1. Smoked a cigarette: No
2. Smoked a cigar: No
3. Snorted coke: No
4. Smoked Weed: No
5. Been high: No
6. Had sex: No
7. Said "I hope you die" to someone: yeah
8. Tried to kill someone: er no
9. Tried to kill yourself: hmm...*checks diary* nope
10. Got in a fist fight: not exactly fist fight...
11. Lied to your parents: yeppers
12. Given someone a bruise: oh so many many times
13. Ditched someone: nope
14. Freak danced: ...no
15. Stole something: No
16. Cut yourself: nope
17. Skipped school: nope
18. Hung up on someone: nope
19. Threw up at school: hung yeah
20. Done someone else's make-up: yeppers
21. Kissed someone of the same sex: Not that Im aware of
22. Had a burping contest: no
23. Snuck out: to look at the moon for a very long time
24. Been to a school dance: yay!!!I didnt miss one of the junior high ones when I went
25. Thought your teacher was hot: heh, yeah...2 actually

god I hate my clock...I woke up at 4 in the morning because my clock said it was 6...so then I had caffeinne...*shivers with joy...and that fact that it suddenly got very chilly everywhere*I hate heat waves...heh...caffeinne...it fixes everything...its technically a drug though *huggles my earl grey* Im so very hyper that people get on very slowly on here right? so I go and start visiting pages and suddenly click on mine and start ranting and raving about how this person has practically stolen my identity o.o shows how bright I am...or the incident in that store *giggles* god it just cant be used with words...it was a moment thing...eep gotta go!!!!the time has arrived to get properly dressed and catch a bus to school...if Im riding a bus hrmmm.........eh ^^...wait -.- no its not time yet...still have 19 minutes...update for those who think Im dead!!!Ive been really absorbed into my research (*random thick russian accent*you do not have the liberty to know this...or anything near!) my migranes have gotten so bad that my new motto is "the world looks much better in sunglasses *dramatic point* buy a pair!!! NOW!!!!HAIL SUNGLASSES!"...literally...go...now...oh and I saw the movie "the wicker man" that was the greatest ever..."murdering me will NOT bring back your god damn honey!" "oh but I know it will" heh... or the "step away from the bike!"...you should go watch it people...creepy but hilarious...going now bye bye, slight human contact...ends....NOW

