Hmm...

Really bored. Kinda pissed...But maybe it's because I'm cranky from being so damn tired. I haven't been getting much sleep lately. And the dreams I do have when sleeping have been freaking me out. I dunno.

Elftown been freakishly boring ever since I got Gaia... Gaia is...It's just more interactive. I don't plan on ditching Elftown any time soon, but I probably won't be on it as much.

Right. I'm going home in a few hours to enjoy a Spring Break that's just going to be more of a pain than anything. I'm just looking forward to hanging out with the kids.

I'm getting prepped for AnimeBoston, too... I hope it's going to be really fun. Most of my friends are going, and I might even Cosplay. It's a toss up between Mugen from Samurai Champloo, or Light Yagami from Death Note. Mugen is definitely more difficult to pull off, but it'll be fun. I look more like him anyhow. Besides, I don't even WANT to think about what would happen if fan girls saw me as Light...

Class starts in eleven minutes... I'm so detached, and I don't really want to do anything right now. I feel so damn lonely. Just...constant loneliness. I'm with friends for a good portion of my day, but it's just this feeling of detachment that leaves me so empty. Maybe, I'm what people call "depressed." Clinically.

...

FUCK!

That's seriously pathetic.

In other news, I took a personality quiz. Let's see...

"You inspire others around you with your creative energy and thirst for new experiences. You are exceptionally curious and aren't afraid of learning new things — which is probably because you tend to focus on the potential positive outcome of any experience rather than dwelling on the potential negatives. You are a true explorer in the word. You want to understand and experience it all, and you're especially open to new feelings and ideas. Compared to others who are open, you are unusually imaginative. Only 1.8% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths."

...Well, that's cool. Totally contracts what I've just spent the last few minutes rambling about.

So I guess I'm neutral.

Yay...

-Chad-

Not much to say..

Maybe I'm sick...maybe not...

I saw 'The Pursuit of Happyness today..Crazy stuff. I feel tired...so I might go to bed. Can't help of thinking about certain stuff, so I'll try to keep myself occupied somehow.

Hmm....this song...'Kesenai Tsumi,' is surprisingly deep and saddening...for being upbeat and happy.

The lyrics are kinda depressing, but I do like the song. It's Japanese, and it's one of the ending songs for FullMetal Alchemist.

"With you in my usual sight, I can breath
Even though that's already plenty enough to me

The petty me does nothing but repeat mistakes
How strong a strength do I need to have so that nothing will get hurt?

Without hesitation, I believe in this love and live on
I'll tightly embrace your unbandaged wound

And together we'll keep on walking, because we can't go back
Even now, the inerasable sin deep in my chest hurts, but- Darling

I remember the painfulness of the love I lost back then
I'm a little perplexed by the vivid blueness of this sky

For example, even if I sacrificed something,
I'd only believe in one thing
The color of the bloomed flowers in the instant
when your straightforward eyes reflect

Even if I'm powerless, I'll live on strongly in this destiny
We'll join our hands and our warmths will melt together forever
If so, even if the sins of more things to come will be painful

For example, if as long as I'm with you,
even if we just turn against the waves of the world...

Without hesitation, I believe in this love and live on
I'll tightly embrace your unbandaged wound

Without hesitation, I live in this destiny and live on
If I'm with you, surely we'll be connected forever
And together we'll only look forward,
Even if nothing came to be done
Nevertheless, I'll keep on protecting you with my hands by all means-

Darling"

Aside from a few odd looks at dinner today, nothing really unusual.

-Chad-

Yuube kanashii yume wo mita...

-Chad-

*Sigh*

Okay..

First off..Two links.

http://www.us.playstation.com/Media

And click 'PLAY B3YOND SMARTER' cause it's going to educate your Wii lovin' ass.

Then, go to: http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=191

It's a link to one of the best webcomics out there. And describes my sentiments to all lame ass anime and lame ass anime fans giving anime a bad name...

