NEWWWWWWWWWWW RRRRRROOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok sorry. Just excited. I have been reading the Amelia Atwater-Rhoades series Den Of Shadows again and i'm on the fourth book called Midnight Predator. I'm like super in love with it. I have started an RP based off of it. it is Midnight RP check it out PLEASE!!?? You don't have to have read to the book to understand. You will catch on REALLLYYYY quick. It's not much of a hard concept.

Im sooooooo sorry ive been gone most of the week my dear friends. I'm sorry to say i will also be gone ALL weekend! But i will be on next week(Hopefully) i have just had so much going on lately. I start my self operated job tonight. I go to a campground in New Jersey and i started a dog walking service(There are so many dogs there, it's scary) and i will be getting paid $5 for each dog i walk. Its SOOOOOO exciting! well my friends....i'm off. Getting ready for my brothers reenlistment service into the Navy....its like his 3rd or 4th time he is reenlisting. Well TOOTALS!

LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLL
Rachel aka TOSHI-CHAN ;)

ok once again guys...i am heading to the shore for the weekend.(Get used to it...it happens EVERRRYYYYY weekend). So i will not be on AT ALL until Sunday night. And than Monday I am going to visit my ex an hour or so away. He is having MAJOR problems and as he says...im the only one who can help him. *sigh* of course i have to help a man i love with his love problems. He hates that he does this to me but he needs someone and i offer my help. i cant help it. i want him to be happy. but anyways...back to the point. Ill be gone from 2:00 today(EST) till late sunday. I'll be on at night but i hope to get some sleep sunday night so im ready for my UBER long train ride monday. I'll be leaving early on monday so i can get there early and spend longer with him.
Wish my luck guys....maybe now i can finally be with the man ive loved for so long. :/
Don't miss me too much!
^.^

I got bored and I stole this from [~Crimson Angel~].

1. If you had a cat, what would you name it? If you already have a cat, what is its name?
I already have 1 cat. His name is Raven but every else calls him Teddy.

2. Are you easily controlled or influenced by those around you?
Not really easily but if i am around them enough mostly i will act like them.

3. Do you have a cell phone?
yep indeed i do....an Iphone....(Stupid piece of shit....)

4. Have you ever hand-written a letter to someone other than Santa Claus?
Yes, several times. And i don't remember a time writting to Santa. LMAO

5. Have you ever drawn a picture of a tree?
Yep! Used to be my fave thing to draw....until I found out what anime was. ^.^

6. Have you ever visited a foreign country?
HA! I do wish tho!

7. Is there someone very dear to your heart?
Many people. Far too many to name.

8. What is your favorite sound?
Nature....and my cats meow.

9. What is your favorite hair color on other people? On yourself?
I tend to go for brunettes. SOOOOO gorgeous(On men.) and it never really mattered the color on females. and MY fave color on myself is....well...hmmm Black. LMAO

10. Marry, shag, throw off a cliff?
uhhhhh WHAT?!

11. Do you believe in the fair folk of the hills, mountains, and woods? (faeries and elves)
Yea sure why not? :P

12. Have you ever kept a real diary, on paper and everything?
Still have one. ^.^ it helps!

13. Can you draw?
I'd liek to think so. Lmao

14. What is your star sign?
CANCERRRR well a mix of Cancer and Gemini. (Born on the division day)

15. What's your favorite foreign language to hear spoken?
Japanese, German, and Korean.

16. What is the strangest thing you have ever put in your mouth?
Not really sure.....

17. Do you act your age?
sometimes.....i can act immature sometimes tho. all out of fun.

18. This is a timeless classic. What's your favorite color? Why?
LIME GREEN! And idk why.....its just pretty and obnoxious.....LIKE ME! *Squee*

19. Do you wear belts as accessories, or to hold your pants up?
BOTTHHHHH. Belts can look AMAZING while doing their purpose. And sometimes ill wear a belt just cause it looks awesome with the outfit.