lol arguement, second round!!!with cody again...and parro

 
xiao says:
why are you unsure if youre happy?
Xeno Kodi says:
because i dont rightly know
xiao says:
lol why?
Xeno Kodi says:
because i have no lover, thats when im truely happy
xiao says:
...but theres a difference between happy and truely happy...
xiao says:
anyways, why dont you have me blocked?
Xeno Kodi says:
why should I?
xiao says:
well, there must be a reason to keep me unblocked, I dont seem to be one of your friends and not an ally
xiao says:
whats holding you back
Xeno Kodi says:
its a grey area, besides if you are angery with me then its your job to block me no?
xiao says:
lol, silly cody, I know for a fact lucifur told you it took a lot of work to make me angry
Xeno Kodi says:
well when i do lemme know 
xiao says:
*shakes head with a smile* I dont think you could ever get me angry
xiao says:
by all means do try though!
Xeno Kodi says:
why? i never try but i do irratate you often lol
xiao says:
lol, or do you? are you just entertaining me?
Xeno Kodi says:
i could care, but i dont. either way im just living
xiao says:
then why do you always bring it up
Xeno Kodi says:
it keeps me entertained
xiao says:
then you would care for it
Xeno Kodi says:
no, i dont have to care about something to be entertained by it
Xeno Kodi says:
chaos it fun
Xeno Kodi says:
is*
xiao says:
ah, but thats what you think! youve never been in any real chaos
xiao says:
how could you say that if you havent seen real chaos
Xeno Kodi says:
whats with the 3rd degree?? how can I? because i do live is chaos, and please dont go on about how your life is so much more, becuase it prolly is
xiao says:
from what I hear from you, you live an average life, THAT is not chaos, and since when do I go on about how chaotic my life is? I only pull that on you if you wont shut up, and Ive only done that once
Xeno Kodi says:
average? not really
Xeno Kodi says:
my mother can barely keeps the lights turned on, and my father is mixed up in meth right now
xiao says:
oh, and thats not normal for americans?
Xeno Kodi says:
and both my aunt and uncle are in jail for meth
Xeno Kodi says:
no its not!
xiao says:
like I said, that IS normal, look beyond our enclosed enviroment here and look at the world...
xiao says:
many many people have these issues cody, much more than just you
Xeno Kodi says:
hee you go again bantering on
xiao says:
and you act normal by not accepting anyones help either
Xeno Kodi says:
i do not ask for help, or give any in return
xiao says:
when I offered you help, you complained that I was being a bitch
xiao says:
when tako tride, you called her controlling
Xeno Kodi says:
lol well there you go, how did she try helping?
xiao says:
offered a safe haven at her house every so often, and tried explaining things to you
Xeno Kodi says:
lol i had to plead with her to get over to her house
xiao says:
not according to her
xiao says:
not in the begginging at least
Xeno Kodi says:
i never came over to her house till like the 7th grade, and didnt even have her phone number till a year before that
xiao says:
6th grade, I remember
Xeno Kodi says:
yeah. brb food time
xiao says:
its always food time for you
xiao says:
oh and proof of the meht thing!!! 1 out of every american is on it
xiao says:
so, there
xiao says:
I win!!!!
Xeno Kodi says:
one out of every american??? so your telling me everyone in america is on meth
xiao says:
oops 1 out of 3....there
xiao says:
practically, yes yes they are
Xeno Kodi says:
lmao thats a lie, one thrid of america is not on meth
xiao says:
erm, go ahead and check the statistics
Xeno Kodi says:
lmfao
xiao says:
i dont lie cody, I decieve people
Xeno Kodi says:
thats ok i dont need to because that is a ridiculas statisic thats not true, but i will
xiao says:
alright *shrugs* youre probably just judging from people at our school though...and most people are smart enought not to do it in public
Xeno Kodi says:
what im looking at tells me that 5% of adults have tried meth in their life times
xiao says:
from what source
Xeno Kodi says:
a far cry from 1/3
xiao says:
dont forget teens cody
Xeno Kodi says:
http://www.drug-statistics.com/meth.htm
xiao says:
idiot, that evaluates south california
xiao says:
"Nowhere is it a bigger problem that in the Midwest, where meth accounts for nearly 90% of all drug cases, and nowhere is it more prevalent than in Oklahoma, which ranks in the top five in almost every meth category."
xiao says:
"Meth lab seizures have gone up 577% nationally since 1995."
xiao says:
and that statistic was from 1994
Xeno Kodi says:
yeah, they have had 5.77 times as many sewizures in the last odd years. thats not that many considering 10 years ago in wasn't widely known outside of the government
xiao says:
...erm...cody, that adds to a lot...
xiao says:
and a seizure is what they can find of them
xiao says:
people arent complete idiots
Xeno Kodi says:
Methamphetamine Trend Statistics Across the United States
Xeno Kodi says:
Arizona Federal Methamphetamine
Seizures: Methamphetamine: 168.6 kgs.
Xeno Kodi says:
Washington Federal Methamphetamine
Seizures: Methamphetamine: 46.0 kgs.
xiao says:
erm, so? we have a crappy government cody, the least they think of right now is the current war? war gives birth to a new chaos
Xeno Kodi says:
ugh, god your being annoying, is proving me wrong worth it this much?
xiao says:
yes
Xeno Kodi says:
hahaah! find yourself a hobby that is something else than submenial
xiao says:
....I am cody, Im drawing, I write, I do many many more things than you do
Xeno Kodi says:
good, then go do all those other things you do
xiao says:
Im tired of that though, and I already am....and im talking to tako
xiao says:
if you wanna quit talking just block me!!
Xeno Kodi says:
i dont mind talking to you when you have something worth while to talk about
xiao says:
well, according to you I dont
xiao says:
oh, and evidently there is no such thing as sub menial....I checked dictionaries, tako and mother...no such thing o.O
xiao says:
menial already means small.....
xiao says:
why put a sub in front of it?
Xeno Kodi says:
to be exagerent
xiao says:
to exagurate things?
xiao says:
erm cody
Xeno Kodi says:
to an extent
xiao says:
menial- –adjective 1. lowly and sometimes degrading: menial work. 
2. servile; submissive: menial attitudes. 
3. pertaining to or suitable for domestic servants; humble: menial furnishings. 
–noun 4. a domestic servant. 
5. a servile person
and unskilled work o.O
Xeno Kodi says:
lol you have suceeded in making me annoyed with you
[blocked]
parro goes "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!*punches air in happyness

alright people...exactly, how sane do you think parro is? make sure to do my new poll first THEN read this...then go ahead and message me with your new answer...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[alright, some notes, I found this scribbled in my diary and thought , oh why not? I am talking to no one in apparent view or anything. I just remember scribbling this down not that long ago staring at carni man...so about a week or two ago]
*gives disgusted look at advertizment* I hate those...whats up with me and using "z" today...hmm...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z

zeal

zero

zing

zone...