And it's annoying as hell...

Elf pack kids should just STAY on Elfpack or whatever...and NOT message me, asking if I'm the guy in the middle!

And CHRIST! I'm FUCKING 18! Why the hell are they even bothering me?! Fucking 14-10 year old emo pricks, that I'm seriously debating to tell them go fuck themselves....

ARGHHHH!!

*Sigh*

All I'm saying is....Damn kids....get fucked.

I'm out.

-Chad-

Y'know...irony and hypocrisy just piss me off.

What a concept.

I hate people sometimes...

Eh...

Just...

Okay...So I've been on Elftown for a little while, and I've even seen many pages on Myspace. (I don't EVER intend to have one.)

What the hell is with all these stupid teenage girls that have the SAME pictures in the SAME poses OVER and OVER.

They ALL look the SAME.

...Yeah..You know what pictures I'm talking about.

The really stupid ones of girls holding the camera themselves while looking at the camera in a 'provocative' manner.

What the hell..

Okay. That's not too bad..I understand..conformity. That it's a supposed 'style.'

..Okay, no... I don't.

They all talk of individualism and originality.

Apparently, none of these dumb bitches have looked up the meanings of those two words.

My cousin is guilty of hypocrisy. "I'm original unlike you!"

Lies. I doubt anyone is original anymore...And the fact that they all conform to that wannabe unconformist style...is just super irony.

And another thing...

What's with these ugly girls saying stuff like..

'im hot. im intellegent.'

...Hehehehe...That's a quote.

Yeah...I see the irony. She's ugly AND she spelled intelligent wrong.

...Okay, I have no idea where I was going with this..

...Fuck. Uh...yeah...For all you..dumb bitches out there..

Uh...read a book. Knowledge is power.

Wow..I really wish I thought this out better.

........Eh..I don't care.

Teenagers = stupid.

I am a teenager.

..Hmm.. See the irony of that?

Good.

Okay.

-Chad-

With nothing but a warm, gentle 'I love you...'

The fear subsides, sadness fades, and my yearning for comfort is abated..

You understand and can do what she could never do.

There is no more comparison. Only love.

Only this.

-Chad-

Graduation passed, and that was fun..

I do miss everyone.

In college now. NEIA, stands for the New England Institute of Art.

It's nice..

I'm staying at the dorms of Regis college. An all girls college full of uptight, bitchy, man hating lesbians.

My, I feel welcomed.

But it's okay. I've made my share of friends, and it's actually alot of fun. We're bored to tears half the time, but...it's nice.

I really dunno what I'm gonna do half the time. We're really spontaneous and hilarious as hell...I need to get a camera and take pictures of my friends..

Hmm.

Everyone's at class right now, so I'm practically all alone. I dunno. I am doing work...but it's a bit lonely.

I was so tired today...and it's raining now..so now that I got sleep and rested up, it's all wet..

Well, atleast my classes are done today. I really enjoy them. My English class teacher reminds me of Mr. Parsons back home..

My Freshmen Seminar teacher reminds me of a gnome. He wants to start a revolution..

..Just all these classes. They really could help me get to where I want to go..That kicks so much ass..

I'm happy to be here. I just kinda wish I saw everyone again..

-Chad-

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."

-Kahlil Gibran

Such words...I tried looking for one of his books, but no avail. The selection isn't that great at the library, but I'll keep looking.

Hmmm....The guy knows what he's talking about. I'm in the dimly lit library right now. The Bourne Identity playing in the back. I feel detached...and everything going on feels surreal.

Maybe the island life is turning me into a softie. I dunno. It's simplistic around here. I go home in a few days, but it feels like longer.

I do feel different. It's nice here. It's almost like a taste of college, without doing any schoolwork.

It's a few minutes past nine. I think I'm going to go call Dani....

Sorry for anyone who bothered to read this. I don't have any harrowing tales of adventure out on the island. I do have tales involving spiders, though.

Fuck spiders. I'm out.

