It's been a bit of a fucked up day and I'm feeling rather out of sorts. Cant concentrate. Didn't get anything accomplished. It's fucking early but I think I'm going to go to bed. Sometimes nothing but sleep clears my mind. I hope I have more dreams like last night. They made me happy, even if they made me lonely...

On a side note, I'm completely addicted to swing dancing. I can not wait for the next open dance in October. I must find some where to take lessons once I'm back in Calgary..

I find my self, as of late, absolutely in love with the play of light and shadows on clouds. I'm spending hours staring at the sky.

I'm tired and I'll admit that I don't feel the least bit like working on school work right now. I would much rather have slept in, esp considering that I have no class till 1:15. I've been at school since 8 though, and it's now 11. I've been productive this entire time and now all i want to do is have a nap. *chuckles* Knowing me, I'll do just that in Dr.Blair's classes this afternoon. I almost feel bad, but i did warn him I'd be doing it again this year. That said, some of my best marks in first and second semester were in his classes. it hasn't even been two full weeks yet and I feel like all I ever do is study. Oh well, I had to know it was inevitable. Only one year left, after all. I think it's worth it. And thursday mornings will be well worth getting up early, to go work with horses all morning every week.

Yeah, as tired as I am and as little I feel like working on school stuff right now, I'm happy here. I love what I'm learning, without a doubt. I do miss not having to get up till 7 all summer though..

Well, while it's not quite the same as having my own place would be, I find I'm quite enjoying making the apartment that I'm sharing with one of my classmates into a home for the next 8 months. I'm definitely going to be happier here than I was at my Uncles. It's a really nice area too. Lots of trees and what not, which is of course very important to me. I'm slowly getting everything organized (thank gods I have a talent for that because we have a lot of stuff and it's not a very big place) both in my own personal space and in our shared space. Slowly, little by little, I'm liking this place more and more.

This really sucks. All summer, I was good. Less than a week back in Edmonton and back in school, and the nightmares are back, almost every night already. This is really not cool. I'm not even really stresses for pete's sake!

I'm listening to the wind in the trees as I'm getting ready for school. The sun isn't up yet, the birds haven't started singing. In a way, it reminds me of the second house I lived in, when I was about 14. There was a green belt right behind it, and, like here, my bedroom window faced it. I fell asleep many times to the sound of the wind in the leaves.

I think that, wherever you go, there is a piece of home, if you know how to see it.

Well, I just paid my tuition, and it's almost completely drained my bank account. I now have less than $100 in the bank. *sigh* Oh well, I got paid yesterday and that will cover my rent, and I still have $2000 comeing from my dad, so that will see me through the first few months, any how. Damn but I wish school wasnt so expensive!

Well, today was a bit rough, but it's all over now and all I have to do is move on from here. That's something to be thankfull for, at least.


Oh, and theoretically, my camera is fixed, so a new pic of that drawing should be showing up withing the next 24 hours, as well as perhaps a new photo of me, but only perhaps on that. I need a haircut.

Same thought train. Same story. Page seven, half way down.

If there is one Author I could come close to saying I idolize, it would be Charles deLint. This is the only author I would ever consider picking up a short story collection by. Usually short story collections just frustrate me. As soon as I start getting into the story, it ends. And there's not place I can continue reading it. Not like a series, short stories leave me wanting more, with nothing more to be had. 

I picked up a short story collection by Mr deLint yesterday while I was out doing my running around. Not a planned thing. I was in the book store to return a book I had purchased some what by accident, thinking it was the third in a trilogy I had been reading, but upon reaching home, realized it was the third book in the trilogy that follows the one I'm reading currently. As always when in any book store, new or used, I checked the spot on the shelf where Charles deLint's books sit, and upon seeing one that was not yet a part of my collection, I of course felt the overwhelming need to purchase it. *chuckles* There is truely no other author that affects me this way. I've been in love with his works since the first one I borrowed from the public library, 11 years ago or perhaps more.

In any event, (yes, I -was- leading up to something) I really loved the first page of the first story in this collection, and I wanted to share somewhat of it with you. I wish, with all my heart, that I could write like this man. But my talent lies in other directions. The title of the story is Saskia

Hard to believe how quickly this summer has flown by. Only one more week at my job. I think I've learned almost as much over the summer as I learned in school last year, at least as far as practical application goes. Totally didnt get -any- of the reviewing I had planned done *sigh* Oh well.

I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to go back to Edmonton. I miss all the girls and well, not much holding me in Calgary at the moment, especially since my best friend is moving to Montreal at the end of the month. I really have to convince some of the girls to move up here.. *chuckles*

Looking forward to the week I'm going to be spending in Kelowna with my dad. Havent seen him since february. I cant believe he's giving me $4000 towards school. That's going to be a big help.

Definitely didnt get -nearly- as much art done this summer as I had planned, but, well, I enjoyed what I did during my days off just as much as I would have my art, I think. Perhaps I'll acutally have a bit of free time for art this year. They say the second year is a lot easier than the first. Here's hopeing that's true.

Another step towards being ready to move back to Edmonton successfully accomplished. All the boxes in the basement have been sorted through.

At this point I just want to be in Edmonton and getting on with things. The routine of school will be good for me, I think.

I dont understand. In the morning, I dont want to get up. But come night, I keep putting off going to bed. I dont understand.

And here's to productivity. My closet has a floor again, and the floor of my room is covered in piles of stuff for garbage, recycle, and the second hand store. Clean up one mess, make another.. Oh well, keeps one from thinking.

I need new music.

I wish I didnt miss him...

Wow, the things you find. I found the key to the locked drawer in my desk. I havent been able to open that drawer in literally years. It holds, among other things, all my journals from the time I was 13 till I guess probably 18 or 19. Going through that drawer is going to be a whole nother trip that I'm not sure I'm ready for right now.

I've spent much of my afternoon going through boxes in my basement. The primary reason for this was to find things that I need to take with me to Edmonton in a month for the apartment. I've certainly found a few boxes worth of that. I've also found a lot of stuff from my past that I had completely forgotten about. Everything from stuffed animals and odd ornaments, to things I had written on little pieces of paper.

I found this particular bit that I had written. It's not as true now as it was when I wrote it probably more than 7 years ago, but it suits today's events, none the less.

Well, it's going to be a quiet next two weeks around the house. Mom just left to fly to Manitoba to be with -her- mom for two weeks, because Gramma is very sick. The doctors say she has an infection somewhere, but they dont know where. I wonder it it's not systemic, in the blood. I hope not.

I was kind of wishing mom would go away for a while, but not for this reason. I hope Gramma will be ok. We're not really close, but I know that it will be very hard on mom when she goes. I'm sure I'll feel somthing too.. At least I hope so.

Thank goodness I have the cat. I dont think I could handle a completely empty house for two weeks.

I think my mom might be going on a date tonight. I'm intrigued. I also wish her all the best. I want very much for her to be happy.

Bought the soundtrack for Garden State today. Didnt think much of the movie, but love the soundtrack.