The serenity of this place unnerved me slightly. The leaves, gold and red fell in soft, fluttering waves from the trees to scatter, desolate in their deaths on the path before me as i walked. Breathing deeply, trying to dispell the feeling, i took in my surroundings. A forest is home to many creatures and peoples, and i could think of no other place as beautiful to live as this.
The trees were ancient, wise, their knarled trunks and twisted branched speaking of experience and solace. Thier leaves that fell in the dying sunlight set the air aflame in a riot of colour, softly lighting my way.
The sound of soft singing broke through my dazed revierie, echoing down the path to wrap around me in a sad, longing melody. Snatches drifting through the air...

"With a sigh, you turn away...
With the deepening dark,
No words to say
you will see that the world is changed....
Forever...

The leaves are turning from green to gold...
And the sun is now fading
I wish i could hold you closer...."

Tears sprang, unbidden and emotion filled into my eyes as i stood, alone and unmissed amidst the swirling leaves and dappled sunlight. A lone stranger in a world not her own.

Guardian Devil

Sunlight seeps into my eyes,
I watch you through
Triumphant eyes
You're winning this battle of wills

I cannot stay for very long,
I have to sort this
Right from wrong
But you know i'll be your

Guardian Devil,
An Angel of Catastrophy
Flame of Justice
Path of Peace,
Watching over you,
I'm watching over you.


Standing on the heated sand
I reach for you
You take my hand,
A friend of guiding light,

To see this day
in hazy light,
another day, another fight
You know i'm here, here as your

Guardian Devil,
An Angel of Catastrophy
Flame of Justice
Path of Peace,
Watching over you,
I'm watching over you.

(repeat first two verses and chorus, then end.)

A Dedication -To my good friend acisseJ xxx 

Remember me, when you whisk away,
You know the standing feeling.
It's not like this feeling will fade
Not as easily as the tears will dry.

You are the one who'll break away
The lost child in the hopes of our dreams,
We love you,
Don't cry, we're here to dry your eyes.

Remember us, see us in our world.
Remember you, watch us in your dreams,
Do not despair, for we are near.
Do not fret, for we are in your dreams,
And i?
I guard with all the power i possess.

This feeling of extreme helplessness
The horrid, bile filled movement of my lips.
The knowledge that i'm going to hurt you
Make you hurt
Make you hate me

I'm so, so sorry
I didn't want it to be like this
Din't want you to hate me, that is.
Please try to understand.


I'm sorry, Honey.

Second thoughts on marriage: Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "mother-in-law" you can come out with "Woman Hitler"?

Moments passed before i realised what had happened. I stood there, staring at the sky, totally and intoxicatingly numb. I couldn't feel a thing. I just...was...for a while. No being of myself remained in the hollow husk of this breathing thing. Like a dead thing walking, i suppose.
The screech of seagulls fell on my deaf ears, my eyes horrifed and wide as i stared at the battlefield before me. The long, bloodied pathway leading up into the quiet village of my home, the place i had grown up. Now it ws strewn with bodies. Fleetingly, a vision passed before my eyes. A small girl, laughing, running up the path. The wind tossed her blond curls about playfully, and she shrieked with joy at nothing in particular. Between the bodies she darted, laughing, and then, she faded away, as she rounded the corner on the way upto the pele tower.
The Scots had most definatley been to my village. How could they not? Our small community had been raided several times in the past year, however, our Queen , Elizabeth the 1st, had sent troops to drive them back.
It wasn't raiding season. Why? How..
We never did anything to hurt anyone.

