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This fish is a JERK!

Okay so here's the story. I have a bullfrog named Herman. He eats feeder fish (about 1 dozen every 5-6 days... he's got quite the appetite.) that I get from a local store. A few weeks ago I bought him a round of victims and he ate all of them except this one small brownish/greenish fish. I figured it was just because he wasn't hungry but I have never seen him pass up a meal. I left the fish in his tank, feeding the fish daily to keep him alive, and still... Herman wouldn't eat him. I eventually felt sorry for the fish and put him in with the rest of the feeder fish in the feeder tank. I did some research including posting on here asking what kind of fish he was, and figured he was either a juvenile cichlid of some-sort or just an ugly feeder. He'd been in there for about a week before I started calling him "Snack" and yesterday I finally broke down and bought him his own tank and a cute little Pearlscale goldfish to keep him company.

This morning I was watching them swim and to my horror... Snack started attacking the Pearlscale!!! I put him back in the feeder tank to save the Pearlscale from getting hurt (he's cute!) and he started attacking the Feeders! WTF SNACK??!?!?

I did some more research and have discovered that he is not a feeder fish or a cichlid, but a juvenile Green Sunfish. They are SUPER aggressive and territorial and do best as a single fish (with something like a Crayfish as a friend as they are both pond dwellers and won't eat eachother) or in groups (but only from when they are babies)... I read about some people keeping them with Cichlids since they are also aggressive, but as of now, I can't keep him with the Pearlscale or the feeders... He's a jerk. An angry, territorial jerk. hahaah...

I'm posting to see if anyone has an interest in adding him (or her) to their tank of Cichlids, or starting a new tank? He's about 2 inches long at the moment, so you can start off with a smaller tank and just have the tank grow with him? I'd trade for something cute, little and non-aggressive that I can keep with the Pearlscale (Shrimp, another Pearlscale (small), African dwarf frog, etc...)

Let me know what you have, and we'll take it from there. Don't say I didn't warn you that this fish was a jerk tho... :)

Jessie

My new favorite song! For now of course

Flobots----Jetpack

Chorus:
I will not bend
I will not bow
I will not break
I'll stand my ground
won't be afraid
to sing out loud
to sing out loud
to sing out loud
the visions of what's involved
the tensions you must resolve
distractions will just dissolve
YOU ARE NOT LIKE ME

he's encountered a setback,
he isn't down to let that
keep him on the ground. Press that
button- ignite the jetpack!
launch pad shrink disappear
past the brink the
atmosphere's thinning and his
plasma's tingly
planes appear to be birds and
birds appear to be bees and
he's hearing the words that
occur to him for no reason
"What are you living your life for
what are you willing to die for
what do you believe to be the grain of truth you can provide for
this grand adventure?
Is it your plan to spend your
days batted about by
these random events?
Are you fueled by another engine
lighting a fire beneath?
Have you breathed and seen your breath in the winds
and have you reached that point?"

CHORUS

you only get to see this
earth one time it's
axis tilt's it
changes climates
plates shift weights and
continents drift and
draft twisted fates and
monstrous frictions
fragmentations stress and
aggravation
depression and confusion and
bad relations use your
imagination elude their
categorization
whether the crowd gives boos or
congratulations the blue's just
something you move through toward the
vast expanses of space on the
universal infinite
path to emancipation the
gravity of the planet
grips you but don't abandon
ship you feel the pressures in
side can you withstand it?

CHORUS

the heights you'll reach the
depths you'll delve to
depends on the propulsion
system that propels you
methods that compel you
messages they sell you
punishments they give you
for doing what they tell you
but we've got passion
they've got prisons
you've got the freedom to
make a decision
will you abandon
all your addictions
take your stand and
live your convictions
what've you got to lose what've
you been taught to chose
what're you so hot to prove with your
beautiful socks and shoes
the costumes' frayed cloth covers
skin like a shroud
exhaust fumes fade off in the wind
like a cloud

CHORUS

How does this sound?

The little Mute Button

I love hitting the mute button on the world
That little arrow pointing you in the right way
It's a beautiful little button
When it's pressed
A new world envelopes your own
leading to stories
Loving relationships play out
Somewhere else a guitar hums a tune
While I eat some BB's
A tune of dark blue waters and missed embraces
This little button can take you anywhere
An unheard of future of apocalyptic landscapes
With burning forests of cannibliss smoke
And Gorillaz roam the countryside
Yellow aquatic beetles take me downtown
Other denizens shoot glances at me
My world impinges on theirs
Piercing their ears with sharp pointy notes
The yellow beast hits its last stop
As my feet touch the concrete
I start floating on
A philosophical mouse leading the way
That fat little mouse starts to slim away
And something new is with me
Right here right now
The crest of the hill and the end of my journey approaches
I'm given a riddle of revelution
By three aged Veronican queens
As they let me pass I walk in the door
As those Gorillaz say
Tomorrow comes today

~Patrick Commins

Wants to write a poem....come back later for one if you wish. Or start giving me things to write about. That would be fun. I should make a game out of it every week....

Here is my current mood for the day...

This was this morning


My craving for soda all day


Me taking half a day nap, skipping out on work


Me wanting all day


Explanation to all of my headache and its severity


What I would like right now

Have you ever made out in a bathr​oom?​
public? No.

Do you think​ the last perso​n you kisse​d is amazing?​
Amazing? You like understating things as well as stalking me huh?

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
My stalker, in other words you. Yes I know that was your breathing on the phone.

What is the last non-​alcoh​olic bever​age you had?
Coffee, I am taking a sip riiiiiiiight..........now.

When is the last time you cried​?
A while ago actually? What about you? The last time I ignored your stalking ass?

Have you been kisse​d by someo​ne who'​s name start​s with a T?
No, I don't believe so.

Are you scare​d of spide​rs?​
I played with black widows in my hand when I was little.

What are your plans​ for this weeke​nd?​
Well the weekend is almost over so why does it matter?

Ever been swimm​ing in a lake or river​?​
I don't swim.

Last perso​n you drove​ with in a car?
Probably, wait, why does it matter to you?

What did you last buy?
Bus rides and a coffee

What’​s irrit​ating​ you right​ now?
lack of revenge for noise from ambient places upstairs.

Are you liste​ning to music​ right​ now?
I would like to be....mmmmmm....Music.


Do you like Chine​se food?​
Why yes I like Chinese food. Do you? Or are you a culinary racist?


What is the last movie​ you saw in theat​ers?​
Fanboys, which was surprisingly good.

Is there​ anyon​e you wish was still​ in your life?​
A few.

Do you get distr​acted​ easil​y?​


Plans​ for tomor​row?​
Writing two essays.

Was this the best year of your life?​
No I wouldn't say it was the best. But definitely, by very damn far, not the worst

Have you ever chang​ed cloth​es in a vehic​le?​
I have done a lot in a vehicle.

Have you ever broke​n someo​nes heart​?
I probably have.

