so.theres.this
& he sorta, Kind of;
x CoMPLETELY x
... Stole my heart.<3
The truth is..I WISH I COULD EXPLAIN
WHAT. I SEEINYOUR.EYES
&& HOW THE SOUND IN YOUR VOICE GIVES ME
THE____BUTTERF
have you ever been in love
been in love so bad you'd do
anything to make them
u n d e r s t a n d
wtf is the f**king point see? now it makes me sound like a chav swearing in every f**king sentence god damn all the fucking chavs to hell they are scum oopsie will i get brayed for saying this? shame i so wanted kill myself instead of get murdered but you no cant pic and choose laterz xXx
†why is god letting this happen to me? where does this fit in with his grand sceme you basterds give me answers
he sed it again and we touched and kissed well ikisses he six pak lol did he mean it? thats i the question what do i do?
life is bolloacks im in love yet again with a llad who uses and abuses me. his name is Sam and he is gorgeous and such an amazing skater i love him with all my heart.
it all started when i got kikd out of my old form. i was out in this new shit form where all the problem cases are put. then only this year did they change my lessons and i was put in all of HIS lessons.and all we did was stare at each other.then when we sat next to each other we got on amazingly. and we starting touchie feelie under the table. then he would do thi then have a go at me other placces and call me a goth and shit and i get bullied enoug. now half a year on and its the same except i think now he is using me felling me and saying no when i ask him out. Now he is purposelfully making me jealous. HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME!!! i mean totaly luking me in the eye and saying he loves me i nerli DIED! now i wish i had. i fell like taking to the knife again but i nknwo i cant vos of my family and more importantly my friends i catn put them thruought that again truth is i love this guy and he sed he loved me. y would he say that if he dint mean it? why? he wouldent would he? he has to mean it. why else would he say it?
well on holiday i fell in love then crapped it all up and i miss him so much he was so sweet ill tell you what happened
well i was very hyper when we got there but then we were away without parents so you can understand i was eited anyway he was on a later bus arriveing and we had ea and got settled then all of the paople were set off playing games on the ground then he came up and i went up to him and randomly introduced myself to him and his name was jake so he started firting with me in the middle of the group games now he was on the other team so it was difficult but then he went away but about five imnutes later he was bak agen and i askd him 4 a hug and then i told him he was out cos i had tagged him and then he went away then i got told off by the councellors for hugging to many guys and then wot i had to do was choose one guy and only hug him so i taslked t all the other guys and then i went up to jke and sead that i could only hug one guy and his face fell so i told him i had chosen him and he hugged me and sead "so you gona go out with me now then??" so i sead yes and then we went out and then a couple of days later i went to his room to find him and found another girl from ny door had put her bra on his bed and i was furious i oonly saw red i went and had a go at him and then had a massive bitch fight with her and beat her pretty badly then i went back to jake and made out with him and then we were making out in the games room and then uri one of the councellors came in and said "this isent a whorehouse" and jake just laughed and im thinkin hmph anyway a couple of days later he dumps me and he would not tell me why so i cried for about three or four hours and then we made up but we both knew it wasant going to be the same so he started ignoring me so i dumped him feeling very upset and then i find out that he was ignoring me all day to get me to dump him so when i did dump him he jumoped around the rooom screeming yesssssssss!!!
stuff to do
stuff to kill
stuff to against my will
life is avout to get harder for me im going aay on holiday wiv ma ex foster sister wivout parents she is ma exfoster sister cos she beat ,me up but anyway im gonna get murdered so this is ma last diary enrty forever
miss you all loads see you in the afterlife
stuff to do
stuff to kill
stuff to do against my will
im in,love with someone that is way to popular for me he doesent like me but that seems to just make me like him more i cant stop dreaming that someday we r gonna be togeva but thats never gonna happen i got sunburnt on my ches nut at the time i was in sports day dress with face paint i had his initials on my chest and i got sunburnt now i have a haunting reminder of him i have sleepless night i want him so much i will not reveal this persons name as it will offend him
oh well
stuff to do
stuff to kill
stuff to do against my will
ITS DEAN SULLIVAN!!!!!!
no more new sister she has gone it gets kinda lonely now but oh well she shouldent have beaen he sh** out of me should she??
im in love but its not the light happy love that two people share over double ice cream milkshaks with two straws one each and wen they get to the bottom there is a pationate kiss NO im in soooo deep i cant move i cant breath it husts oh by god it hurts iv got to get out got to leave but how im trapped in the endless caverness prison of love where there is no parole
stuff to do
stuff to kill
stuff to do against my will
life has become soo much worse i really rather feel like ending it i have a new sister and she is a pain the arse im in love with her boyfriend and my boyfriend dumped me wonder how i should top myself there are many ways i shall list them:
1.the usual slitting of the wrists but there is no guarntee that it will work
2.theres always the excessive alcohol and overdose but you spew all over yourself and if someone fit finds u your screwed arent you??
3.then you could be like a lemming and throw yourself off a cliff
4. i could always stab myself
5.or last but not least you could do all of these things in one that could be fun
hey life is such a bitch at the moment evrythiing is falling apart i need a friend i can trust i do have friends but i cant really trust them apart from one but she is busy that is so typical cos i need a friend
maddy is a really great friend but she doesent listen very weell her elfy name is [making the world a better place]
holly is bein a rite pain in the arse at the moment her name is [you kick the bucket , ill swing me legs]
and nat is cool her name is [Pler!]
thanx for reading love ya !
Beth !!! xXx