I do on occasion.

I do on occasion.

001: Name: Patrick
002: Nickname: Crackers
003: Country of living: US
004: Birth date: April 15
005: Length: That information is on a need to know basis.
006: Eye color: Green? I think.
007: Shoe size: 8
008: School/work: WANT/WANT
009: You smoke: Not anymore.
010: Hobby's: learning.
011: Brothers or sisters: 3 brothers
012: Relationship: [The Penguin Who Could Fly]
013: Piercing(s): 1
014: Tattoo: Note at the moment.
015: Favorite Country to go to: Ireland
016: Are there people you won't reply to?: I'm replaying to you aren't I?
017: Nicest person you met this year: This year? I haven't met that many people lately.
018: Person you rather not have met this year: Her name is Krissi
019: Who would you like to meet: don't know
020: Who do you admire most: I dunno
021: Most sexy person: [Penguin Who Could Fly]
022: Favorite Pajamas(clothes to sleep in): My Birthday suit
023: Favorite Car: None that I can think of.
024: Favorite Movie(s): List currently being updated...
025: What age do you act? : Depends on how much I drink.
026: Favorite City(s): I need to see more.
027: Favorite Plush(stuffed animals): I have a couple. No favorites though.
028: Favorite deodorant: Anything I don't get a reaction from.
029: Favorite Magazine: I don't read magazines. I read Comic Books.
030: Favorite sound: Look up John Cage
031: Favorite TV-series: Eureka, Community, Firefly, Castle, Heroes
032: Favorite Writer: George R. R. Martin or Terry Brooks
033: Favorite Nickname: Scallywag.
034: What is on your mouse pad: Who the hell uses a mouse pad? Don't you have an optic mouse?
035: What all is under your bed: shoes, bags and random nicknack's.
036: Favorite color: none I love them all.
037: Favorite Song ever: I don't have one.
038: Favorite song at this moment: You've Got a Chance - Bad Religion
039: Favorite food: Me and Erin's cookin
040: Favorite class in school: Photo
041: Favorite drink: Coffee
042: Lucky number: uuhhh if it wins me something it is then lucky.
043: What do you think is the greatest thing about yourself: I'm not that conceded.
044: Favorite Books: none.
045: Favorite shoes: none.
046: What time do you go to bed on weekdays: No idea.
047: What word do you use most: uhhh.
048: Most romantic moment in your life: Any long day where it ends with Erin.
049: Most embarrassing moment in your life: How could I know. I'm pretty sure my mind has suppressed it.
050: Would you rather spend your time, inside or outside: outside.
051: What do you do in the weekends: Whatever I can.
052: What class in school do/did you dislike most: Don't know
053: Your Breakfast: Coffee and maybe some porridge.
054: What do you really, really dislike to eat: Mushrooms.
055: Height? : 5'4
056: Laugh or dream: Both? One inside the other?
057: Serious or funny: Are you serious?
058: Fast or slow: Break the laws of physics and do both! I dare you!
059: You prefer being alone or have relationship with someone: I'm fine where I am thank you.
060: Simple or complicated?: Learn English sentence structure.
061: Cremate or Buried when you die: Don't care. I'll be dead.
062: Zodiac sign? : Aries/Snake/Willow
063: Stay up late or go to bed early: Don't care.
064: Light or dark?: Light.
065: Speak or Silence: SPEAK
066: Do you like a Tall or short guy: I'm a short guy.
067: Newspaper or Television: Newspaper.
068: Hug or kiss: MOAR
069: Happy or Sad: I'm gonna pick happy because I'm a douche.
070: Life or Death: LIFE.
071: Gig or Disco: ?
072: Left or Right: Your left is my right, right?
073: Right, lefty or ambidextrous? : Look above.
074: Brunettes or Blondes: Redhead.
075: What would you ask God if you could ask him 1 single question: Why?
076: You believe in reincarnation: Maybe
077: You believe in Aliens: Of course.
078: When you die, what will be your last words?: I'm more witty in the moment.
079: Does true love exist: Yeah buts not in the traditional sense.
080: How many kids would you like to have: Haven't decided.
081: What is the one thing you can't stand: People not being organized.
082: Current location : Seattle
083: Worst feeling in the world: Failure
084: What are you afraid of: Failure
085: Are you an emotional person: Everyone is.
