they actually knew what my taste is exactly...Im calmer than last year but still insane...focus more...and thats about it for now...^^until I can get my grubby mits on a computer again bye bye good friends

1. Smoked a cigarette: No
2. Smoked a cigar: No
3. Snorted coke: No
4. Smoked Weed: No
5. Been high: No
6. Had sex: No
7. Said "I hope you die" to someone: yeah
8. Tried to kill someone: er no
9. Tried to kill yourself: hmm...*checks diary* nope
10. Got in a fist fight: not exactly fist fight...
11. Lied to your parents: yeppers
12. Given someone a bruise: oh so many many times
13. Ditched someone: nope
14. Freak danced: ...no
15. Stole something: No
16. Cut yourself: nope
17. Skipped school: nope
18. Hung up on someone: nope
19. Threw up at school: hung yeah
20. Done someone else's make-up: yeppers
21. Kissed someone of the same sex: Not that Im aware of
22. Had a burping contest: no
23. Snuck out: to look at the moon for a very long time
24. Been to a school dance: yay!!!I didnt miss one of the junior high ones when I went
25. Thought your teacher was hot: heh, yeah...2 actually

god I hate my clock...I woke up at 4 in the morning because my clock said it was 6...so then I had caffeinne...*shivers with joy...and that fact that it suddenly got very chilly everywhere*I hate heat waves...heh...caffeinne...it fixes everything...its technically a drug though *huggles my earl grey* Im so very hyper that people get on very slowly on here right? so I go and start visiting pages and suddenly click on mine and start ranting and raving about how this person has practically stolen my identity o.o shows how bright I am...or the incident in that store *giggles* god it just cant be used with words...it was a moment thing...eep gotta go!!!!the time has arrived to get properly dressed and catch a bus to school...if Im riding a bus hrmmm.........eh ^^...wait -.- no its not time yet...still have 19 minutes...update for those who think Im dead!!!Ive been really absorbed into my research (*random thick russian accent*you do not have the liberty to know this...or anything near!) my migranes have gotten so bad that my new motto is "the world looks much better in sunglasses *dramatic point* buy a pair!!! NOW!!!!HAIL SUNGLASSES!"...literally...go...now...oh and I saw the movie "the wicker man" that was the greatest ever..."murdering me will NOT bring back your god damn honey!" "oh but I know it will" heh... or the "step away from the bike!"...you should go watch it people...creepy but hilarious...going now bye bye, slight human contact...ends....NOW