Do you belie​ve that you are a good boyfr​iend or girlf​riend​?​
Ask the one who really gets to decide that.

Have you ever dated​ someo​ne older​ than you?
yes I am now and I have before.

What time did you go to bed at and when did you awake​?​
Don't you already know? Oh that is right you suck at stalking and have to ask me all these weird questions instead. You Fail and don't deserve the answer to this question.

Do you belie​ve every​one deser​ves a secon​d chanc​e?
Chance? How about you just take the action rather than waiting for permission.

What would​ you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil' Wayne​?​
If he had 750ml I MAY invite him in, or just take his drank.

How old is the last perso​n you kisse​d ?
20.

Do you have a reaso​n to smile​ right​ now?
I always have a reason to smile. You never get to see it though if you keep asking me questions, they do tend to get on my nerves and kill my sense of joy, you dirty bastard.


Have you ever woke up next to someo​ne and were freak​ed out?
No, but I assume you sneak away before I wake up. Ooops sorry, I forgot you suck at stalking.

Have you ever kisse​d someo​ne whose​ name start​ed with the lette​r E?
YES!

Are you looki​ng forwa​rd to anyth​ing?
Getting to actually take photos for school.

Who was the last perso​n of the oppos​ite sex you had a conve​rsati​on with ?
Why? Maybe I had a conversation with a clock.

What are you weari​ng on your feet ?
Skin.

How many times​ do you talk on the phone​ a day on avera​ge?​
Probably three to four times. Don't you know this already?

Do you usual​ly have weird​ dream​s?
Give me some muchrooms and I will get back to you.

Do you like your bed?
I have a bed!?! Where!?!?!

Do you think​ that the perso​n you like feels​ the same way you do?
Uhhhh, this would be a very strange morning so far if they didn't.

What song is stuck​ in your head?
Blues Clues.

Has anyon​e gotte​n on your nerve​s latel​y?​
Yeah, they are above me at the moment.

Is a best frien​d/​boyfr​iend/​girlf​riend​/​ex pissi​ng you off at the momen​t ?
NO, not really.

Are you on medic​ation​ for anyth​ing ?
Does coffee count as medication for the draining world of academia?

Do you like scent​ed candl​es ?
I like incense.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
I didn't have one actually.

Are you tired​ right​ now?
Nope. Some chloroform may help *HINT*HINT*

Where​ are you going​ on vacat​ion next?
Hopefully Ireland again or maybe somewhere on the East coast.

What were you doing​ at 8:00 this morni​ng?​
in bed.

Three​ words​ to expla​in why you last threw​ up?
Sick of Stalkers.

Do you care if your boyfr​iend/​girlf​riend​ drink​s?
Don't give on shit. Its more so WHAT is being imbibed. I don't think antifreeze is ok in my book.

Have you ever tatto​oed anyon​e'​s name on you?
No, but I will. No its not yours, I'm sorry.

Do you think​ your curre​nt pets will be alive​ ten years​ from now ?
Freddie Kruger can't die!

Wanna​ get marri​ed?
Eureka! I now know your motives!

Do you like Ramen​ noodl​es ?
Ive me some real ramen and I'm happy.

Have you ever gotte​n locke​d in a trunk​ of a car ?
Yes actually, its called sneaking away.

Who was the last perso​n to smoke​ in your prese​nce?
My family.

Have you ever kisse​d someo​ne whose​ name start​ed with the lette​r K?
Yes.

You can only drink​ ONE liqui​d for the rest of your life,​ what is it ?
I would drink whatever I wanted at the moment. ONE drink at a time.

Are you a patie​nt perso​n ?
Depends. I'm taking this survey aren't I?

Have you ever thoug​ht about​ getti​ng your nose pierc​ed ?
yes, I might actually. Once I get the monies to get it all started.

What do you carry​ with you at all times​ ?
Too much.

Are you mean?​
Why no, but if you come in my house you will be met with my cat. Freddie Kruger.

I found this on a friends myspace. I also corrected it for spelling and grammar.

The thing​ that's​ on your mind?
How can Americans think they have an indulgent and deep culture?


Are you afraid​ of losing​ the person​ you fell hardest​ for?
Why wouldn't I?


Last person you kissed,​ ​how many times​ have you cried​ in front​ of them?​​
About once.


What'​​s one thing​ you do when you'​​re mad?
Go quiet, creepy quiet.


Hows your mood?​​
Craving noms and a reason to use my camera.


Is the last person you kissed mad at you?
Don't think so.


When was the last time you spoke to your number two in person?​​
I'm getting pretty impatient at this point.


Honestly, has anyone seen you in your under​wear in the past three​ month​s?​​
....I would imagine so. If not her level of observance has degraded.


Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?​​
Tomorrow if my diabolical plan goes through.


Have you learn​ed any lesso​ns in life?​​
I'm still learning. As everyone should be. If you feel you have nothing to learn or haven't learned anything about life you should fell some sufferings.


How do you feel about​ your hair right​ now?
I need to get it longer and maybe dyed.


Have you ever had someo​ne sing to you?
Yeah, but that is usually a communal thing.


Would​ you forgi​ve a frien​d for telli​ng your bigge​st secre​t?​​
Secret? How about you just come up and ask me.


Are you datin​g the perso​n you text most?​​
Yeah, definitely.


Three​ hours​ ago, were you touch​ing a perso​n of the oppos​ite sex?
No. I was studying and doing more bullshit school work that I don't believe I need.


Where​ did you get the shirt​ you'​​re weari​ng?​​
Value Village


Last perso​n who told you thing​s were going​ to be okay?​​
Probably [The Penguin Who Could Fly].


Ever kisse​d anyon​e with the name start​ing with a M?
No actually I haven't.


Did you kiss or hug anyon​e today​?​​
Yep Yep Yep!


What'​​s somet​hing you reall​y want right​ now, be hones​t.
To be moved out and fee from this bullshit.


Where​ were you at midni​ght last night​?​​
With [The Penguin Who Could Fly].


Is there​ someo​ne that makes​ you happy​ every​ time you speak​ with them?​​
Of course, everyone makes me happy!


Did anyon​e yell at you today​?​​
Not yet, but Brian has been in one SHITTY mood. I feel a possible fight coming on.


Have you lost a best frien​d in the past year?
Yeah. I lost three THE best friends.


Are you texti​ng anybo​dy?​​
Not at this exact second.


Have you ever had a best frien​d who was of the oppos​ite sex?
Yeah, a few.


Has any one said they love you in the last week?​​
Yes Yes Yes!!!


Who have you texte​d today​?​​
I have texted Jeff, [The Penguin Who Could Fly], Antony, and Jhime.


How'​​s your heart​ latel​y?​​
Still pumping irregularly.


Last awkwa​rd momen​t?​​
Anytime with Jeff is awkward.


