so i just found outthat last sunday my girl friend killed her self. she saw her boyfriend kiss another girl and went home and hung herself her funeral was yesterday and i cant belive i wasnt able to go i just wanna hang myself to be with her

So life sux. I've found a wounderful guy, and it seems I've let him slip out of my reach. I'm 15 he's almost 21 but as he said ,"age is only a number to say how long you've been in this world" and I agree, but in real life the word is jail bait and I wish and pray that I had enough common sence, to be normal and live a sober life and date guys my age or just not date in general,maybe life would clear up and I'd quit finding awsome guys that make me think just for the moment I'm a special person. I've been broken down by this feeling so many many diffrent times that I wish it would just kill me already. I hate it, I hate being lonley. On the outside im a happy sweet, cute, adorable person, but inside... it's like I'm some sort of monster, or better yet a demon trying to tear out and show my real side , I guess you'd call it my dark side.Anyone who reads this should give me some advice don't try and "help" me just advise me maybe I'm not all I've cut my self out to be.

So maybe I am all alone in this stupid pathetic life and I know I always will be. Being alone may not be all bad, I just wish every time I went out and made a new best friend they wouldn't completly back stab me. All of them have. And I just want my life to end, I just want to quit breaking my self down, and letting every body else break me down. I just want to get up and face my fears. Ya I guess that im just a stupid little girl in a big fucked up world. Life is not as perfect as its cut out to be.