086: Do you ever cry during a movie: Not really.
087: Your goal in life: Be Happy.
088: What was the promise you made to yourself at new years eve: I don't make promises to myself.
089: Favorite art-artist: From this point on all repeat questions will be left blank.
090: As what animal would you like to reincarnate: The list is too long.
091: What is the best part of a guy: Dunno.
092: Ever loved someone so much it made you cry?: I guess. That wording has always confused me.
093: Most original place to ask your love to marry you: At a place that something insignificantly romantic happened a long time ago. lol
094: What annoys you?: stupidity.
095: Favorite band(s): way too many!
096: Favorite Element?: C (and a close second, As)
097: Favorite Video Game(s)?: Final Fantasy series.
098: What class in school do/did you like the most:
099: Favorite Game, Book, or Anime Characters?: Too long of a list.
100: Favorite Book series: I don't have one.
101: Favorite Website: 4chan. lol
102: Favorite Game song: Anything Super Mario
103: Video Game Charater(s) you idolize: Idoloze? Setzer from ff3/6. I tend to idolize ideals or the randomness in games.
104: Favorite Gamers Magazine:
105: Favorite Manga: none
106: Favorite Online Game: Don't know yet. I haven't played enough.
107: Favorite video Game:
108: It feels better when you can't see where your partners are touching, licking, sucking, biting you: This isn't a question. Its a statement.
109: You cut yourself: nope.
110: The less you can actually see, the better: Ummm... You're talking to a photographer.
111: You like to be master when it comes to sex: Define "master".
112: You like to use "props" in the bedroom: I think the people are enough. If you or your partner can't get it done, there is a problem.
113: The thought of drinking someone for blood excites you: No, stupid question.
114: Kinky sex is the only kind of sex: If it exists some dumbass, usually a guy, will try to fuck it.
115: You find vampires sexy: I find vampires to be fake. I have proof.
116: You find werewolves sexy: No.
117: You despise being chained down: yep.
118: Handcuffs excite you: No, wrestling does.
119: You prefer sex with the lights on: Don't really care.
120: You like to feel pain: Nope.
121: You hate being bitten: is there a difference here between biting and nipping?
122: You hate kinky sex:
123: You love feeling helpless during sex:
125: Blood is gross: Yes.
126: Teeth are a must: for what?
127: what is a good way to describe your interests in bed or just in passion?: Thats not your business.
128: If you could turn into an animal would you? : I am an animal.
129: Do you have a flashy sense of style? : Yes, I'm just too poor to show it off.
130: Do you tend to be whiny? : Nope
131: Do you like High tech weapons in lamens terms cool toys? : Read more sci-fi dude.
132: Are slayers sexy? : What's a slayer?
133: Understanding who you are is important? : yeah why?
134: The high life with luxury and high tech thats for you? : Why?.
135: Do you like the theatre? : I love it.
136: Would you pretend to be something you aren't pretending to be something you are? : Again, learn to write.
137: Would you only hunt the evil doer?: Depends.
138: Would you hunt your own kind? : Humans? No.
139: Would one moment of true happiness make you lose your soul?: Are you high?
140: Are Vampires the ultimate sex symbols?: Hell no. They are sentient corpses who want to kill you. How is that sexy?
141: Would you get a soul to get the person you loved?: Stupid question.
142: Would you feed on everyone in your path?: no. They wouldn't know I was there.
143: Do you make alot of big plans to gain more power?: Yeah
144: True love never dies?: I concur.
145: Would you like to be the lead singer of rock band?: maybe
146: World domination ooooo sounds fun?: No not really
147: Red velvet is cool?: I don't know. Never worn it.
148: If you where to make vampire companions would they be mostly hot chicks?: I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH VAMPIRES!!!!
149: Would you choose to become a vampire?: Im not answering anymore vampire questions.
150: It's Friday your bored let's raise an ancient vampire God? :
151: Is gothic beautiful?: Sometimes.
152: It's all about the power baby?: ?