lol arguement, second round!!!with cody again...and parro

 
xiao says:
why are you unsure if youre happy?
Xeno Kodi says:
because i dont rightly know
xiao says:
lol why?
Xeno Kodi says:
because i have no lover, thats when im truely happy
xiao says:
...but theres a difference between happy and truely happy...
xiao says:
anyways, why dont you have me blocked?
Xeno Kodi says:
why should I?
xiao says:
well, there must be a reason to keep me unblocked, I dont seem to be one of your friends and not an ally
xiao says:
whats holding you back
Xeno Kodi says:
its a grey area, besides if you are angery with me then its your job to block me no?
xiao says:
lol, silly cody, I know for a fact lucifur told you it took a lot of work to make me angry
Xeno Kodi says:
well when i do lemme know 
xiao says:
*shakes head with a smile* I dont think you could ever get me angry
xiao says:
by all means do try though!
Xeno Kodi says:
why? i never try but i do irratate you often lol
xiao says:
lol, or do you? are you just entertaining me?
Xeno Kodi says:
i could care, but i dont. either way im just living
xiao says:
then why do you always bring it up
Xeno Kodi says:
it keeps me entertained
xiao says:
then you would care for it
Xeno Kodi says:
no, i dont have to care about something to be entertained by it
Xeno Kodi says:
chaos it fun
Xeno Kodi says:
is*
xiao says:
ah, but thats what you think! youve never been in any real chaos
xiao says:
how could you say that if you havent seen real chaos
Xeno Kodi says:
whats with the 3rd degree?? how can I? because i do live is chaos, and please dont go on about how your life is so much more, becuase it prolly is
xiao says:
from what I hear from you, you live an average life, THAT is not chaos, and since when do I go on about how chaotic my life is? I only pull that on you if you wont shut up, and Ive only done that once
Xeno Kodi says:
average? not really
Xeno Kodi says:
my mother can barely keeps the lights turned on, and my father is mixed up in meth right now
xiao says:
oh, and thats not normal for americans?
Xeno Kodi says:
and both my aunt and uncle are in jail for meth
Xeno Kodi says:
no its not!
xiao says:
like I said, that IS normal, look beyond our enclosed enviroment here and look at the world...
xiao says:
many many people have these issues cody, much more than just you
Xeno Kodi says:
hee you go again bantering on
xiao says:
and you act normal by not accepting anyones help either
Xeno Kodi says:
i do not ask for help, or give any in return
xiao says:
when I offered you help, you complained that I was being a bitch
xiao says:
when tako tride, you called her controlling
Xeno Kodi says:
lol well there you go, how did she try helping?
xiao says:
offered a safe haven at her house every so often, and tried explaining things to you
Xeno Kodi says:
lol i had to plead with her to get over to her house
xiao says:
not according to her
xiao says:
not in the begginging at least
Xeno Kodi says:
i never came over to her house till like the 7th grade, and didnt even have her phone number till a year before that
xiao says:
6th grade, I remember
Xeno Kodi says:
yeah. brb food time
xiao says:
its always food time for you
xiao says:
oh and proof of the meht thing!!! 1 out of every american is on it
xiao says:
so, there
xiao says:
I win!!!!
Xeno Kodi says:
one out of every american??? so your telling me everyone in america is on meth
xiao says:
oops 1 out of 3....there
xiao says:
practically, yes yes they are
Xeno Kodi says:
lmao thats a lie, one thrid of america is not on meth
xiao says:
erm, go ahead and check the statistics
Xeno Kodi says:
lmfao
xiao says:
i dont lie cody, I decieve people
Xeno Kodi says:
thats ok i dont need to because that is a ridiculas statisic thats not true, but i will
xiao says:
alright *shrugs* youre probably just judging from people at our school though...and most people are smart enought not to do it in public
Xeno Kodi says:
what im looking at tells me that 5% of adults have tried meth in their life times
xiao says:
from what source
Xeno Kodi says:
a far cry from 1/3
xiao says:
dont forget teens cody
Xeno Kodi says:
http://www.drug-statistics.com/meth.htm
xiao says:
idiot, that evaluates south california
xiao says:
"Nowhere is it a bigger problem that in the Midwest, where meth accounts for nearly 90% of all drug cases, and nowhere is it more prevalent than in Oklahoma, which ranks in the top five in almost every meth category."
xiao says:
"Meth lab seizures have gone up 577% nationally since 1995."
xiao says:
and that statistic was from 1994
Xeno Kodi says:
yeah, they have had 5.77 times as many sewizures in the last odd years. thats not that many considering 10 years ago in wasn't widely known outside of the government
xiao says:
...erm...cody, that adds to a lot...
xiao says:
and a seizure is what they can find of them
xiao says:
people arent complete idiots
Xeno Kodi says:
Methamphetamine Trend Statistics Across the United States
Xeno Kodi says:
Arizona Federal Methamphetamine
Seizures: Methamphetamine: 168.6 kgs.
Xeno Kodi says:
Washington Federal Methamphetamine
Seizures: Methamphetamine: 46.0 kgs.
xiao says:
erm, so? we have a crappy government cody, the least they think of right now is the current war? war gives birth to a new chaos
Xeno Kodi says:
ugh, god your being annoying, is proving me wrong worth it this much?
xiao says:
yes
Xeno Kodi says:
hahaah! find yourself a hobby that is something else than submenial
xiao says:
....I am cody, Im drawing, I write, I do many many more things than you do
Xeno Kodi says:
good, then go do all those other things you do
xiao says:
Im tired of that though, and I already am....and im talking to tako
xiao says:
if you wanna quit talking just block me!!
Xeno Kodi says:
i dont mind talking to you when you have something worth while to talk about
xiao says:
well, according to you I dont
xiao says:
oh, and evidently there is no such thing as sub menial....I checked dictionaries, tako and mother...no such thing o.O
xiao says:
menial already means small.....
xiao says:
why put a sub in front of it?
Xeno Kodi says:
to be exagerent
xiao says:
to exagurate things?
xiao says:
erm cody
Xeno Kodi says:
to an extent
xiao says:
menial- –adjective 1. lowly and sometimes degrading: menial work. 
2. servile; submissive: menial attitudes. 
3. pertaining to or suitable for domestic servants; humble: menial furnishings. 
–noun 4. a domestic servant. 
5. a servile person
and unskilled work o.O
Xeno Kodi says:
lol you have suceeded in making me annoyed with you
[blocked]
parro goes "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!*punches air in happyness