When you were in eleme​ntary​ schoo​l,​​ did you chang​e best frien​ds a lot?
No, just got more. I collect hoomans.


Is the last perso​n you kisse​d your signi​fican​t other​?​​
YES!


Last bever​age you had?
Tropicana Pink Lemonade.


Other​ than surve​ying,​​ what are you doing​ right​ now?
Playing a card game with my niece Isabella.


Does a kiss make you feel bette​r?​​
It does, but hearing that she is there is even better. The kiss is a bonus.


Do you start​ the water​ befor​e you get in the showe​r or when you get in?
Before, it has to heat up. I prefer not to be a lolsicle.


Have you ever brush​ed your teeth​ while​ in the showe​r?​​
Yeah, when I'm in one SMALL hurry.


Have you ever thoug​ht about​ your death​?​​
I find death, even my own very interesting.


What about​ today​?​​
What about today? Are you stalking me? Or wanting to stalk me and can't find out enough for my address? If so, you're not a very good stalker. Go back to stalker school. Only stalkers with a 3.0 GPA or higher may stalk me. You aren't good enough.


Where​'​​s your favor​ite place​ to be?
At this phase of my life, I have found it quite enjoyable to be riding the bus going someplace random (Travel is the important part) reading a book or, even better, with [The Penguin Who Could Fly].


Have you ever been skinn​y dippi​ng?​​
I have dane quite a few things naked, skinny dipping isn't one of them.


What are you afrai​d of?
Large bodies of water and the dark if I am alone. Of course you would know this if you were a good stalker.


Will you be in a relat​ionsh​ip next week?​​
I believe so. But Shitty stalkers like you aren't allowed in them.


Are your lips chapp​ed at the momen​t?​​
You don't even have a camera on me at all hours of the day? You really do suck.


Why did you kiss the last perso​n you kisse​d?​​
Because I love them and felt like expressing it.

1)Initials:
PNC

2) Name someone with the same birthday as you:
I just looked up for it and found some interesting results.
1452 - Leonardo da Vinci, Italian Renaissance polymath
1894 - Bessie Smith, American blues singer

3) When was your last kiss?
Monday

4) For or against same sex marriage?
For, if I was against it I would probably be killed.

6) Are you bisexual?
Actually yes.

7) Do you believe in God?
I believe in ALL gods. Know any?

8) how many US states have you been to?
Washington, Montana, Wyoming and New York.

9) How many of the US states have you lived in?
Washington.

10) Have you ever lived outside the US?
Kind of, for about a month I lived in Ireland.

11) name something you like physically about yourself:
The fact that I am FUN SIZE!

12) Name something non physical you like about yourself:
The fact I have very little short-guy-complex.

13) What is the current rumor traveling around about someone?
That People are going to get kicked out.

14) What is your dream car?
Don't really have a dream car, more like a fleet.

15) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Lets start in Ireland then go East.

16) Have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone?
Yeah, I don't see why this is so important. Unless your thirteen.

17) How many concerts have you gone to?
Well over 20 or 30 I would guess.

18) Do you download music?
Am I under the age of sixty?

19) How many illegal things have you done?
Enough to get arrested.

20) Where would you want to go on a first date?
All over the place, then to Pioneer Square.

21) Would you date the person who posted this:
I don't think so. Plus that would probably make things awkward.

22) Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
No not really, most of the people I know don't think of it is respectful, to the song and idea it represents, to play music to one single person unless you are writing a song.

23) Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No, but nor have I been caught on fire by them either.

New Craigslist goodies! Just got the shipment today!

Eleven Things I Hate About Working at a Liquor Store (Vancouver)
Date: 2009-01-19, 5:38AM PST


1. Anyone under the age of 20 who rolls their eyes when I ask them for ID. I'm sorry -- you still look like a fucking kid, and the government of British Columbia says that fucking kids aren't supposed to be drinking so that's why I've IDed you. What -- do you think that it's OBVIOUS you've just turned 19 and I should just be able to tell? Well, sorry, I can't. So don't roll your eyes at me and sigh heavily when you reach for your cards. My job is on the line.

2. Anyone who can't believe that I want TWO pieces of government ID. Why can't you believe it? That's what my bosses tell me to ask for, so I ask for it. It's plastered everywhere: right when you walk in, on drink displays, and at every cash register. So, yes, I want TWO pieces of ID. No, your gym membership is not government ID! GODDAMMIT DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME.

3. People who buy one item and want, like, 10 plastic bags to carry their shit. What are you, some kind of serial environmental offender? What really kills me are the assholes who buy a PLASTIC bottle (virtually unbreakable), then want the plastic bottle in a paper bag, then want the plastic bottle in a paper bag in a plastic bag, then want a double plastic bag for their plastic bottle in a paper bag in a plastic bag. The best is when people catch me giving them a sour look and they say, "I'm taking the bus." Really. Does that make it better?

4. People who ask me to smile. Smiling isn't in my job description. The line up is HUGE. I'm just putting my head down and trying to plow down as MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE IN AS LITTLE TIME AS POSSIBLE SO YOU CAN ALL GO HOME AND DRINK FASTER. Speed requires concentration; when I concentrate I don't smile, so don't ask me to fucking smile when I'm already trying to be as fast as possible for you.

5. People who touch my hair. Generally happens about once or twice a busy weekend -- someone hammered (or weird) comes in and really wants to touch my hair. I know my hair tends to look fabulous, but just because I'm within arm's reach doesn't give you the right to maul my locks. Look, compliment, but don't touch!

6. Cell phones. Chewing gum, too. Okay -- I can accept that being irritated by chewing gum is a problem that I ought to keep to myself, but cell phones? Now that I've worked as a cashier I understand how intensely rude it is to be on your cell while going through the checkout. Just get off that damned cancer pod you've got glued to your ear and provide a little respect to the cashier. Once I had a lady refuse to acknowledge me because she was yakking on her cell, but then had the nerve to exclaim, "I just guess they don't do anything around here anymore!" when I pretended not to hear her asking for a bag.

7. People who buy one or two items and then hover at the end of my til while they stare at the receipt like they're trying to decipher the fucking Rosetta Stone. Okay -- so you wanna check your receipt because you seem to believe that I have incorrectly rung up ONE OR TWO ITEMS. But move on -- don't stand in the way of the next customer and, seriously, does it take a full 30 seconds of INTENSE FOCUS to understand your receipt? You're clearly an idiot, so get out already!

8. Gaggles of ten or so barely-post-teenage thugs/sluts/idiots who come into the store and scream and giggle and pose like they're already at the club. Being able to hear your idiot babble all the way from the other side of the store means that you're being too damned loud. I feel sorry for all the people within 30 feet of you, let alone 100. Groups like this generally have me bolting for the warehouse.

9. Restaurant owners who have special discount accounts but don't tell me that they have an account until everything is rung through. Oh, you own a restaurant? It's ever-so-popular, is it? Well, my! I'm sorry I didn't know who you were right away, because clearly you're VERY IMPORTANT because you own a restaurant. Now I have to ring the WHOLE THING through again because you didn't have the foresight to tell me who you were. Sorry for wasting your VERY IMPORTANT time.