those are the only words I can think of that start with "z" at 1:39 am...sorry people...zzzzzzz

Im inlove but he doesnt love me back ^^ isnt that lovely? well...he never said he doesnt love me back, he just has a girlfriend...one of the guys that lucifur tried setting me up with...he has a girlfriend....a prep might I add...a very...very....very kinky one...I hate kinky people...they bother me...why cant they at least pick a cool word other than "kinky"?....what about nympho? thats cool sounding...and strange...and people around the world would understand that....I hate the make-up she wears too....why add more pink to yourself when you are constantly blushing?...or smothered in your boyfriend...or plural...who knows....and why preen yourself before some rough activity? its just going to get messed up anyways...I hate her...wait...no..........LOATHE her....she wouldnt even know what that word means...her name is stupid too....I hate her...*evil giggle* but yet she gives me the pleasure of thoughts that make me happy! how ironic in a sense....I need to get a life...or a boyfriend...or BOTH ha...haha....I am just not in a happy happy mood...I feel nothingness in this little brain of mine...*wonders if I could eat my hand witha fork* nah, that would hurt...and yes I am recording every little thought thats going through my head right now ^^ and I have to type really really fast too...tea...I need tea....but I cant go get my tea...that involes passing by mother...and Ill pass on that one...i wish school would start soon...I miss school....I miss my friends, and sadly I miss homework...perhaps if I could just...lets go over here in this side of the room *stares out window aimlessly* arg....I need to do something...not writing though, Im still creeped out that I killed off my favorite character...I cried for days without end...maybe thats why my hearts numb to reality is because I created my own? no that cant be, Im well aware of reality...it hurts and stings...most often kills off the weak also...there is absolutly no point to my breathing...but yet I do it...I wonder what its like to be lung shot...I know its a long and painful death, the blood slooooooowly drips into your lungs suffocating you...no one really knows what its like to be shot in the head, you must feel a little pain at least...I know what its like to suffocate...I oddly got a satisfaction from it...in the river...perhaps thats how I died in my past life? Im pretty sure it was a sword fight though....I am a very angry little spirit, arent I...whats wrong with me? I dont think like the rest of the world...Im different....why cant I die? I wont die...but suicide is not the answer...thats a bad idea....do ideas have a weight? I know they cant die easily...perhaps when theres a ghost, its not the person youre feeling but the idea growing cold from lack of thought! that must be it.....that makes sense to me at least...love doesnt make sense....whats so intreging about that? what is love...there must be an explanation for it...I dont care what people say that its just a human emotion...what triggers it? certain things trigger certain emotions....my love emotion is broken...I can find no connection between these men at all...their moods actions, even bodies are completely different...a body is just a cage to lock us up and beat upon...whats the use though? most wounds heal up eventually...and hatred is a waste of "emotion"....it must be a energy source of some kind...can I love? or is it just kind of affection...yes, just a different level of affection...why waste that though....its pitiful...perhaps Im partly a sociopath...I feel like Im imitating emotions, nothing more and nothing less....or am I more controled than the others...I tend to think of people as meer expirements...are we not? for one purpose or another, we study each other and there must be larger creatures controlling our life style...we toy with each others emotions, mess with each others bodies and lives...we fear a larger thing when we should fear ourselves....we rip each other apart by gender, race, our interests, our clothes, even down to our origions...we cant help what others did in the past, but yet we dont learn....people mock me for being a creature of habit, but they dont look at themselves....we influence each other to wear strange clothings and become all the same, and yet those that do follow their own brains are outcasts in most cases...and what about the languages?...same characters for several different languages just different spelling...I dispise this world....and yet I love it for all of its flaws....do i enjoy feeling hate? perhaps...or perhaps I am more sane than you all....

arg this is why no one ever lets me get depressed...I do strange and irrational things to my characters o.o this time its irreversable...

