Remember this kim
Your not pretty
I don't want you
And I wouldn't cry if you left
Your Beautiful
I need you
And I would die if you left.
Ok, on with the journal now. It's like 6 something now in the morning, been getting up early for school. At least to get used to getting up early, lol. Scool doesn't start untill the 25th. Ummmm..... thats about it i guess. Bye for now.
Hey, whats up people. I feel great right now. I think this may be the only time in my life I have been truly happy. Not depressed, suicidal, or any other shit, I'm actually happy. I've started saving money for my trip to florida, I don't have much right now, but I'll get more. As long as I have enough money to get there and to feed myself for a few days, then I'm fine. I can tell you the first thing I'm gonna do when I get down there is spend the whole day with kim. After that I'm off to look for a place to live, and if I can't find one, then I'll just sleep somewhere else. I'm very resourceful, I'll find a place. I'm gonna try and make a trade for free board if I like help clean the place or something. If that doesn't work then I'll just stay at a church or something for a few days untill I find a place. Yeah, no matter what I'm going, I'll figure things out when I get there. It'll work out somehow. All I need to know is that I'll be close to kim, everything else is just not as important. I don't know how many times I've said this, but I love her so much. I'll say it over and over. I love her. Just being able to see her and take her out will be enough to make the trip worth it all.
Just had a fight with one of my best friends, she doesn't want to talk to me right now. I mean, she told me that she didn't want to talk to me and that she would log off if she saw me on. Then I told her that if you don't want to talk to me, fine, fuck you, but i still want to be friends and I'll still be here for you. Then she called me ungrateful and logged off, I mean, that had to be the weirdest fight I have ever been a part of, lol. But seriously, thats fine, I still do want to be her friend, but if she doesn't want to be fine, I'll just sit and wait to see what happens.
[TwiztidYoshi03] a.k.a. Kim, what can I say. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. You mean the world and so much more to me. Guess I just wanted to tell everyone. I can't wait to finally be able to see you. I will be counting the days untill the end of school. I can't wait. I love you and nothing can change that. I'm so happy to know you feel the same. What I feel for you cannot be measured in words. So I guess I'll just have to measure it in the hug I'm gonna give you the second I see you.
Wow, for the first time in a long time I actaully shed a tear. And yes, it's ok for guys to do that sometimes. Even we do it, we jut don't let you know. Yeah, and no matter how many times she says she is not worth it, she it. Trust me, if you knew her, you would agree. She is so worth it. I have never felt this was about anyone before. And I want to be with her so bad. Come the end of this school year, I probably will be. At least I hope I am. Cause I'm saving a little money for a bus ticket now, so I'll be able to get down there. It's all worth it, every last penny. It's $145.00 for a one way trip from Grand Rapids, michigan, to jacksonville, florida. It's so worth it, actually, iy's cheeper than I thought it would be.
Well, I did tell her. Won't give any names, but I'm just glad I got that out. I don't know, she is amazing. But I can't really act on my feelings now. We live in different states, so unless I decide to move there, which I might anyway just to get out of michigan, there is really nothing I can do. But thats ok, I still have a desision to make. It's a hard one, and it will take time, but I'll know soon enough. When the time is right I will have my desision. And right now, I'm leaning one way, but I want to stay where I am for now.
Hey, can't tell you who you are, but I had to get this out. I don't know how to say this. I am falling for you. Damn I hate being the hopeless romantic. Listen, I am having such a hard time with this. I have a g/f, but you have been in my mind lately. It's hard to choose. Maybe I'll know whom I like more soon, maybe it'll be a while. I don't know. I would love to tell you myself, but I can't yet say your name.
I don't know what to do with myself. Life is beginning to get overbearing. It's to damn much, but in a weird way, it's still ok. It all stems from these 3 girls. I'l' explain more next time.
Allright, I was supposed to go see my g/f either yesterday or today, well, I couldn't yesterday, and I just found out I can't today, so I'm pissed. I have to wait untill next monday to go see her. Then in 2 weeks she will be coming back to the town I live in for a little while. So that'll make it a bit easier.
"I've been watching, I've been waiting, in the shadows, for my time. I've been searching, I've been living, for tomorrows all my life." The quote is from a song by The Rasmus, the song is called In the Shadows. I just heard about this group from my friend [Maromi]. I think it sums up my life fairly well sometimes. And I'm still waiting in the shadows, forsaken by most, not know to all the others. But it's ok, this is where I would rather be. I hate being in the spotlight, and I definatly don't want to be one of the popular ones. My friends think I'm cool and thats all that matters.