alright people...exactly, how sane do you think parro is? make sure to do my new poll first THEN read this...then go ahead and message me with your new answer...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[alright, some notes, I found this scribbled in my diary and thought , oh why not? I am talking to no one in apparent view or anything. I just remember scribbling this down not that long ago staring at carni man...so about a week or two ago]
*gives disgusted look at advertizment* I hate those...whats up with me and using "z" today...hmm...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z

zeal

zero

zing

zone...

those are the only words I can think of that start with "z" at 1:39 am...sorry people...zzzzzzz

Im inlove but he doesnt love me back ^^ isnt that lovely? well...he never said he doesnt love me back, he just has a girlfriend...one of the guys that lucifur tried setting me up with...he has a girlfriend....a prep might I add...a very...very....very kinky one...I hate kinky people...they bother me...why cant they at least pick a cool word other than "kinky"?....what about nympho? thats cool sounding...and strange...and people around the world would understand that....I hate the make-up she wears too....why add more pink to yourself when you are constantly blushing?...or smothered in your boyfriend...or plural...who knows....and why preen yourself before some rough activity? its just going to get messed up anyways...I hate her...wait...no..........LOATHE her....she wouldnt even know what that word means...her name is stupid too....I hate her...*evil giggle* but yet she gives me the pleasure of thoughts that make me happy! how ironic in a sense....I need to get a life...or a boyfriend...or BOTH ha...haha....I am just not in a happy happy mood...I feel nothingness in this little brain of mine...*wonders if I could eat my hand witha fork* nah, that would hurt...and yes I am recording every little thought thats going through my head right now ^^ and I have to type really really fast too...tea...I need tea....but I cant go get my tea...that involes passing by mother...and Ill pass on that one...i wish school would start soon...I miss school....I miss my friends, and sadly I miss homework...perhaps if I could just...lets go over here in this side of the room *stares out window aimlessly* arg....I need to do something...not writing though, Im still creeped out that I killed off my favorite character...I cried for days without end...maybe thats why my hearts numb to reality is because I created my own? no that cant be, Im well aware of reality...it hurts and stings...most often kills off the weak also...there is absolutly no point to my breathing...but yet I do it...I wonder what its like to be lung shot...I know its a long and painful death, the blood slooooooowly drips into your lungs suffocating you...no one really knows what its like to be shot in the head, you must feel a little pain at least...I know what its like to suffocate...I oddly got a satisfaction from it...in the river...perhaps thats how I died in my past life? Im pretty sure it was a sword fight though....I am a very angry little spirit, arent I...whats wrong with me? I dont think like the rest of the world...Im different....why cant I die? I wont die...but suicide is not the answer...thats a bad idea....do ideas have a weight? I know they cant die easily...perhaps when theres a ghost, its not the person youre feeling but the idea growing cold from lack of thought! that must be it.....that makes sense to me at least...love doesnt make sense....whats so intreging about that? what is love...there must be an explanation for it...I dont care what people say that its just a human emotion...what triggers it? certain things trigger certain emotions....my love emotion is broken...I can find no connection between these men at all...their moods actions, even bodies are completely different...a body is just a cage to lock us up and beat upon...whats the use though? most wounds heal up eventually...and hatred is a waste of "emotion"....it must be a energy source of some kind...can I love? or is it just kind of affection...yes, just a different level of affection...why waste that though....its pitiful...perhaps Im partly a sociopath...I feel like Im imitating emotions, nothing more and nothing less....or am I more controled than the others...I tend to think of people as meer expirements...are we not? for one purpose or another, we study each other and there must be larger creatures controlling our life style...we toy with each others emotions, mess with each others bodies and lives...we fear a larger thing when we should fear ourselves....we rip each other apart by gender, race, our interests, our clothes, even down to our origions...we cant help what others did in the past, but yet we dont learn....people mock me for being a creature of habit, but they dont look at themselves....we influence each other to wear strange clothings and become all the same, and yet those that do follow their own brains are outcasts in most cases...and what about the languages?...same characters for several different languages just different spelling...I dispise this world....and yet I love it for all of its flaws....do i enjoy feeling hate? perhaps...or perhaps I am more sane than you all....