for those who care to find out...look below

Shooting at his own pace, twirling back and forth, he shot demon after demon all to protect her. Blinded by his passion he failed to see her, standing atop of the cliff. The glint of something caught Falconys eyes she turned slowly, leaving her guard up. Unlike the others, she could see what it was. Everything slowed down, Falconys hair twirling slowly as she looked in Michi's direction. Her voice drowned out by the others, Michi turned to see what she was looking at. His eyes grew wide, then shut, shiny little liquid orbs floating in the air intertwining with red. The woman only stood staring afterwards, slowly turning on her heels. Everything speeded up as Michi hit the ground, coughing up blood. Falcony was beside him in an instant and his dying eyes gave a kind look, "So...you do have a heart then?" She gave a dissapproving look and told him to lay still. He ignored this and reached up into his collar. "Give this to lady Xiao, I will miss you all so very...ver-" he coughed up more blood, and Falcony let go of a tear. Her voice was hoarse,"No, you can give it to her yourself, please just...stay with us!"
   Michi shook his head, "It is of no use fair lady. I'm lung shot, you out of everyone should know that no one can save me now, not here." Her eyes grew fierce, and she picked him up into a cradle. He only laughed, as much as he could at least. "Shouldn't it be the other way around? Leave me, all I have ever wanted was a warriors death, and I am sure these demons will not have you escaping them so easily this time. take my guns and give this and them to Xiao." With these words his head slowly tilted back, his lovely eyes so lifeless now. Falcony laid him down easy on the ground, closing his eyes. Undoing his grasp proved hard because of his gloves, prying a tiny silver locket out of his hands. Grasping what she could, she swung her wings around, knocking the remaining enemies down. She left the battle field for that time being.

When she reached the mansion, Xiao ran out to greet everyone. "I made tuna muffins!" She looked cheerfully around, dissappointed by everyones somber faces. "Fine then, at least Sir Mich will like them, where is he anyways?" She stood on her toes looking for him. Falcony reached behind her back and pulled out the guns. " I am so sorry Xiao." Falcony didn't know what to expect from her, she had taken other deaths fair, but this was different. She reached out for them with a shaking hand, feeling their curves. "uh...oh...he isn't coming back this time is he.." The other people had left expecting Xiao to burst out in fury, Falcony was the only one that remained. Xiao collapsed to the ground trembling, Falcony just sat beside her and laid Xiaos head on her chest. "Worry not child, he looks upon you with a smiling face from the heavens. I am sure he will be your guardian angel now." With these words she slipped the locket around the childs neck and petted her head, comforting her in the only way she knew how.

alright!!!!an announcment to all those who actually read my stories...Im going to make it into a complete mookish thing on here, but be warned there may be areas where you cant read yet because of little breaks and that would be a spoiler...especially this new chapter I wrote. I can tell you someone very cool and loved dies now.
be sure to visit!!!
Tamaria's story land! <- note thats another one of my nicknames o.O yep...nickname

*sighs* TO EVERYONE!!!!I wont be on for quite a few, an expirement to see if electronics make my headaches worse or better...this includes my music T.T but happily for me, I may actually be able to meet carni man!!!Im having my friend get a picture of him. there were only two carni workers with blonde hair at the fair, so 50/50 chance!!!*crosses fingers* at the least I get a new picture of him in a normal enviroment yay!!! hes a technically the brother of my friends friend. there arent very good stories of him, but I havent heard anything about him raping or doing drugs, just stealing...see you all soon!!!!

yet ANOTHER diary entry for today ^^ I had to run around my house like twenty BILLION times just to find a tiny cord. this didnt make me angry, I kept thinking of how wesker would be for me finding this tiny cord o.o you know you have issues when, in my head at least, you apply for at least 5 of these things...I apply for ALL!!!!!
1] you argue with a good friend and make fun of him for betraying you for pure entertainment...
2] you keep this betraying friend as a friend o.o
3] you obsess over someone you barely even know because he looks cool
4] you continuesly draw for 15 hours straight...and all the pictures are all practically the same person or object
5]the best thing you can come up with for entertainment when you have a bunch of other things is to twirl your pencil on your finger
6] you search and search for this non-exsistant person on myspace
7]once you find this person, you dont care
8] you type more than 5 diary entries a day
9] lick people often, but not sexually
10] ^^" mix up the words for drugs and have no clue what any of them are...
11] and you come up with this strange list of your events of the day and call it an issue list

