alright!!!!an announcment to all those who actually read my stories...Im going to make it into a complete mookish thing on here, but be warned there may be areas where you cant read yet because of little breaks and that would be a spoiler...especially this new chapter I wrote. I can tell you someone very cool and loved dies now.
be sure to visit!!!
Tamaria's story land! <- note thats another one of my nicknames o.O yep...nickname

*sighs* TO EVERYONE!!!!I wont be on for quite a few, an expirement to see if electronics make my headaches worse or better...this includes my music T.T but happily for me, I may actually be able to meet carni man!!!Im having my friend get a picture of him. there were only two carni workers with blonde hair at the fair, so 50/50 chance!!!*crosses fingers* at the least I get a new picture of him in a normal enviroment yay!!! hes a technically the brother of my friends friend. there arent very good stories of him, but I havent heard anything about him raping or doing drugs, just stealing...see you all soon!!!!

yet ANOTHER diary entry for today ^^ I had to run around my house like twenty BILLION times just to find a tiny cord. this didnt make me angry, I kept thinking of how wesker would be for me finding this tiny cord o.o you know you have issues when, in my head at least, you apply for at least 5 of these things...I apply for ALL!!!!!
1] you argue with a good friend and make fun of him for betraying you for pure entertainment...
2] you keep this betraying friend as a friend o.o
3] you obsess over someone you barely even know because he looks cool
4] you continuesly draw for 15 hours straight...and all the pictures are all practically the same person or object
5]the best thing you can come up with for entertainment when you have a bunch of other things is to twirl your pencil on your finger
6] you search and search for this non-exsistant person on myspace
7]once you find this person, you dont care
8] you type more than 5 diary entries a day
9] lick people often, but not sexually
10] ^^" mix up the words for drugs and have no clue what any of them are...
11] and you come up with this strange list of your events of the day and call it an issue list

not even codys little arguement can distract me from my daydreams o.o this disturbs me a little, but something so good in my mind cannot be that bad!!!AHAHAH!!!(codys arguemtn is below here this diary entry) lets keep your minds innocent for the time being though, and say that all is well in xiao xiao land...my animals are well...except the buck who is trying to rape the same gender o.o thats erm interesting. I kept wandering away in my little daydreams, which were incredibly perverted about anything from my husbands to carni man, or the normal sad ones that scare me but I LOVE THEM!!!haha I randomly started crying during dinner time from one of them , ironically right when my mother sneezed...amazing, she was very confused. I keep sleeping, partially because I want to dream more or Im really really tired. the weirdest one I keep having is the one where its either zhou yu or carni man with me and we are just a music box figurine, the ones that twirl with the song you know? then someone shuts the box and blood trickles out of the cracks in the box o.o but yes I get satisfaction out of these because I know my mind is still working...kinda...then theres the dancing one I wrote about earlier...then the strange flower one, where its just a bunch of flowers being ripped apart and thrown anywhere and everywhere...mainly onto a blood puddle...then theres the dramatic violin being played by blood soaked fingers over a mutilated body...my body...but the violins being played by me...

[for those who want to see exactly how stupid cody is, lets see our argument!]

xiao says:
.< arg why do you have me unblocked?
Xeno Kodi says:
why should I you are the one who should
xiao says:
my computer glitches and wont let me...
xiao says:
and it makes me think that you have something to say when you do unblock me
Xeno Kodi says:
well im sorry, well i dont
xiao says:
then block me if you dispise me so
Xeno Kodi says:
i dont despise you. we are on oposite sides of the field
xiao says:
Im still angered at you though
xiao says:
enough to reply to your silly elftown messages
Xeno Kodi says:
i realize that. do what you wish, either way i keep living
xiao says:
...perhaps....perhaps not
Xeno Kodi says:
hehe, whatcha gunna do huh?
xiao says:
Im stroner than you, and I own a gun
xiao says:
*stronger
Xeno Kodi says:
i could care less
xiao says:
then why did you ask?
xiao says:
thankfully , fo me, I have something to obsess over so I wont waste my time on you. if you really feel like it, come up with a good explanation to explain everything and then we shall see how things go, otherwise Ill leave this unblocked so you can make pointless statements or explanations or ask strange questions
Xeno Kodi says:
how bout you just dont talk to me? sound good?
xiao says:
erm, thats what I just said Id do idiot, Im going back to obsessing over my little drawings
Xeno Kodi says:
w/e
xiao says:
*sticks tongue out at you and walks away*
xiao says:
oh and for your information, you have a better chance at explaining things to lucifur and keeping him on your side, Ive angered him already
Xeno Kodi says:
when you say your not going ot talk to me, why do you do just the oposite?
xiao says:
doing you and lucifr a favor
xiao says:
and trying to get you annoyed at me so youll block me
xiao says:
you know you want to...go on...block me
Xeno Kodi says:
lol your a fool
xiao says:
lol am I? youre the one that just miss used "your"
xiao says:
why not just give up, say youre sorry and why or just block me?
Xeno Kodi says:
im not sorry for changing
xiao says:
I was never angry at you for changing *giggles*
xiao says:
just block me

