well
just wanna say something...
lifez never been the way it shuld be
noone ever said that life would be fair
i know that when its up to life,life hardly ever gives something which is gonna be taken away at any time just cause you missed the spot that well kinda happened to me but i m still here nw n thats what matters
i m fine
n yet i know that all u need to do is always carry on going the way you know you should thats the only thing helping cause it makes you feel better
the explanation for that is way 2 simple
you just know for yourself that even if you didnt make it you tried to n so you wont be regreting doing something like that
what i am tryin to say is something i m not sure about at all lol :)
i ll just try to move on like nothingz happened dunno if its like that :)
my lifez a mess but i dont care i m healthy n shez around :)))

the last week has been the worse possible n i guess
it just happened for no reason
i just wanna forget all the stuff that happened and not only to me
after all i am not aware of what i m gonna do anymore
everythings just falling apart
perhaps there are ways to help it but noone cares (not even me) there is always something going on or something makin it a lot worse
yea you think that perhaps this is agen billy
n hez talkin n talkin like bla bla bla


PS
POU EISTE RE????????? (chris n tony)

well
i dont really wanna say this but i promised someone that i would if anything like that would happen

so well i just am sayin
that i fainted twice the past 2 days both times at home n in front of a book
wanted also to mention that i have to do something and once again i dont have a clue what that something is....

yea oh well
today it was a national celebration over here...
anyway we didnt have school or anything and my dad came over and i saw him after 4 weeks O.o
the bad part is that he has been injured and well his eye has a pretty bad wound + something is going on with me i just cant stand sitting with open eyes....

OK there we go...
what happend 2day?
The doctor told me that my back will probably not be ok.I have to be careful if i want it to be heald n not to be operated.There is a slight possibility that i will b fine just with time.Yet its just that i cn hardly ever sleep anymore even when i m layin on my bed it hurts n it does so way too much.

I am close to a decision but there are some things that prevent me from taking this decision
1st I m afraid
2nd I m alone
3rd i dont feel ready
4th I miss her :/

i m writing this things here just in case that something happens.....

i cnt fuckin lay back it makes me hurt more n more as if i have a sword there.... :( stupid back

missin her :/

i ll try not 2 say dunno agen...

sleepy tird n may b a lil bit drunk so gdnight.....(or gdmornin i jst had 2 leave)

yea jst wanted u to know that my bro aint ok hez ill hez got that ear thing its called ωτιτιδά or well otitida (dunno in english jst well his ears hurt a lot n it happens when their full of water or sumit)
yea well i m in a hurry atm i hope i ll tell sum details later i m goin in the hospital bt yet i m hopin :)

today has been a rough day n yesterday an even rougher
right nw i jst am sittin over here but considerin what i ve been through well its been a lot
a lot number 1 :Billy hasnt slept this saturday n he went a trip on sunday mornin to participate in a chess tournament at the teenager-team he leads.....
he was dizzy coz he hadnt actually eaten for like 12 hours ....
A lot number 2:tho none of ya knew billy hasnt been home the past days n well he missd his dad homecomin coz by the time he was back (billy) his dad had jst left....
A lot number 3: 2day he went to school tho he was felin sick n like crap but noone seemd to care in the beggin they jst thought it was coz i didnt sleep well or something like that but most of my friends were checkin on me all the time as if i am sick or mad n that was pissinme off n i tried to tell em but none of em wantd 2 listen so now i m over ere i m depressd n i m missin her
A lot number 4:Yesterday i was playin agenist the guy i hate most (frm the chess players its jst the way he exists :P) anyway i won n we won by a score of 5-1 the only person that lost was the teenage girl of the team about who i ve already written on here (yea that story the tough part was that i was supposd to calm her down...)anyway its jst been a lot in thz dayz n now i jst am lost n tird n its jst really weird
i jst wanna sleep in her hands its pissin me off the way it is right nw n well i jst dunno what to do ... i m all tird n everythin n oh well i got a class in a while i guess :/

hmmm let me see
therez stuff going on
its not ok its not ok its not ok but yet its fun (or i m weird :)) missin her.... :/

guess what
i ve jst made a though n i think its really OK
i got an advice for everyone who reads that....
IGNORE billy....(sounds weird but probably is the truth not the truth but well it ll probably help)

guess what
i ve jst made a though n i think its really OK
i got an advice for everyone who reads that....
IGNORE billy....(sounds weird but probably is the truth)

yea i m weird n well deal wif it :P
PS (i got good friends ;))

