I really dont feel like doing anything related to school tonight..

*leans back in her chair and sighs* What a fantastic day. I dont think there was a single thing wrong with it. 

I got a wonderful wake up call, even if it was a little on the early side *chuckles* And it was a beautiful, sunny day. Clear blue sky, not a cloud to be seen, and 10 above. Everything is melting. There are puddles everywhere. I'm tempted to go splash through them. Spring is here! *dances* 

I spent the two hours of my lunch break sitting outside in the sun. It was gorgeous. Sunglasses on, no jacket...Mmmm. And I think I did pretty darn good on my parasitology midterm, to boot. Better than the last one (which was a 70 somthing)

Now I'm sleepy and I'd really love a nap. Who knows, maybe I'll even take one *grins* But I have one more midterm this week to study for. Just one more..

I'm really proud of how well I did restraining the cat while it got it's pre-med in the anesthesiology lab today. In the past, every time a cat has really freaked out, I kind of have too and have lost my grip on them. Not today though! I had that cat scruffed good. *nods*

And I got my third heart rate for competencies too! Now all I have left is to get jugular and cephalic blood, and insert an IV catheter....

I seem to have almost completely lost my drive when it comes to working on school work out side of school. This is -not- good.

My gads, it feels like spring out there! *dances around her room* Makes for mucky bike riding, it does, but oh, it's so beautiful out.. And that bike ride has put me in an even better mood than I was when I woke up *grins from ear to ear* Yay! Spring!

Sadly, it'll probably be another month before it's this warm and warmer for good. Oh well, it's comming!

Feeling kind of sad and quiet and wistful today..

I think it's just because I'm still so run down. Not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday I felt terrible. Today I'm just, well, what I already said. It's harder to think happy thoughts when I'm this run down. I have to find a way to deal with getting up that early better, because we have more shifts in the clinic once we're second year. But I think this tells me that an emergency clinic would not be a good place for me, as interesting as I'm sure it would be, because I dont think I could handle the shift work. Oh well, there's still a million options open to me, and I've got a while yet before I have to make any major decisions, like where I'm going to do my practicum, or whether I'm going to move to BC when I'm done this program or stay around Calgary. *sigh* So many important, life changing decisions.

It's been an afternoon for bigger thoughts than usual. And, as ever, I'm going to have a hard time expressing those thoughts. I wish I could dictate the sentence fragments more directly as they come to me, but it would lack the connectedness that it holds in my head.

Do I need to be more flexible in my vision of my future? I'm not sure. I didnt think so, but then today.. I can be that way. I fixate on somthing, and then I get blinders on to everyting that does not fit into that idea. Have I missed things because of that? Oh, probably.

I decided years ago what I though I wanted, what I thought I was capeable of. Maybe that's changed. But how much, is the question. Maybe now it's more, or different. Maybe there are possibilities that I didnt think were possible, even as I wanted them to be. Maybe they are. Maybe I just have to believe they are and they will be.

But a part of me still shys away from that idea. A part of me still wants to stay the path I've been on for it seems like so long. So which part wins? I dont know. I just dont know.

Well that is most frustrating. I did a whole bunch of work on parasitology before I had to do my lunch clinic shift, and I e-mail'd it to my self, or so I thought. But now, I go back and access that document to add some more info, and it's blank. How the fuck that happened I'm not sure, but I'm not impressed, not at all.

Today was not a good day in the clinic. I just could not get my head on straight. Not only could I not get blood, though I would have sworn on a stack of bibles that I was in the vein, I could not get a simple heart rate. And when it was time to present the patient to Dr.Ness, I went completely blank and didnt even know where to start, so I looked like a complete idiot. But it's the blood and the HR that anoy me the most. I just dont understand what I'm doing wrong. And neither does my tech, Erin. So she cant even suggest I do anything different, because as far as she can tell, I'm doing everything right. 

It's just like MLT. I know what I'm doing, but I fail every other lab. And it's always on stupid little things too. I'm doing everything right, and I forget to record somthing on the req, or I record it wrong, or somthing like that. And it's somthing different every week, it seems. I just dont get it, but it's really bothering me.

See, this is the problem with being on clinic care. I'm home, I'm sitting in front of my computer all ready to study parasitology, and my brain just isn't working. It's already gone to bed, and it figures I should follow it pretty quickly. I'm thinking it might be right. At least I got three hours in between Anesthesiology and the end of day stuff in the clinic. Not going to be so lucky tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be lucky if I get 15 minutes to eat between clinic care and clinic's calss..

I cant believe reading week is over so quickly. I go back to school in 2 short days. Damn it all. But the semester is more than half over now too, which is crazy to contemplate. Before you know it, it'll be April and I'll be stressed out of my gourd writing finals again. *shakes her head*

But it's been a good week. Relaxing, despite the studying. I've been extrordinarily happy all week, though that isnt entirly due to being off of school.. *grins*

I dont think I've ever had a birthday this warm. I wish I could take spring back to Edmonton with me. Unfortunately I'm garunteed at -least- another month of winter before it starts to warm up there. I may need to move to BC after I'm done school...