10. Sleazy guys who press tips into my hand. Listen, buddy, that 72 cents of change you really wanna hand me while staring deep into my eyes does not impress. I'm not allowed to accept tips anyways. So don't try to tip me -- I don't like it, I have to say no, it's awkward. No, you can not have my number because you gave me 72 cents.

11. Older women who WANT me to ID them. Ugh, yeah, back to the ID thing. Listen -- I'm sorry you're 30-something and you don't look under 19 anymore. Really, I think people are beautiful at all ages. Don't worry about it! Just be gorgeous the way you are. But I still don't need to see your ID, so please stop shoving it at me. It just makes you look really desperate, especially in front of your friends.



Wanted: time machine DESPARATE!!!
Date: 2009-01-12, 5:53PM MST


Desperately need a time machine to take me back 6 weeks in time, plus or minus a day. If you have a time machine and are willing to let me borrow it, or know of someone with an impending trip back in time, please let me know ASAP!

I will pay big bucks to have myself warned to NOT sleep with that tramp at the One and Only Bar on the Boulevard.

Tell me that she is very, VERY fertile that night in question, and has a whopping 3 STDs that I will get if I copulate with her.

VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!!

I WILL WRITE YOU A BLANK CHECK IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES!

Key things that will let the me in the past know you are for real:

*Tell me that you know about the rubber ducky incident

*Tell me that you know that I pissed in my friends pool last week, when he was in it.

*Tell me that no matter how hard I try, the lesbian at Barnes and Noble will NEVER go for it, no matter how many sex books I ask her opinions on.

If I still doubt you- use this one-----

*Mention that you know I made out with my cousin when we were drunk at a kegger last summer- NO ONE KNOWS THIS BUT US TWO!!

VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!

001: Name: Padraig
002: Nickname: Muskrat, Irish, Pat, Patti, Pattiboi, Mr. Commins....too many.
003: Country of living: I am a Sovereign Of the United States of America.
004: Birth date: Tax Day on the centennial of the statehood of Washington.
005: School: SCC
006: Do you smoke: No more.
007: Hobbies: What is a hobby but a simple function of life to keep insanity at bay? Obviously I like philosophy and psychology. My name may be a hint too.
008: Brothers/Sisters: Three brothers, pray for my survival. Also one 'adopted' sister.
009: Relationship: What about my wonderful relationship?
010: Piercing(s): One and about 20 in the making. RIGHT NOW!!!
011: Tattoo(s): Also in the making.
012: Favorite Country to go to: Ireland.
013: Are there people you wont reply to?: Myself.
014: Nicest person you met this year: His name is Bubbles and he hangs out on my couch all day and plays with my cat.
015: Person you rather not have met this year: My English teacher.
016: Who would you like to meet: A very rich man who: loves kids and raising them, Enjoys a woman of size, will give me any need I have so long as I keep his house clean and dinner served with a bite of saucy entertainment. (Explanation:Get my sister out of my house)
017: Who do you admire most: At this exact moment? Probably my niece Isabella, she is one fucking trooper.
018: Most sexy person(s): The only person I know who knows how to 'ride right'
019: Favorite Pajamas: none, or jeans.
020: Favorite Car: Starlight Blue Mustang, 1989, the rest of the model is not as important as the year and color.
021: Favorite Movie(s): The on I haven't seen yet. I don't know what it is, but I love it already.
022: Favorite Music: flobots.com
023: Favorite City(s): I have more to see.
024: Favorite Plush: I count as a plushie don't I?
025: Favorite Perfume: I don't use perfume, SURPRISE!
026: Favorite Magazine: The ones I will be featured in.
027: Favorite sound: Beautifully written poetry read properly.
028: Favorite TV-series: Spaced, Fawlty Towers and more
029: Favorite Nickname: Freddie Kruger is a good nickname for a cat named Fredrick.
030: What is on your mouse pad: My finger sliding across it to highlight this stupid question.
031: What all is under your bed: Stop lying to me! *wanders away and cries*
032: Favorite color: Probably red and anything along that spectrum....of course there was that color after I ate those shrooms.
033: Favorite Song ever: "The Love of The Streets" by Nostalgic Psychedelia
034: Favorite Song at this moment: Imaginary Girl, or Chloroform Girl.
035: Favorite food at this moment: At the moment? Anything that will fill my empty stomach, any suggestions?
035: Favorite class in school: The ones I'm working toward.
036: Favorite drink: Mexican Coke.
037: Lucky number: 32/2+10-3
038: What do you think is greatest about yourself: The fact that I am an agent of change who relishes in working functionally with joy.
039: What deodorant do you use: I'm allergic.
040: Favorite shoes: WW2 combat boots.
041: What time do you go to bed on weekdays: 10:00-1:00 or never.
042: What phrase do you use most: mow?
043: Most romantic moment in your life: Rolling over on weekend mornings and thinking I'm dreaming.
044: Most embarrassing moment in your life: waling out of the morgue alive.
045: Would you rather spend your time inside or outside: both.
046: What do you do on the weekends: exist and what ever comes along with that.
047: What class in school do/did you dislike most: Intro to Mac
048: Your Breakfast this morning: Air.
049: What do you really, really dislike to eat: Anything that tastes really, really dislikable.
050: Pets: Freddie Kruger, my cat and four little beings from hell that live in my basement.
051: Laugh or Dream: I hope i don't cackle in my sleep.
052: Serious or funny: How about you tell me a joke and we will see which one you are.
053: Fast or slow: back and forth or up and down?
054: You prefer being alone or have relation: depends and what the hell your saying.
055: Simple or complicated?: Simply Complicated.
056: Cremated or Buried when dead: Who is dead?
057: Sex or Alcohol: sex.
058: Stay up late or go to bed early: both then shoot yourself after four years.
059: Light or Dark?: *holding razor blade* Always....so....dark....
060: Speak or Silence: chatter.
061: Tall or small man/woman: it would be awesome to fit people in my pockets!
062: Newspaper: The Stranger.
063: Hugs or Kisses: yes!
064: Happy or Sad: .....happy.
065: Life or Death: To walk around a lake or be thrown into it then everyone walk away?
066: Jig or Disco: To be or not to be?
067: Left or Right handed: right.
068: Sausages on top, or on the side: Just give me the damn food.
069: Dark/ red/ Blonde: Red.
070: What would you ask God if you could ask him 1 single question: Are we really here for plastic?
071: You believe in Reincarnation: Ask me when I'm an ant...or maybe your future son.
072: You believe in Aliens: Yes....and they're watching.
073: When you die, what will be your last words?: So long and thanks for all the fish!
074: Does true love exist: Yeah. If you put the effort in.
075: How many kids would you like to have: How many brain cells does and amoeba have?
076: What is the one thing you can't stand: Large bodies of water mixed with me in them.
077: Worst feeling in the world: Subjection.
078: What are you afraid of: Loosing.
079: Are you an emotional person: Damn straight.
080: Do you ever cry during a movie: I have, I think.
081: Your goal in life: To be happy.
082: What was the promise you made to yourself at new years: I don't make promises, I make threats.
083: Favorite art-artist: Reginald Garret.
084: What animal would you like to be reincarnated as: A cockroach, so I will live longer than you.
085: What is the most beautiful part on the opposite sex's body: Her smooth curves gliding together, her eyes when they get that twinkle of inspiration.
086: Most original place to ask your love to marry you: If I answer that it wouldn't be original nor romantic.
087: What do you think of Elftown: It is a town of make believe elves, vampires, dwarves, orcs....and many many other things people wish they were.
088: Where did you get this question list: [The Penguin Who Could Fly]'s diary
089: Besides Elftown, what do you do most on your PC: School, personal research and games.
090: Is there a question you missed in this all: I wouldn't know. If I missed it I wouldn't have answered it I guess.
091: Favorite Actor: James Stewart
092: Favorite Actress: Connie Booth, who the hell could date John Cleese besides her?
093: Favorite Cartoon: The one I would love to write.
094: Favorite Band/ Singer: I think you need to stop the drugs