A sudden thump brought me back to my senses. The stench of blood and gore brought bile rushing into my throat, and i covered my mouth with both hands to stop myself throwing up. A high pitched whine started up, and it was a few moments before i realised that it was me, whining in fear and grief. Lurching to my feet, i ran for the village, tears streaming down my face, feeling sick. Trying to dodge the bodies, i didn't see one dying soldier. He saw me though. Grabbing my ankle, he sent me plummeting to the ground. The hard rock scraped my cheek, grazing my face as my hands became cut and bloodied at the imapct, my knee jarring horribly as it hit the dirt. The solider laughed, blood bubbling up to froth unpleasantly between his lips. My eyes widened in horror. My attacker was a scot, and he held a scimitar. I kicked out, aiming for the spear shaft buried in his chest. Feeling the wood sink a little further in, his pain rent scream shot like a startled bird thorugh the blue skies, and i was free again. Stumbling now, my knee aching, i made my way up to my village, cursing my parents for giving me chores, and yet pain filled at the thought that they might be lying dead.

Smoke curled into the sky, and at that moment, my heart shattered. Screaming, i ran down the hill, a madwoman in the throes of fury and greif. The small houses, huts, really, burning, children and men dead in the streets. I collapsed outside my parents hut,next to the bleeding bodies of my mother and father. Blood covered my clothes, and the fire, scorned me, it's blazing heat scorching my face. I couldn't bring myself to look up. The pele tower stood strong and tall in the midst of this chaos, a fortress of stone in the sea of destruction.

It's in those moments that you know that the world is never going to be the same again. Those scant few seconds whereupon the world seems to tilt and you know, just, know that you're going to have to run.
That's what happened to me. Sat up here on a high ledge above the city, looking down from the disused church that i hide in, i write, and hope. Hope i don't have to run again.
The creatures came in the middle of the night, screaming, howling beings with no faces. None of us knew what to do. Some fought, some ran. I'm ashamed to say i'm one of the ones that ran. I had my little sister with me. I couldn't let her get hurt while i fought. I had to run, though i'm not proud of it, by any means.
It was almost ethereal. Running full pelt through the forsets outside the manor, my aching arms full of a wailing three year old, the howling pitch of noise following us deeper and deeper into the blackness. I thought it would never end. My sister, poor child, had no idea what was going on, screaming for mother. For Father. That was a hopeless wish. I considered hiding her, and coming back ot collect her, but i knew that as soon as i left her, she would scream, and cry, and be caught. The machines, for that is what they seemed to be, were catching up. Why they had targeted an orphanage, i don't know. What could children ever do to them. We needed to get away, but where to? Pain was starting to seize my overworked limbs, breath catching horribly in my throat. If i didn't keep going, we'd be caught.
Stumbling forwards, through a thick bush, i tumbled out into a clearing. A clearing with no exit. A sheer cliff face reached up into the skies, a huge expanse of rock. I would never make it with my sister in tow. So i did the only thing that i thought would work at the time. I knocked her out. Lying her still body under a thick pile of fallen branches, i leapt for the cliff face, clawing my way up the hard rock, hgoping against hope she would still be there when i came back for her.

I'm alone up here, you know. No one up here with me. The city sounds drift up. Bawdy shouting, the shrieks of women, holwing of animals, the rattle of horse-drawn carriages. And a disused church with a girl on top. A girl with naught but a pen, a notebook, and memories.

I dream of escaping,
of mountains capped in white
and sea's darkened maw
Plains that seem
endless in their void

I dream not in sleep,
but in the day,
whiling away the hours with
fanciful ideas
Travel, and leaving

I dream. Tell me what you dream.

Fountains Abbey


I'm sure i've seen this place
The mighty pillars
This place of worship
Sad and empty in the poignancy of decay.

The imposing tower
Stretches like the forever
See this way
through to eternity

The underground,
dripping with lost sounds
The melody of long forgotten voices
In my mind, in my soul.

Long forgotten,
But not lost,
The seeing crystals spin
In blurred confusion

I know this place,
Am i home?
In this...otherworldly chapel
It is not my place.

Not for who i am,
Not for what i am,
For how can a witch dwell
In the Abbey of Fountains?

In this heart
In this mind
I can see,
No way behind
I lose myself
In tattered blinds,
The petals fall
Decay reminds
Me of the day
You went away.
You went away.