not even codys little arguement can distract me from my daydreams o.o this disturbs me a little, but something so good in my mind cannot be that bad!!!AHAHAH!!!(codys arguemtn is below here this diary entry) lets keep your minds innocent for the time being though, and say that all is well in xiao xiao land...my animals are well...except the buck who is trying to rape the same gender o.o thats erm interesting. I kept wandering away in my little daydreams, which were incredibly perverted about anything from my husbands to carni man, or the normal sad ones that scare me but I LOVE THEM!!!haha I randomly started crying during dinner time from one of them , ironically right when my mother sneezed...amazing, she was very confused. I keep sleeping, partially because I want to dream more or Im really really tired. the weirdest one I keep having is the one where its either zhou yu or carni man with me and we are just a music box figurine, the ones that twirl with the song you know? then someone shuts the box and blood trickles out of the cracks in the box o.o but yes I get satisfaction out of these because I know my mind is still working...kinda...then theres the dancing one I wrote about earlier...then the strange flower one, where its just a bunch of flowers being ripped apart and thrown anywhere and everywhere...mainly onto a blood puddle...then theres the dramatic violin being played by blood soaked fingers over a mutilated body...my body...but the violins being played by me...

[for those who want to see exactly how stupid cody is, lets see our argument!]

xiao says:
.< arg why do you have me unblocked?
Xeno Kodi says:
why should I you are the one who should
xiao says:
my computer glitches and wont let me...
xiao says:
and it makes me think that you have something to say when you do unblock me
Xeno Kodi says:
well im sorry, well i dont
xiao says:
then block me if you dispise me so
Xeno Kodi says:
i dont despise you. we are on oposite sides of the field
xiao says:
Im still angered at you though
xiao says:
enough to reply to your silly elftown messages
Xeno Kodi says:
i realize that. do what you wish, either way i keep living
xiao says:
...perhaps....perhaps not
Xeno Kodi says:
hehe, whatcha gunna do huh?
xiao says:
Im stroner than you, and I own a gun
xiao says:
*stronger
Xeno Kodi says:
i could care less
xiao says:
then why did you ask?
xiao says:
thankfully , fo me, I have something to obsess over so I wont waste my time on you. if you really feel like it, come up with a good explanation to explain everything and then we shall see how things go, otherwise Ill leave this unblocked so you can make pointless statements or explanations or ask strange questions
Xeno Kodi says:
how bout you just dont talk to me? sound good?
xiao says:
erm, thats what I just said Id do idiot, Im going back to obsessing over my little drawings
Xeno Kodi says:
w/e
xiao says:
*sticks tongue out at you and walks away*
xiao says:
oh and for your information, you have a better chance at explaining things to lucifur and keeping him on your side, Ive angered him already
Xeno Kodi says:
when you say your not going ot talk to me, why do you do just the oposite?
xiao says:
doing you and lucifr a favor
xiao says:
and trying to get you annoyed at me so youll block me
xiao says:
you know you want to...go on...block me
Xeno Kodi says:
lol your a fool
xiao says:
lol am I? youre the one that just miss used "your"
xiao says:
why not just give up, say youre sorry and why or just block me?
Xeno Kodi says:
im not sorry for changing
xiao says:
I was never angry at you for changing *giggles*
xiao says:
just block me

69 Questions to End the Summer

1. Do you like someone?[tehe, perhaps...]
2. Do you hate more then 3 people?[^^ nope]
3. How many houses have you lived in?[2]
4. What is your favorite candy bar?[ewwwww]
5. what are your favorite pair of shoes?[my dead leather skate shoes with evil kitty shoelaces]
6. Have you ever tripped someone?[oops]
7. What's your favorite color?[purple or deep shade of pink]
8. What was your favorite summer trip this year?[spokane]
9. Do you own a Britney Spears CD?[dear god NO]
10. Have you ever thrown up in public?[yeppers]
11. Name someone that's ALWAYS on your mind.[CARNI MAN!!!!!]
12. What is your favorite music genre?[I like everything...including techno!!!!]
13. What is your sign?[sagitarius]
14. What time were you born?[no idea]
15. Do you like beer?[EWWWWWW]
16. Have you ever made a prank call?[haha with aubrey once...that was really funny]
17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?[PINK!!!!]
18. Are you sarcastic?[Sometimes]
19. What exactly are you doing right now?[listening to music, drawing and this thingy de bob]