69 Questions to End the Summer

1. Do you like someone?[tehe, perhaps...]
2. Do you hate more then 3 people?[^^ nope]
3. How many houses have you lived in?[2]
4. What is your favorite candy bar?[ewwwww]
5. what are your favorite pair of shoes?[my dead leather skate shoes with evil kitty shoelaces]
6. Have you ever tripped someone?[oops]
7. What's your favorite color?[purple or deep shade of pink]
8. What was your favorite summer trip this year?[spokane]
9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?[dear god NO]
10. Have you ever thrown up in public?[yeppers]
11. Name someone that's ALWAYS on your mind.[CARNI MAN!!!!!]
12. What is your favorite music genre?[I like everything...including techno!!!!]
13. What is your sign?[sagitarius]
14. What time were you born?[no idea]
15. Do you like beer?[EWWWWWW]
16. Have you ever made a prank call?[haha with aubrey once...that was really funny]
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?[PINK!!!!]
18. Are you sarcastic?[Sometimes]
19. What exactly are you doing right now?[listening to music, drawing and this thingy de bob]

20. How many watches do you own?
theyre all broken

21. Summer or Winter?
Winter

22. Spring or fall?
spring

23. What is your favorite color to wear?
purple and pink and black!!!!

24. wtf?
^^ yay

25. What color is your cell phone?
black and silver!!!

26. Where's your second home?
dont have one really

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
cody

28. Have you ever had a cavity?
yeppers

29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
2!!!

30. How many video games do you own?
quite a few

31. First Pet you owned?
dog, sam

32. Have you ever had braces?
I do right now!

33. do looks matter?
in the outside world...I guess people cant really change their bodies...unless youre fat or anorexic

34. Do you use Chapstick?
yeppers

36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
american eagle

37. Are you too forgiving?
yep

38. How many children do you want?
I dont think they would survive me...

39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
lots!!!

40. What is your favorite breakfast?
thats nonexistant in my world

41. Do you own a gun?
yes

42. What was the last thing you ate?
no idea

43. When was the last time you cried?
....that my little secret

44. What did you do 2 nights ago?
talked to carni man and bought him a pepsi, andrea and amanda spent the night

45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
once upon a time when I was brainless

46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
^^ eheh...yeah...and he was a male

48. What are your nicknames?
parro, parrokeet, lazarua, short stuff, xiao, xiao xiao, kitty litter box <- god I miss that for some reason

49. do you know anyone named BERTHA?
...No, I wish I did

50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
nopers ^^

51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
...whats that?

52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
^^ yes and I dont even know the guy that well

53. Have you ever called someone Boo?
erm...no?

54. Do you smoke?
no

55. Do you own a diamond ring?
^^ yep yep

56. Are you happy with your life?
Not in the least bit

57. Do you dye your hair?
sometimes, purple, soon possibly pink

58. Does anyone like you?
*shrugs* thats up to the rest of the world to deside

59. Who are your best friends?
tako, ayla carni man

60. What were you doing May of 1994?
probably trying to kill the car again...

61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
nope thank god

62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
.< wendys if anything

63. Do you like yourself?
Nope

64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
Mother

65. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite sex?
porportion, feathery hair, and LONG LEGS!!!!AHAHAH!!!!!