-Chad-

Oh...Graduation...

How I long for thee....

Just a few more days...

-Chad-

Yeah...I turned 18.

I'm legal now..

Lottery tickets?

Cigarettes/cigars?

Porn?

I'm good for it!


Bizzatch!

-Chad-

Alright...it's about 11:00, I haven't finished my gov. paper, and I'm tired. I'm beginning to think I'm obsessed about this play. I took a Shakespeare character personality quiz and this is the result.


"You're urbane, a fan of the good things in life, and you love a laugh. You're Benedick, from Much Ado About Nothing. Just don't let your love of a good quip get in the way of your love-life."

Hmm..Yeah, it rocks. My favorite character, other than Hamlet and Iago.

-Chad-

March 14...

/)/)
( . .)
C(")(")

Beware the Ides of March...

-Chad-

Ah, so Valentine's day has passed...and well, I'm looking forward to vacation. Pretty damn bad, actually.

Yeah. I guess I went pretty crazy on Valentine's Day. I think I did enough embarrassing both Dani and myself.

Still. A sucess none the less.

How many people knew of my plan? Many. I needed help in my schemes.

I dubbed it, 'Operation Unicron...pt.4'

...Don't ask why.

I enlisted the help of some...unique individuals.

1. TJ. Timmy is my buddy. He's a member of NHS, and sold me a carnation to give to Dani. Also can set up lights and can get me into the auditorium.

2. Croteau. He's the man. He's my (un)offical chaffeur and right hand man.

3. Benji. He's a buffoon. But I luv him. He was teaching me how to play bass. For a price....rice. But I didn't wanna rhyme.

4. Hutchins. My pal. Sweet guy that knows how to hook up the sound system in the auditorium.

That was my team.

My plan? Well...I always have SOMETHING up my sleeve.

Insert evil laugh.

...Anyhow, I planned the day accordingly.

Phases.

1. Bought Dani a carnation days earlier. Written inside..is 'Goon.' (TJ) (Side note: Dani bought me one from TJ too. It read 'Fool')

2. Got Dani a doofy little kid valentine. 'Hope you have a FANTASTIC Valentines' Day!' With images of the Fantastic Four. Classic. (all me)

3. Stopped by Hannaford early in the morning. I went through out the store...trying to decide. Croteau waited patiently as I scrambled around. Got there 7:15 and left...7:40. I bought her a balloon and a card. I arrived at the checkout with Mr. Gamble ahead of me.

'...Chad...you don't look too sure of yourself there.'

'...I'm REALLY not, Mr. Gamble...'

'..Well, what do you have there?'

'..A balloon.'

'...'

'..And a card.'

'...Ah. Well-'

'I figured it out from every angle. I looked around, and figured that since I've already gotten her flowers, I'm set. Then, I thought about chocolate. I wondered, 'What if she doesn't LIKE chocolate?' I ruled that out. Then figured, hey...everyone loves balloons...and cards! So...voila.'

'...Hmm. I guess it's the thought that counts.'

'...Are you done?'

(Croteau)

4. The icing on the cake. I had Dani paged at the end of the day to go the auditorium. There, I waited anxiously. Lots of close calls right before it happened. This was the most important phase of the day. Auditorium time. (TJ,Hutchins, and Benji)

Hutchins and TJ had gotten me in. Timmy set up the lights and Hutchins installed the sound system. Benji waited behind closed curtains with a bass in hand.

..And there I stood. Waiting on the stage with a mike in my hand..

Dani walked in...

'Chad...do you know why we're here?'

'...I dunno. Wait a minute. Sit down...I gotta tell you something.'

'What?'

'...Just sit down.'

And then I exposed the microphone. And I sang...

'Imagine me and you....I do.

I think about you...day and night..it's only right..

To think about the one you love...and hold her tight...

So...happy...together....'


And I sang while Benji played...

Ok..maybe I messed up, but...overrall...

Valentine's Day was a success!