20. How many watches do you own?
theyre all broken

21. Summer or Winter?
Winter

22. Spring or fall?
spring

23. What is your favorite color to wear?
purple and pink and black!!!!

24. wtf?
^^ yay

25. What color is your cell phone?
black and silver!!!

26. Where's your second home?
dont have one really

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
cody

28. Have you ever had a cavity?
yeppers

29. How many lamps are in your bedroom?
2!!!

30. How many video games do you own?
quite a few

31. First Pet you owned?
dog, sam

32. Have you ever had braces?
I do right now!

33. do looks matter?
in the outside world...I guess people cant really change their bodies...unless youre fat or anorexic

34. Do you use Chapstick?
yeppers

36. American Eagle or Abercrombie?
american eagle

37. Are you too forgiving?
yep

38. How many children do you want?
I dont think they would survive me...

39. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
lots!!!

40. What is your favorite breakfast?
thats nonexistant in my world

41. Do you own a gun?
yes

42. What was the last thing you ate?
no idea

43. When was the last time you cried?
....that my little secret

44. What did you do 2 nights ago?
talked to carni man and bought him a pepsi, andrea and amanda spent the night

45. When was the last time you went to Olive Garden?
once upon a time when I was brainless

46. Have you ever called your teacher mom?
^^ eheh...yeah...and he was a male

48. What are your nicknames?
parro, parrokeet, lazarua, short stuff, xiao, xiao xiao, kitty litter box <- god I miss that for some reason

49. do you know anyone named BERTHA?
...No, I wish I did

50. Have you ever been to Kentucky?
nopers ^^

51. Do you own something from Banana Republic?
...whats that?

52. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
^^ yes and I dont even know the guy that well