Ok, another bad day yesterday and I'm sure I'll have another one today. This is my last day, as it will be the last day of the fair. I'm ready to be done with this shit for now. The money will be nice, but some of the assholes that come in almost make it not worth coming in. But again, the money, lol. I still need to call my g/f today, hopefully she will be home, if not, I may see her at the fair, but not for sure yet. I'm still wondering around in my boxers, bored out of my mind, thats about it, bye bye for now.
I don't have a lot to say at the moment. Had a horrible day at work, lol. It's a long story, so I won't get into it now. Maybe later. Did get to ride a few rides though for free, so that made it a bit better. Thats about it really, so, bye bye now.
ok, I know I'm still smoking, but I only had three yesterday, so I definatly cut back. I'm trying to cut back a lot. Listening to the offspring and being bored, thats about all I'm doing. Got to go to work at 3:15p.m. yay, lol. I had so many assholes yell at me yesterday at work. I work as a parker for the local fair, so I tell people where to park, and some people just don't listen. Fucking pisses me off cause I fucking get yelled at for fucking doing my god damned fucking job. It's a lot of fun, lol.
Made a little error, she is visiting me 2marrow, not today, lol. I'm so happy, one of my friends that I actually like, I don't have many, is visiting me, lol. So that should make the day better. Any other shit I missed, don't think so. Ok then, fuck everyone and have a nice day. Yes, I'm a little pissed at someone that I had to work with today. I'm pissed cause they didn't do any work, lol. Ok then, have a nice day and come again.
Getting ready to go stand in the motherfucking god damned fucking sun for six fuxking hours again to-fucking-day
ok..... I'm not pissed anymore, so I won't even go into what it was about. Lets see.... My g/f is back, so I'm probably gonna be going over to her house 2marrow. I'm so fucking bored right now. I rode 28 miles 2day on my bike in a bike-a-thon, then I went to McDonalds. I still have five bucks left over, thats all I have to my name right now, lol. Listening to Mindless Self Indulgence and Marilyn Manson right now... Not alot else to say.
I'm so fucking bored. Ahhhh, fuck, lol. There is fucking nothing to do. Ok, I'm done for now. I need a smoke, lol. It's been a while since I've had one. About 2 days now, lol. Not sure what I'm doing yet, and I'm kinda confused on a couple things and kinda pissed at a couple people, but I won't go into that now, maybe later. Let's see, whats else do I have to say, not alot. I'll talk to ya'll later. Bye Bye.
This sucks, I won't be able to see my g/f until the 21st of this month, that sucks. Seriously. But I do get to hang with her for a whole 10 days starting the 21st, and of course see her after that, but still, I don't get to see her for like 10 days and that sucks.
I deleted my last journal entry for reasons unknown even to me. Me and [Maromi] are still friends, good ones at that. So I'm happy. I might be going to Grand Rapids, if you know where that is, on tuesday with my friends and my g/f Britney. Yes, 6 teenagers and a van, it's asking for trouble, lol. I started smoking again, yes I gave up, but I'm cutting back and I don't smoke as many at once as I used to. I went to a lake today with a few people, it was fun, lol. It was an interesting day. Played truth or dare, which everyone knows is a dangerous game when played with the right people. Me and my friends bruce took our cigaretts when we were on our last hits we tried to smoke underwater. We also had a blue hawiian, which basically just tastes like a white sobe, you can't taste the alchohol in it. I'm gonna go now, bye bye.
still trying to get in shape, lol. Rode like over 20 some odd miles today from my town to a neighboring one to see my g/... I mean to get into shape for the bike-a-thon I'm going to be in. Oh well, I'm tired as fuck and I want some fucking sleep, so I'll talk to you later. I have not had a smoke in around 14 days now, and I think I'm officially going to die now *Falles over from lack of smokes* I'm ok, I have a good reason to quit, I'm doing it for [Maromi] I thik I'm gonna make it though, I have gone this long, why give up now.
writing again, lol. I want to say something but I can't, lol. But maybe later. I had the greatest day yesterday, I won't go into detail, but I got to spend a lot of time with my g/f, so I'm happy. I love spending time with her because when I'm with her, all the hurt goes away and for that short time the world seems right and nothing seems wrong. I might say more later, but for now that's enough because I don't want to bore my few readers with my personal life, even though this is a diary and thats what a diary is about, lol.Oh well, I updated my poems page again, I'm trying to write another ones, but I can't seem to get the words right.