153: Do you like punk? : Hell yeah!
154: Do you have issues with your parents? : not really.
155: Would you care for some one who needed it? : yeah.
156: Are you dark and broody? : no not really
157: Are you a good role model?: I dunno
158: Your heritage/nationality? : Irish, British.
159: Words you overuse :
160: Phrases you overuse :
161: Your first thought when you wake up : why isn't Erin here?
162: Your greatest accomplishment : dunno
163: Something you want to do : Work
164: Pepsi or Coke : RC Cola
165: McDonald's or Burger Kings : Taco Bell
166: Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera : Neither
167: Chocolate or vanilla : Mint
168: Adidas or Nike : Neither
169: Black or white : Bone
170: Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) : both
171: Burgers or hot dogs : Steak
172: Egypt or France : France
173: Rock or rap : both?
174: Cuss : fuck
175: Sing well : Depends on ones opinion
176: Sing in the shower : no
177: Talk to yourself --a lot-- : yep.
178: Believe in yourself : yep.
179: Like taking these longass surveys? : not really
180: Play an instrument : not currently.
181: Want to go to college? : I do!
182: Want to get married? : No
183: Want to have children? :
184: Think you're a health freak? : No
185: Get along with your parents :
186: Get along with your siblings? : I try.
187: Think you're popular : Of course I am. Everyone loves me.
188: Gone out of state : yep.
189: Drank alchohal : yep
190: Smoke : not any more.
191: Get high : yep
192: Done any drugs : To be high you have to have done a drug.
193: Eaten an entire box of oreos : yes.
194: Been on stage : many times
195: Gone skinny dipping : no
196: Been dumped : yes
197: Dyed your hair : yep
198: Stolen anything : Music, movies, games.
199: Craziest friend:
200: Loudest friend:
201: Most shy friend:
202: Blondest friend:
203: Smartest friend:
204: Kindest friend:
205: Best personality friend:
206: Most talented friend:
207: Best singer friend:
208: Most ghetto friend:
209: Drama Queen ((or King XP)) friend:
210: Pain in the ass friend:
211: The one friend you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style)):
212: Funniest friend:
213: Best person for advice friend:
214: Dependable friend:
215: Trustworthy friend:
216: Druggie friend:
217: Most likely to end up in jail:
218: Person you've known the longest: If you haven't noticed. I'm not tell you about my friends.
219: Last dream: don't remember.
220: Last nightmare: don't remember.
221: Car ride : this morning.
222: Last time you cried : not your business
223: Last movie seen : some jack the ripper movie
224: Last movie rented : don't remember
225: Last book read : Volume 1 of the war of souls.
226: Last word said : souls
227: Last curse word said : don't care
228: Last time you laugh : earlier today
229: Last phone call : earlier today.
230: Last CD played : "The Gettin's Good" by Darby O' Gill
231: Last song you listened to : You've got a chance by Bad Religion
232: Last annoyance : Brian
233: Last IM : I don't remember.
234: Last weird encounter : Don't Care
235: Last person you hugged : Erin
236: Last person you yelled at : Brian
237: Last time you wore a skirt : Years
238: Last time you've been evil : Im not evil I'm just an innocent kid.
239: Sarcastic? : fuck off
240: Last time you fought with your parents : I dunno
241: Last time you wished upon a star : When I was at the property.
242: Played Truth or Dare : yes
243: Spent quality time alone : I'm alone a lot
244: Are you talking to someone one: no
245: Do you feel lonely : sometimes
246: Ever TP'd someone's house : nope
247: How about egging someone's house : nope.
248: Do you not like dislike not like me? : learn to speak you imbecile!
249: Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? : that explains a few things...
250: Yo Momma : is a failure, crack ho, and, just for good measure, your father smelled of elderberries.
251: Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? : I'm not a zombie
252: What do you think of George Bush?: Who?
253: Any secret fetishes? : Nope
254: Do you like to wear chains?: Nope
255: How many languages do you speak? : English!
256: Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are!: nope.