Well, have to say that Pan's labrynth was a disappointment. I want' expecting sub-titles, but I was willing to deal with them. The movie it self, however, was too violent and dark for my tastes. The violence bothered me more than anything else I think. It wasnt' violence like in war movies or martial arts movies. I can deal with those just fine. It was very dark and personal violence, and very sadistic, too. Not my type of thing at all. I really could not see that movie having a happy ending. We didnt' stay for the end, we left about 90 minutes in.

*shrugs* Oh well, you never know, do you? That will only be the third movie I have ever walked out on. The other two were Planet of the Apes (the new one, obviously, since I wasnt going to movies when the first one came out, not sure if I was alive because I dont know how old that movie is. Incidentally, the origional is -way- better than the remake) and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. I'm sorry, but not even Johnny Dep could save that particular disaster.

Well, I did a little poll of some of my friends to find out what kind of music they were listening too. While most people followed my request and gave me their top 5 bands and very favorite song, some slacked and some went crazy. *chuckles* Now a few of you asked me to share the results, and I thought this was the easiest way.

So, here are the results of my little survey, in order of who replied first.
------------------------------------------------------------
People’s favorite music

Rowan[Rosie.]: erm...
Avril Lavine
Tool
the used
Flyleaf
tracy chapman
alexisonfire
KT Tunstall
TV for the Radio


Alain[Silverbullet]: Bands are, in no particular order:
Cowboys Fringuants
In Flames
Blue Man Group
Within Temptation
Linkin Park
and...
TaTu *is so ashamed* 
Fav songs include:
Evil in a Closet, InFlames (Never been able to figure out why I like it Oo)
In the End, Linkin Park (But I've listened to it WAY too many times)
Everyone has had more sex than me, TISM (fun to hum in public places.. like class)


[Trennas]: favorite song right now would be.. Jon Brion - Here we Go.. from the movie Punch-Drunk Love.. as for top bands and musical artists.. i dont really have a current favorite right now.. havent been listening to a lot of music lately:p


Nic[Galain]: The Libertines, Tomblands.

Santiago[Moonknight]: hard to answer this,..
Favorite bands and such (this can be relative,changes with mood and such)
Toto
Journey
Queen
Iron Maiden
Watchmen
Bryan Adams
Genesis
current absolute favorite song??
gah,. so hard,.
I guess *right now*
its "Safe" by Watchmen

Tim[smakeupfx]: Hey there sweets... here they are... favorite songs....
Redemption Song - Bob Marley
100 Years - Blues Traveler
Sweet Pain- Blues Traveler
In your Eyes - Peter Gabrielle
The Dirty Glass - Dropkick Murphys
Give up the Grudge - GOB
The Sweetness - Jimmy Eats World
C'Mon C'mon - Von Bondies
Kiss me, I'm Shitfaced - Dropkick Murphys
Montana - Gipsy Kings
Walk Away - Ben Harper
Variation on a theme - Rockmoninof
March Slave - Tchaikovsky
Romeo and Juliette - Tchaikovsky
Ode to Joy - Beethoven
Time of your life - Greenday
Siegfried Idle - Wagner
Cigarettes and Redvines - Aimee Mann
Please Forgive - David Gray
She's a Hunchback - Dickies
Sugar magnolia - The Grateful Dead
Uncle John's Band - The Grateful Dead
Host of seraph - Dead can Dance
Don't think twice - Bob Dylan
Mack the Knife - Bobby Darin
Jamaica fairwell - Harry Belafonte
Kentucky Avenue - Tom Waits
Trans Europe Express - Kraftwerk
Silent all these years - Tori Amos
Jocko Homo - DEVO
It's a Beautiful world - DEVO
Anna Begins - Counting Crows
Beethoven's 6th
Father and Son - Cat Stevens
Carmina burana - Orff
Clair de Lune - DeBussy
Rain King - Counting Crows
Alone - Blues Traveler
Try to believe - Oingo Boingo
Insects - Oingo Boingo
Shake your tail feather - Ray Charles
Can't get there from here - REM
On the outside looking in - Oingo Boingo
Crash - David Mathews Band
Proudest Monkey - David Mathews Band
current fav...Kentucky Avenue - Tom Waits


and, last but not least, I'll give you my faves in no particular order..

Michael Franti
Yo Yo Ma
Kate Rusby
Skillet
Ladysmith Black Mombazo

Current fave song is "Hello, Bonjour" by Michael Franti. It just makes me bounce around, and that's always fun.

____________________________________________________________

So thank you all for your participation! *huggs*

Left school early today because I wasnt' feeling well at all. Almost didn't go altogether, but decided I couldnt afford to miss double Anatomy.

On the way home on the bus, a tank passed us. *blink, look again* Another tank passes us. Even has the guy sitting with his head out of the turret on top. "man" I think "that must be cold" (it's about -17 celcius out there, never mind the wind chill that would have been created)

This is not somthing I am used to seeing, folks. *shakes her head* Wonder where they were comming from? Because I have to assume they were headed for the base. It's about 10 minutes drive past my house. I haven't been there since they stopped doing an anual air show there. That was the very first place I ever heard bagpipes. I fell in love instantly. *chuckles*

I'm beginning to think I have a secret following. A group of names keep appearing on my "last visitors" list, but they never actually say anything to me. Hmm...