66. Are you afraid of the dark?
sometimes

67. Have you ever eaten paste?
erm, no

68. Do you have a webcam?
nope

69. Have you ever stripped?
nope

well, fair week is done and over with, thank god. it was chaotic and I hate it, this was my last year in our 4-h group, Im sick and tired of being pushed around by the adults when its a child activity. I will misss the children in that group, they were really fun to work with, but Im sure Ill still see them if I get that job I wanted next year. I was and still am considering becoming a carni, I as usual dont give a damn of what people think of me, so if they think I do drugs, then boo whoo them. theyre wrong on all levels, even my best friends in the group think I do drugs now because of my migranes. I may be an artist but you DO NOT need to do drugs to be creative, stupid humans. anywhoo, everyone knows that when Im stressed out I find something to obsess over, normally a male, and I found one...the carni man, hes amazing. His body is perfectly porportinate and everything. He does chew tobacco, but thats the other amazing thing, his breathe smells minty and good, and his throat and voice are so smoothe *falls over*. but this made lucifur irrateted considering he was trying to set me up on a date again, he actually picked good people but as usual I hate being taken. I enjoy savoring my little crushes and obsessions, I wouldnt mind going on a date but eh. ^ ^ both ended up being taken anyways so it didnt matter at all! horray for me! this made me a little depressed at how stupid my mind is and everything, but its also for the guys sakes that I dont drive them insane. Im a long term dating girl, I hate those people who only date for enjoyment of being able to say they have a girlfriend or just for sex.I dont mind the thing about sex, that doesnt bother me, but isnt it supposed to be an action of love? and no this doesnt mean Im not a virgin, I am a virgin. Of course this mind setting eliminates a lot of guys, but I dont care. No one has ever actually understood why I like the guys I do, body wise. They never considered that perhaps if they think from an artists view? Lets take Carni Man, his body is perfectly porportionate, from head to shoulders to hips to knees to feet! and his arms arent a crazy width or length at all either, nor his legs! I love it when men have long legs...its a also a strange turn on in my mind when they strap like a gun holster or a walkie talkie to their thiegh. Like Loz or Wesker, I love it, or when men wear slightly tight but not to the point of seeing the curves of their legs. Carni man has good pants, cody doesnt, nor does scott and his overly baggy pant. Loz can pull off tight pants because hes wearing a long overcoat, overcoats rule. Back to making sense though, I visited the polar express area frequently, sometimes looking for children and occasionally sitting by the duck pond to draw. The duck pond guy ruled and gave me his lemonade near five in the afternoon. Its like the carni's understood what was wrong in my life and had sympothy, I felt loved there and with true friends. This is kinda what started my idea of working in this job, but I guess it would be the ultimate friend test to see who stays your friend and who leaves you. Everyone showed up on wednsday and that was chaotic, I did miss out on a date that lucifur was unaware of. He hates this guy, so I couldnt. I was accused of liking guys that I consider to be like a brother, and ironically these were all guys that I admire too. Well, what else happened. I cant think of anything else other than on the last day that Nick dissappeared, his brother sat in the sheep barn very tired, and the little kid Jake was doing an excellent job duck tapping the FFA booth. They will have one hell of a time undoing that job. Once again I will miss 4-H but Im moving onto FFA, I will be with fellow school students and scared half to death but I wont care. or they'll be scared to death hmm....anyways!!! I dreamt last night...or day ^^ theyre all mashed together. but I adored the dream and shall cherish it for forever, but fear it. the song "fear" from .hack was playing while I was dancing with, guess who!!! hahaha, Ill draw the outfits soon, but a quick description of it first
His:a long black coat with squared shoulders and buckles all the way down the front. he has long sleeves that droop down too, like lulu's from ffX!
Mine: A long simple-ish black dress

dream:
in little flashes it shows two scenes, one where we're dancing and the view, between the flashes of the other scene travels slowly up. dancing upon a pool of flower petals though o.O
the other flashes shows someone disturbing us in our dance, and shoots my male companion in the chest. another flash of regular dancing. and then, some scream, I quickly move and dodge a bullet, male companion goes to break his neck, success. another flash of dancing disturbed by a bullet shot noise. the male was shot again by nerve reflex in the other guy. sight of little blood drops slowly dropping, I dive to catch him. I just sit there holding his dead and cold body, petting his hair while humming a very creepy little tune. then you could see my hand reaching very slowly towards the gun. I smell it, with my free hand I look directly at where the camera would be and hold up a finger to my mouth as if to say "shhh"and commit suicide with a creepy but happy smile upon my face. the music switches to a music box, slow music box thats dying, like the one I have! but the view slowly travels upwards

priest: welcome my dear friends, to my sweet darling home for once upon a time this is and was wanderland. I hope and pray for you all that you will not become lost in your own mind, then perhaps you could escape this hell land.