If you were to have any one sense that another animal has, what would it be?
I can't quite decide so I will list the tie.
I want.....
1) ...the sight of the MANTIS SHRIMP-

~~~~~~~~They can see the following: the spectrum of light visible to humans, ultraviolet, infrared and polarized light. That means that while they are seeing in two spectra that we need thousands of dollars of equipment to see, they can do it with the awesome glare-cutting power of Ray-Bans. There is almost nothing a mantis shrimp can't see, and they would get roughly three times as much enjoyment out of the "Mona Lisa" as we would. But that's hardly where the amazing shit their eyes can do ends. o what could possibly make super-positionable multispectral sunglass-eyes that can probably see ghosts and God himself even more incredible? They have brains designed to clearly interpret all of that information, and they can do it with greater precision than a Blu-ray player. And they can move their eyes, independently, up to 70 degrees in every direction. Remember that alien in Men in Black that looked over its own head? They have more range than that.


2)...the scent of a SILVERTIP GRIZZLY BEAR-

~~~~~~~~When we walk down the street, our senses tell us who's doing what at that moment, and which one of them smells like urine. A bloodhound's nose allows it to perceive that same street across time. It knows who walked down the street last night at 11PM, what the soles of their shoes were made of, the brand of cigarette they were smoking. The silvertip grizzly's sense of smell is SEVEN TIMES stronger than that of the bloodhound. These bears can smell a carcass from 18 miles away. When a silvertip enters a clearing, you're screwed even if you left 48 hours before.

They might not be that 'SUPER HERO'ish, but they are by far the most awesome I have found thus far. What animal sense would you have?

Snatched From [The Penguin Who Could Fly]'s diary

I can't get to sleep without: I just can't sleep much at all lately.

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: A music player of some sort with head phones, a camera and an Irish hat.

I have an irrational fear of: large bodies of water

At my grandparents house I usually eat: Depends, at nanny-mo's I eat cookies and tea, and Grandmas I eat what ever she puts on my plate.

When I was born I weighed: >4 lbs.

I am most opposed to: people allowing something besides themselves to control their life.

On myspace I like to stalk: no one.

I am too old to be: a senior

I find the thought of childbirth: Something I wont have much to do with, you know besides being the cause of it all.

Next door to my house is: the extension of suburbia.

My feet are: cold.

My preferred style of jeans are: dunno, warm.

I know how to cook: better than you.

I am annoyed at: a good number of things but that isn't your business.

Men should always: have sammiches made for them.

Women should never: not be in the kitchen.

The scariest sea creature is: vampirotuthus.

The world is over populated with: people who believe in intelligent design.

I recently broke: the threshold to a door.

I last cried because: don't remember.

I would like to be in an advertisement for: How about we talk about payment first?

My favorite shoes are: Are military issue combat boots worn in WWII

My mothers' greatest fear current possibilities.

When I think of Full House: I wonder why my brain decided to start thinking about something I have seen maybe twice.

I'm gonna bomb the Mill Creek Family Practice. They are the worst possible clinic/physicians office on the planet. They are dead.

I had a short photo shoot with my brother. Here is the productions with no editing of yet.


This is probably my favorite.


Study of movement. I like the directional flow.


This is probably the most goofy face.


Just like how close I got the photo. I had to dodge him while he came down.



There are plenty more, but they aren't on the interwebs yet.

If anyone knows of a good site to upload photos where they wont get stolen please tell me.

I just spent the last night waking up every twenty minutes because I was forcing myself to sleep through my insomnia so as not to bother my partner while she slept. Throughout the entirety of the night I was being abruptly startled awake. I began to wonder; is my lacking ability to sleep strange? Or my sacrifice to force sleep and have one terrible night, on behalf of someone else's, strange?

As I lay and pondered these questions a story I heard four years ago bubbled up out of my memory. It was only a partial memory so this will be a summery of said story.

"Two army ensigns are in a military nuclear silo in the 50's, right around the time of the red scare. They both have been given a key and a gun. Each were given the instructions that if the order is given to turn their keys and if the other "acts strangely" to kill him. So to sum up their days over an eight month deployment is to sit and look at a screen for 12 hours a day each, while watching the other mans actions to see if he starts "acting strangely". The ensigns names where Johnson and Smiths."

Imagine being locked in a silo for eight months with a man you don't know and both of you know that you and he are instructed to kill the other if they "act strangely". Lets say boredom sets in and you end up drawing on the wall for a lack of paper, as Johnson did, and Smiths could shoot you because he thought that was strange.