20. Would you want your dresses to have pockets?
Not really. That would just be awkward. And, trust me when i say, very hard to make.

21. Does your stuff actually fit in your purse? (Guys, feel free to answer sarcastically)
yep! I have a HUGGGGEEEE purse. It's not even techincally a purse.

22. Ti tallb orch!
What the fuck?!

23. Favorite musical artist?
Hmmmmmm Good Charlotte, Gackt, and SLIPKNOT!

24. Can you rollerskate?
YESSS!!!!!

25. This is the last question. Do you generally attire yourself in the fashion of the masses, or do you create your own style?
eh....i used to flow on my own but lately i kinda fell back and am slowly starting to like....fit in...but everynow and than i stray quite a ways off course.

OrHSHC RP
Please join it! it is based off of an AMAZING anime and manga called Ouran High School Host Club. If you never saw it....you should watch it!

http://z3.invisionfree.com/Requiem_of_Soul

Listen a GREAT friend of nearly EVERYONE on this site created this. I would like EVERYONE to take a look and join it....NOW! *cute little kitten eyes* please? *begs*

Ok so im totally getting my hair done soon. Im debating on what to do with it. Im either guna do the two tone colors(Black on top, blonde on bottom), ny normal style(fire red peekaboo highlights and red streaks in my bangs), or just dye it all blonde. What's your opinion? PLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE help me out here. How would you like to see my hair?

ADOPT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S to Z Pets

I am a cute little kitten. Ya no u wana!

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY NEW POLL WIKI! WHO'S BETTER? IF YOU HAVE A PASSION FOR ONE CHARACTER HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD AND PUT YOUR VOTES IN! CHECK IT OUT.

Whoever wishes to start a Roleplay with me send in ideas. I want it to be HUGE! I want it to be a BIG DEAL! haha send in the ideas and i'll tell ya what I think. ^.^

A follow up from a few diaries back. Back ALLLLLLL the way from February.

I met the man named Bill Fry. I had LOADS of fun with him. Life was perfect. And than.....he left. He had to go to basic training for the Air Force all the way down in Texas....please note i live in pennsylvania. He left April 27th. He started training on the 28th. His basic is 2 months long. Well seeing as though today is the 11th of June, it means he left a month and a half ago. He called me last weekend. It was a TOTAL suprise. I figured that when he left for the Air Force he would drop me entirely. It was a painful thought seeing as though I love him madly. Well he called. It was a strange number. I was with a friend i havnt seen in a whole year and i talked about him to her ironically a few hours earlier. I answered the second time he called. My moto with unknown numbers is that if they dont leave a message or call again...than it aint important. With the second call i answered. He spoke only one word that got my heart to throb irratically. Yea the word is silly but it means alot. "Punk." hahahaha its what the first word he texted me when he got my number. He said it to me all the time. Its his favorite word of course. I wanted to cry. He had a 2 minute calling card for the good work they had done the week before. It was like magic. he used a 2 minute calling card on ME! A girl he only knew for 2 months before he left. A girl that was more of a neicense(sp?) than anything since i spent every night and most of my days in his bedroom/apartment with him and his mom and his little brother. I would have thought he would be happy to get rid of me....NO! He CALLED me. He made a promise the write me. He also made a promise to call me again. I realized that I love him more than anything EVER and it's possible that he loves me.
He graduates from basic on the 26th of June. Thats 4 days after I turn 19 so we wont have to hide our relationship any longer. See...he's going to be 24 this year. Being 18 and being with him when he is 23 sounds....bad. But im 19....im old enough to know responsibilities. I have had a chance to be considered an adult and to know sort of what life is about.

Im excited for him to graduated...the only problem is...i wont see him than. He will be going to mississippi for Tech School so he can follow his profession in the Air Force. I think he will be there for 6 months. At least then he will have a cell phone and a laptop and all that so i can stay in contact with him...and when i get the money...I'll fly down to see him. Life is nearly set for me. For the first time....I'm happy.

