I'm feeling the weight of a possible breakup to come. I don't want to lose him. I CAN'T lose him. He is the reason I breath my every breath and he is every beat of my heart. He is every cell in my body and every organism not. He is the entire world, the ground I walk on, the water i drink, the food i eat, and the animals i love. He is it all. All I ever see is him and all i ever think is him. all the words that come from my mouth are about him or based off of him. My every day life revolves entirely around him. I wake early in the morning to speak to him and try to pass time when I can't see or talk to him. I actually pay attention in classes so I can get out of there sooner so i can sleep till i see him or somehow occupy myself. I sleep in on weekends till he comes to my side and i stay up late and rise early when he sleeps by my side. I find myself waking often when he is sleeping with me so i can just simply look at his face. I will drop everything for him. I find myself waking from the dead of sleep to hold him and look deep into his eyes until i fall asleep again. I would run a hundred miles just to be able to simply hold his hand. His kisses send me into space and his hugs make me cry not from sadness but from joy. Im glad to have a man like him in my life. a true one of a kind. he thinks of himself as good for nothing and not worth a thing but to me, i feel like an tiny flea compared to him. He is the vast world and i am a tiny microscopic organism fighting to live another night in the wholeness of him. I love my James so entirely that it's painful. I cry at the thought of him walking away and never turning back. I want to die at the thought of him gone. Even when he leaves me alone at night standing on my doorstep watching him and his father drive away, my chest starts to hurt and I want to curl in a ball and die until he is by my side again. I'd hate to compare this true devotional love to something as what seems to be lame as twilight but I really am Bella and he is my Edward. Wholly and entirely he is my life. I would want to spend eternity and infinity with him if I possibly could. But for now, i want to grow old with him, i want to have his children and bare his last name. I want all of it. I wish he wants it too. I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him I love him
I can't seem to say it enough.

Fun weekend i had! too long to tell. i know noone really cares. lmao if ya wana no the details just PM me...im too tired to type it all. I tried it before but facebook likes to be an asshole and when someone messages me i cant type on anything else but that message. So i went to hit backspace for something in my diary and yea...that didn't work. it went to the previous page. UHGGGGGGG got me so mad cuz i was almost done and everyone knows that i type alot when i give an update. shit im typing a lot now. ok....but anyways.....life is good...life is great. im done classes in like 2-3 weeks *Dances around* FINNNAAALLLLYYYYY and than ill have off from any school till next August when ill start back in the Vet Tech program hopefully at the school i want to go to. if not than ill have my fall back in the school i went to before. but yea anyways....enough of this. im tired. its 10 at night. i just finished painting class.....four hours of it. *sigh* but we are almost done. thank god.

cant wait for christmas...i still need the money for all the gifts i want to buy but........oh well...lets see how i pull it off this year.

night all. see ya some other time. teehee

Happy Thanksgiving All

Seeing New Moon today with my awesomeness bf James and possibly my friend Grant. ^.^


I LOVELZ MY JACOB BLACK

IT'S ALMOST DONNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

An Immortal's Quest


Check it out, fan it, invite, PLEASE?

ok so i started making the RP now. I am keeping with what my dream was which is in the post below. If you see interest in it please feel free to join.

An Immortal's Quest

It is still under construction. Give me some time. I will have it all together soon.

ok so last night i had a dream. yes i admit it was a little weird but it was longer than what i will explain.

There were two Gods who were infact brothers. Their names were Damion and Gabriel(Or Nemamiah)._{Side note: I did research on Angelic names and Nemamiah is the Angel of Just Causes which is the best fit for this story but Gabriel is much easier to remember and just as Angelic.}

Damion and Gabriel(Nemamiah) were twins who were always competing against eachother. One day, Damion came up with a game. It was a competition on who could kill the human first. Two small humans came around one day falling part of Damion's game. Gabriel(Nemamiah) at first seemed into it but was really holding back so he would not kill these innocent mortals. Damion killed the human and became angered with his brother for not truly playing the game. The twins dueled in an epic battle. Gabriel threw Damion to the ground. Damion looked at his twin and said "Why my dear brother, do you hate me so?" in which Gabriel(Nemamiah) replied, "Because, brother, you kill for joy and fun. I vow that from here forward you will be silenced and mortal until a mortal woman admits her love for you." With that said, Gabriel(Nemamiah) waved his hand muting his brother and taking away his immortality.
Damion was now to roam the earth searching for the ONE and only ONE mortal that would confess their love for him. His main task was to do it with no words.