~Operation Unicron pt.4 Complete.

Hurray! Just thought I'd tell everyone.

...What will I think of next?



-Chad-

There's alot of things...that I wanted to say, or could've said.

I really wanted to say, 'Her diary is sad and empty, just like her.'

But I think...I've wasted more than enough time on a stupid girl that really doesn't mean anything anymore.

I don't even refer to her by her name. Just, a girl. A very stupid, selfish, train wreck of a girl.

I'm okay with that. I'm okay with harboring negative feelings towards her. She's hurt me deeply, multiple times. Lied, betrayed, and had personality changes at the drop of a hat.

All in all, I really don't care anymore. She's just a faded memory. But my hatred still burns very deeply. I think, it's her mark on this world.

Wherever she goes, hate and pain follow.

So brilliantly concealed. Behind mask over mask over mask.

I don't care if it seems harsh.

It is.

But I have a new thing to look forward to now.

A life without her at all.

It's never looked so damn good.

-Chad-

I'll consider this one hell of a great weekend.

Although I have a lack of sleep and feel slightly sick, I think I had one hell of a good time. It was sweet.

Went to Jon's house..Really early on Saturday...Hung out with him and family. It was awesome. We caught up, and watched this GREAT Korean movie. I don't care what anyone says...It was a romantic comedy called 'My Sassy Girl.' And it rocked.

Then, got back home in time to spend New Years with the terrible twosome. Dani and Serene. Oh, the debauchery... Hence the 'conquering' of Dani's bed. Yeah..

But today? Oh wow...I had an awesome New Years. My cousin's birthday is today, and we celebrated. But, at the same time, we celebrated my uncle's engagement. I get a new aunt! She's an awesome lady.

The whole family sat and watched this Thai action film...It was called 'The Honor of the Beast.' Pretty much the same plot as 'Ong Bak' but an elephant instead of a Buddha. It was amazing. Tony Jaa is my hero. Thai action films with him are starting to rival HK films.

Anyhow, I've filled out my applications, just gotta get other forms from Guidance and find out how the hell I did on my SAT's. I got my results, but I can't make heads or tails of it. I'm assuming I did ok. Yeah, I did fine...

Oh well. School tomorrow. Damnit. Everyone gets the day off except us...Lame...

But I'm happy to have such an awesome family.

-Chad-

Yeah...I finally posted a picture.

It's me, the one wearing a Bruce Lee shirt and the yellow track jacket. (Another homage to Bruce)

I dunno, appearances don't really mean much to me. I didn't want to put up a picture, just cause I thought it was goofy and I didn't want to attract weird peoples...

But, Jenny convinced me otherwise. I just don't care anymore. I like the picture. It's a couple months old, the picture, but still good.

My hair is longer now...But I think that's the only thing.

The two other gentlemen in the picture are my brothers.

Jon and Seiha. Jon is my best friend, and I consider him my brother. Seiha is my real brother, and we're pretty damn close.

Jon looks so happy in the picture. He's much happier than before...His smile is bigger and all. I spoke with him on the phone for 4 hours last night. It was good to catch up. I think I might head down for New Years.

And Seiha...He looks like he just doesn't give a damn. But, there is a big difference from before. Underneath that bored expression lies a good heart. He's one of the best people I know.

Together, we're a trio of...Asian guys...Umm..Whoo.

Represent.

-Chad-

Rêve.

Sueño.

Yume.

Traum.

夢.

All of these are the same words for what's been bothering me lately.

Dream.

My dreams lately haven't been what they usually are. I really don't dream. When I go to sleep, it's just darkness.

But lately? It's like...I'm having all these flashes of...weird images...

I dunno. I don't know enough about them to describe them..But..I wake up crying...or scared...Without really knowing why..

I dunno. Some of it worries me. I'm not gonna lie. I just know that these dreams aren't a good indication.

Maybe they're trying to tell me something...

I hope I'm just being paranoid.

-Chad-