alright, lets organize what I just said in the last diary entry...
age: around 30-40, I say hes 30
occupation: works with the polar express as the gate keeper...that sounds creepy
hair colour: strawberry blonde ^^ YAY!!!shaved sides and a braided rat tail in the back...though it was unbraided on the last day was, for some reason or another in my head, fluffy sexy like...
eyes: dark blue, his pupils are large because of thyroid problems...hes a sickly man evidently
cons: chews tobacco, and is a carnival worker( thats bad to the rest of the world)
pros: he can keep really really good smelling breathe and a smooth throat even though he CHEWS!!!!gives me candy and understands my problems...I love his voice, its very smooth and soothes my mind...
tattos: a star-ish thing, and a tiger
wears: his carni man clothings and a really good smelling sweater, necklace with a star and a sword, theyre in dog tag form...SUN GLASSES!!!with them he almost looks exactly like wesker almost
food habits: hates food like me ^^ but drinks pepsi and water

even through fair week is over, my migranes continue...oh well...^^ but the CARNY MAN!!!!!!I absolutely love how he looks...and no this isnt some perverted sense, from a strange artists perspective, his body was amazing to draw then there was his HAIR!!!!HA!!!!!!feathery HAIR!!!!!!this probably makes no sense to those who dont know me personally or were there to see him...I still want his sunglasses...you would all have to see him in person, the best I have is sucky little cell phone piccys, and ironically the only one that turned out good was the one where I was pretending to talk on the phone and turned sideways, he was giving me the strangest look. his voice is very smooth and relaxes me every time I hear it, hes AMAZING!!!lol he drinks pepsi a lot and glares at the others when they walk even near it...the pictures arent showing!!!!!!GAH!!!!!!!

random inspiration moment caused by a fever migrane o.O

demons inside,
come forthe with a rathe
emotions colide
so many a path

fit for only a king,
the cure is pain
let emotions sting
tears, they do stain

my head, hurts so
the devil himself haunts,
making want to let go,
like my life is just a taunt.

body blessed,
pain is a sensation.
my mind just messed,
like a contamination.

[-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-]

can the sweet sins suffice?
could you take away my misery,
take my feelings no matter how nice.
and complete me with sweet blissary.

this feeling drives me far from sane,
looking into the mirror
my true feelings I can not sistain.
steal me away from this glore.

save me oh sweet heavenly being,
your smile brings me back,
bring me back to my feeling.
the devil has stolen me, I lack.

the mirror presents my appearence not,
all I can see is you, your sweet smile.
I beg of you, please save me, my blood shall clot.
my body is cut in so many places, in a complex style.

I will never understand why,
why did you deny me the first time?
all I did, and could do, was cry
such weeping was no the worst pain, but the crime.

I listened to the chimes, my head hurts so,
but yet you do not help!
I can never stop until this pain shall go.
I hope and pray that this will prove that I am no whelp.

just to look, the colour soothes my mind,
I presented the sacrifice to you each day in hopes.
you do not approve of my selfish ways,no such thing as kind
I will never understand why you hate me for my stoops.

here I lay, my body broken. I can no longer help it,
I must stop these crimes and horific plans,
I give up all my hopes and dreams of you, my heart is lit,
you decieved me, and had me join strange clans.

the devil stole my heart, then played and toyed,
I no longer own my own soul, but I shall create another!
My mind you shall never touch, nor destroy.
these defiances, proved my death though, my breathe you did smother...

IM HOME!!! lol lovely little hom with the fishies....my chick was extremely happy to see me (I mean a chicken for those who have perverted minds and CANT GET IT THROUGH THEIR THICK SKULLS THAT IM STRAIGHT!!!) she would quit climbing on me and talking...but anywhoo...Im home and theres more work to be done house work wise ^^ and friend relationships wise -.o...why cant people tweak with their OWN lives? if youre gonna mess with mine, you could at least give me cookies or e-mail me every now and then ^^ BUT!!!!!![Xiaos-magical-trip-recorings-to-a-land-unknown]shall come soon!!!!