With this said what is strange?

response to hearing someones poetry at school:

Untitled As of Yet

Poetry is an art of allusion
Printed on paper while seen in the mind
Putting word and letter into pantomime
Is not its beauty or goal
In reality the words make a whole
Pounding the heart while driving the mind
With words of stupidity making you think yourself a fool
Two syllables to paint a century
Pages to illustrate the moment
Not formal sentences to critically analyze a heart brake
Not words like "Hatred", "Love", and "Betrayal"
I could paint a mural about your grotesque use of beauty
But that would be futile
For those who couldn't use a plow while the sun glared
Dead by winter

~Patrick Commins

I think I need to do some digital photography. I mean I'm on an art community site and don't really post any of my art, just my poetry. So this has become a form of open brainstorming page and project diary. If you have any ideas or artists to look at for reference just comment on my diary.

Keanu Saddles Up for Cowboy Bebop - E! Online
Source: www.eonline.com
Matrix star to play an interplanetary bounty hunter in big-screen adaptation of acclaimed anime series

I'm giving this enough of a chance to wait for the first trailer to come out.

A
- Available: Not for you.

- Age: 20

- Annoyance: The American Education System

- Allergic: Cumin

- Animal: Kittehs

- Actor: Chiwetel Ejiofor

B
- Beer: Harp

- Birthday/Birthplace: The unluckiest day of the year, April 15 Seattle, WA

- Best Friends: I don't have a "best" friend.

- Body Part on opposite sex: The body

- Best feeling in the world: Any and all

- Blind or Deaf: Mute

- Best weather: not 101 degrees in the shade

- Been in Love: yes, why?

- Been bitched out?: I'm male, of course I have nitwit.

- Been on stage?: Define stage?

- Believe in yourself?: Existentially? Maybe.

- Believe in life on other planets: Of course! Who else would have built the pyramids?

- Believe in miracles: I believe in being a miracle.

- Believe in Magic: yes.

- Believe in God: God/God(s) and Goddess/Goddesses? yesish.

- Believe in Satan: As in self perfection, yes.

- Believe in Santa: I believe too many people have put belief in him not to exist in some sense.

- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Yes. I'm haunting the nitwit that wrote this.

- Believe in Evolution: yes, but there needs to be more actual research and less scientists nut-jobs and religious crazies warring over the idea.

C
- Car: yes please. A Red one preferably.

- Candy: I don't accept candy from strangers. Might have cyanide in it...

- Colour: Actually, technically, it doesn't exist.

- Cried in school: nope.

- Chocolate/Vanilla: How about both at the same time? Good idea huh?

- Chinese/Mexican: How about Cajun fusion?

- Cake or pie: Pie-cake! Another one of my great ideas.

- Countries to visit: How about we start here and go there.

D
- Day or Night: Dawn

- Dream vehicle: Sleipnir. Or Setzer's Airship

- Danced: yes why?

- Dance in the rain?: No actually.

- Dance in the middle of the street?: yes, badly.

- Do the splits?: No and I would prefer not to.

E
- Eggs: what kind? Golden goose eggs?

- Eyes: They are important yes. What about them?

- Everyone has: A Pancreas?

- Ever failed a class?: yes.

F
- First crush: The first crush I felt was when I was two or three and my hand got slammed in a door. Not a pleasant experience.

- Full name: Patrick, Son of Mervyn.

- First thoughts waking up: "I don't wanna wake up!"

- Food: Is probably humans' first form of science and should still be held as the first and most prominent.

G
- Greatest Fear: Not living. Which is not to be confused with death.

- Giver or taker: Greedy charity.

- Goals: Come in many shapes.

- Gum: I'm good. Got a smoke though?

- Get along with your parents?: Yeah, they do as they are told.

- Good luck charms: I should totally make some! Thanks for the idea.

H
- Hair Colour: I do have that yes. Tis brown.

- Height: 5'4"

- Happy: currently? Possibly.

- Holidays: Are too rare.

- How do you want to die: Fighting off the zombie invasion.

- Health freak?: Freak? Yes. Healthy, to an extent.

- Hate: Is a part of humanity that should start to be accepted.

I
(In guys/girls)
- Eye color: Well someone else stole my first thought. SO....I don't care the color.

- Hair Color: What about it?