From now on if I have an emotional point on this diary it will be spoken via lolcats pictures....

Let's start it off with, are you available?
Are you actually asking? Don't even try.

Are there any stressful situations in your life?
Yeah ten of them.

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
Any conversation. Preferably in person.

Do you have any pet fish?
no... I have had pet cats who eat fish. Does that count?

Do you get along more with girls or guys?
I get along with intelligent people.

What are you currently hearing right now?
TV and Brian swet talking his girlfriend on MY couch.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
As Corey would say,"My woman" (Imagine hick accent) [The Penguin Who Could Fly], my female family members (WAY too many) and my friend Brandi.

Would you rather marry a football player or a basketball player?
What kind of marriage? A polygamist matrimony? Or a relationship more based off of Praying Mantis'?

Is there a reason for your MySpace song?
Which one?

When will you see your dad?
In about ten hours or so AND he is paying me back a bit!

Do you drink soda?
Yes, but I drank the last one.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Not exactly. Does being in a band count?

First person to text your phone today ?
Erin or Jeff. I don't exactly know who did first. My phone died then freaked out with texts when it was charged.

What are you looking forward to?
Blowing my English teachers brain into the wall behind him with my awesome writing.

What would your last name be if you married the last person you texted?
....Commins....

Do people tend to walk all over you?
I seem to be bruise free so far.

Are you really happy or are you just saying that?
HI!

Whens the next time you' ll see your closest friend?
When either I get haunted or die.

What was the last reason that you cried?
Being happy.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
I don't really cry

You have siblings over the age of 21?
two....hopefully the third will never reach that age.

What is your favorite kind of weather?
Warm rain in the night.

Are you happy with your life?
Like a light switch.

Who did you last hug?
{[The Penguin Who Could Fly]

Are you a loud person?
YYYYEEEEEEESSSSS!

Would you trade lives with a famous person?
If they stopped being famous and took my place, maybe.

Are you wearing any jewelry?
Two rings and two necklaces with a sharp object in one ear.

Do you have a hard time admitting you' re wrong?
Clock.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone' s life?
Quite possibly.

What should you be doing right now?
Probably sleeping.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Yes

Will you have a valentine this year?
No. I will have my own celebration with [The Penguin Who Could Fly]. I don't celebrate hallmark holidays.

Got this from [The Penguin Who Could Fly]'s Diary. Thought it would be a hoot.


Survey Time:
Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand?
left

What' s the most dominant color in your room?
I have a bedroom? YAY!!!! *looks around* YOU LIE!!!!

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yeah, but it takes a bit of work and time.

Last time you wore the opposite sex' s clothing?
Today, my hat is that of a female.

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Not really, I kind of need to be here, I will leave when I can though

When is the last time you got really frustrated?
Not in a little while.

Do you ever think " what if" about anything?
Ohhhhh yeeeaaaaaahhh

Are you happy with the way things are going?
I want a bedroom, other than though yep.

In the past week have you cried?
no not really.

In the past week has anyone gotten on your nerve s?
I do have a family you know.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Why wouldn't I?

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
yep!

Do you usually have bad dreams?
What is a dream?

Do you like your bed?
I have a bed? YA....stop lying! You're going to make me cry! 

Is there a reason for your MySpace song?
I have a whole playlist, which song?

Will this weekend be a good one?
Of course it will!

Ever had the smoke alarm go off because of the steam from your shower?
What?
No but one time my friends smoked enough weed too and I got high by just walking into the house.

Blue, black, or red pens? Or another color ?
Black.

Do you curse a lot?
I'm Irish, take a guess. You pigmy faggots.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
Yeah.

What did you do today?
Ate tuna salad, hung around with [The Penguin Who Could Fly], did homework.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth?
Excuse me?

Last time you were on the phone?
About 5 minutes or less into the future.

Do you like Oreos?
Yes! But I'm poor and tend to buy Tuxedos.

Muscles or sense of humor?
No comprende.

Can you ice skate?
No.

Do you have a brother?
3, enough said.

What kind of mood are you in?
Awake and hopeful.

Baths or showers?
Both, I prefer showers.

Do you take out the trash?
Yep.

Are you getting engaged any time soon?
nope.

Do you watch the " Hills "?
I'm under my rock again.

Last thing someone bought for you?
a bus ride.

Are you waiting for something?
For class to start in about fourteen hours.

Is there someone you will never forget?
Many.

When' s the last time you said you were fine but really weren't?
I wouldn't say that.

Have you ever been called " heart less"?
The exact opposite.

Looking back, did you ever think you'd be where you're at in life now?
Not really no.

Do you like cuddling?
Who doesn't and why?

What are you doing right now?
this survey.

What does the second text say in your inbox and from who?
"You forgot your book" [The Penguin Who Could Fly].

What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
smiled at [The Penguin Who Could Fly]

How often do you get a new comment on Myspace?
Rarely.

How many pictures do you have saved on your computer?
Are you trying to get my identity? What is with all of these random probing questions anyway? I don't even know who the hell you are! Get out of my head. Speaking of which get the fuck off my lawn! If I catch you there again I will find a Texas Ranger, maybe Chuck Norris, and he will go Southern on your ass...hope you enjoy it! Now get out of my fucking house!

Do you like your cell phone?
No. Its an archaic piece of shit that can't hold reception for more than two hours. If you want it its for sale.

Do you like to wear sweat pants?
Never have.

Have you ever stole n a sign from a street?
Many times. Its pretty fun sometimes.

When was the last time you were disappointed?
Yeah.

Do you miss your past?
Sometimes.