^.^

Ok so i realized that New Years is past but I'm going to tell this anyways. I need to vent on my 2008. I honostly dont care what u think of me after this because I'm am proud and sad of what has happened but honostly...u cant change the past.

I was a senior in high school n i was 17. It was the middle of the year.
My best friend was Maria Sine and she was dating my other best friend Kevin Labus who claimed to love me a year before. What irony.

I went through men like they were nothing and I had fun with them.
I had a crush on a different guy every month.
The only guys i remember distinctly dating was Aubrey who was in my Biotechnology class for 3 years and i loved from the day i met him. Well that relationship lasted only 2 months. I went to prom with him as well and we broke up just before the end of the year.
I dont really recall many other boyfriends other than him because well none of the others really mattered in 2008 during high school. i messed around with ALOT of men though and of that I am ashamed.

Well school ended and summer had begun. I smoked alot of ciggerates before i even turned 18. I went on senior week with my friend Thanh. He was the most boring senior week partner altho i bet he complained about me too. I was such a good girl than. I hated alcohol(and still do) and I thought pot was DISGUSTING altho i dated guite a lot of pot heads. The only thing Thanh n I did together was went jet skiiing. THAT WAS AMAZING! What a rush. I met a bunch of guys staying in the same hotel as me and well....i kinda slept with one. Just to make my senior week memorable other than having men stare at me as i sat on the beach sun bathing and watching other seniors play lacross in the sand. I was even offered to play with them merely cuz i was hot....typical men.

It was while i was in Jersey at the campground me and my family spend time in for vacation after i got back from senior week that i saw this very cute guy. I was determined to meet him. I searched the whole campground for him or his trailer. Well at around 10:00 i finally found him and his buddies in a trailer playing cards. I didn't want to just knock for them since i didn't no them altho the one i liked seemed to have noticed me eariler that day so my genious idea was to grab my cousin and we went for a walk past his trailer and started laughing hysterically over nothing. They noticed but didnt come to us. And then.....a dog barked and my cousin screamed. That got their attention because they all ran out asking if we were ok. Well thankfully they invited us in. My cousin didnt come so i went in alone...a little scared until i notice one of the guys was a friend that my brothers grew up with. Well i spent until 2:00am with Gil(The guy i thought was cute) and the others(Brian and Tom). The next night we went to the boardwalk and we got back at around 11:00pm. Well it was an hour before i turned 18 so i wanted to celebrate....this is where things got out of hand and i regret my official turning 18..... lets just say me n Gil were alone on a picnic table.....:\

MOVING ON!

I turned 18 and smoked more ciggerates but tried to hide it from my family. at least most of them. I was starting to get excited for college too altho i had alot of preparing to do. I finally had gotten my state ID so i can buy my own ciggs instead of bumming from friends and mainly my brother n his gf. My summer went by.

I went to Kanobles for vacation which is a campground and an amusement park. It was entertaining there. I had to watch my cousin's neighbors while we were there since they came along too with my cousin. They were young. One was 10 n the other 13. We went to the park in the campground where a bunch of kids were playing man hunt. the two wanted to play so i said fine. with them in they were one man short so i played. Of course everyone was under 16 so I was the oldest and stuck with them. I played and fooled EVERYONE. After most people left we were down to only a few people. It started out as a small group in a way. We all played truth or dare. I was more of just a supervisor but they forced me to have to play so i said fine. well the one little boy named Jeffrey who OBVIOUSLY liked me was asked truth or dare. He said truth and asked if he liked anyone in the group. There was quite a few chicks but he smiled...glanced at me...than said yes. Well might I add that Jeffrey was only 12. I screamed like typical was stepped away till i was dragged back. Than later he was dared to kiss me. I ran away until everyone chased after me...pinned me to the ground and he kiss me on the cheek. EWWWWW. *sigh* than later after almost everyone left we moved to play more truth or dare. Jeffrey was dared to kiss me ON THE LIPS! I had nowhere to run to and they pinned me down again. He kissed me and then tried using his toung untill i pushed him off of me and he hit his head on the picnic table n then fell through between the seat and the table. MY OH MY HELLARIOUS! I felt like throwing up tho cuz of his disgusting attempt. Well my cousins neighbors became friends with him n his friend so they were insepratable the whole few days we were there. i was STUCK with them! What a disaster that was. He ended up getting my number somehow n wouldn't leave me alone. This all happened in June or July...sumin like that. It was up until just about a month ago that he finally got the hint that i hated his guts and he needed to leave me alone. I think i cursed him out enough.....it took him awhile to realize i was cursing him out cuz i wanted him to go away...i thought i made it blunt enough."GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU LITTLE FUCKING ANNOYING BRAT!" hmm i thought that is pretty obvious...apparently not. lmao