Harsh entry....



















the reason why i was here till now.... thought you all were worth to know why and that things might change but all that did was made things hard
then after a long of time i cant say i m glad its over n i know i ll hardly have any chances to get online even if i still am here(here=home)
n well i dunno wtf is up with you people you carry on but well what i know is that i m just a guy i cant mean that much to you can i? i m jst billy being myself and you see its hard dealing with all these n missin you all at the same time so I CAN SAY ONE THING FOR SURE-> i m confusd

well as far as i can see this was it i owe some of you an apology and someone out there a lot more you know who you are but i want you to know that this wasnt my choice....

Guess what... i m off
well as i ve always been i guess n i hope i m wrong this time but something happend 2 someone i really care about
its probably my fault but i dont actually know wtf it is
so i dont wanna hurt the rest the same way so i just leave
hope you all dont mind...

had 2 more bad dayz why lifez always been like that????????????????????????????????????


Yea i guess you wanna know
Yesterday i went home n then well i left 5 mins later to go and go to take my extra classes where i met HER again (she also did that yea she also changd that....) anyway she was sad n i didnt know why but i didnt bother (i was thinkin that may b that would make her dislike me) but i was wrong............................
Then she was all depressd n everythin n we didnt even spoke *thought that my day would go on well* but i was called from her sister when i got home n was asked to go to some place to talk(obviously with the sister) yet there was a surprise .... i went there cause i would probably be able to explain her sister and then tell her but i was told to follow her and so did I till we reached some place which seemed like a place of a party... i sat there and noticed that everyone was there except her it felt a little weird cause i didnt knew what we would celebrate then well door bell rings n i m told to go and open (thats what i do) i notice that over there its well its HER n suddenly her face is lighted n shez happy *she hugz me n well kissez me n i dunno even whats up n am too stunned to talk* i notice that the rest say happy birthday and nice plan billy so i understand whats up but from then on i am not given a chance to explain (i havent told that to anyone yet cause well i m the one who should tell her but i dont see a way of doing it :S) so its still weird n yet i dont know why she jst puts up a smily face at the time she seez me and i dont wanna ruin all this cause i know her n i doubt whether she would last (i have been there for her all the times i doubt whether she can deal with them on herself) so i dont know :/ i hope that may b she will like someone or that i will find a reason to break up or something like that (yet i havent told that we are together OMG)

Yea yea things are agen going on like crap....................................................................................................................
2day i started school again n tomorrow i will get my books.... so i got a surprise in the mornin though.... it was a huge one actually
Billy goes to school with his cousin n his best friend.... n while walkin suddenly notices that the same girl that has been there for him has switched school and will be in his class from now and....

Guess what>
lifez kept on being a bitch
the thing bout my foot well yea my foot is crackd...
and well i m here once agen tird n really scared
guess what billy has been playing chess today all day long he was the leader in a 4 member team and the team went well *got second place out of 21 participants :P* n well i was playin as the best player next to me was the second one *livin here 2 n well i dunno i jst have seen HER (yea its her) for a long time.... n i dunno what happend and she was behavin in a weird way.... *well after 4 games we went 2 eat n well she asked me 2 be just us cause she would ask me something ... i said ok but well  it was more like a date i didnt want it to be though :S n well then she thought that we would go out together :/ but well its jst the way life is and i dont know what to do anymore then well while leavin (i was with her n her lil sister in her father's car with her father in...) she askd when we ll date again n i was like O.o n i said i dunno i got a lot of classes *couldnt stand sayin the truth at this time coz well she was there for me i couldnt say it for her the same day that she helpd me that much


*guess what i m startin to think of fillin it up lol its probably coz i write a lot over ere :P*