Im off to montana for about 4 days -.o Ill be back thursday, I may be able to get on later during that, but Ill most likely only get to checking my e-mails, all friends of mine go ahead and send me some at lazarua@verizon.net ^^ bye bye for now, Ill try to have a good time

there she lays,
all dressed in black.
she was wed by the bay,
but words she did lack.

her soon to be husband,
had looked upon her with a smile
and there they would stand.
Just to wait a while.

all dressed in white,
looking upon a ring,
like the other, but not quite.
oh, what fate it would bring.

the man down upon one knee,
her small body a-quiver,
her small face full of glee,
oh quite a shiver.

back to the high school days,
her grades fail due to love pure,
her loving parents in dismays,
for love, there is no cure.

I love my music boxes....my favorite one is dying though *so sad* I want one like in RE code veronica though, the one where you put in the disc, like a record player but designed like a music box with the little prongs and everthing....those are the coolest...my trip to town was scary though....I suddenly had the urge to draw a half nude person sleeping in her death....then I went to the dentist...they had this stuffty "mustang" with HUMAN teeth...that wasnt the worst though...then there was the fish with "cute" murderous eyes..I went to the "prize" room for sitting still for more than 5 minutes and earned this strange pencil topper that is a blue elephant...with VERY CREEPY EYES...on our way out I finished the drawing and moved onto Sir Michi Vious's casual wear outfit drawing and spotted this very intent old old lady driving her van. she was bent over her steering wheel and going about 25 in a 50 mph zone...every time someone got in front of her she would honk at them, shake her fist, and say very rude words to them...I have to record every trip Im sorry, but strange and interesting things happen when I do

alright people >.< since it seems so very entertaining to you that when I tell you whats wrong and you say "oh no, that cant be it." I have choice words for you!!!!CHEESE MUFFIN GNARL STEAKS!!!!!! since when is it humanly possible for someone I barely know to tell me exactly what I feel and why? theres only a few people who can do that...if you REALLY REALLY wanna help, find a male thats seemingly perfect to me with flaws, and for the females turn into males and love me passionatly!!!!HA!!!!!!you cant, can you? then WHY KEEP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION OVER AND OVER?!

alrights peoples....I think Ive found the problem to hooking the playstaion up online!!haha!!!so if Im right, thisll be the beggining point of me getting on even less. thing is the computer evidently cant be on when I reset the router because then it immediatly goes "OOO!!!!!!compy, lets make that the more logical of all!!!HAHAHAHHA!!!" but I will still get on every once in a while. if youre on my messenger list, and you cant live with me being gone for so long (-.-) then go ahead and give me messages on here. until next time my friends!!wish me luck!!!!

[new character!!!!]
Enter Sir Michi Vious!!!
the school project poem was what started it all...put his name together and take out the sir, what do you get? hes a character I would never abandon
anywhoo the poem:
[Sir Michi Vious,]
A man of the age 29,
With long dirty blonde hair,
His foxy blue eyes
Glare down his long beak nose.
Wearing elaborate suits,
Blue trimmed with gold.
Dances slyly with girls,
In dangerous irksome ways.
Sir Michi Vious,
Lives in the attic…
Of a mansion.
Be wary of his perilous
Dances on cliffs…
-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----
I have given him a cult revolver and a rifle he seems to have constantly misplaced when he really need it, but trips on it when not needed...he is quite the ladys man, but mainly fancies Falconys adopted daughter, Siera, yes spelt with only one "r". please excuse me lucifur for using the colour blue!!! its just a nice colour...but he always makes people pay for even the smallest of things, and plans to use the money to make a "carrot farm" to help wench the thirst problem of all birds world wide! this is horribly ironic since he is always accidently shooting Falcony's birds in a attempt to shoot Falcony making a loud noise.

character ties:
Falcony: he visits her shop frequently to buy guns and bullets...which he never does because he's convinced he's poor, he fancies her daughter
Xiao:has a crush on him, and is always broken hearted when he starts flirting with girls in front of her...
Siera:the shy girl ignores everyone, but Michi loves everything about her from her clear brown eyes to her dirty blonde hair to her perfect clear complection
Princess Sheena: She wants him for her 15 husband

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Siera!!!
age:15
height:5'6"
eye colour:brown
hair:dirty blonde
skin:pale with a slight tan
weapon: N/A

Character ties:
Falcony: her adopted daughter, her father died in building fire set by Princess Sheena's hench men for not marrying her
Xiao:best friends and sworn sisters
Michi Vious:he loves her, and she doesnt even realize hes there
Princess Sheena: constantly she is almost murdered by Sheena for having a finer complection than her