arg this is why no one ever lets me get depressed...I do strange and irrational things to my characters o.o this time its irreversable...

for those who care to find out...look below

Shooting at his own pace, twirling back and forth, he shot demon after demon all to protect her. Blinded by his passion he failed to see her, standing atop of the cliff. The glint of something caught Falconys eyes she turned slowly, leaving her guard up. Unlike the others, she could see what it was. Everything slowed down, Falconys hair twirling slowly as she looked in Michi's direction. Her voice drowned out by the others, Michi turned to see what she was looking at. His eyes grew wide, then shut, shiny little liquid orbs floating in the air intertwining with red. The woman only stood staring afterwards, slowly turning on her heels. Everything speeded up as Michi hit the ground, coughing up blood. Falcony was beside him in an instant and his dying eyes gave a kind look, "So...you do have a heart then?" She gave a dissapproving look and told him to lay still. He ignored this and reached up into his collar. "Give this to lady Xiao, I will miss you all so very...ver-" he coughed up more blood, and Falcony let go of a tear. Her voice was hoarse,"No, you can give it to her yourself, please just...stay with us!"
   Michi shook his head, "It is of no use fair lady. I'm lung shot, you out of everyone should know that no one can save me now, not here." Her eyes grew fierce, and she picked him up into a cradle. He only laughed, as much as he could at least. "Shouldn't it be the other way around? Leave me, all I have ever wanted was a warriors death, and I am sure these demons will not have you escaping them so easily this time. take my guns and give this and them to Xiao." With these words his head slowly tilted back, his lovely eyes so lifeless now. Falcony laid him down easy on the ground, closing his eyes. Undoing his grasp proved hard because of his gloves, prying a tiny silver locket out of his hands. Grasping what she could, she swung her wings around, knocking the remaining enemies down. She left the battle field for that time being.

When she reached the mansion, Xiao ran out to greet everyone. "I made tuna muffins!" She looked cheerfully around, dissappointed by everyones somber faces. "Fine then, at least Sir Mich will like them, where is he anyways?" She stood on her toes looking for him. Falcony reached behind her back and pulled out the guns. " I am so sorry Xiao." Falcony didn't know what to expect from her, she had taken other deaths fair, but this was different. She reached out for them with a shaking hand, feeling their curves. "uh...oh...he isn't coming back this time is he.." The other people had left expecting Xiao to burst out in fury, Falcony was the only one that remained. Xiao collapsed to the ground trembling, Falcony just sat beside her and laid Xiaos head on her chest. "Worry not child, he looks upon you with a smiling face from the heavens. I am sure he will be your guardian angel now." With these words she slipped the locket around the childs neck and petted her head, comforting her in the only way she knew how.

alright!!!!an announcment to all those who actually read my stories...Im going to make it into a complete mookish thing on here, but be warned there may be areas where you cant read yet because of little breaks and that would be a spoiler...especially this new chapter I wrote. I can tell you someone very cool and loved dies now.
be sure to visit!!!
Tamaria's story land! <- note thats another one of my nicknames o.O yep...nickname

*sighs* TO EVERYONE!!!!I wont be on for quite a few, an expirement to see if electronics make my headaches worse or better...this includes my music T.T but happily for me, I may actually be able to meet carni man!!!Im having my friend get a picture of him. there were only two carni workers with blonde hair at the fair, so 50/50 chance!!!*crosses fingers* at the least I get a new picture of him in a normal enviroment yay!!! hes a technically the brother of my friends friend. there arent very good stories of him, but I havent heard anything about him raping or doing drugs, just stealing...see you all soon!!!!