53. Have you ever called someone Boo?
erm...no?

54. Do you smoke?
no

55. Do you own a diamond ring?
^^ yep yep

56. Are you happy with your life?
Not in the least bit

57. Do you dye your hair?
sometimes, purple, soon possibly pink

58. Does anyone like you?
*shrugs* thats up to the rest of the world to deside

59. Who are your best friends?
tako, ayla carni man

60. What were you doing May of 1994?
probably trying to kill the car again...

61. Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
nope thank god

62. McDonald's or Wendy's?
.< wendys if anything

63. Do you like yourself?
Nope

64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
Mother

65. Favorite feature(s) of the opposite sex?
porportion, feathery hair, and LONG LEGS!!!!AHAHAH!!!!!

66. Are you afraid of the dark?
sometimes

67. Have you ever eaten paste?
erm, no

68. Do you have a webcam?
nope

69. Have you ever stripped?
nope

well, fair week is done and over with, thank god. it was chaotic and I hate it, this was my last year in our 4-h group, Im sick and tired of being pushed around by the adults when its a child activity. I will misss the children in that group, they were really fun to work with, but Im sure Ill still see them if I get that job I wanted next year. I was and still am considering becoming a carni, I as usual dont give a damn of what people think of me, so if they think I do drugs, then boo whoo them. theyre wrong on all levels, even my best friends in the group think I do drugs now because of my migranes. I may be an artist but you DO NOT need to do drugs to be creative, stupid humans. anywhoo, everyone knows that when Im stressed out I find something to obsess over, normally a male, and I found one...the carni man, hes amazing. His body is perfectly porportinate and everything. He does chew tobacco, but thats the other amazing thing, his breathe smells minty and good, and his throat and voice are so smoothe *falls over*. but this made lucifur irrateted considering he was trying to set me up on a date again, he actually picked good people but as usual I hate being taken. I enjoy savoring my little crushes and obsessions, I wouldnt mind going on a date but eh. ^ ^ both ended up being taken anyways so it didnt matter at all! horray for me! this made me a little depressed at how stupid my mind is and everything, but its also for the guys sakes that I dont drive them insane. Im a long term dating girl, I hate those people who only date for enjoyment of being able to say they have a girlfriend or just for sex.I dont mind the thing about sex, that doesnt bother me, but isnt it supposed to be an action of love? and no this doesnt mean Im not a virgin, I am a virgin. Of course this mind setting eliminates a lot of guys, but I dont care. No one has ever actually understood why I like the guys I do, body wise. They never considered that perhaps if they think from an artists view? Lets take Carni Man, his body is perfectly porportionate, from head to shoulders to hips to knees to feet! and his arms arent a crazy width or length at all either, nor his legs! I love it when men have long legs...its a also a strange turn on in my mind when they strap like a gun holster or a walkie talkie to their thiegh. Like Loz or Wesker, I love it, or when men wear slightly tight but not to the point of seeing the curves of their legs. Carni man has good pants, cody doesnt, nor does scott and his overly baggy pant. Loz can pull off tight pants because hes wearing a long overcoat, overcoats rule. Back to making sense though, I visited the polar express area frequently, sometimes looking for children and occasionally sitting by the duck pond to draw. The duck pond guy ruled and gave me his lemonade near five in the afternoon. Its like the carni's understood what was wrong in my life and had sympothy, I felt loved there and with true friends. This is kinda what started my idea of working in this job, but I guess it would be the ultimate friend test to see who stays your friend and who leaves you. Everyone showed up on wednsday and that was chaotic, I did miss out on a date that lucifur was unaware of. He hates this guy, so I couldnt. I was accused of liking guys that I consider to be like a brother, and ironically these were all guys that I admire too. Well, what else happened. I cant think of anything else other than on the last day that Nick dissappeared, his brother sat in the sheep barn very tired, and the little kid Jake was doing an excellent job duck tapping the FFA booth. They will have one hell of a time undoing that job. Once again I will miss 4-H but Im moving onto FFA, I will be with fellow school students and scared half to death but I wont care. or they'll be scared to death hmm....anyways!!! I dreamt last night...or day ^^ theyre all mashed together. but I adored the dream and shall cherish it for forever, but fear it. the song "fear" from .hack was playing while I was dancing with, guess who!!! hahaha, Ill draw the outfits soon, but a quick description of it first
His:a long black coat with squared shoulders and buckles all the way down the front. he has long sleeves that droop down too, like lulu's from ffX!
Mine: A long simple-ish black dress

dream:
in little flashes it shows two scenes, one where we're dancing and the view, between the flashes of the other scene travels slowly up. dancing upon a pool of flower petals though o.O
the other flashes shows someone disturbing us in our dance, and shoots my male companion in the chest. another flash of regular dancing. and then, some scream, I quickly move and dodge a bullet, male companion goes to break his neck, success. another flash of dancing disturbed by a bullet shot noise. the male was shot again by nerve reflex in the other guy. sight of little blood drops slowly dropping, I dive to catch him. I just sit there holding his dead and cold body, petting his hair while humming a very creepy little tune. then you could see my hand reaching very slowly towards the gun. I smell it, with my free hand I look directly at where the camera would be and hold up a finger to my mouth as if to say "shhh"and commit suicide with a creepy but happy smile upon my face. the music switches to a music box, slow music box thats dying, like the one I have! but the view slowly travels upwards

priest: welcome my dear friends, to my sweet darling home for once upon a time this is and was wanderland. I hope and pray for you all that you will not become lost in your own mind, then perhaps you could escape this hell land.

alright, lets organize what I just said in the last diary entry...
age: around 30-40, I say hes 30
occupation: works with the polar express as the gate keeper...that sounds creepy
hair colour: strawberry blonde ^^ YAY!!!shaved sides and a braided rat tail in the back...though it was unbraided on the last day was, for some reason or another in my head, fluffy sexy like...
eyes: dark blue, his pupils are large because of thyroid problems...hes a sickly man evidently
cons: chews tobacco, and is a carnival worker( thats bad to the rest of the world)
pros: he can keep really really good smelling breathe and a smooth throat even though he CHEWS!!!!gives me candy and understands my problems...I love his voice, its very smooth and soothes my mind...
tattos: a star-ish thing, and a tiger
wears: his carni man clothings and a really good smelling sweater, necklace with a star and a sword, theyre in dog tag form...SUN GLASSES!!!with them he almost looks exactly like wesker almost
food habits: hates food like me ^^ but drinks pepsi and water

even through fair week is over, my migranes continue...oh well...^^ but the CARNY MAN!!!!!!I absolutely love how he looks...and no this isnt some perverted sense, from a strange artists perspective, his body was amazing to draw then there was his HAIR!!!!HA!!!!!!feathery HAIR!!!!!!this probably makes no sense to those who dont know me personally or were there to see him...I still want his sunglasses...you would all have to see him in person, the best I have is sucky little cell phone piccys, and ironically the only one that turned out good was the one where I was pretending to talk on the phone and turned sideways, he was giving me the strangest look. his voice is very smooth and relaxes me every time I hear it, hes AMAZING!!!lol he drinks pepsi a lot and glares at the others when they walk even near it...the pictures arent showing!!!!!!GAH!!!!!!!