Anyways.

About a week later my great uncle died. I picked smoking up even more at this point. N i still kept in touch with Gil. He helped me through my depression when my great uncle died. Weeks later we moved into my great uncle's house. I started helping out at the day care my cousin works at n i had SOOO much fun! I love kids...i do.

I started to lose my men when i moved because I knew nobody around other than ALL of my family. A few people came and visited and i had my fair share of fun.

Soon enough i was heading off to college. I was excited. I was moving into the dorms and hoped that my life would be perfect. Well it started out great. I started doing bad things though once i met Pat. He was a great guy but a TOTAL pot head. We started dating two days after we met and the relationship lasted 6 days(dont ask why i remembered that) and a few days after we broke up i met Alex.

Alex's real name was Oleksiy Merkulov. He was born in Ukraine and moved to the USA when he was about 7. His hair was a long curly blonde and his eyes a bright blue. I met him through his roommate Carson who i started talking to just so i COULD meet Alex. The college is small enough to notice people and who their roommates are if they live in the dorms. Well my plan worked. And soon enough we were all going to the pool hall near the school. It was so much fun there. The one day i got really tired and rested my head on his shoulder since he was the only one sitting next to me. Well cute and kind as he was he put his arm around me shoulder to help me get more comfortable. It was adorable. After that he clung to me. We went outside and layed on his car and just talked and cuddled. Than when we got back to the school we walked to a hidden area that the guards of the school couldn't see. It was Alex, Me, Dominique, Sabria, Carson, n CJ. Well oddly we were all in pairs of who we prefered. Me n Alex, Carson n Dom, Sabria n CJ. Bria n CJ we cuddling as was Alex n I but Dom n Carson just talked.

Later we played truth or dare and I was dared to kiss Cj, and then dared to grind with Sabria(That was awkward cuz she is tall n im short) n than finally i was dared to kiss Alex. It was what i was hoping for and the kiss was PERFECT! It was only supposed to be a 5 second kiss but everyone knew Alex n I both wanted it so nobody counted and well it lasted about 15 seconds until we noticed. LMAO. two days later we were dating. We knew eachother for only a week before we were dating. He lived all the way in New Jersey and me in lame Pennsylvania so we couldn't be together on weekends when we both went home. Me n him kept talking from the moment we woke up till the second we went to bed. Texting and calling. it was constant and PERFECT! We had sex the first time 3 days after we started dating. And oddly we had sex every three days n then just whenever we wanted but we were truly inseperatable. Word got out QUICK since we were always together. I started really doing things illegal. We went out on smoke routes all the time...nearly every other night. I only did it to be with him because i loved him so much. The first night i tried beer was the night i had a killer tooth ache and needed something to stop it. Alex and Carson thought drinking beer would help so i tasted it. Stupid me..i hadn't ate anything that day and hated the taste of beer(Budweiser). I only had a small sip and than said no. We went out for our normal "walk" and started feeling dissy n REALLY sick. Alex walked me back to my room and i started throwing up in the trash can but had nothing TO throw up so it was all just water which made me even more sick. Alex came in just before midnight to see if i was ok and to say goodnight.