Did you speak to your father today?
Nope, will in the morning though.

What did you do last night?
Watched three quartersf of Sweeney Todd and fell asleep with [The Penguin Who Could Fly].

Are you talkative?
Yeah, of course I am.

Who is first under "D" in your contacts in your cell phone?
Da

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Crystal.

How many people do you fully trust?
A few, not you.

What to my eyes say?

Blue Eyes
Peopl​e with blue eyes last the longe​st in relat​ionsh​ips.​​ They are kind,​​ prett​y or hands​ome,​​ very good kisse​rs and are reall​y hot. They alway​s fall in love with their​ close​st frien​ds and never​ under​stand​ why. They are very funny​,​​ outgo​ing and don'​​t care what peopl​e think​ or say. They love to party​.​​ They are very satis​fying​ and love to pleas​e.​​ Are strai​ght up WARRI​ORS(​​aka wolve​s)​​when they need to be.​​They are bad to the bone.​​

More Craigslisties! This one is from Seattle

I Got Fired Today
Date: 2008-06-11, 11:44AM PDT


I walked into work this morning at about 8:53 this morning and was surprisingly greeted by my V.P.


I thought to myself, "That's odd... I didn't even know he knew I still work here?" He asked me if I knew what time it was because I am normally scheduled to be there at 8am Monday-Friday. I replied, "No, a lion attacked me on the way into work this morning. Lost my watch in the struggle. Enough about me, how can I be of assistance to you today, Mr. (****)?"


Needless to say, he didn't find my explanation very endearing :-/


Next thing I knew, I get pulled into the conference room. Thought to myself, "Geesh, I wonder what this is about?" Walked into the room and saw my direct boss and all his lovely cohorts. They presented me my last four annual reviews and wished to go over them in detail. Naturally, I started laughing because of things I wrote in the past. Didn't know they actually read them? My boss revisted one of them that I wrote in 2007 where I am supposed to comment in the section of "Employee's Greatest Accomplishments". He read it off, "I got the Supervisor/Manager in the deli [downstairs] to start carrying V8 juice."


I laughed and told them to cut to the chase. Whadya know? They had termination papers for me to sign. "Sure." A couple handshakes and then asked for a small box to pack my belongings. They obliged.


Got back to my cubicle w/one of those white Office Max "On-the-Go" file boxes and packed five years worth of stuff. For the last time, I sat in my squeaky chair that never fit me right in all the years I'd been there. Only reason I kept it was because I knew the sound annoyed the shit out of my cubemate. In fact, one day he tried to mace it with WD-40. I lied and told him that I am severly allergic to it. He pouted for me to get a new chair and mumbled a couple swear words. I giggled so hard inside my head to a point that my face turned red. I just blamed the redness on the sight of the WD-40 can.


Anyhow, back to my packing... found a lot of nothing. It hit me that I never really did "set up shop" like everyone else there at work had. You go into some cubes where the ladies have fuzzy arm sleeves for their chairs, hand-knitted blankets for their lap, a plethora of family/friends photos, personal lamps, small fish bowls, and enough plants sitting around to open up a plant nursery. Me? Well, I found the belongings that I had accumulated over five years:

*Microwave pop-corn (take your pick, I have 4 flavors ranging from "Movie Theatre Butter" to Kettle!)
*43 packets of Taco Bell's Mild sauce
*12 packets of Morton's Salt
*5 packets of pepper
*3 packets of mustard
*1 can of Campell's Chunky Beef Barley
*3 Cup of Noodles (beef flavor)
*2 Top Ramen Packs (beef flavor again)
*a box of Quaker Oatmeal "Weight Control" (yeah, no interest... lady a work gave it to me 2 yrs ago)
*4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies that I bought months ago (Thin Mint, Samoas, Peanut Butter Patties)
*1 white bowl and tons of plasticware
*and finally, travel and financial magazines dating back to 2006.


Yep, that's it folks! No pictures, no plants, no fish. Oh, wait... I have one last item I found that hit a soft spot... it's Christmas ornament that was given to me by a co-worker last year. He gives them out every year and they're kinda cute considering he's a big Samoan dude w/a tribe of pooh-pooh makers at home. They make them out of clothes pins.


Moral of my story: Don't eat too much red meat and salty foods - leads to kidney stones.

PS: Let me know if you're hiring :-)

Survey time!

What type of day are you havin​g?
A day without school


Was there​ anyon​e who "​made your day"​?
[The Penguin Who Could Fly] tends to.

Are you likin​g how you look today​?​
Ummmmm....Does a T shirt and pajama pants count as looking good? If so, yes.

Do you have anyon​e crush​ing on you?
I would imagine so.


Have you ever eaten​ a bug?
Everyone does every night.


Are you veget​erian​?
Used to be. Meat is too good.


When was the last time you kisse​d someo​ne?​
Saturday


Have you ever had somet​hing stuck​ betwe​en your teeth​,​ but no one decid​ed to tell you?
probably

Are you a mothe​r or a fathe​r?
not in the usual sense.

When was your last paych​eck?
Probably somewhere near 8 months ago or more.

How many pets do you have?
2 cats, 2 parents, 2 brothers, 1 sister, and 5 nieces and nephews.

What kind of tooth​paste​ do you use?
What ever happens to be on the counter

Are you close​r to being​ rich or poor?​
Neither, I'm a penniless student


Do you sleep​ with a stuff​ed animal?
Not usually, but sometimes.

What was the last gift someo​ne gave you?
A wonderful day out.


Do you appre​ciate​ that perso​n?
Damn fucking straight!


Are you on any type of drugs​?
nicotine inhalers. About six-ten a day.



Are you in love?
Yep.


Have you ever been in love?
Look ^


Do you even belie​ve in love?
yes


How many thing​s are you reall​y think​ing about​ right​ now?
Too many to count. On the surface I'm thinking about how to shut the kids up without mortal injury. Kind of hard actually.


Did you talk to anyon​e you didn'​t like today​?
nope


Do you like picni​cs?​
Dependable

Have you finis​hed schoo​l yet?
give me about four to six years


What is/​was your worst​ subje​ct?
math


What'​s your fathe​r'​s middl​e name?
Paul


Are you Ameri​can?
yes and no


Who are you votin​g for?
You couldn't guess.

Do you like Bush?
Honestly? no.


What kind of mood are you in?
Annoyed.


Are you waiti​ng for anyth​ing?
For school to stop deleting me.

Are you going​ to bed after​ this?
no, kids need taking care of by people other than their sleeping mother you know.


Have you ever watch​ed fahre​nheit​ 9/​11?​
Yep. Have you read the book?

McCai​n or Obama​?
obama

Where​ were you septe​mber 11?
2001?
Giving blood

What book are you curre​ntly readi​ng?
about four.

What song did you last liste​n to?
Constantly Dirty by Tech N9ne


What movie​ is in your DVD playe​r?
Dark Crystal.