- Height: I'm short and prefer NOT to be six inches shorter.

- Clothing Style: True and honest.

- Characteristics: In men or in women?

- Ice Cream: I prefer my women to have the flavor of Napoleon Swirl with lots of additives!

- Instrument: I used to play plenty.


J
- Jewelry: MOAR!

- Job: Oh, you're offering? I would love one. Thank you.


K
- Kids: Its annoying how adults can act like them sometimes isn't it?

- Kickboxing or karate: Muay Thai

- Keep a journal?: Many.

L
- Longest Car Ride: Seattle to Spokane

- Love: Is important.

- Letter: Isn't snail mail pretty much obsolete?

- Laughed so hard you cried: Why would I not have?

- Love at first sight: Nope.

M
- Milk flavor: Original cow.

- Movies: You wanna watch a movie? Sorry I'm taken.

- Mooned anyone?: Nope.

- Marriage: Not married.

- Motion sickness?: sometimes.

- McD's or BK: Dicks, which is better by far.

N
- Number of Siblings: Three.

- Number of Piercings: 1 Gonna get more soon.

- Numbers: Are probably mans closest chance at playing god in the world.

O
- Overused Phrases: Annoying.

- One wish: To have infinite wishes

- One phobia: Water.

P
- Place you'd like to live: With the pyramid building aliens.

- Pepsi/Coke: I have been prescribed something else by my doctor.
Q
- Quail: Pigeon!

- Questionnaires: I wonder who invented the first one?

R
- Reason to cry: stubbed your toe?

- Reality T.V.: I reject your reality and replace it with one of my own!

- Radio Station: I would love to own one thanks!

- Roll your tongue in a circle?: why? I aint sucking your cock.

S
- Song: Little Bunny Foo Foo

- Shoe size: why?

- Sushi: Yes I think sushi would be wonderful.

- Skipped school: I have before and that has led to some funny stories....

- Slept outside: yep. I love passing out on docks.

- Seen a dead body?: Multiple times. Why is this important.

- Smoked?: What? I have smoked lots of things.

- Skinny dipped?: Don't swim.

- Shower daily:I attempt but don't see a problem with missing a day or two. Its probably healthy.

- Sing well?: I do!

- In the shower?: Yep. The shower head is my mic to fame!

- Swear?: Oh gosh and good heavens no!

- Stuffed Animals?: Why the fuck would you stuff and god damn animal?! That's sickeningly cruel! Imagine all of those loud little screams for you to stop what you are doing! You sick sick Bastard.

- Single/Group dates: I would imagine group dates would be kinda fun.

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Peaches.

- Scientists need to invent: Science.

T
- Time for bed: It is? OH! Well good night!

- Thunderstorms: I live in Washington. Whats a thunderstorm?

- Touch your tongue to your nose?: nope.

U
- Unpredictable: I predict to be unpredictable every day.

- Under the influence?: Right now? No not really.

- Understanding?: I would love to have that.

V
- Vegetable you hate: Mushrooms, they can kill you you know? They're evil! Unless they make you see stuff.

- Vegetable you love: Mushrooms that make you go temporarily insane.

- Vacation spot: Nothing cliche.

W
- Weakness: Baking and baked goods.

- When you grow up: That's a song by the Veronicas I think.

- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Me.

- Who makes you laugh the most: The person telling the jokes?

- Worst feeling: Passing a kidney stone.

- Wanted to be a model?: What kind of model? The kind that makes no money unless they reach superstardom or the kind that makes thousands a day as an amateur?

- Where do we go when we die: Well firstly we get put where ever we are put then are carbons brake down and form something else. So we go EVERYWHERE.

- Worst weather: none.

- Walk with a book on your head?: not at all.

X
- X-Rays: Many. I have even had radioactive die put in my blood for it.

Y
-Year it is now: Year of the Earth Ox 2136

-Yellow: Is the color of sun.

Z
- Zoo animal: Big Cats

- Zodiac sign: The Willow

New Craigslist goods! This is actually from Seattle

A few things from the bike shop.
Date: 2009-05-27, 4:05PM PDT


Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.

So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.

- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your shit out.

-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fucking squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fucking thing anywhere near me.