This was the cutest

He cuddled up with me on my bed since i was in and out of sleep. He held on to me close and whispered in my ear.."I love you." it was the first time it was said. He was drunk AND high when he said it but it still sounded amazing. I started spending weekends at his house. Every other weekend actually. It was amazing there and his family was so much fun. It was cute since they kept speaking in Ukranian to talk about how cute or fun i was....at least thats what Alex told me they said. And every now and then he would stay at my house. I went home for the weekend but left Saterday so i could be with him for our one month. We went to the mall and he bought me a "By Guess" jacket that was $90. WOW!

This is where tragidy stuck.

He got high the next night and i didnt want him to. I got angry when he started to ignore me as he was high. We all went out to go to Wendy's but Alex wouldn't even look at me....and we were in a group of 8 people. We all tried to get into my friends little Focus and wow...that was a disaster. Alex tried sitting on my lap and i was still pissed so i punched him in the spine. He didnt even talk to me then....instead so "Yo she just punched me." to everyone else in the car. I got angrier. My roommate was with us and realized i didnt want to be there so she said her n i would just wait till they got back from WaWa for a food run. I was miserable and angry where i kicked a metal picnic bench over. I took the ring Alex had bought for me off and gave it to my roommate and told her to give it to him. I went into my room to calm down a little altho that didn't help. I went into the room where they were now and stood watching CJ and Carson play Madden '08 while drunk and high. I was really paying attention tho. Alex finally noticed me and told me to sit next to him. I said no because i knew he would try n kiss me and it would be pointless if he was high. Meaning wouldn't be there at all. he called me a bitch n I got mad and told him to fuck off than i left the room. I sat sulking in the corner of my room and wouldn't move. The night progressed and i fought with EVERYONE! Dom n I talked over a long fight we had and were semi-ok now. I hated Sabria with a passion now.....

The next day i tried talking to Alex and he avoided me telling me he was going to be late for class. there was 5 minutes left till his class started. Later i tried again and he gave me the same answer and i knew he was doing it intentionally. Dom talked to him in class and he said it was over. My heart sank. I died inside. I wrote a poem about him and it was beautifully written but had me on suicide watch for 2 weeks. Our relationship had lasted a month n 2 days. It went out miserbly and EVERYONE knew about it. Nobody saw me the same anymore. I wouldn't even look at another man again. I avoided friends and hid out in my dorm room all day other than classes. My smile was entirely gone. More drama was started and BAM now Sabria who was once my best friend was now clinging on Alex. They both claimed that nothing was going on. I tried staying around Alex as just a friend but Sabria was always there now. She even spent nights in his room which isn't allowed by the school. They we cuddling on his bed while i was right there in the room. i was sitting on his bed with him and suddenly Sabria and Alex kiss right next to me as if i wasnt there. Dom saw it and flipped out at Bria since they were best friends. I cried over him night after night and Sabria was now fucking my ex who she new i loved. They didnt even date and a month later she was thrown away just like me. She went into depression like i did. I tried moving on to other men but there was nobody. Its been two months now and Dominique is my best friend and i still hate Sabria but avoid drama by still talking to her. My first semester was miserable. Maybe second would be better.

I survived christmas with the family after my grandmother's fiancee of 15 years passed away a week earlier. Days went by and New Years Eve finally my nephew came. We spent the WHOLE day in the hospital with my brother, his gf, and the new baby, Christopher. He lives with us and we see him everyday. ima miss him when i go back to college.

New Years night i was lousy. New Years was always the worst for me because while every couple around me was kissing i stood there staring at the sky wishing for a miracle. I fell asleep right after the ball dropped and hoped the night would be over.

Tomorow i head back to school and I know for a fact I will see Alex there with all of my friends. There will be no way to avoid him but maybe.....my new years wish will come true. Ill never forget Oleksiy Merkulov and the many moments we shared.


Im sorry this was so long. I had a long year and most of it wasn't even told. Well.....BAI MY FRIENDS!
Prepare for more notes of my days at college in second semester.