yet ANOTHER diary entry for today ^^ I had to run around my house like twenty BILLION times just to find a tiny cord. this didnt make me angry, I kept thinking of how wesker would be for me finding this tiny cord o.o you know you have issues when, in my head at least, you apply for at least 5 of these things...I apply for ALL!!!!!
1] you argue with a good friend and make fun of him for betraying you for pure entertainment...
2] you keep this betraying friend as a friend o.o
3] you obsess over someone you barely even know because he looks cool
4] you continuesly draw for 15 hours straight...and all the pictures are all practically the same person or object
5]the best thing you can come up with for entertainment when you have a bunch of other things is to twirl your pencil on your finger
6] you search and search for this non-exsistant person on myspace
7]once you find this person, you dont care
8] you type more than 5 diary entries a day
9] lick people often, but not sexually
10] ^^" mix up the words for drugs and have no clue what any of them are...
11] and you come up with this strange list of your events of the day and call it an issue list

not even codys little arguement can distract me from my daydreams o.o this disturbs me a little, but something so good in my mind cannot be that bad!!!AHAHAH!!!(codys arguemtn is below here this diary entry) lets keep your minds innocent for the time being though, and say that all is well in xiao xiao land...my animals are well...except the buck who is trying to rape the same gender o.o thats erm interesting. I kept wandering away in my little daydreams, which were incredibly perverted about anything from my husbands to carni man, or the normal sad ones that scare me but I LOVE THEM!!!haha I randomly started crying during dinner time from one of them , ironically right when my mother sneezed...amazing, she was very confused. I keep sleeping, partially because I want to dream more or Im really really tired. the weirdest one I keep having is the one where its either zhou yu or carni man with me and we are just a music box figurine, the ones that twirl with the song you know? then someone shuts the box and blood trickles out of the cracks in the box o.o but yes I get satisfaction out of these because I know my mind is still working...kinda...then theres the dancing one I wrote about earlier...then the strange flower one, where its just a bunch of flowers being ripped apart and thrown anywhere and everywhere...mainly onto a blood puddle...then theres the dramatic violin being played by blood soaked fingers over a mutilated body...my body...but the violins being played by me...

[for those who want to see exactly how stupid cody is, lets see our argument!]

xiao says:
.< arg why do you have me unblocked?
Xeno Kodi says:
why should I you are the one who should
xiao says:
my computer glitches and wont let me...
xiao says:
and it makes me think that you have something to say when you do unblock me
Xeno Kodi says:
well im sorry, well i dont
xiao says:
then block me if you dispise me so
Xeno Kodi says:
i dont despise you. we are on oposite sides of the field
xiao says:
Im still angered at you though
xiao says:
enough to reply to your silly elftown messages
Xeno Kodi says:
i realize that. do what you wish, either way i keep living
xiao says:
...perhaps....perhaps not
Xeno Kodi says:
hehe, whatcha gunna do huh?
xiao says:
Im stroner than you, and I own a gun
xiao says:
*stronger
Xeno Kodi says:
i could care less
xiao says:
then why did you ask?
xiao says:
thankfully , fo me, I have something to obsess over so I wont waste my time on you. if you really feel like it, come up with a good explanation to explain everything and then we shall see how things go, otherwise Ill leave this unblocked so you can make pointless statements or explanations or ask strange questions
Xeno Kodi says:
how bout you just dont talk to me? sound good?
xiao says:
erm, thats what I just said Id do idiot, Im going back to obsessing over my little drawings
Xeno Kodi says:
w/e
xiao says:
*sticks tongue out at you and walks away*
xiao says:
oh and for your information, you have a better chance at explaining things to lucifur and keeping him on your side, Ive angered him already
Xeno Kodi says:
when you say your not going ot talk to me, why do you do just the oposite?
xiao says:
doing you and lucifr a favor
xiao says:
and trying to get you annoyed at me so youll block me
xiao says:
you know you want to...go on...block me
Xeno Kodi says:
lol your a fool
xiao says:
lol am I? youre the one that just miss used "your"
xiao says:
why not just give up, say youre sorry and why or just block me?
Xeno Kodi says:
im not sorry for changing
xiao says:
I was never angry at you for changing *giggles*
xiao says:
just block me