A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:

-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's shit. It was shit in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still shit, even with more air in the tires.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows fuck all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

- Stop being so jumpy. I am not a molester. You people REALLY watch too much TV. When I hold the back of the bike while your kid is on it, it's not because I get a thrill from *almost* having my hand on kid butt, it's because kids are unpredictable, and generally take off whenever possible, usually not in the direction you think they might go. Listen, if I were going to do anything bad to your kids, I'd feed them to sharks, because sharks are FUCKING AWESOME.


I hope this helps, and have fun this summer riding your kick-ass bike!

  * Location: Seattle
  * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

This one is from Denver.

Free couch, if you can bend time and/or space
Date: 2009-05-25, 3:56PM MDT


I have a free couch for anyone who can get it back out of my room.
It's a comfy couch, cool stripe velvet in great shape, impossibly uncomfortable sleeper, but otherwise easily worth $50-75 bucks in Craigslist land.

So why am I listing in for free? Because I am pretty sure it is physically impossible to remove this thing from my second story bedroom down the narrow hallway, down the narrower staircase and out the front door of my little Victorian duplex. How did we get it up here in the first place? Magic... well, it did involve taking several doors off the hinges, 4 people, and about 3 1/2 hours of cursing the gods. However, I don't feel like doing it all again, and I'm not about to have a stranger (no offense) taking apart my house for a deal on a sofa.

So, if you can bend space and miraculously make this thing fit, such powers shall be awarded with a free couch. Likewise, if you can alter time and go back to when we first bought the monstrosity and prevent us from attempting to bring it upstairs in the first place, you shall also have the honor of owning this couch bestowed on you.

Or if you lack these powers and still really want it, you can have it... in pieces, BYOS (bring your own saw)

  * Location: Denver
  * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[ ] You own more than one credit card
[x] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] you've done your own laundry
[x] You vote in every election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[x] You think politics are exciting
TOTAL SO FAR: 7

[ ] You show up for school late alot
[x] You always carry a pen in your bag/​purse/​pocket
[ ] You've never gotten a detention
[x] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week
TOTAL SO FAR: 12

[x] You know how to do the dishes
[ ] You can count to 10 in another language
[x] When you say you're going to do something you do it
[x] You can mow the lawn
[x] You study when you have to
[x] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[x] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type pretty quick (74 wpm ;D )
TOTAL SO FAR: 22

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[x] You have been to a Tupperware party
[ ] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[x] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day
[ ] You have been outside of the united states 3 or more times
[x] You make your own bed everyday
TOTAL: 27

Things to look into for Steampunk inspirations.

BOOKS
Homunculus
Clockwork Heart
COMICS/GRAPHIC NOVELS
Girl Genius
Iron West
Steam Detectives
FILM
The City of Lost Children
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Howl's Moving Castle
VIDEO GAMES (Will help take up time too)
Arcanum
Final Fantasy 6
MUSIC
Abney Park
The Clockwork Quartet
Dr. Steel
Rasputina
Unextordinairy Gentlemen
Vernian Process

According to this quiz these are the rating of which piercings I should have.

Cartilage Piercing 
100%
Tongue Piercing
90%
Dirty Piercings
80%
Earlobe Piercing
80%
Lip Piercing
70%
Nipples
60%
Labret Piercing
60%
Belly Button Piercing
60%
Nose Piercing
50%

Craigslist!

This fish is a JERK!

Okay so here's the story. I have a bullfrog named Herman. He eats feeder fish (about 1 dozen every 5-6 days... he's got quite the appetite.) that I get from a local store. A few weeks ago I bought him a round of victims and he ate all of them except this one small brownish/greenish fish. I figured it was just because he wasn't hungry but I have never seen him pass up a meal. I left the fish in his tank, feeding the fish daily to keep him alive, and still... Herman wouldn't eat him. I eventually felt sorry for the fish and put him in with the rest of the feeder fish in the feeder tank. I did some research including posting on here asking what kind of fish he was, and figured he was either a juvenile cichlid of some-sort or just an ugly feeder. He'd been in there for about a week before I started calling him "Snack" and yesterday I finally broke down and bought him his own tank and a cute little Pearlscale goldfish to keep him company.