random inspiration moment caused by a fever migrane o.O

demons inside,
come forthe with a rathe
emotions colide
so many a path

fit for only a king,
the cure is pain
let emotions sting
tears, they do stain

my head, hurts so
the devil himself haunts,
making want to let go,
like my life is just a taunt.

body blessed,
pain is a sensation.
my mind just messed,
like a contamination.

[-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-~*~-]

can the sweet sins suffice?
could you take away my misery,
take my feelings no matter how nice.
and complete me with sweet blissary.

this feeling drives me far from sane,
looking into the mirror
my true feelings I can not sistain.
steal me away from this glore.

save me oh sweet heavenly being,
your smile brings me back,
bring me back to my feeling.
the devil has stolen me, I lack.

the mirror presents my appearence not,
all I can see is you, your sweet smile.
I beg of you, please save me, my blood shall clot.
my body is cut in so many places, in a complex style.

I will never understand why,
why did you deny me the first time?
all I did, and could do, was cry
such weeping was no the worst pain, but the crime.

I listened to the chimes, my head hurts so,
but yet you do not help!
I can never stop until this pain shall go.
I hope and pray that this will prove that I am no whelp.

just to look, the colour soothes my mind,
I presented the sacrifice to you each day in hopes.
you do not approve of my selfish ways,no such thing as kind
I will never understand why you hate me for my stoops.

here I lay, my body broken. I can no longer help it,
I must stop these crimes and horific plans,
I give up all my hopes and dreams of you, my heart is lit,
you decieved me, and had me join strange clans.

the devil stole my heart, then played and toyed,
I no longer own my own soul, but I shall create another!
My mind you shall never touch, nor destroy.
these defiances, proved my death though, my breathe you did smother...

IM HOME!!! lol lovely little hom with the fishies....my chick was extremely happy to see me (I mean a chicken for those who have perverted minds and CANT GET IT THROUGH THEIR THICK SKULLS THAT IM STRAIGHT!!!) she would quit climbing on me and talking...but anywhoo...Im home and theres more work to be done house work wise ^^ and friend relationships wise -.o...why cant people tweak with their OWN lives? if youre gonna mess with mine, you could at least give me cookies or e-mail me every now and then ^^ BUT!!!!!![Xiaos-magical-trip-recorings-to-a-land-unknown]shall come soon!!!!

Im off to montana for about 4 days -.o Ill be back thursday, I may be able to get on later during that, but Ill most likely only get to checking my e-mails, all friends of mine go ahead and send me some at lazarua@verizon.net ^^ bye bye for now, Ill try to have a good time

there she lays,
all dressed in black.
she was wed by the bay,
but words she did lack.

her soon to be husband,
had looked upon her with a smile
and there they would stand.
Just to wait a while.

all dressed in white,
looking upon a ring,
like the other, but not quite.
oh, what fate it would bring.

the man down upon one knee,
her small body a-quiver,
her small face full of glee,
oh quite a shiver.

back to the high school days,
her grades fail due to love pure,
her loving parents in dismays,
for love, there is no cure.

I love my music boxes....my favorite one is dying though *so sad* I want one like in RE code veronica though, the one where you put in the disc, like a record player but designed like a music box with the little prongs and everthing....those are the coolest...my trip to town was scary though....I suddenly had the urge to draw a half nude person sleeping in her death....then I went to the dentist...they had this stuffty "mustang" with HUMAN teeth...that wasnt the worst though...then there was the fish with "cute" murderous eyes..I went to the "prize" room for sitting still for more than 5 minutes and earned this strange pencil topper that is a blue elephant...with VERY CREEPY EYES...on our way out I finished the drawing and moved onto Sir Michi Vious's casual wear outfit drawing and spotted this very intent old old lady driving her van. she was bent over her steering wheel and going about 25 in a 50 mph zone...every time someone got in front of her she would honk at them, shake her fist, and say very rude words to them...I have to record every trip Im sorry, but strange and interesting things happen when I do