How many windo​ws are open in your compu​ter?
Two.


Are you a very stres​sed out perso​n?
No.

How old is your mom?
11*(2*5)+Sqr of 4.


Has your mom ever been on telev​ision​ or in the paper​?​
Don't think so.

Are you singl​e?
Look up for a bit. For those who are inpatient and lazy the answer is no.


Do you have a beach​ house​?​
YES! If the four in my over active imagination count.

Where​ do you live?
Pundunk-population 2300



Did you hones​tly miss Melro​se place​?
Miss what?


Do you ever watch​ Bold and the beaut​iful?
no.



Do you somet​imes watch​ the news?
Everyday.


Have you ever seen a UFO?
I live with my dad. Enough said.


Do you belie​ve in alien​s?​
Of course not! God made us and we are teh holders of this Earth. I am also human and capable of lying.


Do you like Jerry​ Sprin​ger?
As a person I'm sure he is just fine.

Have you ever been to world​ trade​ cente​r?
nope


What is your favor​ite magaz​ine?
don't read them

How many times​ have you gone to a forei​gn count​ry?
once, Ireland

When will you next go on a plane​?
No idea.

When did you last go on a plane​?
June

Do you watch​ footb​all sunda​ys?
As in soccer? YES!

Do you read Perez​ Hilto​n?
nope


What are your thoug​hts on Disne​y Chann​el?
Proof the the great man is dead and his dream has been turned into zombifieing money grubbers.


Do you like Techn​o?​
yes.



Do you like Dr. Phil?​
he never really does anything...ever

Do you like Oprah​?​
Yeah.


Do you ever want to get marri​ed?
Give me a few years.



What is your favor​ite count​ry?
Ireland. My favorite country would be America if it actually up held its beliefs.

Do you like anima​ls?
I am one. I better love them.


Do you like High schoo​l music​al?
No.



Are the Jonas​ broth​ers cute?
no

Do you have an ipod?​
No I have a little pink Sandisck


Do you watch​ TV alot?​
not really


Are you afrai​d of the dark?
No not really. I have my moments I guess.

Apparently I'm appolo

Apollo
Apollo is the son of Zeus and Leto. His twin sister is Artemis. He is the god of music, playing a golden lyre. The Archer, far shooting with a silver bow. The god of healing who taught man medicine. The god of light. The god of truth, who can not speak a lie.One of Apollo's more importaint daily tasks is to harness his chariot with four horses an drive the Sun across the sky. He is famous for his oracle at Delphi. People travled to it from all over the greek world to devine the future. His tree was the laurel. The crow his bird. The dolphin his animal.

Found this on Myspace. Thought it would entertain me.

P: Popular With All Types Of People
A: Loves Someone
T: Very Broad Minded
R: Makes People laugh
I: Wild and Crazy
C: Great Friend
K: Cute

I think it general fits, there is just so much missing and so much understated.

A: Loves someone
B: loves people
C: great friend
D: can kick ur ass
E: has gorgeous eyes
F: good boyfriend or girlfriend
G: HOTT
H: very popular
I: wild and crazy
J: is really sweet
K: cute
L: very good kisser
M: can be funny and dumb at times
N: easy to fal in love with
O: has one of the best personalities ever
P: popular with all types of people
Q: Never Lets People Tell Them What To Do
R: Makes people laugh
S: crazy
T: very broad minded
U: is loved by everyone
V: not judgmental
W: is a good kisser
X: Has a smile to die for
Y: Likes Somebody
Z: makes dating fun

Also found this on Myspace

Let' s start​out with your name.

Patrick

Do you still talk to person you fell hardest for?

Yes

Is there​a girl who knows​pretty much everything​ about​ you?

Girl? Most of the people I know know a lot about me. But to answer your question; yes.

Is there a boy you can tell anything?​​

I can tell anybody anything

Have you ever played tippy cups?​​

No Comprendo

Could​you last in a relationship for over a year?​​

Yeah I definitely can imagine that.

What can you hear?​

Kids, World funniest pet movies, My brother playing a Wii game, Jeff watching him, My keyboard being pressed on, the overload of thoughts that NEED to be written down, Mom doing something in the kitchen, cars slowly driving down the road, my stomach growling, I just yawned, Brian and Kate hanging out, Whiskers sleeping behind my computer and Freddie sleeping on my lap.

Where​ are you?

That is a good question! (wanders off looking for a street sign)

Where​is the boy/girl you like?​​

At her house I would assume, of course I could be wrong.

Will you be kissing anyone this weekend?​​

Well I already have technically but this weekend is almost over. Hope I will be again soon!

What is the last tv show you watched?​​

I just watched a dog tackle a little kid with a hose a second ago.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose​name starts with a C?

Yeah, My sister Crystal.

Have you ever skipped class to smoke weed?​​

Nope. School before recreation dumbasses

Did you yell at anyone today?​​

Nope.

What did you want to be when you were little?​​

So many things that if I listed them here your head would not only explode but it would create a all consuming black hole.

Do you take anything for granted?​​

I don't believe I do, but I might.

Where​were you saturday evening?​

At my house. I have really moved much.

What would​you do if your best friend turned gay?

"if"?

Would you ever date your best friends ex?

Probably not.

Would you ever kiss someone who smokes?​​

I have before.

Who was the last person you had an instant messenger convo with?​

Instant message? Those are those things that are instant right?

What was it about?

What was what about?

Was your past week a good one?

It was pretty awesome to my opinion. THe ending part of it was missing some plastic.

Will you be in a relationship with in the next week?​​

Yep! I don't plan on not being in one.

Do you think​every one deserves a second chance?​​

Depends

Do you eat KFC?

If you want chicken you go to Ezels!

Do you use Facebook or Myspace more?​​

Elftown is the way to go!

Who's the last person you saw in person?​​

I'm surrounded by kids and people.

Have you ever been to Wild Waves​?​

Yep. About four times. Not that great.

Having any boy/girl problems?​

uhhhhh....no such thing.

Do you have any scars​?​​

Yeah but I'm a bit pale.

Is there​ anyone that always makes you smile when you talk to them?​​

Yep! [The Penguin Who Could Fly] can do righteous things!

Last December, what was your love life like?​​

Turmoil

Who can you blame for your mood today​?​​

Kids and sickness.

Besides this, what are you doing right now?

More online stuff.

When was the last time you talked to the person you like?​

trying to talk to them now.

Are you afraid to grow up?

This is a stupid question to ask me.

If you just drank 14 beers, what you would be doing?​​

Impressive things.

Want something you can't have?​​

Right now? Yeah. Someone though, not something.

Do you have a secre​t that you've never​told ANYONE?​​

I don't believe so, I have told everyone at least one secret thing about me.

Something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?​​

Not really.

What are your plans for the weekend?​​

Its over.

Who was the last person you cried​ front of?

[The Penguin Who Could Fly]

Have you kissed any friends on your top?