HAVE YOU?¿
1. Smoked a cigarette: yes
2. Smoked a cigar: yes
3. Snorted coke: no
4. Smoked Weed: yes
5. Been high: yes
6. Had sex: yes
7. Said "I hope you die" to someone: yes
8. Tried to kill someone: no
9. Tried to kill yourself: yes
10. Got in a fist fight: yes
11. Lied to your parents: yes
12. Given someone a bruise: yes
13. Ditched someone: yes
14. Freak danced: yes
15. Stole something: yes
16. Cut yourself: yes
17. Skipped school: yes
18. Hung up on someone: yes
19. Threw up at school: yes
20. Done someone elses make-up: yes
21. Kissed someone of the same sex: yes
22. Had a burping contest: yes
23. Snuck out: yes
24. Been to a school dance: yes
25. Thought your teacher was hot: yes



WOW! THATS SAD! :(

Went and saw KISS last night. Entirely FREE! I got a call around 6 from my brother's navy buddy who i talk to who invited me to KISS and i said yea...and than he invited my bf which is good cuz i wouldn't go without him. So i found out the concert started at 7:30 and it was 6:15. Yea....me...a women....i run around frantic like a chicken with it's head cut off. ha. Well James and I finally get picked up at around 6:30/6:45 and we go to his house so he can get changed(What a priss. jk) he was wearing 'nice' clothes and there WOULD be alcohol everywhere soo...yea so finally he is ready at almost 7:00 and we have to drive 20 or so min to the spectrum. We get there and luckily Nick(The guy with the tix) saw us before he went in or else we would have to find Willcall and pick them up. *shrugs* we originally had NOSEBLEED seats....literally at the top. It was terrible. view was good still and all that but i couldn't get into it and i was terrified to stand up. well then....somehow just after BUCKCHERRY my friends friend got free tickets for another area somehow. we figured anything was better than what we had. we ended up right against the stage on the right side(if you are facing towords the stage) Gene Simmons ended up sticking his tongue out at me when i did it to him, I got a guitar pick from the drummer(My fave) and the lead singer pointed at me and stared at me....which most people were since i was wearing a VERY low cut shirt that i LITERALLY popped out of. Oh well......in the end...IT WAS AMAZINGGGGGGGGG! ill have a wiki page of the pics from the concert soon. BYE ALL! TIME FOR CLASS......

~Toshi-Chan~
♥Rachel♥

Hey everyone sorry im not on much. Thats what happens when little ol' me gets a bf. well yea....if you couldn't tell by my pics and new pic wiki...im sooooo unbelievable happy with him that im like...never on much. SORRY! i promise that when i finally get the time i will be back on. Ill check in every once and awhile to check messages and maybe post in an RP or two but....sorry i wont be here much. I love you all dearly and i will be back soon.

<3333333
Love
Toshi-chan
aka
♥Rachel♥

NEWWWWWWWWWWW RRRRRROOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok sorry. Just excited. I have been reading the Amelia Atwater-Rhoades series Den Of Shadows again and i'm on the fourth book called Midnight Predator. I'm like super in love with it. I have started an RP based off of it. it is Midnight RP check it out PLEASE!!?? You don't have to have read to the book to understand. You will catch on REALLLYYYY quick. It's not much of a hard concept.

Im sooooooo sorry ive been gone most of the week my dear friends. I'm sorry to say i will also be gone ALL weekend! But i will be on next week(Hopefully) i have just had so much going on lately. I start my self operated job tonight. I go to a campground in New Jersey and i started a dog walking service(There are so many dogs there, it's scary) and i will be getting paid $5 for each dog i walk. Its SOOOOOO exciting! well my friends....i'm off. Getting ready for my brothers reenlistment service into the Navy....its like his 3rd or 4th time he is reenlisting. Well TOOTALS!

LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLL
Rachel aka TOSHI-CHAN ;)

ok once again guys...i am heading to the shore for the weekend.(Get used to it...it happens EVERRRYYYYY weekend). So i will not be on AT ALL until Sunday night. And than Monday I am going to visit my ex an hour or so away. He is having MAJOR problems and as he says...im the only one who can help him. *sigh* of course i have to help a man i love with his love problems. He hates that he does this to me but he needs someone and i offer my help. i cant help it. i want him to be happy. but anyways...back to the point. Ill be gone from 2:00 today(EST) till late sunday. I'll be on at night but i hope to get some sleep sunday night so im ready for my UBER long train ride monday. I'll be leaving early on monday so i can get there early and spend longer with him.
Wish my luck guys....maybe now i can finally be with the man ive loved for so long. :/
Don't miss me too much!
^.^

I got bored and I stole this from [~Crimson Angel~].

1. If you had a cat, what would you name it? If you already have a cat, what is its name?
I already have 1 cat. His name is Raven but every else calls him Teddy.

2. Are you easily controlled or influenced by those around you?
Not really easily but if i am around them enough mostly i will act like them.

3. Do you have a cell phone?
yep indeed i do....an Iphone....(Stupid piece of shit....)

4. Have you ever hand-written a letter to someone other than Santa Claus?
Yes, several times. And i don't remember a time writting to Santa. LMAO

5. Have you ever drawn a picture of a tree?
Yep! Used to be my fave thing to draw....until I found out what anime was. ^.^

6. Have you ever visited a foreign country?
HA! I do wish tho!

7. Is there someone very dear to your heart?
Many people. Far too many to name.

8. What is your favorite sound?
Nature....and my cats meow.

9. What is your favorite hair color on other people? On yourself?
I tend to go for brunettes. SOOOOO gorgeous(On men.) and it never really mattered the color on females. and MY fave color on myself is....well...hmmm Black. LMAO

10. Marry, shag, throw off a cliff?
uhhhhh WHAT?!

11. Do you believe in the fair folk of the hills, mountains, and woods? (faeries and elves)
Yea sure why not? :P

12. Have you ever kept a real diary, on paper and everything?
Still have one. ^.^ it helps!

13. Can you draw?
I'd liek to think so. Lmao

14. What is your star sign?
CANCERRRR well a mix of Cancer and Gemini. (Born on the division day)

15. What's your favorite foreign language to hear spoken?
Japanese, German, and Korean.

16. What is the strangest thing you have ever put in your mouth?
Not really sure.....

17. Do you act your age?
sometimes.....i can act immature sometimes tho. all out of fun.

18. This is a timeless classic. What's your favorite color? Why?
LIME GREEN! And idk why.....its just pretty and obnoxious.....LIKE ME! *Squee*

19. Do you wear belts as accessories, or to hold your pants up?
BOTTHHHHH. Belts can look AMAZING while doing their purpose. And sometimes ill wear a belt just cause it looks awesome with the outfit.

20. Would you want your dresses to have pockets?
Not really. That would just be awkward. And, trust me when i say, very hard to make.

21. Does your stuff actually fit in your purse? (Guys, feel free to answer sarcastically)
yep! I have a HUGGGGEEEE purse. It's not even techincally a purse.

22. Ti tallb orch!
What the fuck?!

23. Favorite musical artist?
Hmmmmmm Good Charlotte, Gackt, and SLIPKNOT!

24. Can you rollerskate?
YESSS!!!!!

25. This is the last question. Do you generally attire yourself in the fashion of the masses, or do you create your own style?
eh....i used to flow on my own but lately i kinda fell back and am slowly starting to like....fit in...but everynow and than i stray quite a ways off course.

OrHSHC RP
Please join it! it is based off of an AMAZING anime and manga called Ouran High School Host Club. If you never saw it....you should watch it!