This morning I was watching them swim and to my horror... Snack started attacking the Pearlscale!!! I put him back in the feeder tank to save the Pearlscale from getting hurt (he's cute!) and he started attacking the Feeders! WTF SNACK??!?!?

I did some more research and have discovered that he is not a feeder fish or a cichlid, but a juvenile Green Sunfish. They are SUPER aggressive and territorial and do best as a single fish (with something like a Crayfish as a friend as they are both pond dwellers and won't eat eachother) or in groups (but only from when they are babies)... I read about some people keeping them with Cichlids since they are also aggressive, but as of now, I can't keep him with the Pearlscale or the feeders... He's a jerk. An angry, territorial jerk. hahaah...

I'm posting to see if anyone has an interest in adding him (or her) to their tank of Cichlids, or starting a new tank? He's about 2 inches long at the moment, so you can start off with a smaller tank and just have the tank grow with him? I'd trade for something cute, little and non-aggressive that I can keep with the Pearlscale (Shrimp, another Pearlscale (small), African dwarf frog, etc...)

Let me know what you have, and we'll take it from there. Don't say I didn't warn you that this fish was a jerk tho... :)

Jessie

My new favorite song! For now of course

Flobots----Jetpack

Chorus:
I will not bend
I will not bow
I will not break
I'll stand my ground
won't be afraid
to sing out loud
to sing out loud
to sing out loud
the visions of what's involved
the tensions you must resolve
distractions will just dissolve
YOU ARE NOT LIKE ME

he's encountered a setback,
he isn't down to let that
keep him on the ground. Press that
button- ignite the jetpack!
launch pad shrink disappear
past the brink the
atmosphere's thinning and his
plasma's tingly
planes appear to be birds and
birds appear to be bees and
he's hearing the words that
occur to him for no reason
"What are you living your life for
what are you willing to die for
what do you believe to be the grain of truth you can provide for
this grand adventure?
Is it your plan to spend your
days batted about by
these random events?
Are you fueled by another engine
lighting a fire beneath?
Have you breathed and seen your breath in the winds
and have you reached that point?"

CHORUS

you only get to see this
earth one time it's
axis tilt's it
changes climates
plates shift weights and
continents drift and
draft twisted fates and
monstrous frictions
fragmentations stress and
aggravation
depression and confusion and
bad relations use your
imagination elude their
categorization
whether the crowd gives boos or
congratulations the blue's just
something you move through toward the
vast expanses of space on the
universal infinite
path to emancipation the
gravity of the planet
grips you but don't abandon
ship you feel the pressures in
side can you withstand it?

CHORUS

the heights you'll reach the
depths you'll delve to
depends on the propulsion
system that propels you
methods that compel you
messages they sell you
punishments they give you
for doing what they tell you
but we've got passion
they've got prisons
you've got the freedom to
make a decision
will you abandon
all your addictions
take your stand and
live your convictions
what've you got to lose what've
you been taught to chose
what're you so hot to prove with your
beautiful socks and shoes
the costumes' frayed cloth covers
skin like a shroud
exhaust fumes fade off in the wind
like a cloud

CHORUS

How does this sound?

The little Mute Button

I love hitting the mute button on the world
That little arrow pointing you in the right way
It's a beautiful little button
When it's pressed
A new world envelopes your own
leading to stories
Loving relationships play out
Somewhere else a guitar hums a tune
While I eat some BB's
A tune of dark blue waters and missed embraces
This little button can take you anywhere
An unheard of future of apocalyptic landscapes
With burning forests of cannibliss smoke
And Gorillaz roam the countryside
Yellow aquatic beetles take me downtown
Other denizens shoot glances at me
My world impinges on theirs
Piercing their ears with sharp pointy notes
The yellow beast hits its last stop
As my feet touch the concrete
I start floating on
A philosophical mouse leading the way
That fat little mouse starts to slim away
And something new is with me
Right here right now
The crest of the hill and the end of my journey approaches
I'm given a riddle of revelution
By three aged Veronican queens
As they let me pass I walk in the door
As those Gorillaz say
Tomorrow comes today

~Patrick Commins

Wants to write a poem....come back later for one if you wish. Or start giving me things to write about. That would be fun. I should make a game out of it every week....