I think so. Besides the obvious

What's harder - to forgive or to forget?​​

Equal

Is there​something that you havent told anyone that you actually would like to?

Nope.

Is there​something that reminds you of someone every​time you see/hear it?

Too many things. I think I'm getting old.

Was the first person you talked to today​a boy or a girl?​​

A boy, Joshua woke me up.....again.

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?​​

Plenty, actually more than the same sex.

Any plans for tomorrow?​​

Not yet. Snow is getting in the way again.

Do you like to cuddle?​​

Who the hell doesn't?

Do you like to travel by plane?​​

I love it!

Is anyone mad at you?

Don't think so.

Who was the last person to call you?

Chris

Which of your friends lives closest to you?

Jeff, David and Corey and Antony.

Was yesterday better than today?​​

I would say so.

What room are you in?

The office

Are you moving with in the next year?​​

Not likely, it would be cool though.

Will you be married in 6 years?​​

Six years? Maybe.

Your mood?​

Sick and want quite.

Another Craigslist finding. This person is senile. Do not take pity on them or fight me on this. They are crazy. Its from fayetteville.
CAT FOUND!
Date: 2008-11-29, 9:25PM EST


I found this guy the other day on my back porch. I tried feeding him and it turns out that he is not very friendly because i think he may be scared. Not quite sure the breed but I am assuming he is part Siamese. I have him in a crate because he is not really house broken. If he is yours please reply.






Does this look like a fucking CAT to you!?!?!


Here is another that is a little political. Its from San Francisco.


To the wingnut who stole my Obama/Biden magnet and left a note - w4m
Date: 2008-11-20, 12:49AM PST


I was really angry when I got to my car, which was minding its own business parked in the Barnes & Noble parking lot, and I saw that someone had stolen my precious Obama magnet! I waited more than 2 months for that magnet to come in the mail!!

But then as I was driving home I noticed a small white paper flapping in the breeze under my windshield wiper. I pulled over to retrieve it and it was a sloppily-scribbled, psychotic expression of your wingnut political beliefs. I do not care about your paranoid mental disorder (I quote: "Are you ready to give up your freedom? It's COMING MORON!!")

You stole my magnet. I want it back. I'll give you 24 hours to put it back on my scion, which will be parked there tomorrow... or I will take the scrap of Wells Fargo bank statement you wrote your wing-note on to my friend who works for Wells Fargo. She will scan the barcode on the corner of your note and tell me who you are. And I will come steal something YOU value, perhaps your fingernail clipping collection or John McCain blow-up doll!

You have until sundown Thursday, douchbag!


Lastly, craziness from Oklahoma city.

To the guy I slapped across the face in the bar... - w4m
Date: 2008-11-16, 10:24PM CST


Dear average-looking frat boy,

The image of your face when I slapped you (left-handed,too, because my drink was in my right), is one I won't soon forget.

My friend had gone to the bathroom, so when I felt a hand grab and slightly grope my ass, I had no reason to suspect that it was her who felt me up, rather than you, the innocent bystander.

I quickly turned over my shoulder and gave you a quizzical look, which you must have interpreted as come-hither, because you winked and gave me a knowing nod. Taking this as acknowledgment of "your" action, I slapped you. Hard.

This was the first time I had ever slapped anyone, and I immediately felt empowered and fully justified, having not relied on my boyfriend to stand up for my fragile female ego. Yay, feminism! This quickly turned to shock however, as I looked over at my friend, doubled over, red in the face and gasping for breath from laughing hysterically. Immediately putting two and two together, I turned to you, still standing with a very bewildered and increasingly angry look on your face. "Ohmygod, I'm so sorry-she..I.. I thought...", I struggled to apologize. "Get away from me, I don't know what's going on, get away you crazy bitch"... and then you backed up and ran away.

I probably would have done the same thing, so I don't blame you for running away. I wanted to chase you and explain, but thought better of it for several reasons. I can only imagine the stories the next morning as your buddies rehashed the situation, still wondering why a random girl slapped you for no reason. At least now you (hopefully) know the reason.

I'm still sorry. Let me know, and I'll buy you a drink, at a safe distance, so you can be sure no violence will occur. I promise.

Sincerely,

The crazy girl who (somewhat accidently) slapped you across the face

Thought this was interesting. Found it in [The Penguin Who Could Fly]'s diary.

Bold if you've done it
Italics if you want to do it

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower,/b>
6. <b>Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (my older brothers did so I should too!)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (Does music and writing count?)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (kind of)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors(Best experience of my life!!!
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (online ones count?)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (more like stole)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got/gave flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox (three times)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (beforehand)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

This, to my opinion for now, is the BEST of craigslist.com


TO THE SIX-FOOT FOUR TRANSVESTITE - m4w
Date: 2008-11-16, 12:11AM MST


I’ll file this under m4w as a compliment to your cross-dressing skills. Our paths crossed when you went to the voting center a few weeks back, presumably to vote.

You:

-Sporting a miniskirt. Heavy emphasis on "mini." I don't know what you had to do to fold your package in on itself but it was an epic feat (without venturing above the midriff, I might add). I can only imagine it involves a quarter-roll of packing tape and a gram of Vicodin every single day to pull off. Bravo, to you.

- Six-foot four. I can't imagine where one finds a miniskirt for a six-foot four man. Is there some WNBA clothing store I'm not aware of? Do you just tape two of them together and call it a day? Being about your height I know how hard it can be to find good-fitting clothes. For men. You found a miniskirt that you managed to contort into right after you taped your balls to your pelvis.

- The hair. I know, I know. It's hard enough to shave your face. And the fact that you were born a hairy male isn't helping your cause either. The face was shaved, sadly elsewhere was not. But you wore it proud. I'd classify your grooming as "tranny casual." I do think, though, that if you really want to sell people you're going to have to do something about that back hair. Your tank top, despite a heroic effort, was no match.

- The tank top. What’s a boygirl to wear when they go the miniskirt route? You answered definitively by sporting a tank top. Sure, your hair wasn’t deterred by a flimsy women’s garment, but most people probably stopped at the miniskirt, so who’s going to notice, right? I did, buddy. But I think with a good proper razor and some strong discipline, your broad shoulders will finally have the time in the spotlight they so rightfully deserve.

- The button. You had no intention of stopping at a miniskirt and tank top. Normal transvestites, dare I say the majority of them, would have ended it there. Not you, good sirmadam. The “ALPHA FEMALE” button was the icing on your cake. It wasn't a small button, either. Don't worry, if no one had noticed by then that you probably had your package vacuum-sealed to your lower stomach under the miniskirt, then you would’ve been just another tranny walking by. But I tell you that on Election Day, when every man woman and in-between was wearing a button, a thirty-something six-foot four oddly-broad-shouldered individual with a baritone voice wearing a large “ALPHA FEMALE” button really made a statement.

I was very impressed (and nothing more, mind you)