Brr. Winter's gone and made another appearance. It's bloody cold out there today.

Hmm, it appears that a hangover is not conducive to studying. Who'd a thunk it?

Im sore, I'm exhausted, and I smell like cow. I had -so- much fun!

There was way more work to today than I expected. We didnt have to assist with any of the births, but we didn't stop working the entire time. Moving cows that looked like they were going to be ready to calve soon from one area to another, moving mothers and their calves, processing the calves them selves (which involved castrating them if they were male, giving them Vit E & selinium, and Vit A&D injections, and giving them two ear tags.) They fought the ear tags most because they hurt. The calves we were working with weighed b/t 100 and 130lbs and I tell you, they're strong little buggers! They're also quite difficult to move when they dont want to, and none of them wanted to go from the nice warm barn out into the pasture, so you actually had to push them the whole way by basically walking right behind them and pushing them along with your thighs while leaning over them to use your hands to keep them going in the direction you want them to. *laughs* I havent gotten this good a workout all year, I swear. There were also a lot of stalls to be mucked out and filled with fresh bedding. For any one who has never mucked out a stall, it's hard work. The straw is quite heavy when it's wet, and when you add shit to the equation... My arms are not thanking me for working them so hard.

While we didnt' have to assist with any births, we did have a necropsy to do on a calf that died yesterday. This was the second calf from this one cow that had died with no apparent cause. They suspected maybe a heart problem, but while it did turn out to be related to the cardiovascular system, it wasn't his heart. What happened is that there was a genetic defect in both his umbilical arteries, and they ruptured. So basically he bled out internally. His whole abdominal cavity was full of blood. It was really cool to be able to see. Dr. Blair hadn't seen anything like that before either. Also got a good look at some of the other anatomy, like the larynx. I got lots of good photos. Not for viewing by the squeemish, be warned!

A really fun day all around. Had lots of laughs with the girls and Dr Blair, and there were half a dozen super friendly barn cats too, which is always a plus. Good times, good times. Cant wait to see what happens during my next shift on April 2nd!

*chuckles* It was beautiful out when I left the house for school this morning. Now, there's almost a blizzard going on out there. I did -not- dress for that. Hopefully it will have cleared up in 3 hours when I'm leaving. You'd think I'd know better, having grown up here and all that. I was lulled into a false sense of security by all the consecutive days of beautiful, warm, sunny weather. This is Alberta, after all. Dont like the weather, wait 5 minutes.

I'm sitting with my head on my arms and looking at the reflection of my face in the glass top of my desk. All I can really see between my arms and my laptop are my eyes, and the wood grain below the glass. I wonder, what am I thinking? Its a shame that feeling of peace never lasts. I need school to be over for the summer.

I just cleaned my desk off yesterday and it's already a mess.

There is a little purple duck with horns sitting on top of my desk lamp.

Well, I think that was the most peacefull thing I've done in a long time.

I woke up this morning at about 5:00. And I dont know why, but I decided not to go back to sleep. I really dont know why. But what I decided to do, was to sit and watch the sun rise. So I sat at my desk with all the lights off, listening to some morning music, and I watched the sky slowly go from full dark to full light.

And I'm glad I did, because it's left me with a peace I certainly didnt' go to bed with last night. I feel a great deal better.

Fantastic day. Turns out, I'm a natural at intubation. Sweet! Finally, I can do somthing well!

MLT aslo went very well today. I was the first one done my seds. To celebrate, I am going to curl up on my bed and watch a movie.

I really dont feel like doing anything related to school tonight..

*leans back in her chair and sighs* What a fantastic day. I dont think there was a single thing wrong with it. 

I got a wonderful wake up call, even if it was a little on the early side *chuckles* And it was a beautiful, sunny day. Clear blue sky, not a cloud to be seen, and 10 above. Everything is melting. There are puddles everywhere. I'm tempted to go splash through them. Spring is here! *dances* 

I spent the two hours of my lunch break sitting outside in the sun. It was gorgeous. Sunglasses on, no jacket...Mmmm. And I think I did pretty darn good on my parasitology midterm, to boot. Better than the last one (which was a 70 somthing)

Now I'm sleepy and I'd really love a nap. Who knows, maybe I'll even take one *grins* But I have one more midterm this week to study for. Just one more..

I'm really proud of how well I did restraining the cat while it got it's pre-med in the anesthesiology lab today. In the past, every time a cat has really freaked out, I kind of have too and have lost my grip on them. Not today though! I had that cat scruffed good. *nods*

And I got my third heart rate for competencies too! Now all I have left is to get jugular and cephalic blood, and insert an IV catheter....

I seem to have almost completely lost my drive when it comes to working on school work out side of school. This is -not- good.

My gads, it feels like spring out there! *dances around her room* Makes for mucky bike riding, it does, but oh, it's so beautiful out.. And that bike ride has put me in an even better mood than I was when I woke up *grins from ear to ear* Yay! Spring!

Sadly, it'll probably be another month before it's this warm and warmer for good. Oh well, it's comming!

Feeling kind of sad and quiet and wistful today..

I think it's just because I'm still so run down. Not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday I felt terrible. Today I'm just, well, what I already said. It's harder to think happy thoughts when I'm this run down. I have to find a way to deal with getting up that early better, because we have more shifts in the clinic once we're second year. But I think this tells me that an emergency clinic would not be a good place for me, as interesting as I'm sure it would be, because I dont think I could handle the shift work. Oh well, there's still a million options open to me, and I've got a while yet before I have to make any major decisions, like where I'm going to do my practicum, or whether I'm going to move to BC when I'm done this program or stay around Calgary. *sigh* So many important, life changing decisions.

It's been an afternoon for bigger thoughts than usual. And, as ever, I'm going to have a hard time expressing those thoughts. I wish I could dictate the sentence fragments more directly as they come to me, but it would lack the connectedness that it holds in my head.

Do I need to be more flexible in my vision of my future? I'm not sure. I didnt think so, but then today.. I can be that way. I fixate on somthing, and then I get blinders on to everyting that does not fit into that idea. Have I missed things because of that? Oh, probably.

I decided years ago what I though I wanted, what I thought I was capeable of. Maybe that's changed. But how much, is the question. Maybe now it's more, or different. Maybe there are possibilities that I didnt think were possible, even as I wanted them to be. Maybe they are. Maybe I just have to believe they are and they will be.

But a part of me still shys away from that idea. A part of me still wants to stay the path I've been on for it seems like so long. So which part wins? I dont know. I just dont know.